Description: Lois used to doodle the 'S' on her pad … now she doodles something else.
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Acknowledgements and CommentsThis takes place somewhere in early Season 2. Lois and Clark are not yet dating. Lois' feelings for Clark are seriously accelerated. The 'hinted at' a-plot is all for show. Believe me, this is all about the b-plot. WAFFyness abounds, especially at the end.
Thanks to my two betas for this: Mozartmaid and Morgana. Your encouragement was definitely needed and it was great to know that this story was getting the kind of reactions I was hoping for.
Disclaimer: Superman, Clark Kent, Lois Lane and all other character and place names are owned by DC and/or Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. I own nothing ... except my fantasies -- which frequently include Clark/Superman.
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Part 1 - The NotepadThe pen twirled round and round in lazy circles. Lois stared past and through the paper, only seeing the unfocused double blur of swirled blue biro on the white lined paper of her notebook.
"So … uh … Myerson. You're on the 'Mayor may be gambling away the city's money' story?"
Lois barely heard the affirmative reply from the guy opposite.
"Peterson. You better have that football cheating scandal to me by end of play today or so help me..."
"I will, Chief, I will," came the desperate reply.
"And Lois … you and Kent?"
"Hmmm," she replied while still making hypnotic circles on her pad.
"Where is he anyway?" Perry shook his head and sighed. "You and Kent are to follow up on the dock fires."
"Hmmm," was all Lois could say.
"Lois … darlin'," Perry leaned over and rested his elbows on the table. "Dock fires," he spoke in a gentle, but slightly condescending tone.
"Oh, yes, Chief. Sure." Lois finally came alive and severed herself from the daydreaming playing out in her notebook. "Clark and I will be straight over there … just as soon as he's back from taking his neighbour's dog to be put down."
Perry straightened up and then shook his head again. With a pen in hand he began to gesture at other reporters, handing out their assignments, before finally, gesturing fiercely at the door and telling them all to get out.
Back at her desk Lois closed her eyes and held her head in her hands in embarrassment. She'd zoned out almost all of the staff meeting while doodling away on her pad. These fantasies, day-dreams, hopes … were taking over her life. Opening her eyes she immediately spied the offending pad. At least today's doodles were random. She knew if she were to turn back a few pages there would be some pretty damning evidence of her current state of mind.
Not wanting to face that evidence head on she flipped all the way back to the start of the notebook and revelled in a little nostalgia and true pie-in-the-sky fantasy.
There, in the margins, were copious attempts to draw the symbol that used to plague her dreams at night, and her day-dreams during the day. Flipping over a few more pages and she could see the evidence of months of practice, along with months of carefully studying his chest … um, the symbol on his chest. The diamond shape was perfectly symmetrical. The 'S' curved so gently. It was perfect.
Lois smiled wistfully and traced the S with the tip of one finger.
Still resting her cheek on one hand, she flipped over a few more pages and started to see the evidence of her gradual change in heart. It started months ago, and was so subtle she hadn't really even noticed what she was doing at the time. Of course Superman's S was still evident, although now, in the margin, were other doodles that couldn't be ignored during this introspection. Obviously, her conscious mind had not wanted to accept the truth
at the time. The subtle capital 'C' and capital 'K' could have meant anything. Clearly, now, they referred to her partner, yet at the time she hadn't acknowledged that truth. Besides Jimmy called him CK all the time. It was his name. And maybe it didn't even refer to him. What did it matter if she scribbled those letters? Especially if they were followed by a double 'L'. For heaven’s sake, the two names were joined together every day on the front page of the Planet in their by-line. If she doodled them together on her pad then it meant nothing more … really … it meant nothing.
Lois sighed. It meant everything. Now that she looked back over the pages she could recall the self-denial she'd been going through. It was crystal clear that linking a capital 'C' and capital 'K' with a double 'L' meant everything.
Another few pages on and Lois' heart skipped a beat. There was no denying what was running through her head, what she was dreaming of at night, when she saw those same two set of initials … surrounded by a heart. She let her finger trail around the heart and felt the smile on her lips at the same time as the ache hit her chest. She'd no longer been denying her feelings by this point. She'd even begun to revel in them - to allow herself to indulge in them.
Flipping over one more page, she saw the final evidence, the most recent truth. This is what she dreamed of at night, what she longed for every day, what she hoped for, yet feared at the same time.
Lois Kent.
Only last week she'd doodled it for the first time, pretending to be signing her name. It had kind of been an accident, expanding on the LL and CK fully, except … a couple of words got missed. Accidentally.
The next page had even more examples. Sometimes her doodled signature was hyphenated … sometimes not.
Another page on and there it was again: Lois Kent.
Staring at the two words which symbolised all her hopes for the future, she felt a tear trail down her cheek and she dashed it away.
"Coffee, Lois?" came a most unexpected voice from behind her. She sat up straight immediately. He'd returned from the errand for his neighbour. A steaming cup was put down directly in front of her and then a pair of soft black trousers perched themselves on the corner of her desk. Lois widened her eyes in shock, looking up at her partner, and then spread her fingers out to cover her notepad. It would not do at all for her partner to see what she desperately tried to keep to herself. After all, just because she was hopelessly in love with him didn't mean he felt the same for her. In fact he'd made it clear, once, that he didn't. That memory pierced her heart whenever she stupidly allowed herself to recall it. Still, she
did allow herself to fantasise and dream … but knew at was all in vain.
"Clark." She gulped then moistened her lips. "Thanks," came her gravelly expression of gratitude.
"Are we off to the docks next?" he asked with a smile.
Lois looked away while nodding in agreement. His smile was the very thing that undid her most days. It set her heart pounding, her pulse racing. She'd been trying to find some kind of protection, defence against it for weeks. Either that, or an equal response. Something she could do which would have the same reaction in him. Something to set
his heart pounding, maybe start him on the road to thinking of her differently.
So far she hadn't found it.
She picked up her pen and made to start writing, hoping that Clark would notice her wanting to work and then move away, then she could close her notepad and slide it into her bag with Clark never having to see the name scrawled across the top. Unfortunately it had the opposite effect. He leaned over. "What are you working on?"
Lois whipped around, pen out. "Kent, you may be my partner but ..." she began forcefully and then widened her eyes and dropped her jaw in mortification when she realised how close he was. He brought up his hand to his neck and winced momentarily before recovering from the shock and grinning down at her.
"Lois!" he laughed in surprise.
"Oh, Clark, I'm sorry." She stood up from her seat, apologising profusely. Her pen dropped from her fingers to clatter back onto the desk. She pulled at Clark's hand, removing it from his neck. Her mouth created a perfect 'o' when this revealed the long stripe of blue she had left across his neck, up under his jaw.
"It's all right, Lois," he smiled, staring at their joined hands.
Lois licked her thumb and then began to swipe at the blue mark. Pressing as hard as she dared, and rubbing, had no effect. "Grrr," she growled and wet her finger even more, to try again.
"Lois, it's all right." He took that hand in his and brought it down. For a long moment he just held her still and looked at her. Lois felt another apology on the verge of escaping when Clark smiled that smile again. "I'll just go to the … uh … restroom. Back in a minute." She found herself unable to keep from smiling back. He slid off the corner of her desk as he stood, and then casually walked away.
Lois lowered herself down into the chair and let out a deep breath while closing her eyes. A pounding heart was most unwelcome, but it always seemed to happen whenever
he was around.
It didn't used to be so. It was Superman that set her heart pounding a year ago, even just a few months ago. But now …
Opening her eyes, she looked once more at the evidence in front of her in black and white. Well, actually in blue and white.
Lois Kent.
She flipped her notebook closed and reached for her coat and bag, swinging around just in time to see Clark returning from the restroom.
"Ready?" he asked, as he pulled his jacket from the back of his chair.
Lois looked up and frowned in confusion. She shook her head and let out a tiny laugh as she replied. "Ready." Either the pen wouldn't come off, or Clark had forgotten what he was visiting the restroom for by the time he got there.
As they both approached the steps up to the elevator, a little snippet of a scene played out in her head. She saw Clark pushing open the door to the men's room, striding in then stopping in confusion. 'What am I doing in here?' came the softly mumbled thought. She saw Clark shrug and then turn into a stall. 'May as well take the opportunity,' was his next comment.
Unable to suppress a giggle, she lifted her hand to her mouth and bit the inside of her cheek. Clark still seemed to notice. He turned and reached out a hand to catch her elbow.
"Everything all right, Lois?"
"Mmm hmm," she nodded, now finding it harder to contain herself as the line of blue ink was right at eye level.
Clark held her arm until they made it to the elevator. Standing waiting for the doors to open, Lois warred with herself over whether to tell him. When she recalled the accident which caused the mark on his neck she felt herself blushing in humiliation, though. He so very nearly saw her scribbled signature of Lois Kent. Heart beating wildly, she dared a quick glance back up to view Clark's neck. No. She wouldn't tell him. He could suffer embarrassment all day as penance for nearly finding out her deepest secret. He could stay like that, and every time Lois saw that pen strike she would be able to find a little strength to counter the insane attraction she felt for him.
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