Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Comments: An Extraordinary Man II (4/?)

Well, here is part four. This is the last of the material that I posted way back when. Anything after this is new meat, so to speak.

I've just reread this section, and I'm not sure that I really like it. It's necessary to the story, but it seems a little... flat for some reason. Any comments would be gratefully received. Do you think it's flat? Or is it okay?

Chris (feeling insecure)

Woo hoo! I was hoping you'd post before I signed off for the weekend! Herb is just *such* an idiot, isn't he? :p

I loved how CJ made his way through the bizarre stuff and slowly, gradually convinced Lois. And the argument they had, black and white vs. shades of grey - wow, wow, wow. That was fabulous, and so utterly in character for them both! I felt disappointed on both of their behalf when CJ pointed out it was inadmissable. Y'know, this fic is dangerous, Chris - you'll have us sympathetic of lawyers before all this is over!

More, very soon, pretty please?

Hazel

This is sooo Lois!

I thought it read well.

James

Hi,

Great part! There have to be away that he can keep his power.

More soon, please.

MAF

Chris, overall a good instalment.

I agree with most of the favorable comments that others have already mentioned. If there was anything that may have contributed to your feeling that there was a certain flatness to it, I think it would be the way you rushed over CJ's experience in the other world. By merely passing it off in a couple of sentences, then having Lois ruminate on it for a short time seems to not give it the attention it might have deserved from the long delayed build up we all suffered through.

You have Clark noticing Lois holding back on her reactions while Clark is supposed to be telling her all these incredible things, but then when Lois is remembering it later, we still don't get the depth of her reactions. How it must have seemed too incredible to believe to her, and what about this 'Superman' character? Did CJ even mention him?

Also, she's just a little too accepting about the other world Lois and Clark being married. From her internal comments I take it that CJ didn't come right out and say it, but Lois makes the connection that they are married. Why?

Also her reactions to the idea of them being 'fated' to be together seemed too calm and clincal. I would have expected more extremes in her reactions to that, both negative, and possibly positive.

Not really a big thing, but just some extra food for thought.

Tank the Retired (who figures that CJ will now have something else to 'share' with Lois... his coming torment over the 'superhero' stuff)

Chris
you're caught up
now for some new story
soon please
merry

well, i'm going to have to disagree with both you and tank, chris.

i didn't think this section was flat at all. i like the fact that you glossed over the summary. it's not information we need again, and i think it worked well the way you did it.

i'm glad she took it well.

otoh, i did find it odd that you specifically mention his leaning forward and gesturing, even though nothing came of it. ordinarily, it would have been just another detail, adding to the richness of the scene, but since you're skimming over this section in time, it feels like the detail should be more significant than it actually is.

as for her reaction, it makes sense that she'd want to mull it over later and look into something solid (like the luthor investigation) first. and, given that he does have the files, which constitute proof just as tangible as his earlier display of power, it's also understandable that she'd have accepted it by the time he left.

glad clark realized the bank account evidence would be inadmissible. i was wondering whether or not to point that out here.

i also like the way you're building up their tentative attraction. they're just getting to know each other, but they know that their other selves are married, which adds both attraction and hesitation. it's a delicate balance, and you're playing it really well.

speaking of which, love the line about the englishman in a bowler hat.

interesting to hear about toni taylor's fate. i guess it really wouldn't help them, but it would have been nice to compare their universe to the toasters incident, just to see how well the information lined up.

btw, i think i just realized why you think this section is flat. there's a lot of exposition here. the thing is that it's good exposition. so, while i can see it looking dry on the re-read, i can tell you that, as a first-time reader, it works quite well.

nice bit with the phone, clark's not hearing it, and lois's assumption that he would. shows their values well, not to mention the fact that they're only just getting to know each other, so they wouldn't have a good idea of each other's values. that's continued in the debate over the bank records, which played out well.

this clark does seem a little more hard-line than even "our" clark, but then, he is a DA and he never lived outside the law, doing sneaky super-powered rescues from the shadows.

nice to see the partnership starting to gel. that's always fun. especially nice to see lois already taking account of CJ's powers in the planning. suggesting he take the out-of-towners was a very nice touch.

poor CJ, though, having the powers but not wanting to be a temporary superhero. not sure if i agree with him on that- might be good to set a good example, even if only for a short time- but i can definitely see him coming to that conclusion. maybe lois will be able to persuade him to put on the costume ("it's the idea of superman..."). maybe, after the late-night rescue, he'll change his mind for himself.

looking forward to seeing where you take this, in any case.

great job.

Paul

Chris

A great part! Not flat at all!

I agree with Paul that you may think that because there is a lot of exposition. Excellent exposition that is necessary to convey information.

I'm definitely looking forward to reading more and seeing how Lois and CJ's relationship develops.

Tricia

I didn't find this flat, however, I found Tank's suggestions very worthwhile, as well as Paul's comments. Food for thought.

I enjoyed the bickering - I found it very 'in character.'

Looking forward to more,
Irene

Hi, just wanted to tell you that we love this story. We've only just read the very compelling Part I where this Clark Kent visits the other Lois and Clark.

We're glad we didn't have to wait as long as the other readers to see the sequel!

Casey & Christine

Chris,
I also loved this installment. I am an avid reader from the archives, who recently decided that all you incredibly talented people who write these stories deserved to know tht there are people out there really enjoying them. I loved An Extraordinary Man (I) -- and am sooooo very glad you did a sequel.

I completely agree with Paul I thought it read great!! You have created that famous Lois and Clark "attraction with reservations" that we have all come to love so much!!

Keep up the great work -- and I look forward to reading on.... )

I agree, the only reason to go over information we already knew would have been if there was some new insight or a big argument to describe. As it was, it worked well. However, this slow approach is driving me mad. CJ hasn't got much time with the powers unless he can figure out some way of keeping them, so let's get on with it!

Nan

Loved Clark's reaction to Lois's illeagle activities! Lol! Although I was upset to realise that it made the evidence inadmissable. Oh well, it'll just inspire them to more investigation!

I don't know whethet I'm glad or not that Clark's decided to help. I mean, he couldn't *not* help, but he's only got his powers for a few more days. And he had better get a disguise pretty quickly, otherwise everyone will know him!

Loriel

Thanks, everyone, for the comments. I'm reassured that people thought chapter four was okay. Maybe I was just in a particularly negative mood when I read it through before I posted it. Whatever the reason for my doubts, I feel much better for having had (most of) them allayed!

I don't want to expand on the details in this section; it is a rehash of material in EMI. I realise that most people have probably forgotten the finer nuances of that story because I finished it so long ago, but...

I am giving thought to the various suggestions, though, and there will probably be some tweaking before this gets to the archive. Nothing major, however.

Hazel said: Well, one lawyer, anyway...

Tank said: I'll have to check to see exactly what CJ has told Lois here. As for her reactions, she does fret about this some more later on, but it maybe does need expanding on here. However, I should point out that this isn't an especially angsty story. Yes, there is angst in it, but don't expect to be able to wallow in it!

Paul said: I'm saying nothing...

I'm not sure that CJ agrees with his reasoning now. As for Lois... All I'll say is that she will never say that "It's teh idea of Superman" to CJ.

Casey and Christine: so, compelling, eh?

Loriel, thanks for your feedback not just on this part but on all the others, too!

James, Maria, Merry, Tricia, Irene and Nan, thanks also for your feedback. I hope I've addressed the various points you raised above.



Chris

I didn't find anything flat about this particular segment, Chris, I was absorbed and enthralled throughout, as usual. I adore the wealth of detail you include in each scene, which makes it so atmospheric.

I loved this. That Lane curiosity never fails. And C J's reaction was just adorable.

Wonderful to see them working as a team and the argument about the legalities of Lois's information gathering methods was given a fresher emphasis with CJ being a lawyer. I enjoyed Lois's introspection and Clark's rescue.

I see that you've already got another part posted, so I'll head along there.

LabRat