The TOC for this story can be found
here. CK wandered, yawning and stretching, into the kitchen. His sleep had been disrupted more than usual last night. He could only recall snatches now that he was up and about, but he remembered enough to know that yesterday’s airplane rescue had triggered a lot of old memories.
Some of the memories were good, and some were bad. In most of the good ones, he’d been back in his own world, sometimes even working as Superman. In the bad ones, he’d been Kal El on New Krypton. And one extremely jumbled image had him dressed as Superman, working as Kal El, with Lois by his side.
An analyst would probably have a field day with him, he thought ruefully.
But despite his lack of sleep, he was more optimistic about his future than he had been for days. Especially when he set his gaze on his baby son, who was sitting contentedly in his high-chair, being spoon-fed his breakfast by Lois.
“Morning,” he said to both.
Lois glanced around at him. “Morning. You’re sounding very chipper today,” she said, turning back to Jon.
“Yeah, well, maybe I finally got out of bed the right side.” He collected a mug and poured himself some coffee. “Want some?” he said, holding up the pot.
“Ah, sure,” she said. “Thanks.”
He poured another mug and joined her at the table. “So how’s Clark this morning?”
“He’s fine...look, CK, I realised I never thanked you for yesterday,” she said. “I was so busy yelling at you both...” She shrugged. “Anyway, thank you. Clark could have been in serious trouble if you hadn’t helped him.”
He was surprised – he really hadn’t expected any thanks for his efforts. Lois and he hadn’t exactly enjoyed a trouble-free relationship since he’d arrived, as evidenced by her verbal assault on him last night. Perhaps Clark’s improved health was making her relax a little. “No problem,” he said. “I mean, I couldn’t leave those people to die, once I saw what was happening.”
“Maybe not.” She fed Jon a couple more spoonfuls of breakfast, then turned to him. “So how did it feel? I mean, after that fire at the Gandell Building, you seemed pretty upset. This time I get the sense you’re okay with it.”
He studied his coffee for a moment, trying to order his thoughts. Yes, he did feel better this time around – he’d done something worthwhile, and he’d done it right. No bungling the job this time around. That felt good. But he’d only gone to Clark’s aid because he hadn’t felt he had a choice. The airplane had reached the point of no return in its landing sequence, and if Clark had dropped it just before CK had moved in, the consequences would have been disastrous.
Would he have donned the suit if the choice had been less clear-cut? He didn’t know. He still had a lingering sense that this was not his place – that he had neither the moral right nor the strength of conviction to take on the role of a universal rescue-worker. If he were to be brutally honest with himself, he wasn’t entirely sure he even had the confidence. Sure, he’d been fine yesterday, but the memory of the numbing fear he’d experienced at the fire didn’t easily fade.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” said Lois, interrupting his train of thought.
He looked up. “No, it’s okay. Yes, you’re right – I am okay with it.” Then, when he realised that didn’t properly express his feelings, he added, “It felt pretty good, actually.”
She raised her eyebrows. “That’s great, CK - though I hear a ‘but’ coming...?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, but all I seem to get is more questions, and no answers.”
“How do you mean?”
“Well, I used to think the reason I didn’t want to be Superman ever again was because New Krypton had changed me so much. I wasn’t the naïve farmer’s son who invented a guy in a flashy costume and rushed around helping everyone any more. I was the guy who led men into battle and ruled over a very undemocratic society.”
He paused, taking a gulp of coffee and organising his thoughts at the same time. He was going to be very honest with Lois, and he hoped she wouldn’t mind. Previous talks with her – those where she wasn’t biting his head off – had suggested that when she was in the right mood, she was willing to listen and help him sort out his feelings. He hoped this was one of those times.
He continued. “Then I discovered...well, I discovered that I’d lost my nerve,” he said firmly, determined not to shy away from the truth. “Even if I’d wanted to be Superman, I couldn’t. So then I started asking myself if the first reason had been a lie – the real reason I didn’t want to be Superman was because I was just too scared. Maybe I was just a coward.”
He looked at her then, anxious for some reassurance that she was following him and understanding his problem. She’d finished feeding Jon and was cleaning up at the sink, but she turned back to him when he stopped talking.
Waving her dish-mop around as she spoke, she said, “I don’t think you’re a coward, CK. If you ask me, there are lots of reasons why you’re struggling with the Superman thing.” She stopped waving the mop and pointed it at him, saying, “In my experience, nothing is ever black and white.”
He nodded. “That’s what Clark’s Mom said.” He laughed self-consciously. “She thinks I need to learn how to like myself again.”
Lois smiled. “That sounds like Martha. So how are you doing with that?”
He shrugged. “Well, I guess I don’t actually hate myself any more,” he said.
“Okay, that’s a start.” She left the sink and sat down beside him. “CK, Clark told me last night about the conversation you and he had about some tests.”
Oh, yes. He’d forgotten about that, what with Lois yelling at everyone and then Jon’s first steps. “Yes, he wants Dr Klein to repeat Clark’s tests on me – see if there’s a difference between us.”
“And are you okay with that?” she asked.
“Well, I guess so. Seems the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me.”
To his surprise, she laid a hand on his arm and smiled warmly at him. “You know, when you first arrived here, I never thought I’d hear you say something like that. You’ve changed so much, CK.”
“For...for the better, I hope,” he said awkwardly, touched by the gentleness of her tone as well as the kindness of her words. Maybe they really had reached a turning point in their rocky relationship.
“Definitely. Even Jon seems to approve of you.”
He glanced over at his son, who was merrily banging a ring of plastic keys on his high-chair table. This was praise indeed, he reflected, for Lois to tell him he was doing okay with Jon. She’d never have admitted that a few days ago. “He’s a great kid,” he said.
“Yes, he is. And thanks for agreeing to take the tests – though we need to discuss exactly how we’re going to organise that with Dr Klein. I thought we’d do that tonight.” She paused. “Look, I have a big favour to ask you, and I’m sorry if it feels like I’m springing this on you, but I need it sorted before Clark comes down.”
Surprised by the abrupt shift in conversation, he nodded slowly. “Go on.”
“I said Clark’s fine earlier, and he is – for a guy who’s just recovered from the flu. Of course, he would never admit he’s anything less than one hundred percent, but you saw what happened yesterday. I don’t want a repeat of that, CK.”
She was amazing – in a moment, she’d gone from a relaxed, sympathetic listener to a determined wife who was clearly on a mission. He was even a little flattered that she was involving him in this plan of hers, whatever it was. And he had to agree with her about Clark. “Have you spoken to him? Or is that where I come in – do you want me to talk to him?”
She shook her head. “No. What I want is for him to take the day off.” She met his gaze steadily. “I need you to be Superman for the day, CK.”
***********
She hoped she hadn’t been too obvious. In truth, she’d wanted to ask him as soon as he’d appeared for breakfast, but she’d needed to chat with him first to gauge his mood. If he’d felt as awful as he’d clearly done the first time he’d taken Clark’s place as Superman, she wouldn’t have bothered asking him.
This wasn’t purely out of self-interest. Sure, it mattered to her a lot that Clark take the day off, but she did care about CK, too. It wouldn’t have been fair to put him under more pressure if he was already depressed. And there were other ways for her to ensure Clark didn’t go out as Superman today – simply asking him straight out being at the top of the list.
But this way, if she’d judged both men correctly, she was doing both of them a favour. CK, because he seemed to be in need of a not-so-gentle push to make him decide whether or not he was going to be Superman, and Clark, because he was being given a reason to take the day off which she knew would appeal to him – he was helping CK.
She searched CK’s face. She’d seen the initial shock in his eyes when she’d asked him; now she could see him struggling to make a choice. “It’s only one day,” she said. “We’ll take Jon to the crèche so you won’t have to worry about him if anything happens.”
His gaze dropped. “It’s a lot to ask, Lois,” he said.
“I know, and I don’t really have the right, but I’m asking anyway. Will you do it?”
Her hand, still resting lightly on his forearm, was covered by his own hand. Immediately she sensed a subtle change in the atmosphere between them. His clasp was warm and gentle, and somehow the gesture felt just a little too intimate. Especially when they were sitting so close together. “You’re so persuasive,” he murmured. “I don’t know how you do it.”
“CK...” She felt awkward, trapped under his hand. She didn’t want to make a big drama out of it, but she didn’t feel comfortable. He appeared to be confusing her with someone else – his own Lois, she supposed. She slid her hand out slowly and placed it on her lap, then met his eyes briefly.
“I’m sorry,” he said hastily. “I didn’t mean...I mean, I thought you were...well, not really, but-“
“CK, it’s okay,” she said.
“No, it’s not, I...you...” He paused, breathing heavily. She waited, knowing exactly what was on his mind and wishing there was a way to reassure him more definitely. “You look so like her!” he blurted out finally.
“I know,” she said calmly. “And it’s okay – really.”
She watched him struggle with more confused feelings. “She was a big help, you know – after I told her about Superman. Never complained when I rushed off in the middle of something, always there when I came back...” He flicked his gaze up at her. “I guess you know all about that.”
“Yeah.” Every now and then, she’d have to put Clark back together again after a difficult rescue. Not very often, thankfully, but often enough to know how much he needed her. It sounded like CK’s Lois understood that, too.
“And you’ve been so helpful...you really seem to care...” He pushed out a sharp breath. “I’m sorry, I guess I got a little confused.”
“It happens,” she said, nodding. “Believe me, I’ve been there.”
“You have?” he said.
She waved a hand dismissively. “Long story. Take too long to explain.”
He looked at her curiously for a second, but she made it clear she wasn’t going to elaborate. Things were complicated enough without explaining about other alternative universes and other Clarks.
“Anyway,” he said after a pause, “I think Lois basically approved of Superman, and I think if she were here now...” He drew in a deep breath. “I’ll do it.”
“Oh, CK!” She was absolutely delighted, but she made herself study his expression for any hint of uncertainty. “You’re sure about this?”
He nodded. “Yes. Tell Clark he’s grounded for the day.”
Impulsively, she leaned across and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you, CK,” she said. “I really appreciate this, and I do understand how much it means to you.”
“Well,” he said, standing up. “I guess I’d better get changed, but first, I see a little guy who needs to get ready for the day care centre.”
**********
