Part Four
Three weeks later Ellen, Martha, Sam and Jonathan are round at Clark’s they are in the kitchen Ellen is Changing Lois’ diaper Clark is sat at the table watching.
“Where do you plan on keeping her at work?” Ellen asked. “The desk drawer?”
“Now there’s an idea.” Clark smiled.
“You had better be joking Kent.” Lois said she was stand next to Ellen watching her.
“I am.” Clark smiled as he watched her.
“She’s being to rough with her.” Lois said concerned.
“You are what?” Ellen said as she finished dressing baby Lois.
“Err never mind.” Clark said shaking his head. “You’re being a little rough with her.”
“Nonsense babies are more resilient than you think.” She picked her up along with her bottle. “She should take the rest of her feed now.” Clark held his arms out to take her but Ellen walked past him to hand her to Martha. “Here Martha why don’t you do the honours.” Clark sighed feeling left out. “I don’t know why you don’t let me look after her?”
“Clark don’t you dare she’ll have her wearing pearls and playing bridge.” Lois said worried Clark laughed.
“What’s so funny?” Ellen asked
“Nothing.” Clark said.
“We could look after her too.” Martha said. “We’ve decided to sell the farm and move here.”
“Look I don’t want to leave her with anyone right now.”
“We’re hardly anyone Clark we’re her grandparents.” Ellen said.
“That isn’t what I meant.” Clark looked at Lois in Martha’s arms. “I’m just not ready to be separated from her. If I can’t take her work then I’m not going back simple as that.” He looked at his mother-in-law. “You needed worry I’m going to get a nanny.”
“A nanny?” Martha and Ellen said in unison sounding appalled.
“Yes.”
“You would rather have a stranger look after your child than her own grandmother?” Ellen said.
“I think it’s a grand idea.” Sam said.
“You would.” Ellen snapped.
“Look.” Clark said louder no wanting to witness Ellen given Sam a hard time on being a bad father. “Me and Lois had discussed when Lois got Pregnant that when she returned to work we would hire a nanny… it’s what she wanted.” The last part was barely audible.
“You tell her Clark.” Lois smiled.
***
Four weeks later Clark returned to work he has Lois in her car seat, which is clipped to the pram wheels. He has her diaper bag over one shoulder, a bouncy chair and bag of toys over the other and a baby harness with a large tan teddy bear in it on his front. In one hand he is carrying a bassinet and pushing the pram with his free hand. Jimmy spots him and comes to help by taking the pram.
“Hey beautiful.” He says smiling at the baby and ignoring Clark.
“Morning Jimmy, Nice to see, I’m fine thanks for asking.” Clark said sarcastically but in a playful tone. Jimmy looked up at him and smiled sheepishly.
“Sorry C.K. morning.” Clark just smiled he watched as Jimmy unbuckled Lois from the car seat and continued to coo at her then he looked up and saw Lois’ desk and his smile faded Jimmy looked at him and noticed the solemn look on his face. “C.K. you alright?”
“Hum…yeah.” Clark pushed the pram down the ramp with Jimmy following he was being stopped by everyone wanting to see the baby.
“Hey, hey is this a newsroom or a crèche.” Perry’s Southern accent boomed across the newsroom causing Jimmy to jump and Lois to cry.
“I know how you feel kid.” Jimmy whispered to the baby.
“Everyone back to work. Now!” Everyone scattered. Clark took Lois from Jimmy.
“Shh it’s O.K. sweetie daddy’s here.” Clark said in a soft, soothing voice and he gently rocked her in his arms till she stopped crying. “Chief I’m going to take Lois’ desk I could bear anyone else sitting at it.” He began setting down his burdens.
“Uh I understand son.” Perry said. “Now hand over my adoptive grand-daughter.” He took Lois from Clark. “Alice says she would be happy to take care of her.”
“Thanks Chief but I’ve told Ellen and my mother I’m not ready to leave her.”
“Oh well the offers there and if you need a babysitter.”
“That goes for me too C.K. I’d love to baby-sit. Chicks love guys who love babies.”
“Hello handsome.” Clark spun around and was face to face with Cat Grant.
“Cat?” Clark and Jimmy said surprised to see the old gossip columnist.
“What are you doing here?” Clark asked.
“I’m here for a job.” She smiled and looked at Perry. “Chief is there something I should know?”
“Oh she’s mine?” Clark smiled proudly at the baby.
“I heard you and Lois got hitched. Pity you’re still cute.” She winked at him and saw him blush. “So where is she?” She looked at Clark then Perry and Jimmy and noticed the sullen looks on all their faces. “What? What’s wrong?”
“Err Cat why don’t we talk in my office.” Perry handed the baby back to Clark and led Cat into his office. Jimmy looked at Clark.
“C.K. you alright?”
“I’m going home.” He put Lois back in the car seat and gathered up al her things. “I’m not ready to come back yet.” He heads for the elevator and gets on pressing the button for the under ground parking. He stops at the jeep unclips the car seat from the wheels and open s the back door and straps her in check that it is secure, then walks around to the back and puts the rest of the stuff in and gets in the drivers seat himself he puts his hands on the steering wheel and rests his head on it too and starts to cry.
“It’s OK.” He turns his head still resting it on the steering wheel and looks at Lois who is sitting next to him.
“I can’t do this I miss you so much.”
“I know but I’m here as long as you need me I’ll be here.”
“I’ll always need you.”
Suddenly there was a tap on Clark’s window he sat up and looked at Cat he then turned back to the passengers seat but Lois was gone.
“Clark, I am so sorry. I didn’t know.” Cat said Clark looked at her and he could see that her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Something he saw most mornings when he looked in the mirror. “Can I buy you a coffee.” Clark gave her a weak smile and nodded. Cat got into the passengers seat.
***
Clark Stopped at a coffee shop around the corner from the planet he placed Lois in the car seat next to him. They order two cappuccinos
“I don’t know who she looks more like you or…”
“Are you kidding she’s beautiful it’s all Lois.” He smiled as he watched the sleeping baby.
“I just can’t believe it.”
“You’re not the only one.”
“What happened?”
“Complications during child birth. I wasn’t with her when. I became a father and widower on the same day. I lost wife, partner, best friend, everything.”
“Not everything you have a beautiful daughter.”
“Yeah she’s the only good thing that came out of this.”
“How are you doing?”
“I’m sick of people asking me that. I’m fine.”
“Clark you’re not fine you’ve lost the one person that meant everything to you how can you been fine.”
“OK I’m not fine there happy.”
“Clark.”
“I just want to be left alone to look after Lois. It’s just so hard I just don’t think I’m being a good father.”
“I’m sure you are.”
“For the first two weeks of her life I spent it getting drunk with a bloke who was living in my skip. What kind of father does that?”
“The kind that is devastated at the loss of his wife. Clark I’m sure you regret how you acted but I saw you smile at her I could see how proud and how much you love her that’s what matters she won’t remember those first two weeks anyway.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“I am. People are just worried about you Perry, Jimmy, me we all care about you.”
“I know. The truth is I’m never going to be fine again ever. I hate going to bed because she’s not there to curl up to me so I don’t sleep because I hate the thought of waking up alone, I hate not being able to talk to her about my day, I hate going out because she’s not with me, I hate not being able to share the new things Lois does when she smiled for the first time I actually called too her then I remembered she wasn’t here. But most of all I hate the pain inside it’s never going to go away.” He began to cry.
“Oh Clark.” Cat said moving her chair closer to him fighting back her tears. She hugged him and to her surprise he pulls her tighter and continued to sob.
“I just want it to stop. Please make the pain stop.”
“Clark, I wish I could.” She could feel his tears on her bear shoulders and couldn’t hold back her tears any longer.
After about five minutes he pulled away.
“I’m sorry.” He said feeling foolish and wiped his eyes.
“That’s OK Clark you have to let it out.” Cat gave him a friendly smile.
“I have to go.” He said getting to his feet and picking up the car seat he couldn’t look at Cat as he felt embarrassed at showing his pain he hadn’t let anyone see his tears.
“Clark wait.”
“Lois is due for a feed.” Clark walks to the Jeep puts Lois in the back and gets in the passengers seat and drives away.
***
Later that night Clark flies himself and Lois to Smallville and goes inside the farmhouse where there are packing crates. Martha looks after Lois while Jonathan and Clark go for a walk. They end up at Rocky Cove where they sit on a log.
“I’m messed up dad. I have so much pain I don’t know how to deal with it.” Clark told Jonathan.
“Maybe you talk to someone.” Jonathan said. “A grief councillor.”
“Could I speak to you. Would that be OK?”
“Of course son.” Clark hugged his father and breaks down into tears again. Jonathan just hugs him and silent tears run down his face.
“I miss her dad. I want her back. I couldn’t save her, I couldn’t save her.” He continued to sob the last part over and over.
“I know son, I know.” Jonathan comforted him.
TBC
