Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Related Kerth Advertisements 2013

Here is a copy of all the Kerth Ads I wrote for the Awards. I apologize if I wasn't able to get to your story. Congratulations to all the Winners!

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Come join us in charming French Cove. We’re a small fishing village an easy ferry ride from Metropolis. Better yet, miss the ferry ride home and stay the night at The Spendrift Inn with both beautiful ocean and garden views, breakfast is included. Have a delicious seafood dinner on Fontana’s open air deck overlooking the ocean. It’s the perfect place to come and fall in love. It’s an even better place to say, “I’m sorry, honey. I’m a lunkhead and I want you back.” Call today! We’ve been featured in Sue S’s High Tide . Don’t miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity!

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Have you seen all our new shades of glimmering polish? Besides our most popular sellers, Ultra Lavender and Princess Pink, both with actual flakes of glitter, we’ve just come out with our new Super line. Shades to match even your most favorite of heroes: Rocket Red, Babysitter Blue, and Caution-Tape Yellow. Guaranteed not to chip, peal, or melt, even during those high-octane fires or dips into acid. We’re Super Polish by Mouserocks! Available at both LexAid and CostMart Stores. Fly out and pick up our new colors today!

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The Echo Lodge Hotel. Located miles from the city, it’s the perfect getaway for those couples needing to reconnect, to leave the anger behind, and to find the love they once had. We offer seminars and all types of therapy, including massage, communication, and gourmet food. Feel free to talk about your darkest secrets; our knowledgeable staff is there to listen to every detail, even the ones you don’t want people to know. For more information, check out our spread in Only in My Dreams by bakasi. Close your eyes and let us make your most intimate dreams come true.

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It was a dark time in Metropolis. A bitter rivalry had broken out between the world’s two best newspapers: The Daily Planet and the Metropolis Star. A glamorous blonde investigative reporter and a lonesome visitor from distant planet got caught in the middle. Action, intrigue, romance, a flying superhero in a skintight suit, and a beautiful whistleblower willing to do what it takes to bare it all. ‘Deadline’ has it, and you’re going to want to see it! If you only see one action movie this summer, this should be it! Lois Lane of the Daily Planet says this movie “blew…” her away, in her article And Nothing But The Truth (ghost written by Sue S.). This film rated PG-13 and has not yet been endorsed by Superman.

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Is your vision blurry? Do people look like blobs, and you’re embarrassed that you can’t find the exit in an emergency? It’s time to face the facts, you need to see a vision specialist. Are your contacts just not cutting it any longer? Are you worried what your friends and love ones would say, if you suddenly started to show up wearing frames? My associate, Mary Potts, Glasses specialist is here to help you find the perfect pair to meet your needs. Or if you’re beyond hope, visit me, Dr. Harry Leit, Lasik surgeon.

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Break out your twinkly lights and snowflake decorations, the festival of Winter Deep will soon be upon us. Come celebrate the winter fest with booths, games, hot food, and this year’s special entertainment a surprise band will play under a sky lit by fireworks. Deadly Chakram promises that the entire royal family Jor-El, Ching, Zara, Kal, his Contractually Bound wife Lois, and Jai will attend. Security provided by Lux Uthor, Nor, Ran, and Drull; not that we need it with crime obliterated on Krypton millennia ago. Fun for the whole family!

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Is life in the big city bringing you down? Do you need to be reminded of what fresh air smells like? Or how mom’s home cooked meals taste? Or how your muscles feel when you actually use them, instead of work out? This Kansas Bed and Breakfast is the place for you! Feed live animals, muck stalls, harvest corn, or try your hand at other chores necessary to run a farm. A week on The Farm and you’ll recall why you moved to the city in the first place. All you need to do is travel to Another Dimension, Another Time, Another Lois with VirginiaR. Nestled half way between Topeka and Wichita in small town heaven named Smallville.

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Are you searching for the best pasta in any universe? Well, Travaglini’s is the place to go! Toni Travaglini brings the old world to the new Metropolis. On his first visit, Clark “Superman” Kent ate our lasagna and gave it two thumbs up. We can’t get a better endorsement on our lawfulness and pasta than that. We have sidewalk seating, weather permitting, and a full selection of wines. We’ve been written up in KenJ’s “Matchmaker Chronicles: Volumes 3 - 5 ” and he guarantees we’ll be back next year, for volumes 6 -7! Any rumors to mafia connections have been greatly exaggerated.

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If you’re looking to get married at Niagara Falls, the Luxor Niagara invites you to stay with them. A variety of honeymoon suites available, all with complementary breakfasts, sunken tubs, satin sheets, not to mention a large screen television guaranteed to make even the smallest sci-fi asteroid film look like it’s going to knock the Earth off its axis. Complimentary champagne, whipped cream, chocolate dipped strawberries, and Do No Disturb doorknob sign upon arrival. We have both garden and Falls views, not that you’ll have time to enjoy them. Featured in Nightfall Honeymoon by VirginiaR., which ran in the Daily Planet’s first travel section. Computer and fax services available for a substantial fee.

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Does your world seem bleak and post-apocalyptic? Do you just need a place to hide until the Patrol passes by? Are you looking for that someone special? Or are you just looking for a good place to lunch? Are your initials PW, LL, or CK? Many Worlds is the pub for you. It’s the place to come for good food, good ale, good conversation, and very interesting characters. Rated top in its class in The Pub magazine by Bobbart. Don’t take our word for it, pass through the door and see if your destiny changes.

Fun! This makes me even sadder that I missed the live show. Thanks for posting them so we could all enjoy!

I don't suppose you're available to do PR for stories, are you?

I'm glad you enjoyed the advertisements, Sue. 'Deadline' was certainly my favorite. Your stories are so well received I doubt you need PR for them. Congratulations on all of your shiny new Kerth Awards.

These are *still* making me giggle. And I still think you need to do next year's advertisements too.

Thank you, DC. I also did ads for the 2012 Kerth Awards (although mostly for my story Green-Eyed Monster, because I put a lot of original stores / companies into that story. ) I'll do some for next year's show if I have time. I'll be (hopefully) re-joining the workforce when my youngest heads off to kindergarten this fall, which will put a big dent in my writing time. Perhaps I'll actually spend my free time ( = at having "free time") working on this as the stories post on the Archives this year.

A/N: Having re-read GEM on the Archives recently, I see that the wonderful team over there actually used *.* to emphasize Lois and Clark's inner thoughts.

Virginia, You should post this to the archive as a story.

Thank you. That is a very kind suggestion, but I can't believe these ads are worthy of a home on the Archives.

EDIT: Also, I have added links to the stories to the ads in case you want to read the stories again.

Au contraire, my little petit choux.

First of all, it's the Archive's contention that no story, no matter how short / throwaway / fluffy / whatever isn't good enough to be uploaded there. Although authors have been known to disagree with this premise. (They are, of course, wrong. )

Secondly, Kerth ads have previously been submitted. I'm thinking by Artemis, although could be wrong there.

And, thirdly, I'd been thinking the same thing and was just about to post suggesting you send them along.

LabRat :-)

Nope, I was wrong. Artemis submitted her own 2001 Arties Awards (which are hilarious BTW). Incidentally, anyone know where the ceremony transcripts are archived these days? Reading the Arties has gotten me curious to revist 2001.

So, sadly, I have no clue who submitted the ads previously.

Oh, and Virginia, I thought of a four: such additions to the Archive make great ads for the Kerths for FoLCs who aren't on the mbs. Never a bad thing.

LabRat :-)

Labrat is correct as always. These ads were a hoot!

Clearly, I stand corrected. Also, maybe I'm a little selfish in trying to encourage those people who only to visit the Archives to stop by over here every once in a while.

Ah, Memories! (There's a song there somewhere.) I can't believe the Arties were 12 years ago. To give yourself a flavor of what was going on then, here it is: http://www.lcfanfic.com/stories/2001/arties.txt

Artemis

The past transcripts are at http://www.kerthawards.com/past.html ,though 2001 isn't there. Odd. And I still need to get the last few years together. Oops...

I tried that one, Karen. But even the early ones that are there just take you to a 404 page when you hit the ceremony link. Seems to be okay from 2007 onwards.

LabRat :-)

Ooops. Did YOU double post, Labrat? LOL. Yep, I could access 2007-2010 ceremonies from Karen's link, too (in case there was any confusion). My 2012 & 2013 advertisements are now in GE. Thanks for your support.

If you feel you have a good fictional non-canon business or product in your story you want me to advertise for the 2014 Kerth Awards, feel free to give me a heads up. Maybe I'll actually start writing them up as them come along this year, instead of waiting until the week before the ceremony.

No, I edited my post. Unless there's some weird tech stuff going on, best I can figure is I must have hit reply instead of edit. Although that seems a fairly bizarre thing to do. :rolleyes:

LabRat :-)

It happens to the best of us.

Wonderful ads, Virginia! Sorry I missed the ceremony.

B