Description: Lois used to doodle the 'S' on her pad … now she doodles something else.
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Acknowledgements and CommentsThis takes place somewhere in early Season 2. Lois and Clark are not yet dating. Lois' feelings for Clark are seriously accelerated. The 'hinted at' a-plot is all for show. Believe me, this is all about the b-plot. WAFFyness abounds, especially at the end.
Thanks to my two betas for this: Mozartmaid and Morgana. Your encouragement was definitely needed and it was great to know that this story was getting the kind of reactions I was hoping for.
Disclaimer: Superman, Clark Kent, Lois Lane and all other character and place names are owned by DC and/or Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. I own nothing ... except my fantasies -- which frequently include Clark/Superman.
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From
Part 3 - The FlightSuperman wasn't looking down on us, he lived among us. When he looked down from up here, it was as someone who understood life, lived it, struggled through it, wanted to make life better for everyone, wanted to make the world better. But, he was still set apart - she knew that, she felt it in the way he acted emotionless, aloof, when in the costume. He was separate. He was distant. Flying up here in his arms she knew that he felt … alone. He hadn't chosen to set himself apart, as a god. He was forced to be apart. Forced by his own self-image, his morals, his beliefs and his abilities. They separated him from the very people he lived among. And it explained why he'd never told her his identity.
And now, the idea of being the one female to capture the heart of the Man of Steel ... strangely enough, it seemed even more impossible now. He had no romantic feelings for her. He didn't even want her to know who he was.
Now … knowing who he really was, knowing that he only considered her a 'friend', knowing the number of women in his 'human' life who would gladly fall at his feet at only one word from him, never mind the rest of the world's desire for his famous alter ego … she had zero chance.
A tear trailed down her cheek and she buried her head even more into his shoulder.
Lois Kent.
Never gonna happen.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Part 4 - The Apartment Lois knew the moment she was home. Even with her eyes closed she felt the way that Superman slowed for a moment and then she was being gently lowered. She lifted her head from his shoulder and stepped away. Turning as quickly as she could she swiped at her cheeks before he could see the tracks of her tears. It hurt so much. Knowing that he didn't want her. Knowing that he didn't want her to know.
"Lois, something is wrong. Please tell me." His voice pierced her heart.
She headed for the kitchen, to create distance between them, and called out over her shoulder, "No, why would anything be wrong?"
"I can tell, Lois. I can hear your heart. I can hear you crying."
She stopped as she reached the centre worktop in the kitchen and placed her hands on it to steady herself. "You … you can hear?" she whispered. Of course he could. He was Superman. But she'd never thought so deeply about it. All this time he'd been able to hear her every word, her every heartbeat. Did he listen in on her heart often? Did he listen when she was mumbling about something? Complaining about his overprotectiveness? Did he use that super-hearing to listen in on her rants to Perry? What about when she fibbed to him, or even worse … when he smiled at her? Could he tell that her heart raced, or skipped a beat whenever he entered the room?
"What is it? Please?" His voice was warm, comforting. She loved that voice. Clark's voice.
Turning back she approached the living area again. "Superman. Thank you for saving me, as always. It was a cold night tonight, and I am really appreciative of the fact that I didn't have to try and make my way home soaking wet." She turned to face him and tried to smile. She just needed him to go. "Thank you." She needed to be alone, to grieve the true end of all her fantasies.
He made to move towards her, concern written all over his face. Instead she stepped backward and he stopped, remaining at the window, when it was clear she didn't want to be near him.
"Uh, Superman? Before you leave …" she faltered for a moment, wondering whether she should continue. It would reveal too much, open up the situation to things she couldn't deal with. "You should probably wash behind your ear before you save anyone else." She
needed him to leave, but she
couldn't let him go around with a pen mark on his neck. Especially not one that her partner had been sporting earlier in the day.
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'Wash behind my ear?' the internal voice queried. Clark looked at Lois. Whatever was making this rescue different had made her hold closer while they flew, yet move away once back home. Clark's heart ached at the loss of contact with her, at the distance she was consciously putting between them. Lois sometimes acted this way with Clark. When dressed as Superman it was unheard of.
Following the evening where she offered herself to Superman, Lois had been more careful with the hero. But she still made it clear how much she felt for him. To see her distancing herself from the only part of him that usually got her affection was like a final blow to his heart.
The figurative 'ownership' pen mark on his heart had finally turned into a slice with a sword, cutting him in half.
Pen mark.
Wash behind your ear.
Suddenly it all made sense. Lois was not distancing herself from Superman, she was distancing herself from Clark. She knew.
"Lois, I—" he began.
"Just go," she pleaded before he could continue. His heart crumbled. She'd never forgive him. She'd never love him now. But he had to, at least, salvage their friendship.
"No," he shook his head and strode further into the apartment, firmly leaving the window behind him. "There's too much to say. Too much we need to talk about."
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Lois gulped as he came close. Stopping only an arm's length away, she looked directly into his pleading eyes. He no longer looked like Superman. He no longer acted aloof or emotionless.
"Then talk," she replied, more calmly than she would have ever thought possible, even though her heart was beating erratically. Was he still listening, did he know? She gazed into his face, the face that had graced her dreams on so many occasions. Boy did she love that face. Why couldn't he love her? Neither Clark nor Superman had ever shown any romantic interest in her. Friendship, yes. Care and affection, yes. Even mild attraction. Love, no. The pavement outside the Daily Planet proved that.
"I," he faltered. He raised an arm in gesture then dropped it. "I don't know what to say." His voice was soft and full of sorrow.
Although he was dressed as Superman, she immediately recognised the look on his face. It was the exact look that Clark, having just seemingly bared his heart to her, had tried to hide when he turned away from her at that park bench. He'd claimed to love her.
But then he'd taken it away. It hadn't been real. He'd been pretending.
Hadn't he?
She'd offered herself to Superman the same evening and he hadn't believed her declaration. No wonder.
Her heart dropped, then flipped over, in fear and hope.
This man had claimed to love her, and then not. She'd told him she didn't love him, then told him she did.
Possibly he did care for her. Possibly his very first declaration
was the truthful one. His retraction was an attempt to protect his heart when she'd played with it. When she'd given him conflicting signals. He was her best friend, her hero, her partner. He was the man she loved more than anything.
Possibly she should take a chance … aim for the fantasy, hope for the dream. She began to construct a scenario where he'd claimed not to love her, because … because she'd not loved him back.
"I don't know where to start. I don't know—" he continued. Lois raised a hand and stepped towards him. Reaching up she put a finger on his lips. He paused. She twisted her wrist slightly and dragged her thumb slowly across his bottom lip.
"Then start here." Her voice was so slight and husky. Her eyes, fixated on her thumb until now, moved up to crash with his gaze. She saw — looking back at her — terror, confusion, hope. Pushing up on her tiptoes she returned her gaze to his lips, slid the hand round his neck and then they touched as her eyes drifted closed.
His lips were soft; soft and warm. She pushed deeper, parting her lips, but there was no response from him. She stilled in mortification, opening her eyes, and was about to pull away when a hand came around her waist and pulled her closer. His lips parted and she tasted heaven. He groaned, deep in his throat, and then he was nibbling her bottom lip. A hand threaded into her hair. All thought spiralled away as she closed her eyes again, her mind floating on a sea of bright sparkles.
She felt his tongue tentatively seek hers. The hand at her waist tightened and pulled her in further. When her chest touched his she felt a heat, inside, desperate to escape. Wrapping both her arms around his body she allowed him to plunder her mouth. The heat grew stronger, her heart beat harder. She felt Clark's hands roaming over her back. Their lower bodies touched and her heart stopped. She broke the kiss to drag in a desperately needed breath.
Looking up into Clark's eyes she watched as he closed his and then rested his head on her forehead.
"Are we kissing only because I'm Superman?" came his tremulous voice. Instantly Lois knew what he meant. She'd never shown any interest in Clark. She'd been too scared to, so he would only have knowledge of her year-long super-crush.
"No." Lois knew she needed to tell him the truth and risk her heart. "We're kissing because you're Clark."
He immediately dived down again, his arms holding her tight to his chest. Being so close, held so tightly, yet so gently, Lois could almost feel the embroidery of the 'S' on Clark's chest against hers. She was reminded of all her night-time fantasies from a year ago. Superman was holding her. Superman was kissing her. Superman was rapidly seducing her mind and her body.
Then she remembered. It was Clark.
Clark was holding her, kissing her, seducing her … and she held on tighter, kissed deeper, and surrendered her heart. Being kissed by the man she loved more than anything swept away all thought, all reality, again. This time she let her hands roam: under his cape, over his back, down his spine.
Eventually Clark pulled away. His breathing was ragged. Something she never thought to see from Superman. "We need to calm down," he whispered out. "My heart can't cope."
Lois frowned. "I thought you were …"
Clark shook his head to stop her from saying any more. "My physical heart is fine. It's my emotional heart I'm worried about." He gulped and looked reluctantly up into her eyes. "I'm so in love with you. I have hoped for this, wished… You've no idea how many shooting stars I've wished on. And I get to see a lot when I'm up above the clouds." He slowly brought a hand up to cup her cheek and then dropped it again. "I've dreamed of this for so long, but you've broken my heart so many times …" Lois opened her mouth to protest. "And I know I've broken it myself with my own stupid actions sometimes," he countered. Lois drew her hand round from his back and lifted it to his cheek. His eyes were bright with moisture. "Now … my heart is so full of joy it's nearly bursting, yet there is a part that is trembling on the edge, waiting for the crash — the disappointment — of finding out it's not real." He closed his eyes and leaned in, re-touching his forehead to hers. She heard his voice tremble and felt his body shake. "And if it isn't real, then my heart will not just break this time …" He opened his eyes and took a deep breath. "It will crumble into dust." She watched his expectant face flicker from hope to fear. "What if this is a dream?" He spoke out his fear.
She smiled and traced her fingers over his cheek then up into his hair. "It's not a dream. It can't be." She shook her head.
"How do you know?" he pleaded, desperate to be reassured.
"Because if it were then you wouldn't be wearing that suit." He glanced down to his blue and red attire. "Clark, I've dreamed about this every night for months, but you are never dressed this way. You are Clark. I don't want Superman …" Lois stopped her heartfelt encouragement to realise the non sequitur she'd just made. "Well, actually I guess I do now, but up to five minutes ago I didn't. I'd given up on him. I'd recognised my feelings for what they actually were. A superstar crush, coupled with some healthy attraction because, face it, you have the sexiest body on the whole planet. So if this were a dream, you'd be Clark." She finally stopped and took a break from her babbling. She smiled up at Clark and he smiled back. "That's who I want. Clark."
He smiled again and the relief she saw in his face was echoed in the tension she felt leave his body.
"I used to consider giving you your fantasy." Clark released her waist and brought up a hand. He cupped her cheek and tangled his fingers in her hair. "I wanted you so much I used to think about coming to you ... letting you have Superman." Lois felt her jaw work, trying to let out an expression of surprise, or excitement, but all she could do was look into his eyes, trapped in their deep emotions. "I tell you, the internal struggles I battled with some nights … you very nearly had a nocturnal visit from Superman on a few occasions." Lois' heart skipped a beat, knowing that her one-time fantasy had been so close to being fulfilled. Knowing that, even though she had given it up, she could have it again, was exhilarating. "Well. I guess I
can give you your fantasy," Clark finished and then stepped away from her.
Lois watched in surprise as he began to spin. The familiar blue and red began to blur into one swirling grey and, as it slowed, it revealed her partner, dressed in the black suit he'd been wearing earlier. Although, his tie was missing and top buttons were undone giving him a casual, hint of rogue, look.
Lois immediately grinned, full of joy. "Clark!" she called in relief, as if finally able to truly be with him, even though she had just spent the last ten minutes conversing with him anyway.
He stepped back up to her. She reached out and took the glasses from his face. It was the only part of Clark Kent that she now no longer wanted. They represented the hidden side to her partner. But he was no longer hidden from her. Dropping them to the floor at her feet she returned her hand up to his face and dragged it through his thick, wavy hair. His mouth descended and their lips met once more.
This time the passion overtook her almost immediately. Her mouth parted and she tasted his lips. Searching for whatever would quench the heat inside she began to roam with her hands. Clark's arms encircled her and she reached further round his neck, pulling his mouth down, deeper into the kiss.
Suddenly they were no longer touching. Clark had moved away. "I … I should get going." He licked his lips and glanced down to hers.
"Why?" she asked, feeling bereft without his arms around her.
"Because I want to stay." His voice was so low and husky she barely heard his reply.
"What's wrong with that?" she breathed out.
"Because I want to stay … forever." Clark's eyes met hers and locked. Eternity passed as she breathed in and out.
"Okay." Her one word reply hung in the air between them.
Slowly she grinned. Stepping forward she pulled him in for another kiss. Clark's arms surrounded her, held her close. She inched her hands up, passing the open collar of his shirt. It felt so different to the kiss with him dressed as Superman. Warm, soft cotton rather than cool, smooth spandex. It perfectly represented the difference between the two men.
As her lips began to tingle with the intense pressure she felt herself surrendering to the passion rising between them. Just before she was finally swept away the last few words they had spoken to each other came back to her.
"Forever."
"Okay." She was pretty sure that Clark had just … in a roundabout sort of way … subtly, kind of, proposed. And she was pretty sure that she'd accepted.
All that practicing of her signature in the notepad was going to pay off.
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