I'm bit nervous about this. I haven't had it beta'd.
And I think I should post a warning - it's a bit of a tearjerker, i think.
edit: broken toys warning
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The Fact of the Matter


"Lane!"

Blinding lights flared repeatedly, forcing Lois Lane to duck her head and shut her eyes, but she could not escape the flashes whose fluorescent ghosts ricocheted beneath her closed lids. Shaking her head, she opened her eyes and quickened her pace, instinctively trying to break free from the phalanx of reporters who had been stalking her whenever she'd left her apartment over the past week.

"Lane! Over here!" A spa-slick TV reporter thrust a microphone so close to her face she recoiled. "What's it like to marry a mass murderer?"

"I didn't marry him!"

"How many people died when he torched Riverview?"

"Lane! What's in the will?"

Her eyes darted to the face of the National Whisper's so-called financial reporter, then quickly scanned the other faces. She recognized most of them; a few were even former colleagues. She stopped - a mistake.

"What was he like in bed, Lois? Is it true that bad boys are better?"

"Lois!"

Lois turned to Donna Knox, with whom she'd started at the Planet and who she thought was a friend. "Donna, look, it wasn't like any of that."

"How could you not know what he was, Lois? You were on the inside - how could you have missed it?" Donna's eyes were hard as she held Lois's for a second.

Clark's angry words echoing in her mind: 'You're an investigative reporter. Investigate!'

An accusatory screech from a tabloid ghoul brought her back. "Were you his mouthpiece at the Planet, Lane?"

The guy from "News at Noon" popped up in front of her, so close that she nearly walked into him as he jabbed a microphone two inches from her mouth. "Lois, he destroyed the Planet. How do you feel about that?"

How did she feel about that? How did she feel....

Lois stumbled as she angrily batted the microphone away, then swiftly regained her balance and broke into a jog, hurrying toward the haven promised by an empty taxi cruising toward them. Desperately, before the cab had completely stopped, she reached for the back seat handle and jerked it open, scrambling inside seconds after the cab had stopped. Angrily she slammed the door shut against the howling pack outside, then snapped on the seat belt.

"Where to?"

"The Daily Planet." She stared straight ahead. She could do this. She had to do this.

No one would see her cry again.

***

Too on edge to remain seated, Lois got out of the cab a few blocks north of the Planet, hoping the short hike to her destination would calm her. She inhaled a deep breath, then expelled it slowly, reassured by the anonymity that came from walking among strangers. Today was a new day - and her first encounter with Perry, Jimmy, Jack ... and Clark ... since the wedding day.

Not 'her' wedding day. Her mind baulked at calling it that; it hadn't been hers - everything had been how Lex had wanted it.

No, not everything... she could have said 'no', sooner. Why hadn't she? Why on earth...

Her mother's voice as they stood together before the mirror in the dressing room before the ceremony: "Honey, if you're not sure.... Do what your heart tells you to do." At the last moment, thank god, she had.

She sucked in another deep breath, looked at her watch, and lengthened her stride; she didn't want to be late. She hoped Perry and Jimmy were still on her side, was afraid they might not be. And, maybe this morning, she would get a chance to tell Clark that she loved him. Yes... what her heart was telling her to do.

Soon, she was close enough to see the pock-marked facade of the Daily Planet and, on the pavement, rough chunks of concrete, plaster, and broken glass. Derelict though the building was, the sight of it quickened and lifted her heart. As she approached, she noticed the entrance, where once had hung two massive bronze doors, was boarded up. Across it, a "BUILDING CONDEMNED" sign warned intruders away.

But most of all, she noticed how very empty the building was.

As she stood alone, gazing up at what remained of her beloved newspaper, the enormity of what had happened over the last few weeks struck her yet again. The silence of a great newspaper, the jobs lost, people injured - people she knew, Jack thrown in jail and falsely charged. The damning list that had kept her from sleep for the last week.

Why hadn't she listened to Clark when he'd warned her about Lex Luthor? Because Clark hadn't offered her any evidence, that's why! she countered. Not one shred! He'd spoken angrily, in apocalyptic terms. "Go, ahead get in bed with the devil." Her eyes rolled as she remembered that over-the-top parting shot of his. But Clark's gut instinct had been right after all... and hers hadn't.

Her eyes found the huge window on the upper floor where she'd worked for five amazing years. She'd started here, learned so much, worked harder than she'd ever imagined possible. And loved it! And she'd won - won the job, won the respect of her colleagues. Won three Kerths.

And then lost it all.

Perry's gruff voice broke into her reverie; she turned to face him, and Jimmy and Jack who hung back behind him. A second later, coming from a different direction, Clark Kent joined them. Suddenly nervous, she smiled at him shyly, as though seeing him for the first time. They all spoke at once, voicing their regrets, mourning what was lost to them, and then they stood awkwardly silent, perhaps searching for some comfort somewhere in what had happened. Nevertheless, for some reason, she felt they were all still her friends, maybe even Jack, although, to tell the truth, she wasn't so sure about Jack.

Unexpectedly, a flatbed truck, bearing a huge, tarp-covered object slowly pulled up to the curb and stopped, breaking the awkward pause in their conversation. Astonished, they all gaped at it as a limo slipped in behind and disgorged the stately bulk of Franklin Stern, who, now that Luthor had crashed, was probably Metropolis's wealthiest businessmen. Perfunctory greetings were exchanged and then Stern brusquely dropped his bombshell - the Planet was back in business.

Elated, they all exchanged hand-shakes and hugs and then watched reverently while a crane slowly hoisted the patch-upped old Planet globe high above the truck. Lois felt tears well at the back of her eyes and took a deep breath, hoping to control them. She looked at the men with her, and knew that they too shared her feelings.

Maybe this could work, she thought. Just maybe things would be okay again. Carefully, the crane, that most elegant of construction devices, positioned the massive globe in its old niche above the front doors. She felt like cheering, and knew she could do this - she could rebuild her life at the Planet.

She stole a look at Clark Kent; maybe she could rebuild her relationship with Clark, too.

Two workers scrambled from the crow's nest of the crane to attach the globe permanently in its old home. Watching, Lois knew a surge of pure joy - the globe was where it was supposed to be. A new beginning.

For her and Clark, too. She would tell him that she was in love with him - had loved him for longer than she had been prepared to admit. She knew now, had known since the wedding day, that that was how it was. Her warning to him, the first week they'd met, not to fall for her had been as much a warning to herself as him. A few months ago, when he was suffering from temporary amnesia she'd forgotten her rules and blurted out that she loved him. Then shocked by what she'd said, she'd added "like a brother" and hoped that little amendment would save her. But it hadn't. She caught her breath as she remembered his kiss, his wonderful, soul-claiming kiss when they'd been on stake-out in the honeymoon suite in the Lexor.

Lost in her blissful daydream, she barely caught Perry's and Stern's conversation, but then she heard Perry's bellowing.

"Now, Stern. Stern! Wait just a doggone minute!"

That got her attention and she turned to see Perry, with Jimmy and Jack at his heels, in pursuit of the departing Franklin Stern. She caught Clark's smile as he too watched the three men scramble after the man who was promising to modernize and revamp the Planet.

For a second, neither Clark nor Lois spoke and then, as they both gazed at the globe, Clark broke the silence. And so they began, gently, Lois hoping that now as they talked she could tell him what was in her heart.

"You never gave up. On the Planet, on your friends, on me."

Dark eyes intense, Clark looked at her. "I couldn't. You've just named almost everything in the world that's precious to me.

And then they were both speaking at once.

"Let me go first, please."

But Clark interrupted her. "No. Not this time." He explained how he was sorry, how he hadn't wanted to hurt her, but that he'd wanted to bring Luthor down.

"The fact of the matter is, it wasn't true. I'm not in love with you."

"You're not?"

"I would have said anything to stop you from marrying Luthor.>>

His words numbed her; she barely heard what else he said - something about being friends, so that was what she said too. Isn't that what people were supposed to say at a time like this?

And then he was mumbling, "Uh, could we continue this later, Lois? I've got to go."

He was gone, taking off on her like he always did, leaving her alone on the pavement.

At that moment Superman shot overhead, and she looked up. "I'm not done with you either, big fella."

Defiant words, an attempt to assert herself, to make herself believe that it was she who decided things, not Superman and not Clark Kent. But she knew her words were hollow - Superman had made it clear that night in her apartment when she'd so foolishly told him she loved him that it was he who was done with her.

And Clark Kent had said, "The fact of the matter is I don't love you."

She stood for a moment, isolated, staring at nothing in particular.

*****

Later that night, Lois had regained some of her energy: now she was merely partially numb. She was looking at the bright side of things. Sure, the day had been a personal disaster but the Planet had been saved. Besides, she had things to do. Suitcases to unpack, her computer to update, her apartment to vacuum, ceramic counter tiles to scrub and regrout, her resume to review, clothes to get ready for her appointment tomorrow with Franklin Stern.

After all, she wasn't the only woman who'd ever had to live without love. Suck it up, that's what she had to do.

So time to get started. She poured herself a glass of wine and then took an appraising look around her kitchen. It was pretty bad, which of course, was okay if you were into kitchen type activities like cooking but when you weren't... well it was depressing. She took another sip of wine and decided to scrub the grout between the kitchen counter tiles.

She reached under the kitchen sink and retrieved the cleanser - thank god she'd decided not to sublet her apartment when she got engaged to Lex. Why was that, she wondered? No matter, at least she still had cleanser, she thought wryly. She set to work, scrubbing furiously, trying to remove every bit of whatever it was that was clinging where it shouldn't have been.

"The fact of the matter is, it wasn't true. I'm not in love with you.>>

Why had she believed Clark when he'd told he loved her, anyway? What kind of fool was she? She scoured harder. Looking back now, she realized his declaration in the park didn't make any sense, coming out of the blue like that. Oh sure, a few months earlier, after the closeness they'd shared in the honeymoon suite she'd thought he might be interested in something more than friendship, but he hadn't made any move at all. Nothing. Nada. Now she realized she'd just read the signals all wrong.

Definitely all wrong! She poured more cleanser on bits of grey stained grout, fetched a stiffer brush, then poured herself another glass of wine. She set in again, this time scrubbing methodically, neatly, immaculately. Definitely all wrong! The truth was Clark hadn't even been attracted to her at all - when they'd been sprayed with the pheromone perfume, she'd been all over him - an embarrassed flush stained her cheeks at the memory. But not a move from him - total disinterest. What part of that had she failed to get?

Yet Superman had been affected by Miranda's potion. He'd blurted out that extraordinary declaration of love under the influence of the compound, and she'd dreamed for weeks afterwards of what that might come to mean. But then nothing! She shook more cleanser on the grout, and poured just a bit more wine.

After that, she'd been confused - what had been going on between them anyway? But Lex had made her feel sooo wanted - and she'd fled to him after Superman's rejection, a soft escape from her confusion about Clark Kent, and the mixed messages that Superman kept sending her. Anyway, who was she to think Superman would care for her? But she hadn't been nearly as devastated by Superman as she had been by Clark Kent this afternoon.

She picked up her glass and took a slow sip of wine. Face it, girl, she said to herself, you have absolutely no clue about men. Each and every one of them, a federal disaster. You do absolutely the wrong thing each time. Well, never again.

Standing back, she admired the gleam of the white counter tiles. Yes! They're good! She put down her glass of wine and headed into her bedroom - time to go for a quick jog through the streets of Metropolis. Give her a chance to figure out what to say to Franklin Stern tomorrow.

*****

"Ms. Lane, I'll repeat what I said to Perry White yesterday afternoon, Metropolis needs the Daily Planet. And besides, one more nail in Lex Luthor's coffin suits me fine."

Stern's vibrant bass voice could have parted the Red Sea and so Lois automaticaly sat up straighter. "He fooled us all, Mr. Stern."

"Young woman, you have had a brilliant career, impressive achievements - Kerth winner - stories that made this city sit up and take notice."

"Thank-you, Mr. Stern."

"But the fact of the matter is, Ms. Lane, you missed the boat on Luthor. Hell, I knew there was something fishy about the guy. And you had inside access." Emphasing his words, Stern drummed his fingers on the desk as he spoke. "So, tell me, Ms. Lane, why should I hire you?"

"Because I'm the best city reporter in this town." The answer sounded forced, even to her ears.

"Was, Ms. Lane, was." Stern rose, looming behind his vast mahogany desk. "I intend to make the Daily Planet the best damn newspaper in the country again, but I'm not one hundred percent convinced that you can contribute to that." He paused. "But I didn't get where I am without taking risks. Furthermore, you appear to have close contact with Superman, and that's still newsworthy." He moved from behind his desk to stand in front of her. "You'll team with Clark Kent. Right now he's the best investigative reporter in town. He'll vet what you do. A one year contract, Ms. Lane - we'll see what you can do."

He extended his hand to shake hers, and then escorted her to the door.

***

Lois left Stern's building in a daze. She's been offered a job at a reduced salary and she would be on probation for a year. And Clark was to be her senior partner, checking her work. She would have no journalistic independence. Little more than an intern, she fumed. But she knew, too, that she could work within those limits - probably. She was pretty sure she could carve through whatever restraints might be put on her, and hopefully she could regain her credibility.

But what she wasn't at all sure she could do was work in close contact with Clark Kent. It would be too painful, a constant reminder of what she'd lost - no make that what she'd never had. Friends, he'd said. She wasn't sure she was strong enough to be just friends, to be with him every day, and to know that he did not love her, to never touch him.

Stern had given her a chance because of two things - her past record (she hoped) and her contact with Superman. Like she was in contact with Superman, she thought ruefully. Aside from the overhead sighting yesterday, she hadn't even seen him since that humiliating night in her apartment.

Hadn't even seen him... He had not bothered to talk to her at all!

And then for the first time this thought struck her: Superman had known about Lex Luthor all along. Had seen first hand his criminal activities. So why hadn't Superman warned her? Had he been prepared to see her marry a psychopathic murderer? Why hadn't he told her? she asked herself again. You didn't believe Clark, a voice said to her. But it was different with Superman, she countered - he would have witnessed Lex in action, and... and his warning would not have been clouded by what she had thought was Clark's jealousy. That Superman was not in love with her meant that his warning carried no extra baggage.

She was chilled by this new awareness. She mattered so little to Superman that he was prepared to withhold vital information from her. What would have happened if she had married Luthor, and then found evidence of his crimes? She knew exactly - she would have exposed him and he would have... Lois shuddered. She'd never felt Luthor was passionately in love with her - it had always seemed like he was playing a romantic game with her, content to accept her decision not to have sex. Yet she was well aware of his reputation with woman. No, no doubt in her mind at all what Luthor would have done to her had she challenged him.

And Superman had not even bothered to drop by and say, "Btw, Lois, Lex Luthor has a bit of a criminal dark side. Let me tell you about the time...." Clark, at least, had not given up on her and his friends. But Superman had.

The fact of the matter was that Superman lived above them. They didn't really know him at all.

***

That afternoon she wrote a letter to Perry White, thanking him and submitting her resignation. Well, technically it wasn't a resignation because she hadn't yet signed the contract which Stern had offered her. Take it home and think about it for a day, the woman in Personnel had said. Then she picked up the phone and booked a seat on the first plane leaving for any large city far away from Metropolis. She had to accept business class, though, a fact whose irony did not escape her.

***

Much later that evening, Lois boarded a flight for San Francisco.

Settling into her aisle seat, she said hi to the teenage girl next to her. A steward appeared and offered her a drink and as she sipped at it, Lois learned that Teen Girl was on her way to spend the summer with her dad. As she chattered on about her dad and his new wife, and her mother, and her boyfriend, and her girl friend, Chelsea, and whether she should get her nipple pierced, Chelsea that is, not her because like she wouldn't do anything so stupid, it became clear to Lois that the kid had no idea who Lois Lane was. Lois was grateful. Then the girl wound down and donned a tiny set of earphones and submerged, entering her own world.

Lois leaned back against the headrest, and discovered that rather than having the cheerful babble of teen dilemmas to listen to, she could now overhear the two men behind her.

"Yeah, Tom, you're right. The 'business trip' is a great institution."

"Great chance to get away from home and do a little - ah - exploring."

"Does that mean you're still seeing Tanya?"

"You bet. Not that I don't love my wife. But hey, I got lots of love to go around."

The other man laughed. "Besides, it's not cheating as long as you don't do it in the same town where the wife is."

Lois reached for the headphones in front of her - not the latest model Teen Girl had, but decent enough to block the conversation behind her. She swallowed the last bit of wine in her glass. Yeah, she'd had a lucky escape - Clark probably wasn't capable of commitment anyway.

Moments later, the flight attendant approached and offered to refill her glass. Smiling too brightly, Lois nodded as she placed her glass on the attendant's tray and then once more, leaned back in her seat and tried to fight the memory of Clark's words.

"The fact of the matter is, it wasn't true. I'm not in love with you.>>

The end

c

Am adding the usual disclaimers - these characters aren't mine.
Also I've used several lines from HoL.