Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK - Wrong Clark (179/???)

Wrong Place, Wrong Time, Wrong Clark TOC can be found Here

Again, sorry for the delay in posting. I've finished my first draft of my auction story, which I hope to post to keep you entertained during those weeks my office will be painted. That will happen sometime between this story Section (The Investigation) and the next (title TBA). In the meantime, now that I'm back from my road trip, I should be posting regularly once weekly again. My apologizes for the delays.

Many thanks to KenJ for helping me out of the realm of implausible and back into the land of realistic. Trust me, this scene of Clark escaping the wine cellar is much better than the first draft. Who knew how safe wine cellars actually are? One of these days I'll write a story where Lex has a brandy cellar, and we'll have a great fire...

Again, thank you for reading. Comments will be accepted at any time.

Even if I don't like violence, Luthor's death makes me feel hap... er, relieved. Finally! He's gone.... right?... RIGHT???

Anyway, I hope Lois doesn't suffer of posttraumatic stress after witness that horrible death.

I'm so happy that Cat remains next to Clark, but what worries me is that she believes Lois was "involved" with Lex... wac! And who can blame her?, after watching those horrible videos and all. I hope she won't jeopardize the reconciliation between Lois and CK

chelo: Thank you for taking the time to leave me a comment.

Of course. Whenever you kill off Lex Luthor he's always dead as a doornail, right? RIGHT?!! /turns to my muse/ Right?

Yes, that would be bad. Luckily for her, but unluckily for Ellen, Lois's mother got the brunt of the splatter.

Cat come between Lois and Clark? Never!

Thanks for reading.

Oh my gosh, that was so much worse than the show. Lois is going to have nightmares for the rest of her life after that.

And if her mother didn't need rehab before, she will soon.

Well, there is Lex-C still hanging around underground. He just needs to steal the remains from the morgue, hook up with Tasha Yar, and wait a respectable amount of time for him to "recover" from being dead before returning.

So, was Lex getting rid of evidence of his ark? Who else knows about it that's topside? I guess Mrs. Cox would know. Nigel? Asabi is still in the ark, right?

mrsMxyzptlk: Oooh! Great questions. I'll see if I can answer any of them without giving anything away.

Yeah. I did that. I went there. Yes, nightmares. As if Lois's dreams weren't full of scarey stuff already.

This will be addressed in the next part.

Tasha Yar. I think you mean Gretchen Kelly, MD. Clearly, whoever cast this show also did casting for Star Trek. Let's just say, she doesn't feature prominently in this story.

Did Lex-C survive his surgery from being shot twice? Mrs. Cox doesn't know about the Ark. Would Nigel or Asabi tell? Arianna also knows about it, but she'd have to forgive Lex first for his attempted bigamy with Lois.

Thanks for you comments.

Is this where Lex wakes up with a split head erm splitting headache?

LOIS:

Charity?

So… ‘safeguard’ huh?
LOIS: I use locks on my door for that.

SUPERMAN:

So, had Lois decided to go all Bonnie to his Clyde, he’d have let Superman live?

Very shoddy workmanship. He should have his contractor shot.

Wouldn’t it be awkward had he scratched it and then broken down in a nervous crying fit over the damage?

Sounds naughty!

Awww, he wanted to get a 1966 Kryptonian Blue for their wedding night. I’m sure Lois would have enjoyed it.

Yeah…he does realize it’s the reporter chick who would be forming popular opinion and thus history, right?

Maybe he should have stayed in bed, then?

At least he wasn’t bested by a better man?

Well…he might hand him over to Lois and then leave…

There’s a lot of stories out there with women going to work on their backs for their lovers.

That’s why lawmen often carry guns. They only have to be strong enough to hold it up, aim, and pull the trigger.

CAT: He thinks I’m so fat that I no longer have a regular center of gravity?

Should have gone with the leaded suit.

Dangle him over the balcony railing but not let him go?

LOIS:

Nothing several dozen other women didn’t do for money that year alone.

Actually, if you took out Lex really good, he shouldn’t come back himself. There would be Ari to content with and the Church Group. Lex-C. Some minor gangwars, maybe…but still…



LOIS: I’m *trying* to get into his pants. It’s not *my* fault he’s shyer than…than…Canon Lois.

So…pregnancy hormones making her horny?

PHIL: I think it best if I never visit a strip joint.

Look who’s trying to earn some clout.
CLEMMONS: It’s either this or trying his ex-fiancée for murder.

Awww…Henderson’s still politically correct. Also, rigging the window to come down guillotine-style on the next person through would also be a nice touch.



Maybe they should take him in and put him under psychiatric observation?

Maybe Lex had gobbled up Superman’s essence and is now able to fly himself.



No, it’s because she was whoring around with her fiancée on the vid-wall.

So…still drunk, huh?

Over there. 2 inch in the ground.

Her hubby.
ELLEN: Typical. At least, *I* only drove him into other women. My daughter has to drive them into the ground.

She is *hoping* that he lives?

Oh.

That could have gotten awkward had Lex actually managed to hit her.

So much for her rehab.

She never changed Lois’s diapers, did she?

So, Lex made a bigger splat than on the show, did he? Blew up like an overripe melon?



Michael

The main way this is worse than the show is Clark not having Lois in his arms at her hour of need. I wish we could have had that.

OK, Luthor had a much more sinister and evil plan of what to do with Superman while the wedding was in preparation than in the show.

Lois knows about the arc, although not much. If Nigel is top-side I think he knows about it. Lois did tell Cat about it, although not much. Those three may be the only ones. I do not believe Lois ever told Clark anything of it.

Darth Michael:
I have no idea to what you might be referring.

LEX: I'll accept that.
LOIS: I meant the other end.
CLARK: And she calls ME a lunkhead?

LEX:

I went back and forth between Lex having a skeleton key for every room in Lex Tower and this. I'm sorry, this won. I can't always choose correctly.

METROPOLIS STAR: Reports surfaced yesterday of an small oval asteroid projected from Metropolis towards the direction of the sun at a high velocity. They have largely been discounted by EPRAD as hooey.

LEX: Yes, as the main attraction at my zoo.

LEX: Already done.



As do most things said in French to people who don't speak it. It's why it's referred to as the language of love, is it not?

Bashing Lex over the head with it?

I'm sorry, do you think Lex is going to let Lois live too?

BED BUNNY STRIPPER HE HAD BOUGHT FOR HIMSELF FOR HIS BACHELOR PARTY: Definitely. It's a Saturday and I wanted to sleep in.

LOIS: No, by a better woman.

SUPERMAN: Here, Lois, can you hold Lex's leash while I go find Henderson via Helsinki. Oh, and feel free to enjoy the in-home movie.

LOIS: /Eyes Michael warily/ And WHAT does that have to do with me?

SUPERMAN: I don't kill people. That's what sidewalks are for.

CLARK: It's only because she's not wearing her usual heels and she's not used to walking in flats.

Although, he wouldn't have had the strength to crawl across the floor with it on though.

Not squeeze while he had his hands around his neck?

CLARK: So, that one I got wrong?

LEX: The year isn't over yet.

So, Superman should rule Earth with an iron fist?

Did you mean Lois here or Cat?

No, she's usually this horny. Why?

PHIL: I'm married to Cat. Who needs a strip joint?

It's still early in the day.

HENDERSON: Hey, you! With the red shirt. You first!


LEX: I knew I should have invested when Dr. Brown requested money and plutonium.

ARI:

SUPERMAN: Kill me. Kill me now. I'm not sure what Michael means, but if what my imagination says that is... well, I'd rather die than remember that.
LOIS: Don't be silly. That doesn't make you fly or I'd be buzzing the skies.
CLARK: Say what?

LOIS: But... but... but he gave me a ring, so it was okay, right?

No. Just clueless.

Actually, according to Mythbusters a penny dropped from the Empire State hardly will scratch the surface of the sidewalk, so I doubt Lex would break it.

ELLEN: Well, at least she married him first, right? Right? RIGHT?!

She's been hanging around Superman too much.
CLARK: I never said I wanted him to live... recently.

So, it's good her mom grabbed her arm and stopped her?



ELLEN: Don't be ridiculous. That's what the nanny was for.

I cannot see how he couldn't have made a big splat on the show. They just didn't show it. But being a CSI junkie at one time, I know that if you get hit with a bat there will be splatter; it only makes sense the same is true with the sidewalk.

CAT:

John: Yea! Back from the wilds of real life!

I'm never going to live that down, am I? This isn't canon. It's supposed to be different. Things will get better... uh... soon. Soonish? /Points to Avatar, see!/

That was because he had more concrete proof that Superman was in love with Lois than in canon.

Actually, she did mention it to Clark the day she accidentally exposed him to Kryptonite prior to the DP being bombed. I mean she told him afterwards, but exposed him before. This just sounds worse the more I try to clarify. You know what I mean, right? Lois also mentioned it in passing to Cat, but not in detail.

Ari also knows because it was her psychological experiment. Dr. Leek knew about Lex-C but not about the bunker. (Did I kill him off? No, I don't think so.) Asabi knows but he lives down there (punishment for letting Lex-C get shot). Nigel knows as he's "Head of Security" for the LUC. All trustworthy people, right?

Nah, that’s fun. Makes Lex much more Sherriff of Rottingham

LOIS: Is it a petting zoo?



Actually, I was euphemizing to someone born in 1966, always wearing blue, and being from Krypton.

LOIS: Oh course he would. I’m to be his bride!



Not the same.
LEX:

LEX:




It’s the sidewalk that kills them, not the drop, huh?

CAT: *squints*

The idea would be that the lead protects him from the radiation.

That would be murder. The other an accident.

ONE? *ONE*?

It is for him?

Well…it would at least keep Lois safe?

Nope, the names correct


RALPH: He just called his wife her a stripper!

Why the police started to update their cadet uniforms…



Well, at least that’s the argument Hero’s father used in Much Ado.

But didn’t Jack Nicholson’s Joker ruin the sidewalk in Batman?

LOIS:

Otherwise it would be reset. Again. And I doubt the EW would think that funny very much.

Michael

Only if you want this story to go to the dark side.

/points to my answer to the previous quote/ Hmmmm. It seems I could have gone in several different directions from here.

/points to Lex Jr.'s mom/

MAYSON: I don't think so, Vigilante!

But he doesn't wear a mask, so it would cause him migraines.

Touche!
CLARK: It was more than one?

But Lois wouldn't want him if that was his personality.

ALT-CLARK: Actually, I've found that after a glass of wine or two...
CANON CLARK: What?!
ALT-CLARK: She puts on her iron maiden.

PHIL: And she strips for nobody but me. I have no problem with the analogy.
RALPH:

I tried to watch the Joss Wedon version the other night and couldn't get a half-hour into it before becoming bored. Which is too bad, because the Kenneth Branagh was very entertaining.

That's only because he's hard headed (and it was Hollywood).

After this many parts do you think I want to time-travel back to the beginning AGAIN?!

LOIS: Who?
LEX: Exactly.

Those real ones. That make you feel like you’re dying. Or the softer kind, that makes you feel like hurting the next person you meet. Like the guy holding that shiny green rock.

He likes to get bashed by a Lois, huh?

Yeah…maybe if he kept her locked up without any news from the outside world, she wouldn’t notice?

Iron Maiden?
Or did you mean a chastity belt?

Yes, the KB is quite great. I tried to find some additional adaption by him, but there weren’t that many comedies JW was mainly for the JW actors I think he had Buffy, Angel, and Firefly in there.

*You* mentioned the Muse suggesting fun twists… And it would be *evil*…?

Michael

Sorry, I meant the Star Wars' "dark side", Michael, not this boards.

I meant the first kind, sorry.

Well, normally he's invulnerable, so it doesn't hurt...
LOIS:
CLARK: /giggles/ You're touching me. /tee-hee/ You're touching me again.

LEX: Um... when has that ever worked for me?

ALT-CLARK: Um... Well, you see, in my home dimension they both refer to the same thing. What you know as a chastity belt, that is.
WELLS: Didn't you say that your home dimension only diverged from my home dimension (and this one) about the 1850s? That would have been centuries after these devices were used.
ALT-CLARK: Oh, shut up!

Kenneth Branagh also adapted Henry V and Hamlet, I believe. According to IMDb, he also did Love's Labour's Lost. I'll have to look for that one. AND Othello. Kenneth really loves his Shakespeare.

It would be, wouldn't it?

Oh dear, oh dear!



He’d be able to also distract her in a sexual manner?



Michael

/Lois imagines "he" doing a sexy striptease for her/
LOIS: /if "he" means Clark/
LOIS: /if "he" means Lex/ No.

Yes, it was Clark.

Michael