Wrong Place, Wrong Time, Wrong Clark TOC can be found Here
Come on, you knew I was going to go there at some point, didn't you? Okay, it might have been 150 parts ago, but still...
Comments appreciated.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
Love the little man-to-man talk between Phil and Clark.
CLARK: No. I'm just worried I'm a jinx. JONATHAN: A jinx? CLARK: Yeah. Let's face it, ever since she's known me, Lois's been kidnapped, frozen, pushed off buildings, almost stabbed, poisoned, buried alive and who knows what else, and it's all because of me. -"Contact" (You're not her jinx, you're her blessing.)
My glad. I hope he was believable. It's been a while since I hung out with people who get drunk. Yes, it's too bad Lois hadn't been at home.
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And I have a feeling that Phil and Clark will become great friends and understand each other like no one else.
They each are involved with strong, complicated women. They have that in common.
Thank you for your continued readership.
Christina: Thanks for your comment.
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Love the little man-to-man talk between Phil and Clark.
It takes a strong man to love Cat Grant and to stand up to her best friend. Of course, it's easier when he's hung over and has no more powers than a rocket scientist.
CLARK: Gee, thanks.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
While her mother was safely sedated at the hospital,
Translation: Ellen drank herself into a coma and is now in the hospital, detoxing.
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Lois returned home to change her clothes.
She doesn’t want to be caught on camera wearing her fiancé? CAT: It’s not as glamorous as Something About Mary makes it sound.
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At the hospital, they had given her and her mother detox showers, similar to the ones given to people exposed to a biohazard or radiation.
CLARK: I’ve always said that Luthor was toxic slime.
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The doctor suggested that she refrain from sharing her bodily fluids with anyone until they gave her a clean bill of health.
I wander what it was like on the battlefield of ye olden days. Or how they do it with the poor chaps who have vampires explode all over them. I guess Buffy got lucky that her vampires dustified instead of splattered, huh?
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Lois doubted she would feel clean for a long time to come.
Hey, could have been worse.
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The crème of the scummy side of her profession had already started hounding Lois at the hospital.
Trying to get a photo of her in wrapping tissue?
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attacked by Luthor supporters before he got her full statement and interview.
So, after the statement, she’s fair game to every hooker in town who’s sad about big spender daddy biting the dust?
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She found the door to her apartment open. A couple of burly men were riffling through her belongings and loading them into boxes.
Sounds like she’s surprised some burglars. Or is it the movers Lex had hired to move her appropriate but still generic items into her new home while disposing of the less appropriate or sentimental pieces?
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One of the men approached her, and held out a business card. It read: Mega Movers.
See! Also, how did Lex get her keys?
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“We’re professionals, ma’am. We’ve been hired by Lex Luthor to box up Mrs. Luthor’s belongings and put them in storage.”
Sounds like they don’t listen the news, huh?
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Put her stuff in storage, as if she wouldn’t have any need for her belongings after they had gotten married.
Well, love pets usually don’t need outside clothing.
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Did that include her fish?
Starts at about minute 2:00.
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The leader whistled and four other men exited her kitchen, bedroom, spare bedroom, and bathroom. “It’s time to break for lunch,” the man informed his team.
That sounds like they normally do moving for the Church Group.
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! “How in the hell did you get access to my apartment, anyway?” she demanded.
See?
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“Mrs. Cox provided us with keys, ma’am, when we were hired,” the man replied.
LOIS:
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The man paused. “How do I know that you’re the real Mrs. Luthor?”
Because of and .
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“I’m not Mrs. Luthor!” she screamed. “I never was Mrs. Luthor. I’ll never be Mrs. Luthor. This in my apartment and I want you out of here!”
She seems agitated…
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Detective Woolfe chose that moment to arrive. “Everything okay, Ms. Lane?” he asked, his hand on his gun as he entered. “Who are you men?”
Couldn’t she have them arrested for breaking and entering? After all, just because they had been hired by somebody doesn’t mean they’re not breaking and entering.
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“And we’ve got a contract and permission to be here from Mr. Lex Luthor.”
Yes, but that permission wouldn’t be valid until after the marriage when ownership of the bride and her belongings was officially transferred to the husband. That’s in the Metropolis civil code isn’t it? LOIS: So, that’s a ‘no’? Well, looky there, maybe Lois could have them arrested even after her wedding. Might not have been pleasing to her new husband, but what could he possibly do? LEX:
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“It is?” the mover said, holding up his hands. “I didn’t know that. Really and truly, officer… Detective, I’m just a mover. We were hired to do a job and we were doing it. We’re not criminals.”
And what about the shovels and the dead guy in the front half of the cargo area of their truck?
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When Woolfe had finally verified that none of his precious evidence had yet been touched
On the plus side, all the evidence is already nicely packed up and ready to ship to evidence lockup, huh?
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Lois went to the telephone and called Mr. Tracewski to request that he change her locks.
Mr. T: All five of them? *Again*?
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Cat pried one eye open. That better not be what she thought it was.
Knock! Knock! Knock!
CAT: Who’s there? VOICE: Lois! CAT: Lois Who? VOICE: Lois Lane! CAT: Lois Looser? VOICE: No, not Luthor!
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Sure enough, someone was knocking on her apartment door. Whoever it was was about to meet an early demise.
So, she learned from Lois?
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Bang! Bang! Bang!
Sounds like Lois.
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She pushed back her sheets, stepped into her slippers, grabbed the bat next to her bed, and stumbled her way into the living room,
Where’s the man of the house?
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Clark sported a sloppy grin and wavered, took hold of her doorframe, and then leaned into it as if it were moving. “Hi, Cat.”
God help me. “You’re drunk.”
What the!
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“I think your floor is moving.”
Great, earthquake and Superman’s falling-down drunk.
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Cat took a step back and allowed him to stumble inside. She pointed to her sofa. “Sit.”
She could send him over to Lois’s. Maybe then they’d finally hook up. LOIS: With my luck he won’t be remembering that one either.
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He smiled. “You’re pretty. Did you know that?”
He had to be kidding her, right?
Well…he’s definitely full of liquid courage. CAT: He’s full of something, all right.
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“So, you said.”
Comma.
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“I’ve been thinking, and thinking, and thinking, and think…”
And then drinking and drinking and drinking…
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He patted his arm. “No bullet wound,” he announced, and then grinned a sloppy version of that smile he only gave Lois. “See! Luthor lied.”
He’s not the quickest one, is he?
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Big surprise.
Well…he did move his lips.
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Why aren’t you at Lois’s apartment, knocking on her door?” Being her problem?
He’s like Sheldon, going to Penny’s instead of annoying Leonard.
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Before she had left his apartment, she had given the younger kid staying at Clark’s… Denny?... a cover story to tell Jimbo and Perry.
Clark’s a drunk. Let him sleep it off.
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Lois, still in her white dress, had gone with her.
Well…polka-dotted dress.
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He nodded enthusiastically.
Sarcasm was lost on the inebriated.
LOIS: Sarcasm is lost on Clark. Period.
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Cat couldn’t believe she and Lois actually had something else in common.
So, Cat doesn’t like dealing with the mess a drunk makes when the fluids return to the outside world via various bodily cavities, huh?
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Then, again, after that video, it was unlikely.
Too much competition for least-discriminate sex on TV?
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“I might do something I might regret,” Clark said.
Like sleeping with her and then blaming a curse for her dead body the next morning?
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But Cat couldn’t see how it couldn’t be Lois on the video. The woman looked just like her former colleague.
He already said that there’s not bullet wound. She not awake at two in the morning or what? That’s got to be high-noon in Cat time.
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“I don’t know how I got drunk…” Clark continued.
I’ve got a theory. JIMMIES: Beer bongs!
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“Perhaps it was all the alcohol you consumed,” Cat suggested.
See?
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“But it’s never affected me before,” he explained. “Although, there was that time with Rachel…” He shook his head.
He’s not the smartest one huh? LOIS: You just figuring that one out now? Also… Ooooh! Rachel!
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“And where did you kiss Rachel?”
I don’t think that’s appropriate talk for this side of the boards. Let’s just say…French style?
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Clark tapped Cat’s lips. “Here.” His finger glided down her neck. “And here.” And his finger moved further down her chest. “And here was nice, too.”
Lois won’t be happy that he’s getting hansy with a married woman who’s carrying his love child.
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He nodded, getting a naughty glint in his eye. “I wish I could kiss Lois there.”
He should tell Lois like he told Cat!
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“Yes. Yes, she did, but not because I kissed her,” he said adamantly.
Oh, right, because Krypton went boom.
She’s not the smartest cookie, is she? Considering the probability of an Earthen name ending up on Krypton. CAT: What, he could spell it Rayj-El. She could be have been his first cousin or something.
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“So, I take it you don’t have your powers back?”
The gravitational challenge and the inebriation not giving it away?
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“No, I mean it. He’s going to be a billionaire. He’s a computer genius.”
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“Lucky him. I’ve had my share of billionaires for one day, Clark.
Actually, she left before they doled out shares of billionaire. Lois and Ellen got bit shares, though.
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“That button is in my room. I’ll flip the switch when I go to bed,” she said, heading towards her bedroom.
Shouldn’t she be placing a bucket next to the couch?
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“You said that Lois didn’t have a scar from her bullet wound,” she said.
Looky there!
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“Clark? Did Lex have a scar on his shoulder?” she asked.
Oooooh! And why does she think Clark tried to oogle a naked Lex? Also, good thing they both got shot on opposite sides of their bodies, huh? That way, during her lapdance, well… both sides…
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“No, Cat,” he sniffled. “He didn’t.” He closed his eyes tightly. “That means she did cheat on me… before she got shot.”
Huh. Wait. What? Huh? He…What? How…What? Dolt!
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“She said that she had never brought him back to her bedroom. Never,” he gulped. “She lied to me. Again!”
She could have boinked him in the living room during the first time and only taken him to her boudoir after she had told Clark that she hadn’t yet taken Lex to see her bedroom.
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“I was so hoping that Luthor was using that copycat apartment he made for Lois down in his bunker, but maybe that was a lie, too.”
Hey, Lois could have done Lex in the bunker down there. Then she wouldn’t have taken Lex into her bedroom because that would only have been a copy of said room.
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“If that video was a year old, Clark, it doesn’t have a bearing on how Lois feels about you, now.”
LEX: Once you go Lex, you never go back.
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No more leaving things to chance to this pregnancy brain of hers.
Also, there might be a ‘to’ too many in there and an ‘or’ missing.
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“You did what?” a male voice gasped, bringing Clark closer to the edge.
Oh look Cat is on the phone with her husband and Clark’s eavesdropping.
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He wondered if Luthor had caught him again and put his head in a vice.
So not up to flying colors yet?
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and found that the bright light before him felt as if someone were stabbing an ice pick through his eyeballs and straight into his brain.
LEX: I didn’t get to try that one with him.
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He felt so terrible, combine it with a white light and he didn’t want to take his chances.
That’s why most teenagers study the effects of alcohol long before they have to first consider their own mortality.
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If he died in this dimension, would he see the souls of his folks from his dimension?
UNIVERSE: There’s a book-keeping error here. Dammit, what happened? If I can’t figure that one out till the IRS audit, they’ll probably want to go over all the deaths of the past millennium
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Did souls get to mix and mingle with souls from other dimensions in heaven,
So, considering that Lois’s probably have a higher mortality rate than Clarks, does that mean the Clark’s get multiple Loises in the afterlife?
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Was he at the beach? Was Lois there, waiting in their cabana for Clark to come and pull the one little string on her bikini, which would make the whole suit drop to the ground?
He’s a naughty boy, isn’t he?
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Here he was on his honeymoon with the most gloriously wonderful woman around, and he felt as if the doorman had beaten him to death.
So, delusional, then? What will he say when he still thinks that and then sees Cat?
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No matter how much effort he used, he was unable to save Lois from this fate as she fought Lex, screaming first for Superman to save her, then Clark, and finally Octopus.
So, don’t drink? Also, she *liked* it. Why should she be screaming? He isn’t making much sense, is he? LEX: She thinks it’s like I have 8 appendages.
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When Lex finally pushed himself off Lois, disappearing into grey fog, a glassy-eyed Lois stared unseeingly towards the ceiling. She was covered head to toe in blood.
Clark gasped and sat up, his heart racing a mile a second.
So, he’s going to now bring forth all the nasty stuff he’s bottled up in his system?
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Clark reached into black inkiness of that void in his head. “I… uh… came to talk to Cat?”
“At 2:30 in the morning.”
He’s her special friend? A gentleman calling?
Join us on the #loisclark Discord server! We talk about fanfic, our favorite show, life, and more! (It’s almost like the IRC days of old again!)
“You came drunk to my apartment in the middle of the night to talk to my wife, who… let’s just get it out there… has a little bit of a crush on you… on a night when you knew I was away from home.
Sounds like it’s suspicious. CAT: Anyway, on the plus side, Clark’s vulnerable and Phil’s used to lifting Xerox machines, so…
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You were depressed by something that Lois did and wanted some comfort, isn’t that right? What exactly did you think would happen, Kent?”
CLARK: My buddies in highschool usually threw up all over the floor.
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Are you saying that you would’ve been able to refuse Cat last night?
Well…he did touch her…where he kissed Rachel.
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Had she given you one iota of an opening, are you saying that you would have been able to stop yourself from kissing her… or… or… worse?” he stammered, his face paling.
CAT:
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“She did tell me that,” Phil said, motioning to the door with his head. “She went out to meet some guy.”
CAT: My friend’s divorce attorney’s a guy.
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Cat didn’t interest Clark like that, but he vaguely remembered a sharp ache in his chest as if his heart had broken and Cat holding him as he cried. He swallowed, flipping open Cat’s note to read it.
Well, she loves him like a brother. CANON LOIS: I do, too!
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Cat isn’t thinking like a woman who’s carrying precious cargo. She’s thinking like a reporter out to get the story of a lifetime!
Well…she sounds like a Lois. Huh… Lois is apparently fornicating with the devil and Cat is trolling after Clark and carrying his love child…
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You chose to spend your life with her. If you can’t love her for who she is now, you might as well leave, because she deserves to be treated better than that and trusted a whole heck of a lot more.”
LOIS: Funny, how stupid and blind Clark can be…
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“You approve of her behavior?” Phil sputtered. “Do you even know… know… what lines she crossed to help you, yesterday?”
She…she…broke and entered? LOIS: So…?
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because you never know when something will happen to take it all away.”
Like Cat getting kidnapped by Bill Church Jr.?
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“But, hey, it’ll never be boring, either.”
Plus, the neighbors two floors down tell me their sex is really good, apparently.
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“But know I might not be up to speed for a while.”
He can still carry boxes, can’t he? CLARK: I never knew moving is that much effort.
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“You and me both,” Clark replied, shaking his hand. “Sometimes, I envy those men with boring lives.”
They exchanged a look; then, each shook his head and said at the same time, “Nah.”
Michael
Join us on the #loisclark Discord server! We talk about fanfic, our favorite show, life, and more! (It’s almost like the IRC days of old again!)
Darth Michael: Are those darn writers bogging you down with Betas, so you have no time to FDK?
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Translation: Ellen drank herself into a coma and is now in the hospital, detoxing.
Potato. Tomato.
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She doesn’t want to be caught on camera wearing her fiancé? CAT: It’s not as glamorous as Something About Mary makes it sound.
It also depends on the fiance and how she's wearing him.
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CLARK: I’ve always said that Luthor was toxic slime.
JIMMY: CLARK: I was serious.
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I wander what it was like on the battlefield of ye olden days. Or how they do it with the poor chaps who have vampires explode all over them. I guess Buffy got lucky that her vampires dustified instead of splattered, huh?
That would explain why our VA is in trouble. /ducking/ AND Buffy constantly complained about swallowing vampire dust. SPIKE: BUFFY:
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Hey, could have been worse.
Yeah. She could have been hit by him.
CLARK:
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Trying to get a photo of her in wrapping tissue?
NUNK:
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So, after the statement, she’s fair game to every hooker in town who’s sad about big spender daddy biting the dust?
HENDERSON: Sure, unless they break the law.
LOIS: Hello? Hooker.
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Sounds like she’s surprised some burglars. Or is it the movers Lex had hired to move her appropriate but still generic items into her new home while disposing of the less appropriate or sentimental pieces?
Latter, except none of her stuff was going to make it to their home.
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See! Also, how did Lex get her keys?
Duh. He stole them.
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Sounds like they don’t listen the news, huh?
It just happened a few hours earlier. It wasn't announced on sports radio during the game.
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Well, love pets usually don’t need outside clothing.
Like in My Fair Lady, all her old clothing was to be sent out to be burned.
Originally Posted by Darth Michael
Originally Posted by Wrong Clark
Did that include her fish?
Starts at about minute 2:00.
LEX: I would given them a new home. NIGEL: /insert picture of Nigel dumping fish down the toilet/ I need a raise.
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That sounds like they normally do moving for the Church Group.
MOVERS: We don't discriminate.
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Because of /signature pickle dicer move/ and /what she would've done to Lex if he hadn't jumped/.
LOIS: I said, don't call me Mrs. Luthor.
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She seems agitated…
She's had a bad day.
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Couldn’t she have them arrested for breaking and entering? After all, just because they had been hired by somebody doesn’t mean they’re not breaking and entering.
Yes. WOOLFE: I don't want to fill out *more* paperwork.
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Yes, but that permission wouldn’t be valid until after the marriage when ownership of the bride and her belongings was officially transferred to the husband. That’s in the Metropolis civil code isn’t it? LOIS: /points to prenup, where it says all Lois's stuff will always be Lois's stuff, and so will Lex's stuff/ So, that’s a ‘no’? Well, looky there, maybe Lois could have them arrested even after her wedding. Might not have been pleasing to her new husband, but what could he possibly do? LEX: /hurt the movers himself for misunderstanding his perfectly clear instruction/
The movers were supposed to show up at the time the wedding was over, so technically...
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And what about the shovels and the dead guy in the front half of the cargo area of their truck?
MOVER: What? That was a different job for the Churches.
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On the plus side, all the evidence is already nicely packed up and ready to ship to evidence lockup, huh?
And wrapped up in Lois's silky undies?
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Mr. T: All five of them? *Again*?
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CAT: Who’s there? VOICE: Lois! CAT: Lois Who? VOICE: Lois Lane! CAT: Lois Looser? VOICE: No, not Luthor!
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So, she learned from Lois?
No. She had a bat.
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Sounds like Lois.
Everything sounds louder in the middle of the night.
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Where’s the man of the house?
Camping with his brothers in law.
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What the!
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Great, earthquake and Superman’s falling-down drunk.
I don't think he could be Superman and drunk at the same time, SM-III not withstanding.
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She could send him over to Lois’s. Maybe then they’d finally hook up. LOIS: With my luck he won’t be remembering that one either.
And that would be bad, why?
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Well…he’s definitely full of liquid courage. CAT: He’s full of something, all right.
He didn't call Cat pretty in front of Lois.
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Comma.
Fixed.
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And then drinking and drinking and drinking…
While drinking he was thinking.
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He’s not the quickest one, is he?
Well, just because you thought of it 5 parts ago... doesn't mean HE's slow. He was distracted by other things in the film.
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Well…he did move his lips.
LEX: Ventriloquism.
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He’s like Sheldon, going to Penny’s instead of annoying Leonard.
LEONARD: Don't worry, Sheldon annoys me enough already.
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Clark’s a drunk. Let him sleep it off.
Nah. That would be too easy.
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Well…polka-dotted dress.
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LOIS: Sarcasm is lost on Clark. Period.
True.
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So, Cat doesn’t like dealing with the mess a drunk makes when the fluids return to the outside world via various bodily cavities, huh?
Do I even want to try to understand what you mean, because I'm already disgusted on my first read.
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Too much competition for least-discriminate sex on TV?
Just because Cat likes sex doesn't mean she wants to watch Lois having it.
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Like sleeping with her and then blaming a curse for her dead body the next morning?
CLARK: I forgot about the curse!
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He already said that there’s not bullet wound. She not awake at two in the morning or what? That’s got to be high-noon in Cat time.
If Lex has a bullet wound but Lois doesn't than Clark is right. It isn't Lois. But if neither of them do, then it could have just been an old tape.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
CLARK: Forget being Superman. THIS is the life! JIMMIES:
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He’s not the smartest one huh? LOIS: You just figuring that one out now? Also… Ooooh! Rachel!
Because men who are drunk are intelligent human beings?
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I don’t think that’s appropriate talk for this side of the boards. Let’s just say…French style?
She meant where IN THE WORLD, not where on Rachel.
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Lois won’t be happy that he’s getting hansy with a married woman who’s carrying his love child.
CLARK: Good thing my brain left with my abilities and I won't remember this. CAT: Superman touched my chest. /sigh/
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He should tell Lois like he told Cat!
Maybe he will.
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She’s not the smartest cookie, is she? Considering the probability of an Earthen name ending up on Krypton. CAT: What, he could spell it Rayj-El. She could be have been his first cousin or something.
Exactly. Rak-El, his first wife. /ducking/ ZARA:
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The gravitational challenge and the inebriation not giving it away?
nah, just stating the obvious.
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Actually, she left before they doled out shares of billionaire. Lois and Ellen got bit shares, though.
Ooooh. That's bad.
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Shouldn’t she be placing a bucket next to the couch?
Ooops. As I mentioned, I don't hang out with the inebriated much. How about I add it in the Archive version?
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Oooooh! And why does she think Clark tried to oogle a naked Lex? Also, good thing they both got shot on opposite sides of their bodies, huh? That way, during her lapdance, well… both sides…
Because he couldn't look away? Lois's was on her right arm, and I think Lex's was his left, so they should have been right next to each other... Plus, it wasn't as if Lex was shot further down. CLARK: Blind me. Blind me now.
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Huh. Wait. What? Huh? He…What? How…What? Dolt!
Again. You're looking for logic from a drunk man. His reasoning, if neither of them were shot, then it must have happened before Luthor shot her, i.e. the previous summer when they were dating.
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She could have boinked him in the living room during the first time and only taken him to her boudoir after she had told Clark that she hadn’t yet taken Lex to see her bedroom.
CAT: True. CLARK:
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Hey, Lois could have done Lex in the bunker down there. Then she wouldn’t have taken Lex into her bedroom because that would only have been a copy of said room.
CLARK:
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LEX: Once you go Lex, you never go back.
TONI TAYLOR: Mostly because of the VDs.
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Also, there might be a ‘to’ too many in there and an ‘or’ missing.
Fixed by changing last 'to' to a 'with'
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Oh look Cat is on the phone with her husband and Clark’s eavesdropping.
Eeeeeh. Wrong Answer. No phone. No super hearing. But Phil's right though. He just came back early because he missed Cat so much.
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So not up to flying colors yet?
Left it off page.
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LEX: I didn’t get to try that one with him.
CLARK: Phew.
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That’s why most teenagers study the effects of alcohol long before they have to first consider their own mortality.
No, Clark combined his first alcohol experience with Rachel. All the rest didn't effect him.
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UNIVERSE: There’s a book-keeping error here. Dammit, what happened? If I can’t figure that one out till the IRS audit, they’ll probably want to go over all the deaths of the past millennium
I guess "heaven" and "reincarnation" don't really go well together.
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So, considering that Lois’s probably have a higher mortality rate than Clarks, does that mean the Clark’s get multiple Loises in the afterlife?
It just explains why she's had more real-world experience than Clark (i.e. because of the reincarnation).
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He’s a naughty boy, isn’t he?
All good nightmares start out as good dreams.
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So, delusional, then?
Of course, he's half-drunk. Half-asleep.
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What will he say when he still thinks that and then sees Cat?
EEEK! Good thing I didn't think of that one. Nah, Phil's home now, nothing would happen.
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So, don’t drink? Also, she *liked* it. Why should she be screaming? He isn’t making much sense, is he? LEX: She thinks it’s like I have 8 appendages.
Yep. Don't drink.
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So, he’s going to now bring forth all the nasty stuff he’s bottled up in his system?
Maybe he does that on the walk home. CABBIE: Out!
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He’s her special friend? A gentleman calling?
PHIL: Wrong answer.
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Sounds like it’s suspicious. CAT: [I don't like horny men!] Anyway, on the plus side, Clark’s vulnerable and Phil’s used to lifting Xerox machines, so…
Phil's about to stab him with a screwdriver?
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CLARK: My buddies in highschool usually threw up all over the floor.
Clark didn't hang out with that crowd.
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Well…he did touch her…where he kissed Rachel.
PHIL: And where's that? CLARK: In the field. PHIL:
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CAT: /smacks Phil for not trusting her/
Good thing he didn't bring up this theory when she was home.
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CAT: My friend’s divorce attorney’s a guy.
Phil knows who the guy is and it isn't an attorney. HENDERSON: Now, that's just a low blow, Michael. What have I ever done to you?
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Well, she loves him like a brother. CANON LOIS: I do, too!
Nope, that's not what the note says.
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Well…she sounds like a Lois. Huh… Lois is apparently fornicating with the devil and Cat is trolling after Clark and carrying his love child… [ER: gets an idea]
WRONG CLARK meets the SWINGERS?
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LOIS: Funny, how stupid and blind Clark can be…
Or...
Originally Posted by Michael
Originally Posted by Wrong Clark
“You approve of her behavior?” Phil sputtered. “Do you even know… know… what lines she crossed to help you, yesterday?”
She…she…broke and entered? LOIS: So…?
Did you ever stop to think how Cat got the suit she gave to Clark?
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Like Cat getting kidnapped by Bill Church Jr.?
Well, there's an idea.
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Plus, the neighbors two floors down tell me their sex is really good, apparently.
The real reason Lois and Clark moved into the townhouse.
Originally Posted by Michael
Originally Posted by Wrong Clark
“But know I might not be up to speed for a while.”
He can still carry boxes, can’t he? CLARK: I never knew moving is that much effort.
He said "up to speed". He never said "up to strength". He can still carry stuff, just not quickly.
Thanks for the comments.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
Are those darn writers bogging you down with Betas, so you have no time to FDK? <makes like Lex>
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It also depends on the fiance and how she's wearing him.
CLARK: LOIS:
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AND Buffy constantly complained about swallowing vampire dust. SPIKE: <Thinks back to that one time with the Buffy-Bot> BUFFY: <makes sure Spike keeps mum about what she did with him while transparent>
XANDER:
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Yeah. She could have been hit by him.
CLARK: <doesn’t like the idea of Lex beating his wife>
MRS. COX: I’d marry him.
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HENDERSON: Sure, unless they break the law.
LOIS: Hello? Hooker.
Apparently, the nice reporter lady tries to impose her own sense of morality on the Metropolitan law makers. CAT:
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Quote: See! Also, how did Lex get her keys? Duh. He stole them.
Again, I don’t think that’s legal. I’m starting to get the feeling that piece of expressionist street art never cared much for the law.
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It wasn't announced on sports radio during the game.
He’d have had to jump from his box onto the field to make those news?
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LEX: I would given them a new home. NIGEL: /insert picture of Nigel dumping fish down the toilet/ I need a raise.
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Quote: She seems agitated… She's had a bad day.
RALPH: She must have lots of bad days. LOIS: Funny how they all start with Ralph.
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WOOLFE: <Me want donut!> I don't want to fill out *more* paperwork.
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LEX: /hurt the movers himself for misunderstanding his perfectly clear instruction/ The movers were supposed to show up at the time the wedding was over, so technically...
Also, I was suggesting he simply ‘talk’ to his wife. Medieval Lord husband style. He’d seem like the type…
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And wrapped up in Lois's silky undies?
To keep the evidence gremlins happy?
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Quote: So, she learned from Lois? No. She had a bat.
LOIS: What? A spatula is a perfectly valid weapon. The last time I used one, five grown men ended up in the hospital’s critical care unit.
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Quote: Great, earthquake and Superman’s falling-down drunk. I don't think he could be Superman and drunk at the same time, SM-III not withstanding.
:rotfloL: Then what would you call a 6’ tall dude dressed in blue spandex and drunk as a skunk?
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Quote: She could send him over to Lois’s. Maybe then they’d finally hook up. LOIS: With my luck he won’t be remembering that one either. And that would be bad, why?
/points at previous – what - 100 parts/
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Quote: Well…he’s definitely full of liquid courage. CAT: He’s full of something, all right. He didn't call Cat pretty in front of Lois.
So…no courage, then?
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He’s not the quickest one, is he? Well, just because you thought of it 5 parts ago... doesn't mean HE's slow. He was distracted by other things in the film.
LOIS: So, he likes watching naughty home movies?
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Do I even want to try to understand what you mean, because I'm already disgusted on my first read.
But you’ve been the one to splatter Lois in toxic waste!
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Quote: Like sleeping with her and then blaming a curse for her dead body the next morning? CLARK: I forgot about the curse!
Oops?
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If Lex has a bullet wound but Lois doesn't than Clark is right. It isn't Lois. But if neither of them do, then it could have just been an old tape.
Or a different Lex.
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Because men who are drunk are intelligent human beings?
He’s Krytponian! LOIS: That’s like being born with only half a brain, right?
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CLARK: Good thing my brain left with my abilities and I won't remember this. CAT: Superman touched my chest. /sigh/
So, will she be buying a t-shirt with that statement?
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Quote: He should tell Lois like he told Cat! Maybe he will.
LOIS:
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Exactly. Rak-El, his first wife. /ducking/ ZARA: <Not happy about the ex>
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Ooops. As I mentioned, I don't hang out with the inebriated much. How about I add it in the Archive version?
Also, you’d be surprised how much one learns from watching US television shows and movies.
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Again. You're looking for logic from a drunk man. His reasoning, if neither of them were shot, then it must have happened before Luthor shot her, i.e. the previous summer when they were dating.
My bad…
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CAT: True. CLARK: <doesn’t like it when someone points out new theories>
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CLARK: <is getting really antsy at the theories>
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Quote: LEX: Once you go Lex, you never go back. TONI TAYLOR: Mostly because of the VDs.
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I guess "heaven" and "reincarnation" don't really go well together.
No, that’s just double-entry accounting. The interdimensional travel and dying, that’s where the trouble starts.
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Maybe he does that on the walk home. CABBIE: Out!
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Phil's about to stab him with a screwdriver?
I was going to suggest that before going with the Xerox!
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Quote: CAT: My friend’s divorce attorney’s a guy. Phil knows who the guy is and it isn't an attorney. HENDERSON: Now, that's just a low blow, Michael. What have I ever done to you?
What? I didn’t know she only had one friend! CLARK:
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WRONG CLARK meets the SWINGERS?
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Did you ever stop to think how Cat got the suit she gave to Clark?
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Quote: Like Cat getting kidnapped by Bill Church Jr.? Well, there's an idea.
Oops?
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Thanks for the comments.
You’re welcome!
Michael
Join us on the #loisclark Discord server! We talk about fanfic, our favorite show, life, and more! (It’s almost like the IRC days of old again!)
AND Buffy constantly complained about swallowing vampire dust. SPIKE: <Thinks back to that one time with the Buffy-Bot> BUFFY: <makes sure Spike keeps mum about what she did with him while transparent> XANDER: /confused/
That was a fun season.
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HENDERSON: Sure, unless they break the law. LOIS: Hello? Hooker. ER: Apparently, the nice reporter lady tries to impose her own sense of morality on the Metropolitan law makers. CAT:
LOIS: Hello. Hooking is against the law. Why isn't anyone backing me up here? CLARK: I agree, Lois. Prostitution should be against the law. LOIS: It *is* against the law! CLARK: It is? Even here in Metropolis? Wow, that's new. LOIS: It's always been illegal. CLARK: Always? Huh. Interesting. Concubines, too? LOIS: CLARK: I'm going to take that as a 'yes'. Wow. I did not know that.
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Again, I don’t think that’s legal. I’m starting to get the feeling that piece of expressionist street art never cared much for the law.
LOIS: Ya think?
Originally Posted by Michael
Originally Posted by EW
It wasn't announced on sports radio during the game.
He’d have had to jump from his box onto the field to make those news?
Only if it interrupted the game.
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ER: She seems agitated… EW: She's had a bad day. RALPH: She must have lots of bad days. LOIS: Funny how they all start with Ralph.
Again, she's not pregnant.
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ER: Learned from Lois? EW: No. She had a bat. LOIS: What? A spatula is a perfectly valid weapon. The last time I used one, five grown men ended up in the hospital’s critical care unit.
Only because Lois was cooking.
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Then what would you call a 6’ tall dude dressed in blue spandex and drunk as a skunk?
Captain America? /ducking/ LOIS: Hey, Superman! CAT: I was going to... Right, married. Hey, Phil, how about you... PHIL: No.
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ER: She could send him over to Lois’s. Maybe then they’d finally hook up. LOIS: With my luck he won’t be remembering that one either. EW: And that would be bad, why? ER: /points at previous – what - 100 parts/
The last 100 parts have been bad?! . . .
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ER: Well…he’s definitely full of liquid courage. CAT: He’s full of something, all right. EW: He didn't call Cat pretty in front of Lois. ER: So…no courage, then?
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ER: He’s not the quickest one, is he? EW: Well, just because you thought of it 5 parts ago... doesn't mean HE's slow. He was distracted by other things in the film. CLARK: /blushes/ LOIS: So, he likes watching naughty home movies?
CLARK: Only if you're in them, Minha! LOIS: CLARK: That didn't come out right.
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EW: If Lex has a bullet wound but Lois doesn't than Clark is right. It isn't Lois. But if neither of them do, then it could have just been an old tape. ER: Or a different Lex.
CLARK: That would be impossible unless he had an inter-dimensional time machine. LOIS: A what? CLARK: Um.... nothing?
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EW: Because men who are drunk are intelligent human beings? ER: He’s Krytponian! LOIS: That’s like being born with only half a brain, right?
But without his powers he's essentially human, ergo, he acts as intelligent as a human male when drunk.
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CLARK: Good thing my brain left with my abilities and I won't remember this. CAT: Superman touched my chest. /sigh/ ER: So, will she be buying a t-shirt with that statement?
CAT: /considers it/ It could be a nice side business...
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Also, you’d be surprised how much one learns from watching US television shows and movies.
It was how I faked my first sex scene back in the day... in a story. I meant writing it. Realized that my first draft of that statement could be taken in more than one way.
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EW: I guess "heaven" and "reincarnation" don't really go well together. EW: No, that’s just double-entry accounting. The interdimensional travel and dying, that’s where the trouble starts.
Science?
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EW: Phil's about to stab him with a screwdriver? ER: I was going to suggest that before going with the Xerox!
PHIL: I *fix* Xerox machines. Not *lift* them!
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
CLARK: It is? Even here in Metropolis? Wow, that's new.
Alt-World is much more European, huh? Except for the lax gun control, that is. So, maybe Mexican? Honestly no idea but you read a lot about drug cartels in Mexico, so…
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CLARK: Always? Huh. Interesting. Concubines, too? LOIS: <beside herself because she just realized that she cannot legally become Kal-El’s concubine> CLARK: I'm going to take that as a 'yes'. Wow. I did not know that.
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Only if it interrupted the game.
That was implied.
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Quote: ER: She seems agitated… EW: She's had a bad day. RALPH: She must have lots of bad days. LOIS: Funny how they all start with Ralph. Again, she's not pregnant.
I never…Oh…because of the ‘Ralph’? Now, who’s over-pregnatizing here
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Only because Lois was cooking.
Again. Implied.
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Captain America? /ducking/
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The last 100 parts have been bad?!
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CLARK: Only if you're in them, Minha! LOIS: <has now been upgraded to porn star instead of a hooker> CLARK: That didn't come out right.
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LOIS: That’s like being born with only half a brain, right? But without his powers he's essentially human, ergo, he acts as intelligent as a human male when drunk.
He gets smarter when drunk?
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It was how I faked my first sex scene back in the day... in a story. I meant writing it. Realized that my first draft of that statement could be taken in more than one way.
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The interdimensional travel and dying, that’s where the trouble starts. Science?
PETER: If I ever catch Prometheus, I’ll so tan his hide!
Michael
Join us on the #loisclark Discord server! We talk about fanfic, our favorite show, life, and more! (It’s almost like the IRC days of old again!)
Alt-World is much more European, huh? Except for the lax gun control, that is. So, maybe Mexican? Honestly no idea but you read a lot about drug cartels in Mexico, so…
Just joking. Prostitution is still illegal in alt-Metropolis.
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ER: I never…Oh…because of the ‘Ralph’? Now, who’s over-pregnatizing here
Um... so that joke has run it's course? Twist time! No, not really. Just joking.
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EW: The last 100 parts have been bad?! ER: /So horribly bad that I've laughed myself silly/
Oh, dear. Maybe I should make the next section more serious, angsty, and dramatic. Or the opposite. One of the two.
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He gets smarter when drunk? /huh/
CLARK: CAT: /when drunk he comes on to me/ Yes! LOIS: Plead the Fifth. CLARK: I plead the... Now, wait a minute, Lois. LOIS:
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
Just joking. Prostitution is still illegal in alt-Metropolis.
TEMPUS: /makes note/ Will need to do something about that now that the gun-thing is under control.
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EW: <plays innocent> Um... so that joke has run it's course? Twist time! <shows her true colors> No, not really. Just joking.
What does a blue line and a purple line mean on the stick? SAM: That the little one’s half-Kryptonian. The new pregnancy test is all the rage now with Superman flying around.
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Oh, dear. Maybe I should make the next section more serious, angsty, and dramatic. wink Or the opposite. One of the two.
You can do angsty and serious?
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CLARK: I plead the... Now, wait a minute, Lois. LOIS: <considers getting herself an ‘I’m-with-stupid’ shirt>
Michael
Join us on the #loisclark Discord server! We talk about fanfic, our favorite show, life, and more! (It’s almost like the IRC days of old again!)
EW: Just joking. Prostitution is still illegal in alt-Metropolis. TEMPUS: /makes note/ Will need to do something about that now that the gun-thing is under control.
CLARK: Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't have left my hometown just yet.
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EW: <plays innocent> Um... so that joke has run it's course? Twist time! <shows her true colors> No, not really. Just joking. ER: What does a blue line and a purple line mean on the stick? SAM: That the little one’s half-Kryptonian. The new pregnancy test is all the rage now with Superman flying around.
Put out by Lex Labs and carried at every Cost Mart store I gather.
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EW: Oh, dear. Maybe I should make the next section more serious, angsty, and dramatic. wink Or the opposite. One of the two. ER: You can do angsty and serious?
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
Originally Posted By: Darth Michael EW: Just joking. Prostitution is still illegal in alt-Metropolis. TEMPUS: /makes note/ Will need to do something about that now that the gun-thing is under control. CLARK: Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't have left my hometown just yet.
He hoping he’ll get a special super-discount from the local working girls once mayor Tempus institutes the new laws? TEMPUS: If the Kryptonian is busy with his concubines, he leaves my work alone.
EW: Just joking. Prostitution is still illegal in alt-Metropolis. TEMPUS: /makes note/ Will need to do something about that now that the gun-thing is under control. CLARK: Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't have left my hometown just yet.
He hoping he’ll get a special super-discount from the local working girls once mayor Tempus institutes the new laws? TEMPUS: If the Kryptonian is busy with his concubines, he leaves my work alone.
Um... Tempus isn't the mayor of Alt-Metropolis. Perry is. Now, if Tempus had made prostitution legal as one of his campaign pledges, I'm betting there'd be heavy voter turn-out.
Is it bad if I only remember lots of fun times and lunkhead Clark?
You must be remembering our fun times on the FDK threads.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
A visit from the lurker pool! 
![[Linked Image]](http://www.runemasterstudios.com/graemlins/images/devil-naughty.gif)
I wander what it was like on the battlefield of ye olden days. Or how they do it with the poor chaps who have vampires explode all over them. I guess Buffy got lucky that her vampires dustified instead of splattered, huh?
See! Also, how did Lex get her keys?
![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/boese/k085.gif)
![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/boese/a075.gif)
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What the!![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/midi/verschiedene/c050.gif)
He’s like Sheldon, going to Penny’s instead of annoying Leonard.![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/froehlich/a065.gif)
Also, there might be a ‘to’ too many in there and an ‘or’ missing.
I didn’t get to try that one with him.
That’s why most teenagers study the effects of alcohol long before they have to first consider their own mortality. ![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/liebe/n035.gif)
![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/liebe/d020.gif)
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It also depends on the fiance and how she's wearing him.
I was serious.![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/boese/n030.gif)
![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/midi/konfus/a045.gif)
![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/midi/froehlich/d025.gif)
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Ventriloquism.![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/midi/frech/c041.gif)
True.![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/konfus/n065.gif)
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Hey, Phil, how about you...
![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/frech/e025.gif)
![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/smilie/konfus/s040.gif)
A what?
![[Linked Image]](http://cosgan.de/images/midi/frech/e045.gif)
Plead the Fifth.