Pheromone, My Lovely - Matchmaker Style
Rated PG-13
As always comments are welcome. (ken.janney@kjanney.com)
* * denotes emphasis
< > denotes thoughts
As always comments are welcome. (ken.janney@kjanney.com)
Pheromone, My Lovely - Matchmaker Style 12/12
Previously
Feeling that he needed to reestablish his ascendancy he looked around at all of the coffee drinking, donut eating staffers and said, “What is this, the Betty Crocker bake off? Let's get started. Lois, thanks for the fruit fly re-write. Now, you and Clark are working on that pheromone thing, right?”
Jimmy was moving to a seat when he heard the elevator arrive. He looked up to see April exit and head for Cat’s desk. Sighing to himself and feeling like a condemned man headed to his doom, he stood back up and moved toward the door.
Perry stopped him and asked, “Where in Sam Hill do you think you’re going?”
Jimmy shrugged and inclining his head in April’s direction said, “I gotta go, Chief. I gotta talk to her.”
Perry was irate, but Jimmy completely ignored him when he said, “Not on my time you don’t.”
As Jimmy exited, Perry exploded, “Jimmy! Blast that kid.”
The marriage to Clark was still new and Lois still resented all of those times that Cat had tried to hit on Clark. He had reassured her over and over that nothing had happened between them, but Lois could still be a little catty where it came to Catherine Grant. Trying to mask it as research for the article they were working on she turned to her favorite adversary and asked, “How much of that stuff did you get sprayed with? You became pretty insatiable, even for, well, *you*.
Cat’s expression was one of total mystification as she replied, “I don't know what you're talking about. I
never got sprayed.” She looked around to see if she could achieve enlightenment, but getting none, said, “But, I know a good excuse when I hear one.”
Perry wanted to start the meeting, but just couldn’t help launching into an Elvis anecdote, “You know, this whole experience reminds me when Elvis first laid eyes on Priscilla. She was only a girl, but” seeing Jimmy out of the corner of his eye he was distracted and said, “Whoa Nellie...”
Jimmy was approaching April, rather diffidently. As he approached, he said, “April, I wanted to explain …”
April retorted, “No explanation necessary. I meet creeps like you every day.”
Jimmy interrupted her with a gesture and said, “But that's the point. I'm not a creep. I'm Jimmy Olsen, would-be famous photojournalist. All around nice guy. All around ... nobody. I'm sorry I came on to you like that. I wasn't ... myself.”
Jimmy was taken aback by her response as she started to smile at him. She said, “You know, it’s too bad.”
“What?”
April stood and approached Jimmy as she said, “Well, for a nobody, you’re kinda cute.”
The staff meeting had been interrupted by what was happening and the staff had poured out of the conference room to watch. April saw them over Jimmy’s shoulder. Making up her mind, she grabbed the front of Jimmy’s shirt with both hands and pulled him toward herself. She planted her lips on his in a slow sensual kiss, lingering just a bit to make sure that the crowd would see. When she released him, Jimmy was in an altered state of consciousness and just stood there with a dreamy expression on his face. April looked over at Cat and said, “Later,” picked up her bag and headed for the elevator.
When Jimmy finally came to he had a dumbfounded grin on his face and when he turned the staff erupted into applause and cheers.
They all returned to the interrupted meeting with Perry clapping Jimmy on the back as he passed him.
And Now:
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Chapter 11
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Lex, after conferring with Nigel about the Lois Lane situation, had passed out in his easy chair. The combination of the alcohol, the perfume and the shock of learning that Lois was married, to of all people, Kent, had been too much. He awoke when Nigel approached. “Good morning, sir. We thought it best not to wake you when you dozed off.” Nigel indicated a large basin and pitcher of water for Luthor to use to freshen up.
Surprised, Luthor queried, “I slept here all night?”
“Yes, sir. Was I wrong to …”
“No. That’s quite all right.”
“I must admit, I’m a little foggy about last night. Something about … Lois.”
Getting up and approaching the bowl, Luthor held out his hands while Nigel poured out the water. After splashing some water on his face, he realized that his right cheek stung, rather fiercely. He probed it with his fingers and felt the gash. A dim memory of the altercation came back to him and he waited for Nigel to hand him a towel.
As he splashed more water on his face a memory returned. He vaguely remembered hearing an atomizer behind him when Miranda had been there. Then her cryptic words, “All of Metropolis will know the pain of love.
Suddenly her intent crystallized in his mind and he knew what he had to do. “Send for my valet. I need to dress and leave immediately.”
“To the boardroom, Sir?”
“No. To the Daily Planet. I have to find him.”
Nigel was in a quandary, “Who?”
Luthor almost spat the name, “Superman.” Luthor left in haste.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A short time later, the staff meeting was over and Lois and Clark were at their desks. Clark said, “I think I should go with you.”
“No, I’ll be okay. It would probably spook her if you were there with me. What can she do to me? I have my brown belt remember?”
“I still don’t like it. I could hover out of sight.”
“I’ll be okay. We are expecting more from Doctor Ferguson on that analysis. You should be here when that comes in.” She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss, “Besides, if I need you all I have to do is shout.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
A short time later, Lois pulled the Jeep to a halt outside a hanger on the back side of the airport, in the civil aviation section.
On the apron, outside the hanger a bi-wing crop duster sat waiting. Scattered around were barrels labeled ‘Malathion’ evidence that this aircraft was to be used for the fruit fly spray which had been scheduled.
Turning off the engine, Lois exited her vehicle and started looking for Miranda. Raising her voice, she called, “Miranda? I’m here!”
Miranda suddenly appeared out of the shadows. It was almost as if she had materialized from thin air because she was wearing a black jumpsuit, leather jacket and helmet complete with goggles. The only things breaking the color scheme were her slightly flushed complexion, her blond hair and the white aviator’s scarf that hung around her neck. She looked like a female Baron von Richthofen.
Miranda smiled an enigmatic smile and said, “Lois. Good of you to come. I have everything all ready for you.”
Lois was mystified, “Ready?”
Miranda replied in a matter-of-fact tone, “Yes. Of course, it was rather difficult, replacing the ‘Malathion’ with my formula.”
Still mystified, Lois said, “I don’t understand.”
Miranda was starting to drop the veneer of civility as she replied, “No, dear, you don't. But soon you will. Then, you'll die slowly, painfully.” Miranda glanced to the side and drew Lois’s eyes in that direction. As Lois looked away, Miranda sprayed her with a concoction in an atomizer and said, “Love hurts.”
Miranda drawing Lois’s attention to the workmen had been a ploy to distract her so that she could use her spray. When Lois looked to the side she saw several workmen and a pilot lying unconscious on the ground. She turned back to Miranda, who had taken out a different atomizer from her pocket and sprayed Lois, who started to cough.
Choking, Lois asked, “Why me?”
Lois felt weak, too weak to even shout for Clark and fell to the floor. As Lois was losing consciousness, Miranda knelt next to her and said, “Just jealous, I guess. If I can't have Lex, nobody can.”
Lois didn’t have enough consciousness left to tell Miranda that she didn’t want Lex. It would probably have been irrelevant anyhow. Miranda had seen that Lex wanted Lois and that was enough.
Miranda used a handy rope to tie Lois’ hands together at the wrists. As she was tying Lois’s hands she spotted her wedding ring. Miranda thought, <Now he’s going after married women. Cad.> Then she grabbed a control for a chain hoist used in removing engines from aircraft when maintenance was being performed. She lowered the hook and slipped it through the ropes which bound Lois. Miranda, pressing the up button caused the hoist to lift Lois into the air. Next she dollied the hoist over a large vat of toxic chemicals. She set the control for a slow descent and dropped the control. As she did she sprinted for the crop duster. Starting the engine she taxied away from the apron and radioed the tower for take-off permission citing the Malathion spray and requesting priority.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Luthor hastened into the Daily Planet building as soon as the door of the limo was opened. He fretted at the speed of the antiquated elevator, worried that he would not be in time. After an interminable time the doors finally opened and he flung himself out. He was looking for Lois because he knew that she was the one closest to the superhero. He scanned the bullpen to no avail. He decided that the best he could do was leave her a note. He descended the ramp and headed for her desk.
As Luthor approached, Clark intercepted him.
In a challenging tone, Luthor asked, “Where’s Lois?”
Clark noted the bandage on Luthor’s cheek and smiled at Lois’s handiwork. “It’s not really any of your business, Luthor.”
Luthor’s tone changed. He still didn’t remember everything from the previous night with any clarity. “I wanted to apologize for my behavior last night.”
Clark’s curiosity was piqued, “What behavior was that?”
Agitated, Luthor continued, “That’s not important now. The important thing is … Miranda.”
“Ah, you
do know her.”
“Yes. She was working under my auspices. Last night she sprayed me with her pheromone compound to make me fall in love with her, but it backfired. It didn’t take effect right away and somehow when Lois came in ...”
Lois hadn’t given Clark any detail, shrugging it off as nothing of any consequence. Clark was anxious to hear Luthor’s side of it. “What exactly went on last night?”
Luthor was becoming desperate, “Again, that's
not important. The important thing is we have to get to Superman.”
Hearing this, Clark became very anxious. In order for Luthor to ask for Superman it had to be something really serious. Incredulously, Clark blurted out, “Superman?”
“Yes. He's the only one who can stop her. The entire city is in danger. Yesterday Miranda made a threat. I believe she's planning on releasing her 'Revenge' all over Metropolis. Can you imagine ... an entire city in love?”
Clark was somewhat nonchalant as he replied, “At least it wears off in forty-eight hours.”
Luthor restrained himself from grabbing Kent’s lapels and shaking him as he said, “Not if she uses the 100% percent solution. That's permanent.”
Having seen first-hand the results of this potion even in its weakened form, Clark was appalled at the possible consequences of what could be happening. “Emotions run wild. Love turns to despair, depression, hatred ...”
Luthor added, “Sodom and Gomorrah, a city without restraint.”
Clark finished for him, “Without morality.” He thought for a second and said, “I'll fax the police, give them Miranda's description, then get to Superman ... somehow.”
Luthor continued to stand there as Clark ran off to another section of the newsroom and out of sight.
While he stood there, not knowing what else to do, Jimmy came by and pointing at his watch said, “Almost four. Make sure to get those pets inside.”
In a distracted way, Lex said, “What?”
Jimmy replied, “The fruit fly spraying. Starts at four. It'll be all over the city.”
Luthor nodded in acknowledgement and then suddenly he knew. He was sure that he knew what Miranda had planned. Turning he raced for the elevator.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Superman was over the city desperately searching for Miranda. He was apprehensive because Lois was supposed to be meeting her. In his anxiety he had forgotten the note, but finally he remembered the airport and headed in that direction.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Lois slowly came back to consciousness and found herself hanging by her wrists. She was still somewhat disoriented and looked around. She perceived that she was slowly dropping down and looking down saw that her feet were nearing the surface of what looked like a brown liquid in a large vat. There was a sign on the wall which read "Bye Lois. Have a nice,
slow death. Love, Miranda.” There were noxious vapors emanating from the surface looking for all the world like steam. All she could think to do was scream,
SUPERMAN!!!!!!!Clark had been nearing the airport when he heard Lois’ scream. He put on a burst of speed and followed her voice.
Clark surveyed the situation as he landed. Stepping over to the vat he pushed it out from under Lois then he floated up until he could hold her. He lifted her up, taking the strain off of her arms. Using one hand he unhooked the hoist and then floated them back to the floor. Her arms, still bound at the wrists automatically found their way around his neck. After landing he brought her hands down and snapped the rope, freeing her hands which immediately went back around his neck. Superman asked, “Are you all right?”
“I am now, but … the plane! She’s going to spray the city!”
Just then, Lex pulled up in his limo with a police escort ahead and behind.
Nodding to Lois, Superman leaped into the air. Lois moved out of the hanger, she had her hand up, shading her eyes from the sun’s glare as she joined Lex and the police as they looked skyward.
As chases go, this one was a disappointment. The crop-duster had a maximum speed of around a hundred miles an hour while Superman can travel at many times the speed of sound. Within seconds Superman was beside the plane and grabbing the wing so that he could guide it back to the runway. He was being careful because of the fragile nature of the aircraft.
Miranda felt the controls twitch as he grabbed the plane and looked to her right. When she saw Superman her face contorted in anger and she reached for the spray release lever and yanked it open.
Seeing the plume of spray start to come out of the spray nozzles, Superman reacted by bending each one, crimping it so that it was blocked. He then dropped back to the area that the plane had already covered and inhaled, swallowing the vapor that had already been released.
Miranda’s anger at being foiled in her plan was evident as she yanked at the controls trying to get away from Superman.
In order to make Miranda more amenable to direction, Superman blew a brief burst of the vapor he had inhaled in Miranda’s face. As soon as he did this, her countenance changed, drastically. Yanking off her goggles, she asked, “Superman, where are you going?” in a dreamy tone.
Superman replied, “Why don’t you follow me?”
She sighed and said, “Anywhere.”
Superman led her back to the runway and true to her word, she followed him. She taxied her plane all the way to the apron in front of the hanger where the police were waiting for her.
What Clark hadn’t counted on was the fact that some of the ‘Revenge’ cloud that he had inhaled had gotten on his Suit. Lois and Luthor were both standing down-wind of him when he landed and the material was carried in their direction. They had both been sensitized by the previous exposures.
Lois rushed over to him and when she was near, she said, “Superman... it's lucky that stuff doesn't have any effect on you ... or does it?” She snaked her arms up around his neck.
Clark could see the same expression in her eyes and face that he had seen when she was under the influence of the spray and realized that he had it on his Suit. Seeing how his cape was flapping he realized that she had been downwind of him, therefore she must have received another dose of the stuff and now she was even closer. He also realized that she couldn’t distinguish between Clark and Superman when under the influence of the spray so he took her hands in his and said, “Lois, I know that we are friends, but you
are married now to another friend of mine, Clark Kent. Tell you what, I’ll find Clark and bring him to you.”
She was looking at him with a dreamy expression and he was afraid that she would say something to give him away. He had to get out of there so that Clark could show up.
Luthor was standing there, watching. He couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Superman was holding the woman he loved and there was nothing he could do about it. He muttered, “Oh, no. Lois, don’t …”
Lois was now firmly under the influence of the spray and said, “Oh, Superman. Must you go? I love you.”
Luthor looked on, thoroughly disgusted.
Speaking more to himself than anyone nearby, Luthor said, “I may throw up.”
As the police were leading her away, Miranda called out, “Don't let them take me! I love you, Superman. No, wait, I love
you Lex. Will you wait for me?”
Luthor actually looked like he was considering her request for a second, before he said, “No.”
As the police were putting Miranda into a squad car, Luthor addressed Superman, “Will Miranda be permanently …?”
Turning to Luthor, Superman said, “No, I diluted it. It’ll wear off … soon. Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have things to do. Lois, I will get Clark and he will be here shortly.”
As the police drove off Superman took to the air.
Seeing a clear field, Luthor moved over to Lois. “Lois, my love. Come away with me. I’ll take you anywhere you want. We can start in Reno so that you can get a divorce from Kent.”
Just then, Clark came running up rounding the corner of the hanger.
Spotting him, Luthor thrust Lois behind him and reaching into his jacket pulled out a wicked looking chrome-plated automatic. He shouted, “Kent, you are in my way!”
As he drew a bead on Clark’s chest, Lois raised her hands above her head and lacing her fingers together brought her combined fists down on Luthor’s forearm.
Luthor howled in pain and dropped the weapon. Clark closed with him and delivered an uppercut which put him out.
A squad car pulled up just then. It was part of the forensics team and they were coming to collect evidence. They caught the tail end of the action. Jumping out of their car they were about to arrest Clark for assault, when Lois stopped them. She pointed out Luthor’s gun and said, “Luthor threatened Clark. Clark was acting in self-defense.”
Clark added, “I’m sure the tapes from the security cameras will back up my story.” He pointed out the camera mounted high on the front of the hanger. “Please tell Bill Henderson that I will be pressing charges of Assault, Assault With Intent to Kill and Assault With a Deadly Weapon. I’ll be in to sign the papers as soon as I see my wife safely home.
They put cuffs on Luthor, to Clark’s unparalleled delight and called for another car.
Lois was hanging on Clark’s arm and nipping at his earlobe as he led her back to the Jeep. They got in and Clark drove away.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
When they got back to the apartment, Clark called the Planet. “Perry White,” came the gruff voice of the editor over the phone.
“Chief, it’s Lois and Clark. We have the story on the spray. I’ll be typing it up and sending it to you shortly. I think Lois and I need to take some time off.”
Suspiciously, Perry asked, “What’s going on?”
“Well, Chief, you see it’s this way. Miranda was going to spray the entire city.”
Thinking about how he had personally been affected by the spray, Perry said in a musing tone, “Incredible. Love without boundaries, without insecurities or hang-ups or reasoning. You could be swept off your feet by just about... anybody. Why would she be planning to do that?”
“I think it is reflected in the name she gave her potion … ‘Revenge’. Apparently she knew Luthor, perhaps intimately and he had now rejected her. She wanted to get back at him and was willing to take revenge on the entire city to get him.”
“Wow, what a twisted mind.”
“You know what they say, Chief.”
“Right, Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”
“Now that you mention it, I don’t want to suffer Lois’ wrath. Lois has been exposed to that spray again. I think I need to get her away until it wears off. It should only be a few days, but I’ve been thinking, maybe it’s time we took our honeymoon.”
“Well, if that’s all it is. Once you file the story take a week.”
“Oh, and Chief, Luthor’s in jail.”
“What?!?!?!? What for?”
“He pulled a gun on me. I’m leaving now to go fill out the complaint. I want him in jail. He acted under the influence of Miranda’s spray so his lawyers will be able to get him off with a slap on the wrist, but I think he’ll be in jail overnight at least.”
“What is it with you and people pulling guns on you?”
Chuckling Clark said, “I don’t know, but it looks like a trend. It was Lois that disarmed him. I think I need her to start teaching me some karate.”
He could hear the smile in Perry’s voice as he said, “That’s my girl. Sure sounds like you need her watching your back. This makes two times.”
Clark smiled, thinking about all of the times that Lois had saved him and not just from gunmen. She had save him when he had thought about quitting being Superman when she had pointed out that whatever he could do had to be enough and he should stop beating himself up over the fact that he couldn’t save everyone every time. “Yeah, Chief. That makes two, but who’s counting. Bye, Chief. See you in a week.”
“Bye, Clark. Take care of our girl.”
“I will, Chief. I will.”
Clark turned to Lois and said, “Honey, why don’t you pack for our trip. I have to go see Bill Henderson. As soon as I’m back we’ll leave.”
Lois put her arms around his neck and kissed him. “Hurry back, I miss you already.”
“I’ll get back just a quickly as I can.”
He turned her in the direction of the bedroom and said, “Just concentrate on packing and you won’t miss me so much. Just think about our trip.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Clark landed in a alley near the Twelfth Precinct and spun into his Clark clothes. He walked into the precinct and saw Bill Henderson talking with the desk sergeant. Walking up he said, “Hi, Bill.”
Bill looked at him and glared. “Do you realize what you’ve done to me? Luthor is threatening legal action for false imprisonment and false arrest. He also said something about charging
you with assault.”
With a mollifying gesture, Clark said, “Pull the security tape. That will prove what happened. It was just as we described it to the police at the scene. Please, Bill, do this as a favor to me. His lawyers wil be able to get him off because he was under the influence of Miranda’s spray, but they won’t be able to mount that defense immediately. In the mean time, I want him in jail.” Clark looked around and seeing others nearby pulled Bill away to a more secluded area. “Confidentially, I think there’s more to Lex Luthor than billionaire philanthropist. I think he’s a very crafty crook.”
In his usual sardonic tone, Bill replied, “I really don’t see how anyone in big business can avoid participating in at least some criminal activity.”
“I intend to investigate Luthor and expose him for what he truly is. A couple of days in jail will give him a taste of what’s in his future.”
“You’re serious about those charges?”
“Very. If Lois hadn’t been there, he would have shot me.”
“Okay, it’s your funeral.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
After signing the complaints, Clark left and minutes later joined Lois in the apartment. He picked up the phone and called Smallville. When his mother answered he said, “Hi, Mom. Got room at the table for a couple of guests for a day or two?”
“Clark, honey, you know that you and Lois are always welcome. We’re having pot roast for dinner. I’ll set two extra places.”
As he hung up, Clark was thinking, <Maybe we could take a day or two and enjoy the luxury of the honeymoon suite at the Lexor. Perhaps after the spray has worn off we can come back and check in there.>
The End
comments go here Next up – Honeymoon in Metropolis – Matchmaker Style
