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What a Gentleman Desires TOC

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this hair-twisting story.

There are no epilogues or sequels anticipated for this story.

Comments welcome.


This piece was originally entitled "What a Gentleman Wants". I wanted to name it "What Gentlemen Prefer" but I thought it might be too close to the Marilyn Monroe film "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" and give away the twist ending. Darth Michael also suggested "Blondes Preferring Gentlemen" but I thought that might also draw too much attention towards the twist. At the last minute, I changed the title to what is now. I hope it works. If you can think of a better one, please let me know. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Oh, that’s funny. Clark deliberately tried to tick Mayson off so he wouldn’t have to dump her.
CLARK: At least I didn’t jump dimensions to get away from her.

CLARK:
So, simply telling her that he’s not interested in tacky blondes wouldn’t have been an option?



Metropolis is quite the small world, isn’t it?

Maybe if he tried a fireman uniform which he’d then start to remove to rhythmic music?
LOIS: Maybe try a blue suit and a cape instead?

So, he wants to suggest that they take out the bongo drums like he did with Cat?

/scratches head/

He just said… And considering, maybe the bleach has gotten her brains.

Cold feet? Also…so he can meet and dance with Mayson?
CLARK: Oh you! Mayson wouldn’t let me dance with her considering how I implied she was a dirty girl.
MAYSON: But I am a dirty girl. And I need to be punished. You should take me out into the woods and lock me up in that nice cabin I have out there.

/scratches head/

Not one that shows as much skin as this one did. Even before she tore it.

Did he say the same thing to Lana after she tried on her prom dress and then managed to stumble into the path of a fertilizer truck spraying the fields?

/Fails Lois in Communications-101/

Wasn’t he the one who tried on, what, twenty suits before meeting Lois for the shuttle launch? And doesn’t he always get his briefs in a twist when a sudden gust of rains ruins his hair by painting it to his head?


Maybe if he told her that he doesn’t mind how she looked?

ANOTHER LOIS: At least he only tries to rescue me when I’m working on some building’s façade.

That’s why they need a safe word. Like…octopus.
LOIS: No, I don’t want to eat sushi tonight. The octopus from last time really didn’t sit well with me.

But…but…what’s the worst that could happen? The dress might be hanging around her waist and she isn’t wearing a lot underneath. Still better than reading about the police finding her dead body the next day in the Metropolis Star.




But if a Lois Lane prances around naked with a Superman in town, wouldn’t that be just begging for trouble?

So…he knows someone who’s pretty good and could take the garment there in minutes, flat?



Poor doe.

So, the dress turned back into a robe after she ripped it?



Nothing helps her ego like a suggestive remark?

Dressed in a schlumpy robe? What if she stripped out of it?

She’s quite scared. What’s up with her?

Well…he *is* an investigative reporter. It would be investigating.



See? Of course, that might just be her projecting…



So, she’s not going to fix her dress, then?



Huh?

Giving up her rescue opportunity for a boyfriend?

She has the hots for Superman, but the thought of a relationship with Clark makes her want to take for the hills?




LOIS: What! I do hate it, okay?



The night when she and Lex tried to go to the opera. The morning when she and Lex tried to get married.

LOIS: Does he have *any* idea how long it takes each morning to achieve that look?

JIMMY: You guys? Lois, are you in there? I can hear you breathing. Are you exercising? Was that Clark I just heard?



He was the quarterback, so…

That’s because she didn’t actually admit to it.
LOIS: What is Clark implying there?

I don’t think he was very respectful of Lex. And he dumped his partner into a garbage bin.

Awww…she’s confronting him.






Maybe Clark preferred natural blondes?


CLARK:

Oops?




She could also be the ‘something new’ at their wedding. Let’s add a bride’s maid dressed in blue, Cat’s older than Lois and Clark by quite a bit, so we have the something old, and maybe he could borrow one of Jimmy’s girlfriends?







Awwwww

And now Tank’s going to be very happy and Lois will be bald?
Resurrected LEX:







What an adorable ending to a funny story And great fun to BR, too!

Michael

Part 3 - fantastic

Yay. Everything is right ... and you skipped a load of scenes from the episode that are nothing at all to do with the WAFFYness needed for this story. Yay.

Oooooo, I love a man in a tuxedo. Especially a 'super'man.

Squealed! Is that in delight, or in horror. Does she not want to see him?

Oh dear. That's not good. And with how long it takes a women to accessorize everything to match her dress ... if the dress needs to change ... then everything needs to change, and it will take another 2 hours to be ready.

Aww. Clark is so lovely.

Eeek. Dilemma ... what if she needs help, what if she's naked? Should he look, shouldn't he look?

I would have though that he'd be plenty good at repairing his clothes, having lived for years on his own and wandering round the world. Then again ... he probably just popped back to Kansas whenever there was a hole in his socks that needed dealing with!

Awwwww.

He heard!!!! Yay.

Still trying to show that he's a gentleman, and would never have impure thoughts about his partner! *sigh* she wants you to have impure thoughts, Clark.

What's she up to? What doesn't she want him to see?





Hmmmm.. so lovely.

Yup. The only thing that can fluster the Man of Steel ... is the intrepid reporter Lois Lane.

Inter Cost Mart. I like that. I think we should rename it InterCostMart ...

Absolutely.

Ta da! The punch line.

Huh! When did she tell him to kiss Mayson Drake? I don't think I would have approved of that.

Oh yes. I remember her saying that. I knew Clark had misinterpreted it.

Really? A wig?

She told him. Yay!

*slithers to the floor in a puddle of goo*

Oh my! Oh dear. It can't look good.

LOL. Lovely, teasing, caring Clark.

Woo hoo! Loved it. So glad you wrote this from my idea. I'd had it in my ideas pile for over a year ... based on the phrase Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, and that many fics had pointed out that Lois notices Clark's tendency to attract blondes. What if she thought HE was attracted to blondes and the only way she'd get him to notice her ...

and there you have it.

Thanks for writing this for me Virgina. *hugs*

Awwww

What a great part, what a great story!

Loved the ending, and did not see anything 'blonde' coming up till it happened in the story--and even then, was surprised again when the wig came off and she had a hair dilemma underneath ...

Personally, I really like the title as is. I think it fits perfectly.

Wonderful WAFF, great writing...very touching and cute teasing at the end

Laura

Feedback! Yea! You guys are the greatest!

LWhite: Thank you for reading.

I'm glad the title works. I wasn't sure.

Thank you.


LMA: Hi Laura, thanks for reading.

Thank you.

The blonde theme was there from the beginning, but it's intentionally subtle. Every woman Clark spoke to was blonde. Every woman Lois asked about was blonde. Lois doesn't have regular problems. She has super problems. /crickets chirp at my bad joke./ Yeah, sometimes I go for the cheap laugh.

Phew.

Thank you. Yes, I wasn't going for Revelation or angst. I could have made that turn, but I wanted to keep the story at 3 parts. I wanted to write fluffy banter-filled fun (I needed a break from angst). Hope I delivered.

Virginia posted:

You did

I really love the banter--any time Lois and Clark have fun with each other and are going back and forth. You did a great job capturing it

Darth Michael: I love your hair-raising img.

Perhaps that's just revisionist history as he's recalling an incident from his past.

Clark usually isn't so uncouth.

CLARK: That's strange. I've been talking to Lois for the last five minutes and she hasn't interrupted me or insulted me. She only stands there and glares at me. Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't look this gift horse in the mouth.

Amazingly so.

He can't do that while wearing a tuxedo?

CLARK: Hey! I've got one of those!
LOIS: You do?
CLARK: Um... /coughs/ I mean, I know where I can get one.

Bringing up Cat won't do his chances with Lois any favors.

What? The hair dye can't affect her memories or give her an airy personality? Gee, that's not any fun.

Perhaps Lois is a bit more focused on her problems than the man outside her door at the moment.

Lois has realized she has done something stupid to get a man and doesn't want to further humiliate herself by letting anyone know about it.

She's lying.

Her berka is out getting dry cleaned?

No, he offered to spray Lana off with the garden hose first and then use an industrial hair drying to dry her clothes (while she kept her eyes closed for safety reasons, of course).

It wouldn't be a VirginiaR story without that aspect, now would it?

Good point! But usually people cannot see in oneself traits that one notices in others.

Doesn't he say that?

WRONG CLARK:


CLARK: /grumbling to himself/ It never does.

He's not leaving, is he?

CLARK: That's too bad. I could use a good idea for times like these.
LOIS: Times like these? How often do you need to look through my door and check if I'm clothed?
CLARK:

LOIS: My body is only for Superman to see, not others.
CLARK: I could tell her I'm Superman!
LOIS: Say what?

CLARK: I can sew, but not when anyone is watching. So, go wait in your bedroom and I'll bring it to you and let's say, half an hour?

It's part 3 of 3. Did you want her feelings to remain unexpressed?

No, she was wearing the robe the entire time. She never put on the dress because after the fiasco with her hair, she had decided not to attend the ball.

Sorry that would requiring a change of boards mid story, which isn't recommended.

From the man she likes, of course. Or perhaps it was his embarrassment regarding the suggestive remark.

LOIS: Well, he definitely wouldn't notice my hair then... /slips out of robe and opens door/
CLARK: Lois! What have you done with your hair? And that dress! It's straight out of the Emperor's closet isn't it? (i.e. The Emperor's New Clothes... Got an evil idea for a story that I'd never write... well, post... well, no... best not.)

She's having a bad hair day.

CLAUDE: How do you think I made it into Lane's bedroom? HA!

Her personality onto his?

She was lying about the dress.

CLARK:

Is Superman so fickle that he'd stop rescuing Lois because she was locking lips with another man?
SUPERMAN: Depends on the man. Clark? Not so much. Lex, Dan, any other man out there, very much so.

No, a trip to

She's also not saying them aloud.

Yes, those are probably included on the list.

CLARK: It takes be about 3-5 seconds.

Yep, that posse.

a lot?
Also, who said that he was the quarterback? Is that the only way he'd get the game ball at his apartment? /help me out, football fans, I really wouldn't know./

CLARK: Um... that blondes are more fun and I should really be getting to Mayson at the dance?

Selective memory.
CLARK: What? THEY both deserved it!
EW: And I think Clark was very polite to Luthor during HiM despite Luthor trying to take his wife.

No, interviewing him. It's a time-honored technique.



So many bad jokes not appropriate for these boards... trying to suppress self...
LOIS: There are natural blondes? Do they automatically qualify for disability?

Isn't it in her nature to slam doors in Clark's face?

LOIS: Don't worry. I'm sure Martha has something Green for me to borrow.
CLARK: So, we can just forget my idea? Okay.



So, a change in hair doesn't qualify for a Tank award? She has to lose it all? (Hmmmm, thinking we should add that category to next year's Kerth Awards. Best Lois Haircut Story.)

Well, these things can't be helped.

Thanks, Michael. Thank you for your Beta and all the giggles you've supplied.

Oh, good. Thanks.

KatherineKent: Hello, Muse!

Thank you. I couldn't have done it without you.

Well, now that I know how to do this technique I'll have to try it with other stories.

Yes, he knows how to wear a tux.

That would be a squeal of panic.

CLARK: Wow, that's just... Why again hasn't anyone developed a formal tux-like dress for all women to wear to these kind of events?
LOIS: Because men like variety. Also, I was lying about the dress. It's more likely that Clark would tear his tux.

Isn't he?

Often on the show, Clark is shown having this dilemma. Wanting to look at Lois when it isn't appropriate to do so. (HiM and the Phoenix are two examples of this).

Can he repair clothes? Yes. Can he repair a formal dress, so that Lois doesn't look like the bride of Frankenstein? Not so much.
LOIS: Was that a comment about my hair? That sounded like a comment on my hair.

CLARK: Is it cheating to use one's super powers to advance oneself in a relationship?
LOIS: Not if the relationship is with me.

Of course he has impure thoughts. Otherwise he wouldn't have noticed what he had said could be misconstrued as impure. Plus, the recognition of said impure thoughts make them flash quickly across this mind.

She doesn't want him to see her before she's ready. She did the same thing during another episode. I can't recall if it was in Lucky Leon before their date or during AtAI before he got the phone call from Mazik. (Or maybe both.)

It kind of slipped out inadvertently, which is why he changed it upon repeat.

In the U.S., we're taught to count 1-Mississippi, 2-Missisippi, etc. when learning to time the length of seconds. I figured Merriweather would be a good substitution for our reporters.

Thank you.

That's true. She keeps him off his toes.

Bill CHURCH: No, no. It's pronounced "ENTER Cost Mart". Now, go shop!

Well, Clark did seem to prefer blondes until Lois...

She told him to try something new, so Mayson was the something new.
LOIS:

That's the fun in such stories. "Noises Off!" is a good example of misinterpretation and confusion in a farce. I recommend the Chris Reeve version with Carol Burnette.

That's what she was looking for in her closet. Something to cover her head.

Well, without a revelation we needed something to be confessed.
CLARK: I confessed I don't like blondes as much as Lois.
LOIS: No. You confessed that you don't like them at all.
CLARK: I did?
LOIS: Yes. Trust me, you did.



Not if the platinum wig was the better look.

CLARK: Teasing? I was being honest.

Thank you. It's definitely a different direction that I've ever gone before with the characters. I wasn't sure I could do this plot justice. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

You're welcome. *return hugs*

Hello Author.

I'll believe that when I see it. (oops did I say that out loud?)

I think Lois squeals in panic quite a lot ... dangling over a vat of acid, dangling from a pole on the side of the building, dangling ... um, I see another pattern.

Yeah. Can I keep him?

LOIS: He can absolutely use his super powers in every aspect of our relationship. Mmm hmm.

I love seeing that 'gentleman' Clark is not always ... a gentleman in his mind.

I've done the same, but sometimes it is 1-one thousand, 2-one thousand, etc

You know ... what if the real punch line is that Clark does prefer blondes ... but Lois just knocked him off his feet unexpectedly. Maybe ... if Lois wasn't around, he really would be after all the blondes!

Seen it, got it. Plus ... I played Poppy (the assistant stage-manager) in a local AmDram production 15 years ago.

You did fantastic.

*hugs again*

LOL...they're never going to make it to that party. I wonder what they'll end up doing in her apartment for the rest of the night. /groobie's mind is always in the gutter/ Fun story - thanks for sharing!

More FDK!

groobie: Thank you for commenting.

That's a distinct possibility.

Feel free to explore what you think might happen next. I don't mind, and I doubt KK does either.

a) Lois and Clark spend the night trying to dye her hair brunette again, falling asleep on the bed from sheer exhaustion and failure.

b) Clark shaves Lois's head (with clippers and a razor, being that he hasn't gotten to his reveal yet), and the fall asleep in each other's arms laughing over what to tell everyone in the morning. In the predawn hours, Clark flies off and buys Lois a brunette wig to cover up her bald head, so she doesn't have to say anything. Nobody at work notices Lois's hair, because they're too busy gossiping about how close Lois and Clark have grown and why they didn't show up at the ball.

c) Lois puts the wig back on and they go to the ball. Lois says that she's writing a story to see whether blondes have more fun. Then she taunts Mayson all night by sneaking kisses with Clark after pulling him aside only when Mayson is watching. She determines that blondes have more fun, but gentlemen prefer brunettes.

d) Groobie writes Nfic variant on one of the above and posts it on the Nfic boards... or comes up with her own idea what to do about Lois's hair. Whether or not this actually happens, Readers are ecstatic thinking about the possibilities.

That was fun. Oh, dear. Now, you've woken up my muse. I'll never get to sleep.

Got it from here: http://blog.codinghorror.com/ Your quip just triggered it

LOIS: So my feelings are less important than his manners?

And the semi-undressed state of her is no give-away?
CLARK: They’re giving away half-dressed Lois-concubines?

I believe that that’s less common. Apparently, firemen, policemen, and supermen are much better liked at the ladies-night events. /points at various television entertainment programs/

Maybe. But it would be lots of fun to watch over the next 50 or so parts Lois would be ticked off at him.

Seriously, though, it was just plain old wonder what she’s up to.
LOIS: Did he just call me ‘plain’? And *old*?

Her problems are more important than Superman standing in her apartment, hoping to score?



It’s also called a Lex-protection-dress?

Now, considering where he’d get the industrial hair drier, one wonders about the garden hose





No, but she could be made non-living while he’s wating in the next room.





It’s still kind of unexpected in a VirginiaR story’s part 3?





LOIS:



Maybe he should not say that in an interview?

CLAUDE: She wants to do me nine times? Can I take the blonde one instead? She seems to be more fun in bed.

CLARK: So, thinking it would make it okay?
LOIS: Not for you!

No idea. I just assumed.

During HiM?

LOIS:







Yes. But that doesn’t mean one doesn’t try to figure out the reason why.



That’s evil!

You’re very welcome!

Michael

Let's just say, some time will have passed before Lois and Clark will see each other in Wrong Clark again.

A dangling problem?
CLARK: I see no problem here. She just needs someone to hold her up.
LOIS: But who's holding *you* up?

EW: I couldn't resist.

But you need to leave him on the boards for others to borrow.
CLARK:

There was a reason that there was no revelation in this story.

It's part of his disguise.

Yep. I've heard that technique as well.

Clark prefers his soul mate, but alt-Clark prefers blondes?

That play is so timing driven, I'm always amazed when everything goes off without a hitch. That must have been fun. (You didn't have to eat sardines, did you? )

Thanks for the fun.

Nope, but I did have to rip my skirt off and show my underwear, shout that I was pregnant, then wear a pregnancy fat-suit ...

Sorry. I thought I hit submit before leaving this afternoon. Well, better late than never.

CLARK:

CLARK: Lois is undressed? Hmmm. I guess she is.
EW: Oh, sorry. Bad me. I got Lois being frozen in TEHI in her apartment confused with the Prankster freezing her at the office.
LOIS: I was just insulted, wasn't I?
CLARK: So, sorry, I usually tilt down my glasses when I look at you so... well, never mind.

I can't imagine a Superman costume to be that easy to strip out of.

I'm already working on a 50+ part story, Michael. I'm not falling for that trick... again.

And you all wonder why she bleached her hair? Clearly, she's insecure about her looks.
LOIS: Does EW hate me?

LOIS: Superman saw my blonde hair? Wait. That's not Superman. That's Clark.
CLARK:

/shrugs/ It happens.

LOIS: It's also called, what Clark gave me for my birthday in 1994.

Hello?! Smallville. Farming community. Hoses are everywhere.

CLARK:
LOIS: Why is he whistling?

He has super hearing and super speed. He has a 99% chance on getting there before she became undead.
CLARK: I don't like those odds. I better break down the door.
LOIS: /stares at Clark in shock/ Hello! I'm not dressed.
CLARK: Lois, what happened to your hair?

It is?

CLARK: I believe I shall investigate your living room and kitchen, Lois.

Superman is pretty good at keeping secrets.

Michael has clearly forgotten that Mr. and Mrs. Kent spent their honeymoon at the Lexor and then Mr. Luthor stopped by Daily Planet to get his Lois on before his Tsunami machine was tested.

CLARK: What? You weren't sharing your story. That's rude.

Does one ask why the sky is green or the grass is blue?
CLARK: Um... yes?

EW: /points to shiny badge on lapel./

You could build a Velcro tape in the back and just rip it off via the front? Or maybe use body paint instead?



It does seem that way. No nookie with Clark. Sent to freezing cold places without decent facilities or a beauty parlor.





Oh. Right. My bad.

So, she should from now on wear makeup in the shower?

99%? I’m not convinced he’d…

See?



Kinda. Yeah…

Oh. R…right?





Michael

I did like that story. I have to admit I never expect Lois to dye her hair.

John: Thanks for reading.
Well, if I had been obvious it wouldn't have been a surprise! It was KK's requirement for the story. Groobie wrote a great sequel...What a Gentleman Desires: The Continuation. She has a great way with words and turn of phrases I wish I had.

Thanks for checking out my little romantic comedy.

Awww, shucks. Thanks for the compliment.