Title: Now or Never
Rating: PG13
This is an alternate version of "All Shook Up" that has been sitting on my hard drive for ages. It came to mind when I saw the episode rewrite fic challenge for November, but it took me a bit longer than I anticipated to get it whipped into shape. I'm following the timeline of the show, so "Foundling" hasn't happened yet (Clark has no idea where he came from). I'm also tweaking the task that EPRAD gives Superman because blowing up an asteroid that close to Earth would be
beyond insane!
Since the title "All Shook Up" came from an Elvis song, I picked another one for this alternate version. In truth, this only covers about half of the episode. At some point I would like to do the second half, but I rather like how it ends.
My deepest thanks to Susan (groobie) for catching my mistakes, for always being enthusiastic, and for being unfailingly awesome.
<><><>
Lois couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.
It had certainly been a weird day. Until that morning she'd had an unassailably firm belief in science. And yet, somehow, every scientist in the world had missed the approach of an asteroid bigger than Metropolis. How could something that huge sneak up on an entire planet? Sure, it was going to be a near miss, but the whole situation had left her feeling uneasy and wondering what else might be lurking, just out of sight, around some cosmic corner.
So when the knock came on her door, she let out a startled little shriek of terror. It was almost midnight, so it couldn't be a social call. Not that a knock on her door ever presaged a social call. She had no social life, unless you wanted to count the occasional pizza and a movie on Clark Kent's couch.
The knock was repeated.
There was nothing in it to suggest urgency, so it probably wasn't a neighbor trying to warn her that the building was on fire. She was in her pajamas, but her curiosity was stronger than her sense of decorum. She'd just check the peephole before ignoring her late-night visitor. To her astonishment it was Clark. Even in fish-eyed view he looked grim.
She opened the door as far as the security chain would allow. "Clark? What's going on?"
Clark seemed to hesitate for a moment or two before he softly asked, "May I come in?"
If he had been anyone else, she would have turned him down. But Clark had seen her in pajamas before, and he definitely seemed upset about something. Lois shut the door to unlatch the chain, and then opened it again.
"Sure, why not? You've come this far." Lois stepped back to let him inside.
Clark walked over to her sofa, but didn't sit down. Instead he simply stood there with his hands jammed into his coat pockets. His body rocked slightly as if he wanted to pace, but was glued to that spot.
"Okay, seriously, what's up?" Lois sat down on the sofa opposite him, her head tilted slightly as she tried, and failed, to read him.
Clark came around the coffee table and sat down next to her, clasping his hands tightly in front of him. He cleared his throat softly. "I--. I'm not sure how to say this."
Lois was now consumed with curiosity. "Just spit it out?"
He shook his head. "Lois, I… Please, give me a minute. This isn't going to be easy."
Dread filled her. What had happened? Had someone died? Or was Clark still stressing about the possibility of an asteroid strike?
"Is it Nightfall? Clark, they're not even sure that's going to hit Earth." It felt awkward, but Lois patted his arm in a clumsy attempt at comfort.
Clark's eyes met hers, his expression stricken. "Yes, they are. They held back at the press conference this morning because they didn't want to start a panic."
Lois would have called his bluff, but he looked dead serious. "Who's your source?"
He looked at his hands again, clenching them so tightly that his knuckles turned white. "Dr. Daitch at EPRAD. General Zeitlin. Secretary Cosgrove."
Her jaw nearly dropped in disbelief. "You spoke to all of them personally?"
He nodded. "Yes."
"When?" she demanded.
"About an hour ago. They asked me to meet them."
"And you didn't invite me?" Lois smacked his shoulder in frustration. "Clark, what the hell does 'partners' mean to you? What did they say?"
She saw the muscles of his jaw twitch before he answered. "We have four days until Nightfall makes a direct hit."
Four days. A direct hit. It took a few moments for the full impact of that statement to register. A direct hit in four days! It was going to be
catastrophic.
"Oh my god," Lois whispered. "They're absolutely certain?"
Clark nodded. "They want Superman to push the asteroid off course so that it misses."
"Okay." Lois exhaled in relief. "That sounds easy enough."
"Not when you consider that it's bigger than Metropolis and travelling at over 120,000 miles an hour."
This time it didn't take her nearly as long to understand the implications. "But… couldn't that kill him?"
Clark bowed his head and Lois immediately knew the answer. The odds of Superman deflecting something that large and fast, and then living to tell the tale were slim to nonexistent. She'd seen the toll that stopping a subway train going 100 mph had taken on him. This was exponentially bigger. That far into space, there was no guarantee Superman would have the strength to return to Earth -- assuming he even survived making contact with the asteroid.
"Oh my god." Her hands started to shake as she realized why Clark was so somber. "He's going to do it, isn't he?"
Clark's mouth compressed into a thin line and he nodded. "Tomorrow afternoon," he murmured.
A new, deeper, panic swelled through her. "He can't! It's suicide! There has to be another way," she protested. "There has to be something else they can do. A missile or—or something."
"Too risky," Clark's voice had become a husky whisper. "Breaking up Nightfall would be just as disastrous as a direct hit. Instead of one impact, we'd be looking at hundreds or thousands of them. The best option is to knock it off course."
"But…" Lois tried to think of an alternative, but her frantic thoughts wouldn't coalesce. Tears sprang to her eyes in silent admiration of Superman's courage and willingness to sacrifice for people he would never even meet.
"Anyway," Clark said quietly, "I wanted to come by tonight to, uh, to thank you. For everything."
Lois swiped at her eyes in an attempt to pull herself together. "Clark, don't. It's not the end of the world. At least, not yet."
"No, it's not. Not yet." He gave her a tremulous smile. "You're right, of course."
"I'm always right."
He let out a small laugh that was almost a sigh. "Not always. Just most of the time."
"I'm right about this," Lois said stubbornly. "So have you talked to him? Superman?"
Clark didn't answer; instead he ducked his head and sighed.
"I'm not asking if you got the story," she whispered, touching his arm. "I'm asking because he should have someone to talk to, you know?"
"That would be nice." Clark's head bowed and his next words were barely a whisper. "Lois, I'm scared."
Lois grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard. "Don't say that. If you fall apart, then I will, too."
His shoulders shook slightly as he made a choked sound, and she wasn't sure if he was laughing or crying. "No, you won't. You're not afraid of anything."
"It's an act," she admitted. "It's all an act! I'm scared of just about everything. Spiders, snakes, loud noises, the dark, being alone -- all of it."
He gave her a wan smile. "I don't believe you. You're just saying that to make me feel better."
"Is it working?"
"Yeah." His hand moved to loosely intertwine his fingers with hers. "There's so much I should have told you. There's so much I've wanted to tell you. I just… I assumed there was plenty of time. That there would be some perfect day when everything aligned exactly right and I'd tell you everything."
Lois shivered as she realized what was happening. Clark was working up the courage to tell her that he loved her. Whatever else Daitch and the others had told him at EPRAD, Clark obviously believed that using Superman was a long shot. Clark had never been the one to jump to far-fetched conclusions -- that had always been her speciality. He had come over tonight to say good-bye. In an instant she decided to beat him to the punch.
"Clark, I love you."
She heard his breath catch. "I love you," she told him again, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I realized it when you were going to leave the Planet and go back to Kansas. I didn't want you to go, and it wasn't just because I was going to miss working with you."
His eyes met hers and she saw the haunted look leave them, replaced by a warm happiness. Just as quickly, though, the joy faded and he seemed even sadder. His hand tightened a little on hers. "I fell in love with you that first day in Perry's office."
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Really? Love at first sight?"
He nodded, then shook his head slightly. "I'm so sorry."
"Sorry? For what?" Lois couldn't believe it -- he was apologizing for falling in love with her?
Suddenly his lips were on hers. His arms closed around her, one hand tipping her head back to rest in his palm as his mouth moved against hers again and again. His kiss was gentle, and yet there was an urgency to it, an intensity that built with each pull of his mouth on hers. The thought skittered through her brain that the time Clark had laid a kiss on her in the honeymoon suite of the Luxor hadn't been a fluke -- it had been a tease. No one had ever kissed her like this, not even Superman under the influence of that pheromone perfume.
She had just wrapped her arms around his neck when, as abruptly as the kiss had started, Clark was pulling away.
"I'm sorry," he whispered as his thumb caressed over her cheek. "Truly."
Reeling from their kiss, Lois gave him a dazed smile. "Whatever you do, don't apologize for that."
She had expected that he might lighten up a little, but his expression became even more serious. "I… I started to write you a letter, but then I realized that you deserved to hear this in person. I owe you that much. Actually, I owe you so much more than this, I just…" Clark abruptly stood and took a couple of steps away from the sofa before turning to pace back to stand in front of her. "I'm running out of time here. I'm sorry."
Lois smiled up at him, trying to lighten the mood. "And you say I babble. Clark, you're not making any sense." She took hold of his hand and tugged to pull him back down next to her, but he didn't budge. "Even if the worst happens, we still have at least four days left."
"No. I only have a few hours left before I have to be--"
He broke off and knelt down in front of her, still holding her hand. With his free hand he took off his glasses and set them on the coffee table behind him, before turning back to face her.
"I'm Superman," he said softly, his eyes never leaving hers.
For a second or two Lois wasn't sure she had heard him right. This was the worst kind of a sick joke to play, especially now. Only he wasn't joking.
"No," Lois whispered, purely as a reflex. No, it couldn't be true. If he was telling the truth than it meant that she had… That he… No. It wasn't true.
He nodded as his eyes anxiously searched hers. "My parents found me in a field when I was a baby. I've spent my whole life hiding the things I could do because I didn't want whoever left me in that field to come looking for me."
"No." Lois shook her head, unwilling to believe him. She pulled her hand from his grasp and stood up. She darted past Clark and headed for the relative safety of her kitchen. Once the island countertop was between them, she turned around to look at him. Clark had stood up, but he hadn't followed her.
"I wanted you to know, just in case…" His voice trailed off.
"No!" Lois could barely breathe, but she managed to get that one word out. Her thoughts were a fevered mix of anger and shock and, most of all, grief. This was just her luck. She'd finally found someone and he was leaving her. Only he wasn't leaving her for another woman. He was leaving her for the
entire planet. It was completely selfless and she hated him for it. No, no, no! It wasn't true…
"I'm sorry." Clark made a helpless gesture with his hands. "Maybe I shouldn't have told you."
"Maybe you shouldn't have," she snapped back at him. "But you did!"
Lois stared at him and wondered how she had never seen it before now. The resemblance had always been there, she simply had refused to countenance it. It had been so much easier, so much less complicated, when Superman was a mysterious demi-god in tights. The man currently standing in her living room couldn't possibly take on a space rock larger than Metropolis and survive.
"You're really going to do it, aren't you?" Her voice wavered and she hated him for that, too. Damn him for making her care -- really, truly, deeply care about someone.
Clark nodded. "There aren't many options. If I do nothing, everyone dies. If I can nudge Nightfall from its trajectory then everyone and everything I love is still around the next day. If it comes down to my being dead either way, at least I--"
"There has to be another way!"
"There's not." He sucked in a quick breath and let it go in a shaky sigh. "I wish to God there was, but there isn't."
Anger welled up inside Lois. Anger at all the scientists and astronomers who hadn't seen Nightfall coming until it was too damn late. Anger at Daitch and Cosgrove and Zeitlen for asking Superman risk his life. Anger at Clark for being so willing to risk his life. Anger at Clark for not telling her his secret sooner. How could he
not have told her before this? How could he possibly think that coming clean now was going to sanitize that much deceit?
"So why are you telling me now? Does that assuage your guilt about lying to me for nearly a year, Clark? Can you fly off to save the world with a clear conscience now?"
He looked stricken. "That's not--"
"Was I supposed to sleep with you first? Was that it?" Lois didn't believe for a moment that he'd come here for a quickie, but it felt good to see she could shock him as much as he had just shocked her.
His face flushed bright red. "You can't be serious!"
"Well, mission accomplished, Superman! You've told me the truth. Was there something else you wanted?" She waved in the direction of her front door, just in case her words weren't hint enough for him.
For several long seconds the only sounds in her apartment were the burble of the aquarium and the tick of the clock on her kitchen wall. Then Clark sighed and walked towards the door, his footsteps seeming loud in the relative silence
"I just wanted to tell you…" He put his hand on the door knob and turned his head to look at her as he softly said, "Goodbye, Lois."
The door shut quietly behind him. Lois stood at her kitchen island and stared at the glasses he'd left sitting on her coffee table. Had he forgotten them? Or maybe he didn't think it mattered anymore whether he had them or not. After all, by this time tomorrow he could very well be floating, lifeless, in space.
"Lois, I'm scared."Guilt flooded in to replace her anger. How many times had he saved her life? She probably wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for him. She definitely wouldn't be here in four days if he wasn't willing to sacrifice everything to save the world. Clark --
Superman - had come here tonight looking for a friend and she had failed him. Liar though he was, he had never failed her. Lois ran to the door and wrenched it open, but there was no sign of him in the hallway.
"Clark?" she called out, her voice shrill with fear.
There was no answer.
No! Absolutely not. This was not how it ended!
Lois ran back inside and called his apartment. Again, there was no answer, although this time she got to listen to his cheerful voice ask her to leave a message. She was shaking by the time the beep sounded.
"I'm sorry!" she told his machine. "Please call me when you get this. Please! I-- I shouldn't have, well… I didn't mean any of it, Clark. Except for the part where I said I love you. Please call me back."
Lois walked on shaky legs to her sofa and sat down. She picked up Clark's glasses and a fresh, even sharper, wave of guilt swept over her. This was exactly why he hadn't told her before now -- he'd known what her reaction was going to be. That made it worse, somehow. Even knowing the risk that she'd be furious with him, Clark had still come here tonight and told her the truth.
How much worse would it have been to find out after the fact? To sit and worry about Superman, and then to start wondering what had happened to Clark? How long would it have taken her to put those pieces together? Or would his parents have told her after it was much too late to do or say anything? Clark had spared her that indignity, at least.
Lois tried calling him again, only to get his machine. He had to be home by now. Anyone who could disappear from her hallway that quickly could also traverse the distance between here and Clinton Street in a few seconds. So, if he was home, then he was ignoring her. Giving him time to lick his wounds was no longer an option, not with the clock ticking until he had to be back at EPRAD.
Unable to stand the silence or the prospect of having to wait, Lois got dressed in a hurry. The drive to Clark's apartment seemed to take a sweet piece of forever. Another seven precious minutes were squandered in finding a place to park. She ran all the way down the street and up the stairs to his apartment.
There were no lights on inside, and no answer to her knocking. She was out of breath from running so hard up the stairs and her legs began to wobble. Lois sat down hard on the stoop outside his door. Bitter tears sprang to her eyes. Was it already too late to apologize? She tried to work up a little anger at either Clark or herself, but the only emotion left in her now was resignation.
It was too late. Tomorrow -- no, today -- her best friend was going to sacrifice himself to save everyone and the last words he'd ever hear from her had been bitter and hateful.
It couldn't be too late -- it just couldn't. There had to be something, some way to still reach him. Where would he go if he wasn't at home? EPRAD?
He must have gone to EPRAD. Surely there were all kinds of details to take care of before they sent him off to die. They'd have to brief him, and there was probably going to be a press conference, too. If Clark was there, then maybe she had one last shot at an apology.
<><><>
Even though it was nearly two o'clock in the morning all the lights inside EPRAD were all blazing. The only parking spot she could find was on the far edge of the parking lot. As Lois walked to the main entrance, it seemed to her that the building was humming. It was incongruous to have something so alive this late at night. It was also a sure sign that something huge was going on. The tiny little piece of her that was still clinging to the vague hope that this was all just a massive and ill-timed joke by Clark fell silent.
It was real. It was all real. Clark was Superman. Nightfall was on a collision course with Earth. And Superman (Clark!) was going to risk everything to save them all.
Through the large glass windows Lois could see a receptionist at the front desk. At least, Lois assumed he was a receptionist until she got closer and she saw the two-up, two-down insignia on his sleeve. His name badge read "Oliver."
Corporal Oliver looked up at her curiously. "May I help you, ma'am?"
"Superman asked me to meet him here," Lois lied.
Oliver's eyebrows rose slightly. "Did he?"
"Yes. Will you please let him know that I'm here?"
Oliver looked down at a clipboard on the desk in front of him. "There's no one on the visitor's list."
"Nonetheless," Lois persisted. "He'll want to talk to me."
"We're having a drill tonight, ma'am. No visitors allowed."
"Then why was the door open this late?" Lois gestured at the door behind her. "Just pick up the phone and tell him that Lois is here. I guarantee you that he wants to talk to me."
He did, didn't he? Surely Clark would know that she'd come to apologize?
Oliver continued to hesitate, so Lois leaned over the desk and reached for the phone, only to have her hand smacked away.
"I'll have you arrested if you can't stay on that side of the desk, ma'am!" Oliver put his hand down firmly on the phone to keep it in its cradle. They glared at each other for a few seconds.
"So make the call."
Oliver sighed and squared his shoulders, then picked up the phone and dialed a number. After a few seconds pause, he spoke into the receiver. "Superman has a guest in reception."
Lois took in a breath and held it. Please, let him come talk to her. Please, please, please…
"No, sir," Oliver said, cutting his gaze over to Lois. "Just one. A woman." He nodded as he listened, before finally saying, "Yes, sir." He hung up the phone and gave her a rather nasty smile. "I'm afraid you're mistaken, ma'am. Superman is not here." Oliver's expression made it obvious that he doubted Superman had really asked her to drop by for a visit.
Her breath caught short and black spots danced in Lois' vision. Not there? How was that possible? Where the hell would he go?
Kansas, her mind whispered. Clark went home. All he wanted tonight was a friendly face and a little compassion. His parents weren't going to toss him out the door.
Lois swallowed her disappointment. "What time, uh, is he supposed to...?" She made a vague upward gesture with her hand.
"There's a press conference at 0900 hours. I'd suggest you come back then." Oliver gestured in the direction of the door.
There seemed little point in sticking around and antagonizing Oliver further. Besides, there was a lot of work to be done before nine o'clock. It was time to wake up Perry and give him the scoop of a lifetime.
<><><>
End 1/2
Please come feed the muse over
here! 
