From: Lexcorp Legal
RE: Increasing staff size.
Mr. Luthor,
It has come to my attention that due to the numerous legal actions we are currently undertaking, it might be wise to increase staffing by twenty percent.
Attached is a draft of billable hours and current projects underway.
A few highlights you might want to note. Trademark issues continue to be our largest drain on man-hours.
Renaming one hundred and twenty two separate companies with variations of Lex and or Luthor as you acquire them is expensive both legally and in terms of costs as seemingly trivial as changing the stationary.
Thankfully Nex-Tel has dropped the infringement suit on the Lex-Tel name. Becoming the majority stockholder and replacing their board was helpful, although we may face anti-monopoly pressures from the government.
Other issues require more direct intervention from you.
The World Wrestling Federation has refused to ban Lex Luger for using a version of your name. They claim that it is allowable under the fair use clause as a parody. While we could challenge that in court, I understand that you are looking to increase advertising to the redneck viewing audience. I have drawn up paperwork for a hostile takeover bid as well as written a sample termination paper for Mr. Luger. As for the new name, perhaps Lexcorp XXXTreme.
Donald Trump can’t trademark the concept of naming everything after yourself. It’s a simple publicity stunt and should be ignored. While bankrupting Mr. Trump is of course an option, it would cost almost four months profits and would substantially reduce the anti-Superman budget.
His claims you wear a hairpiece are easily refuted, and his own hair situation isn’t stable.
Despite this, naming a show the Lexprentice with the catchphrase “You’re hired!” will lead to a lawsuit. Worse, it will be seen as derivative. Mr. Trump is a publicity hog and would be more than happy to drag your name through the mud.
All attempts at purchasing the rights to the Superman name have been blocked by the Superman Foundation. They have also blocked any attempts to market Superman feminine hygiene products, recreational cannabis pipes or toilet paper. Their concern for maintaining the dignity of the brand is frustrating.
There are twenty other trademark cases pending, in addition to the usual hundreds of cases handled by any company of Lexcorp’s size.
While the senior partners are more than happy to work through Christmas and other assorted holidays, the legal system itself is not. The junior partners have not yet acclimated, although a visit from your assistant would be helpful in motivating them.
Officially I can’t condone putting a horse’s head in someone’s bed, but as a motivator it does wonders.
May you have a Merry Christmas, Mr Luthor, and a Happy New Year.
Lexcorp Legal
