Title: Now or Never 2/2
Rating: PG13
You guys remember that I said this wasn't going to cover the whole episode, right?
The full story can be found
here. My deepest thanks, again, go out to Susan for all the hand-holding and the encouragement, and especially for being tough about the hard decisions.
<><><>
Perry's grumpiness at being awakened in the middle of the night dissipated quickly when Lois explained the situation to him. She outlined everything Clark had told her -- except Superman's true identity. Then she up the ante on that half-truth by flat out lying and telling Perry that Clark was going to stay at EPRAD in case there were any late-breaking developments.
By 5 a.m. the first edition was rolling off the presses. The front page was dominated by the story under Lois and Clark's shared byline about Nightfall and EPRAD's plan to have Superman deflect the asteroid. Perry and Ed Ruiz had written sidebars on asteroids and the probable limits of Superman's strength.
'Not Superman,
Clark,' Lois thought, as she read through the clinical assessment of what Superman could and couldn't do. It wasn't Superman, that vaguely mysterious demi-god in tights, whose powers were being assessed. It was her flesh and blood partner; the man who had spent the past year alternately irritating and then delighting her. No one else she knew could anger her, fluster her, or soothe and comfort her quite like Clark Kent. Even now that she knew he'd been lying to her since day one, there was still nobody else she trusted as completely as she did Clark.
Lois looked over at Clark's desk. She'd been doing that all morning, unable to bear the thought that her best friend might never sit there again. She couldn't stop thinking about their kiss and how it had felt to hear the words "I love you" coming from his lips. And she couldn't stop thinking about the other three words he had said that would haunt her forever.
"Lois, I'm scared."Why hadn't she put her arms around him and comforted him? Clark had come to her apartment looking for a friend and found her anger instead. She could understand Corporal Oliver's disbelief -- Superman surely could do better than
her. And Oliver didn't even know the half of it.
A hand, wide and warm, settled on her shoulder. "Go home," Perry told her. "Get some sleep."
Lois shook her head. "I can't."
"Why don't you take the couch in my office, then?"
"No, I'm going to head over to EPRAD."
Perry's hand squeezed her shoulder. "Isn't Clark already there?"
"He's been there all night. Maybe, between the two of us, we'll be half-useful at the presser."
She hoped that Clark really was already there. Maybe she could get five minutes alone with him. She glanced over at Clark's desk once more, heartsick that she might never talk to him again.
"Lois, I'm scared."Lois wasn't just scared for him. She was terrified. Clark was taking an incalculably enormous risk. There were so many things that could go wrong, and such a slim chance for his survival.
Another glance at Clark's desk made her realize that the clock was ticking on the opportunity to apologize to him. Lois stood up on shaky legs and made her way with increasing speed towards the elevator. Grim as the thought was, she knew the chances of her getting to speak to him one last time were much better than the odds that Clark would be returning to his desk.
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By the time Lois reached EPRAD, the place was a zoo. There was no parking within half a mile of the building. News vans were parked two, and sometimes three, deep next to the curb directly in front of the building. Linda Montoya from Channel 7 recognized her and sidled up next to Lois with her film crew in tow.
"That was quite the exclusive, Lois." Linda said cheerfully. "However did you get it?"
"Hard work and good timing." Lois kept walking, a task made more difficult by all the people milling around in front of the doors to EPRAD.
"Oh, come on. Everyone knows Superman has something of a soft spot for you."
"Please," Lois said sarcastically. "This time he came to Clark first."
Lois pushed roughly past Matt Yates from the Chronicle to get through the half-open door and away from Linda. She gave Matt an apologetic grimace over her shoulder as she slipped inside the building. There were even more people inside. The press conference wasn't scheduled for another hour, but the lobby was wall-to-wall humanity. Lois elbowed her way to the reception desk. Corporal Oliver had been joined by three other servicemen, and they all looked harried.
"Ms. Lane?" Oliver stood up and leaned over the desk, his voice pitched loud to be heard over the din. "Are you Lois Lane?"
"Yes!" Lois shouted back. Hope blossomed inside her. Had Clark come back? Was he here, right now? Had he asked them to watch for her?
Oliver came around the desk and took hold of her elbow. "I've been asked to escort you," he told her.
"Great!"
Lois let Oliver lead her to the elevator. He pressed a button and the doors opened. They stepped inside together and Oliver swiped a badge clipped to his belt through a reader beneath the button panel. The doors shut, leaving them in sudden quiet.
"Is he here?" Lois couldn't stop herself from asking. "Is Superman here?"
"Ma'am, all I can tell you is that I was instructed to bring you to conference room 5B if you returned." Oliver looked up, watching the numbers over the door as they climbed higher.
"Did Superman ask you to do that?"
Oliver shook his head. "No ma'am. It was the general's request."
Lois wanted to pursue the subject further. Had Superman asked General Zeitlan to keep an eye out for her at the press conference? Did he know that she had come by earlier? Or had he heard her messages on his answering machine and was willing to give her a second chance if she happened to come to EPRAD? Unfortunately, Oliver didn't appear to hold any of the answers she wanted. She was distracted from her thoughts when the elevator chimed and came to a stop on the fifth floor.
The doors opened to a hallway that was also crowded with people. Most of them were in uniform, and the noise level was a lot more subdued. Her heart was in her throat as Lois stepped out to join them. Where was Clark? Was he here? Was he nearby? She scanned the faces rushing past her, looking for her partner. Then she chided herself. If Clark was here, he was here as Superman. Superman would stand out no matter where he was, but especially amidst a sea of olive drab. Alas, Superman was most definitely nowhere to be seen.
"This way, please." Oliver swung his arm to indicate they should move to the left.
They walked together down the hallway. No one paid them the least attention, too involved in their own activities to look up. At the end of the hallway was a large mahogany door which Oliver opened for her.
"Wait in here please, ma'am."
Lois stepped inside and Oliver shut the door, leaving her alone in a large -- and very empty -- conference room. Directly ahead of her there was a long table surrounded by chairs. To her left, a wall of glass stretched the entire length of the room. Lois went to the window and caught her breath. EPRAD was located on top of Mount Hobs and the view from this room was amazing. Below her the Hobs River flowed to the sea. On the other side of the river, the island of Metropolis glittered in the early morning sun.
"Wow," Lois whispered appreciatively.
And then it struck her -- Metropolis was huge, stretching on for as far as her eye could see. In just a few short hours her best friend would be flying through space to stop something bigger than the vista before her. That something was traveling at over 120,000 miles an hour. There was no possible way that Clark would survive it. He knew that, but he was willing to do it anyway.
"Lois, I'm scared.""Oh, Clark," she whispered as tears blurred the view before her.
Why hadn't she comforted him? Why hadn't she been the friend that he deserved? Clark never would have dismissed her so angrily, no matter how upset he was. He would have listened, like he always had before. He would have put his arms around her and held her for as long as she needed.
What would she do, if their places were reversed? She liked to think that she could be as brave as he was. If it truly was a case of being dead either way, it certainly seemed worth the risk. Worth the risk, though, didn't translate to being any easier to do. Did it comfort him at all to know that his death would be a noble sacrifice? It was terribly unfair that Superman would be lauded for generations to come, while Clark Kent would fade into obscurity, mourned only by the handful of people who knew the truth.
There was a quiet noise behind her as the door opened. Lois whirled around, her heart in her throat when she caught sight of the flash of a familiar red cape as Superman stepped inside the room. He shut the door softly, but the 'click' seemed to echo in the ten or so feet between them.
"Hi," she rasped as her mouth went dry. Her hands began to shake. She clenched them into fists to steady herself.
"Hello." He straightened his shoulders, and suddenly he seemed a lot taller and heck of a lot more remote. "They told me that a dark-haired woman came to see me at two o'clock this morning. Corporal Oliver said she was, and I'm quoting here, 'rather aggressive.' I figured it had to have been you."
"I wasn't being aggressive. I just kinda lied and said that you'd asked me to meet you here."
The corner of his mouth twitched, but she couldn't tell if he was amused or annoyed.
"I came to apologize." Lois took a few halting steps and then stopped, suddenly unsure of herself. Clark didn't seem all that glad to see her. Did he think that she was chasing a story? Surely by now he had seen or heard about the Planet's exclusive. If she'd really wanted a story, she could have simply told the whole world his secret. He had to know that much. Didn't he?
Clark shook his head slightly. "Don't. It doesn't matter. You were upset, and justifiably so."
"It does matter!" Lois took a few more steps, but stopped an arm's length away from him. "Clark, I--" Her voice failed her as his eyes went wide and he glanced self-consciously over his shoulder. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth as she asked, "Oh my gosh, can they, uh, can they hear us?"
"No." He turned back to face her and shook his head. "But it's probably better if you call me Superman in public."
"I can't," she whispered. "Not right now, anyway. It's not Superman I owe the apology to."
He shrugged, sending a ripple dancing through the cape hanging from his shoulders. "You don't owe me anything, least of all an apology."
"Yes, I do!" Lois could practically feel Clark slipping further and further away from her. It broke her heart to realize that, emotionally, he had already left her behind. Ice cold fear and grief rushed in to overwhelm her. "I owe you so much! Last night, you needed a friend and I wish -- you have no idea how much I wish -- that I had been that friend."
"I deserved everything you said to me."
"Clark--" Her throat closed off, making it impossible to say anything else. Full of desperation, she grabbed his left wrist with both her hands. "I'm sorry," she whispered and cleared her throat. It was still a dry rasp as she continued, "You are my best friend. I'm so sorry that I hurt you."
"Lois, I..." He sighed and his shoulders slumped a little. "I'm sorry, too."
"Please don't be sorry that you told me." She blinked as tears again returned to her eyes. Her hands tightened on his wrist, as if she could hold him there by willpower alone. "It means a lot to me that you trust me. I promise I'll never tell anyone."
He made a choked sputter and shook his head. "After I'm gone, it won't matter. You can tell."
"I wouldn't do that to your parents." Lois vigorously shook her head. "Maybe, in thirty years or so, after they're gone, maybe then I'll tell. People should know what you did, what you gave up." Her voice was shaking, forcing her to suck in a deep breath. "Actually, no. I'll never tell anyone because you're going to be fine, Clark. You're going to come back." Tears began to run down her cheeks and his face blurred before her. "You
have to come back."
His right hand rose to touch her cheek, and his thumb caught one tear as it fell. "Lois…" he whispered, before his voice broke.
"Promise me," she urged him. "Promise me you'll come back." Lois let go of his wrist and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him as hard as she could. The suit was slick against her wet cheek, but she could also feel the steady beat of his heart. How many beats did he have left before that wonderful, warm, and caring heart would fall silent forever?
His arms encircled her, and she felt the whisper of his breath in her hair as he answered, "I wish I could promise you that."
"Just lie," she begged. "Please, tell me one more lie. Promise me you're coming back."
"I don't want to lie to you. Not ever again." He kissed her forehead and tightened his arms around her.
"It's not a lie," she said in a fierce whisper. "It's a promise. A promise is only a lie if you don't intend to keep it. Don't argue semantics with me, Clark. Just promise me you'll come back."
"You think I'm going to argue semantics with you?" Clark pulled away slightly and gave her a weak smile. "Talk about a suicide mission."
It came out a little blubbery, but he had made her laugh. "It's about time you admitted that I'm always right."
His smile widened a little as he shook his head. "Not always. Just most of the time."
"I'm right about this," she insisted. Lois touched his cheek, unable to accept that she'd never see those warm eyes again after this moment. "You're coming back. You're going to come back and take me flying and tell me just how right I was."
There was a knock on the door. A muffled voice in the corridor called out, "Superman?"
Clark's whole body shuddered, a steady, hard tremor that passed from him to her, leaving her legs shaking as he softly said, "I need to go now."
'Now or never!' her mind screamed. This was it -- the last chance she'd ever have to hold him. Her throat went dry and her heart went supersonic.
"Wait!" Lois threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. For a moment, his lips were still against hers. And then he was kissing her back. There was nothing guarded in his response as his mouth opened to kiss her deeply. One of his hands buried itself in her hair, supporting the back of her head in his palm. His other arm wrapped low across her back, bringing her body into full contact with his. Lois twined her arms around his neck and shoulders. Their kiss was full of desperation and love and regret. It was everything she wanted to say, but couldn't find the words to express. With her eyes closed, it felt like she was wheeling and dizzy in the darkness. Clark became the only constant as the world shifted around her.
Out in the hallway, someone continued to knock on the door again and again, calling out with increasing desperation for Superman. Lois heard the rattle of the doorknob, but the door stayed firmly closed. She realized that Clark must have locked it when he came in and she kissed him harder in gratitude.
The kiss broke, leaving them both breathless but still clinging to each other.
"I love you," Clark whispered, and the stir of his breath on her lips was like a caress. He kissed her again, soft and lingering. She felt his lips curve into a smile as the pounding on the door felt silent.
"Then promise me," she begged quietly. "Promise me."
He cupped her cheek, looking directly into her eyes. "I'll be back. We'll go flying. I promise."
Lois exhaled, shaking with relief. He'd promised, and she believed him. It was going to be okay now. It had to be.
Clark rested his forehead against hers. He took in a deep breath, blew it out slowly. "Will you do me a favor?"
She nodded, bumping their foreheads together. "Anything."
"Don't stay for the launch."
"Don't stay?" Her already raw feelings frayed even further. Lois pulled away slightly, but Clark took hold of her shoulders. His eyes searched hers, full of pain, and she instinctively moved closer to him again.
He swallowed hard, but his voice was still raspy as he said, "It's going to be hard enough to walk out of this room and leave you. I don't think I can leave you twice."
Lois nodded her understanding and whispered, "Okay."
The knocking on the door resumed, but Clark ignored it. Instead he gently framed her face between his hands, stroking his thumbs lightly over her cheeks, and looked at her as if he were memorizing her face. He bent down and left one last, small kiss on her lips.
"Good bye, Lois."
The warmth of his hands left her. A moment later he had turned and walked to the door. He didn't look back as he left, so her last glimpse of him was of the scarlet sway of his cape just before the door closed behind him.
"Good bye, Clark," she whispered. It was only now, that he was truly gone, that she realized she hadn't told him that she loved him. She had apologized, and she had begged him to come back, but she hadn't said the most important thing.
"I love you," she said to the empty room, hoping against hope that he was still close enough to hear her. "Clark, I love you."
Her knees gave out, and Lois slumped into the closest chair. She was too paralyzed by grief even to cry. Instead she stared out the window at the majestic view of Metropolis in mute disbelief as she struggled to accept that he was gone. Clark was forever out of her reach now. Today he would save her life one last time -- and then she'd have to live out the rest of it without him.
<><><>
In the end, Lois stayed for the launch. She couldn't simply walk away without seeing him leave. In consideration of Clark's request, she didn't go outside to the observation deck where the launch would take place. She stayed inside the building, pushing and shoving her way to the wall of glass to try and catch a glimpse of him. By standing on tiptoe, she was able to watch as two technicians assisted Superman in strapping an oxygen tank to his back. Clark was half-turned from her, but she could see him in profile. Her eyes traced the beloved lines of his face, committing them to memory. One of the technicians handed him an oxygen mask. He put it on and cleared his throat.
"Test, test. Are you reading me?" The hum of conversation in the crowded lobby abruptly fell silent when the overhead speaker broadcast Superman's voice.
Outside a technician gave him a thumb's up. Overhead a disembodied voice said, "We read you loud and clear, Superman."
The technicians gathered around Superman now moved away, leaving him standing alone. Clark took a deep breath, clenched his hands into fists, and gave a grim nod of determination. Suddenly his head swiveled to look in her direction. Lois shrank back from the window, her cheeks flushed, as his gaze fixed directly on her. He shook his head slightly, as if he should have known better.
"Sorry," Lois muttered under her breath. "I just… I had to see you leave."
His chin dipped in a nod.
"Keep your promise and come back to me," she whispered.
He turned away again and straightened his shoulders. "I'll do my best."
Even though he spoke the words in Superman's no-nonsense voice, Lois was positive that he'd meant them for her.
A moment later Superman lifted off the observation deck. A murmur went up from the crowd outside and inside the building as he hovered about twenty feet up on the air for a few seconds. Then he shot away in a blur of blue and red. Lois lost sight of him seconds later, but the sonic boom left in his wake rattled the windows.
Tears pricked at her eyes. He'd do his best. Clark
always did his best.
'Please,' she silently prayed, 'let his best be good enough this time.'
<><><>
End 2/2
And this is where I leave you. If you like, you can assume that the rest of the story happens pretty much like the episode (except Lois knows the truth). If you're prepared to be patient for a few weeks, I'll have an epilogue posted covering the rest of the story. It currently exists as a rough draft on my hard drive, so it's just a matter of carving out some time to get serious about polishing it to a high gloss.
Feedback, as always, helps keep me focused.
