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Karaoke at the Red K Corral - TOC Inquiring Minds want to know! Has this story come to a logical end or is it not quite there yet? My very patient beta reader, Christina, says it was not. She thinks there are some dangling strings that need knotting in a Part 4 (although, she believe my first draft Part 4 could use more work). Do you agree that I should fix those danglers now, or should I just leave the door slightly open (and end it for now), and therefore have a possible sequel sometime in the future? Let me know.
Last edited by VirginiaR; 02/01/15 03:02 AM. Reason: Added Link
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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I read this last night, but it was so late/early in the morning that I just decided to go to bed after reading and didn't have time to post any comments until now. Has this story come to a logical end or is it not quite there yet? My very patient beta reader, Christina, says it was not. She thinks there are some dangling strings that need knotting in a Part 4 (although, she believe my first draft Part 4 could use more work). Do you agree that I should fix those danglers now, or should I just leave the door slightly open (and end it for now), and therefore have a possible sequel sometime in the future? Let me know. That's what got me into trouble with my Chuck fic and how my 4,000 word story turned into a 30,000 word story. I let the readers decide. I would be fine with whatever you decided. It could end here and I would be satisfied, but having more story to read would be fun too. Whichever way you choose to go I've enjoyed this story. It's been a fun read.
"Who's asking? Clark... or Superman?"
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I enjoyed the story (I always like Ultra Woman stories!), and I think Christina is right: you could continue it if you want to.
- How do they get the Red K back? - Will the Newtrich Sisters knowing Lois is UW compromise Lois and Clark? - How does Lois take to superhero-hood? Does she keep her powers permanently, or lose them like Jesse Stepanovich?
Inquiring minds want to know!
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Hmmm....wow, Virginia, I could really go either way on this . I really liked this part, and getting to the ending, I can see this being the ending. I don't feel like the story got 'cut off' or anything. But...there are things that would be fun to exlore . Hence...your options. #1--leave as is, and have a sequel down the road. #2.--part 4. I'd like to see how everything with the Red K and the Newtrich sisters is resolved. I'd love to know if Lois keeps her powers and how she/they adjust to this, or if she doesn't, how does everything get back to 'normal'. And--knowing me --I'd love anything that progresses them towards the alter, a WAFFY moment here or there as you wrap the storyline up. But, I guess, really, you could accomplish any of this by doing either #1 or #2. I guess...final verdict...is basing my suggestion on where you are with the story at the moment. If you think you want more added to the story--and feel inspired now, maybe just go for it--part 4 . Or...if you want to give it some time, think more about it, give us a sequel as a lovely surprise down the road a bit . ( Or--last option--maybe leave as is? It does, like I mentioned, feel good the way it is, also, IMO). Any way you go about it, I'm totally . It was a really fun story, loved it, and have completely enjoyed it. “Only by the grace of…” She stopped and stared at him. “Why aren’t you dead?”
“Lucky, I guess,” he said as he stiffly rose to his feet.
Lois looked up into the clouds and rain dripped into her eyes. “You fell from the sky because of me…” For the briefest of moments when I read this part, I wondered if Clark could have his powers back. I mean, he did get all the way down to the ground alive. But...I knew that Lois had her powers, and never thought that they'd both potentially have powers at the same time, so I figured I must be wrong . “I could have killed you. I did kill you,” he said, both reminding her and ignoring her as he took another step towards her. “And, yet, only later on when you got knocked in the head and suffered a slight concussion did I see the danger of us spending so much time together. Why didn’t I see it before I proposed?” Had a bit of a 'moment' here reading this paragraph. It always obviously bugged me that Clark broke up with Lois 'for her own good' in Contact--it seemed like such a sudden reality check he had. BUT, I don't know if I ever thought about why it annoyed me so much, and seemed so sudden. This reasoning is amazing! It makes no sense that from a concussion he would freak out so much, but from freezing Lois a few eps back--and her almost not coming out of it--he'd move right on past it and propose. Great point, Virginia--the concussion reaction is quite, quite 'off'. Loved this! . “I was not,” he exclaimed. “Apparently, it hurts when someone with your own strength slugs you, whether you have powers or not. It’s a new experience for me.” True . Liked this a lot . “I’d rather spend the night with you… I mean, evening… definitely evening… Although, it is pretty late… I wasn’t trying to… We’re not ready to… Although, I know your secret and you know mine… No! That’s no excuse. We can wait... Um… until after we deal with the Newtrich sisters. Yes, that’s the right thing to do…We can tell my folks about our engagement in the morning. I mean, I will over breakfast. Unless, of course, you want to be there for breakfast… for telling them… not that I’m inviting you to spend the night with me when my folks staying at my...” He covered his face with his hand, before mumbling to himself, “Oh, God, shut me up now.”
“And you say I ramble?” Lois said, laughing. She had meant announce the return of his powers, but she liked his answer better, so she didn’t correct him. “If you’d like me to come over for breakfast, come over tomorrow morning that is, so that we can break the news to them, I’d be delighted. But can we keep the part where I struck you with lightning out of the announcement?”
“You mean that you want it to remain our little secret?” he asked with a knowing look. “Not on your cute little chumpy. We’re even now, and we can honestly say we’re past the stage where we try to kill each other.”
“Ha-ha! Very funny,” she deadpanned, not in the least amused. “We’re not telling your folks.”
“Fine. I’ll tell them.”
“Clark Jerome Kent!” Lois growled.
“But not today,” he amended. “Maybe on our fifth anniversary. It’ll be a funny story, then." This part was awesome. I really enjoyed 'Clark Babble' . And the teasing was a lot of fun, too . Great work, Virginia--will be curious to know what you end up deciding to do with the story... Laura
Last edited by LMA; 02/02/15 12:29 AM.
"Where's Clark?" "Right here."
...two simple sentences--with so much meaning.
~Lois and Clark in 'House of Luthor'~
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Kerth
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There are certainly some unanswered questions that you could explore in another part or a sequel. Ultrawoman was a way for Lois to use Superman's powers while Clark didn't have them. But now they both have powers, so Lois doesn't need to use hers. She doesn't have Clark's temperament - can't handle using them in the same way he can. So even though she has the powers, what if she made a conscious choice not to use them? Let Clark go back to being Superman and retire Ultrawoman. Would she be able to cut herself off completely, or would she only use them for selfish purposes like aiding her investigations? Would Clark resent Lois for having powers but not using them to help others? Of course, those ideas would move your story away from romantic comedy and towards drama and conflict, so you should probably just ignore me! Susan, who thinks that the karaoke bar has small Ultrawoman shrine off in the corner, as the patrons wait patiently for her return
You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie.
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Comments! Lady Loisette: Thanks for coming back to comment. That's what got me into trouble with my Chuck fic and how my 4,000 word story turned into a 30,000 word story. I let the readers decide. This is the first time I've done that. My stories have no problem becoming long, because I usually let the characters decide what they should do. (I know, stupid, right? /shakes head/ They *never* want their story to end. They're always rambling on in their minds about this and that or whatnot.) It's why my 11th file of Wrong Clark (do you really even want to know this?), which only covers parts 184-206 (roughly) is 95K words and will probably be over 100K before I start my 12th file. (300-350 pages of double spaced story per file is long enough, don't you think?) Nah. You didn't want to know that. Congratulations on getting to 30K. Once you get that far in, it's the stopping that gets hard. By then, it's become an addiction. You love these characters and you don't want to leave them to go work on something else. I completely understand. Hmmmm. /Considers new self-help group: Over-Writers Anonymous. / I would be fine with whatever you decided. It could end here and I would be satisfied, but having more story to read would be fun too. I haven't made any firm decision yet. This week, between filing taxes, sick kids, Superbowl, catching cold of sick kids, and starting my new job, writing has been allotted to between 10pm-11pm at night, if that. I'm really behind. Whichever way you choose to go I've enjoyed this story. It's been a fun read. Thanks.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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DebbieG: Debbie!!! Hi! I enjoyed the story (I always like Ultra Woman stories!), and I think Christina is right: you could continue it if you want to. Thank you. Yes, I find that Betas are usually right, even if you don't always want to hear what they say when they say it. /Many thanks to Lynn S.M. and Wendy, my other betas, who had the guts to tell me that Part 3 -- the first draft -- didn't work. AT ALL./ - How do they get the Red K back? - Will the Newtrich Sisters knowing Lois is UW compromise Lois and Clark? - How does Lois take to superhero-hood? Does she keep her powers permanently, or lose them like Jesse Stepanovich?
Inquiring minds want to know! Basically, you hit Christina's points exactly on why Part 3 didn't feel like "The End" to her. Thanks for your advice.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Laura: Thanks for coming back to tell me what you thought of Part 3. I didn't think my question would stump so many people. Hmmm....wow, Virginia, I could really go either way on this . I really liked this part, and getting to the ending, I can see this being the ending. I don't feel like the story got 'cut off' or anything. Thank you. /the part of me that has been struggling with this story since writing part one and always feeling there was more to be said thanks you./ But...there are things that would be fun to exlore . Hence...your options. #1--leave as is, and have a sequel down the road. #2.--part 4. Yep, there's lies my dilemma. My main problem is that I haven't dealt with the Newtrich sisters at all, so stopping here and then writing another story which finishes within this same episode feels wrong. I would definitely keep that plot part within the arc of this story. I'd like to see how everything with the Red K and the Newtrich sisters is resolved. I'd love to know if Lois keeps her powers and how she/they adjust to this, or if she doesn't, how does everything get back to 'normal'. And--knowing me --I'd love anything that progresses them towards the alter, a WAFFY moment here or there as you wrap the storyline up. You state my inner conflict so well here. But, I guess, really, you could accomplish any of this by doing either #1 or #2. I guess...final verdict...is basing my suggestion on where you are with the story at the moment. If you think you want more added to the story--and feel inspired now, maybe just go for it--part 4 . Or...if you want to give it some time, think more about it, give us a sequel as a lovely surprise down the road a bit . ( Or--last option--maybe leave as is? It does, like I mentioned, feel good the way it is, also, IMO). Well, I'll have to see where inspiration strikes. /eyes thundercloud ominously./ Any way you go about it, I'm totally . It was a really fun story, loved it, and have completely enjoyed it. Thank you. For the briefest of moments when I read this part, I wondered if Clark could have his powers back. I mean, he did get all the way down to the ground alive. But...I knew that Lois had her powers, and never thought that they'd both potentially have powers at the same time, so I figured I must be wrong . That's what's so great about the lightning strike. Clark doesn't know good ol' William Wallace Walldecker got his powers, because he still had his. But in UW, he KNEW right away something wasn't right. Had a bit of a 'moment' here reading this paragraph. It always obviously bugged me that Clark broke up with Lois 'for her own good' in Contact--it seemed like such a sudden reality check he had. Tell me about! BUT, I don't know if I ever thought about why it annoyed me so much, and seemed so sudden. This reasoning is amazing! It makes no sense that from a concussion he would freak out so much, but from freezing Lois a few eps back--and her almost not coming out of it--he'd move right on past it and propose. Great point, Virginia--the concussion reaction is quite, quite 'off'. Loved this! . Thank you. I always thought it weird he jumped to proposing after freezing Lois, too. But it was a very romantic proposal with the fountain, rain, and him promising to make it through his whole speech /sigh/ I can't fault them for taking it there just for the sake of season finale cliffy. True . Liked this a lot . I've been watching a lot of Young Justice lately (come on, Netflix, where's S2?!) and Superman gets knocked this way and that, all the time. Sometimes, grunting as if something hurts. So, I figured, with all things equal... This part was awesome. I really enjoyed 'Clark Babble' . And the teasing was a lot of fun, too . Thank you. /cup overflowith/ The only thing that makes Clark nervous is Lois and now they're equal. That's got to be a big deal in so many ways, as it knocks out a bunch of his previous concerns. Great work, Virginia--will be curious to know what you end up deciding to do with the story... Thanks. Me, too.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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groobie: Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. There are certainly some unanswered questions that you could explore in another part or a sequel. Ultrawoman was a way for Lois to use Superman's powers while Clark didn't have them. But now they both have powers, so Lois doesn't need to use hers. She doesn't have Clark's temperament - can't handle using them in the same way he can. So even though she has the powers, what if she made a conscious choice not to use them? Let Clark go back to being Superman and retire Ultrawoman. Interesting concept. It's why I've always wondered if Clark's kids (fully powered) would follow in his footsteps. Would they feel obligated to just because they have these power, even if they didn't actually *want* to? I'm sure some of them might. If so, how would they rebel against said feeling of obligation? I doubt that Clark would ever force his kids to make the life choices he did, but they probably still think he'd want them to... whether they wanted to or not, they just might just to please their dad. Would she be able to cut herself off completely, or would she only use them for selfish purposes like aiding her investigations? Oh, she'd totally use them. Even Clark does. Would Clark resent Lois for having powers but not using them to help others? Would he? I can't see Clark resenting anyone (save maybe Dan). Of course, those ideas would move your story away from romantic comedy and towards drama and conflict, so you should probably just ignore me! This was a romantic comedy? Uh... yes, I guess, I did move it in that direction. What? Ignore your wonderful advice? Never! Follow it? /shrugs/ We'll have to see what the fates have in store for this story's future. Susan, who thinks that the karaoke bar has small Ultrawoman shrine off in the corner, as the patrons wait patiently for her return No comment.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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That's what got me into trouble with my Chuck fic and how my 4,000 word story turned into a 30,000 word story. I let the readers decide. This is the first time I've done that. My stories have no problem becoming long, because I usually let the characters decide what they should do. (I know, stupid, right? /shakes head/ They *never* want their story to end. They're always rambling on in their minds about this and that or whatnot.) It's why my 11th file of Wrong Clark (do you really even want to know this?), which only covers parts 184-206 (roughly) is 95K words and will probably be over 100K before I start my 12th file. (300-350 pages of double spaced story per file is long enough, don't you think?) Nah. You didn't want to know that. Congratulations on getting to 30K. Once you get that far in, it's the stopping that gets hard. By then, it's become an addiction. You love these characters and you don't want to leave them to go work on something else. I completely understand. Hmmmm. /Considers new self-help group: Over-Writers Anonymous. / I've never let anyone else decide what happens with my story before my last one. So it was a new experience letting outside sources have some control over my story. Characters who want to do their own thing is how I ended up with a still unfinished 153,000 word sequel to a 20,000 word story. When/if I can ever finish it, I have an unlimited supply of one-shots to write for that universe.
"Who's asking? Clark... or Superman?"
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I've never let anyone else decide what happens with my story before my last one. So it was a new experience letting outside sources have some control over my story. Characters who want to do their own thing is how I ended up with a still unfinished 153,000 word sequel to a 20,000 word story. When/if I can ever finish it, I have an unlimited supply of one-shots to write for that universe. Hmmmm. Perhaps we need to rename our self-help group to "Those in a Relationship with a Domineering Muse" instead? LOL.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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She leaped backward off the road and landed in a field, in a mud puddle to be more precise. It was still raining, but it was easing up.
“Clark?” she gasped, her hand rising to her mouth.
Where was he? Wouldn’t it be awkward if the lightning bolt had liquefied him and that puddle was all that remained? “Oh, thank God, you’re alive,” Lois said, pulling him into her arms and squeezing him tight. “I was… I thought… you…”
“Lois?” Clark mumbled. “Ow!” So…? Clark stared at her before answering, and wryly at that, “You’re right. I’m not fine. My fiancée got high on red Kryptonite and shot me with a bolt of lightning.” “Only by the grace of…” She stopped and stared at him. “Why aren’t you dead?” Before that, I froze the woman that I love more than anything, just because she said it was the only thing to do.” To be fair, that was the smart thing to do, not going against her wishes. “Did you forget that I dumped Superman for you?” she snapped. “For just Clark Kent you.” Maybe he should tread carefully, now? He disregarded her interruption. “You’ve been acting as if you’re a bit invulnerable because of me.”
Lois held out her arms so he could get a good look at her Ultra Woman costume. “Well, this conversation is moot, now, isn’t it?” she said, her voice getting rough. “Because now the only one of us who can die is you!” LEX: Working on it! “I won’t hold your past transactions over your head, Transgressions? Lois could never resist that smile. “Marry me and I’ll promise never to try to hurt you on purpose… again.” “I know you won’t, Lois,” he replied, taking her hand in his and floating up into the air. “But it really isn’t necessary.” Living dangerous, aren’t we? “I was not,” he exclaimed. “Apparently, it hurts when someone with your own strength slugs you, whether you have powers or not. It’s a new experience for me.” So, she can now slap him when he flirts with blondes and it will hurt? “Trust me, when I say that problem will only get worse.” Hmm…maybe the dirty talk without the dirt? when my folks staying at my ‘are’ missing? He covered his face with his hand, before mumbling to himself, “Oh, God, shut me up now.” He quite unsure how to proposition his fiancée, isn’t he? “Um… Lois, you weren’t dating Superman.”
She scoffed. “Yeah, right.” “Oh,” she said with a sly smile, letting go. “Does that mean that Ultra Woman is still available too? I did receive quite a few flowers bouquets at the office.” She just loved it when he asked her to prove him wrong. “No more bachelor auctions, Clark?” she asked, batting her eyelashes innocently.
“And none for you either,” he retorted. Oh? Do they actually do Bachelorette auctions? The speed at which your analytical mind works, jumping to conclusions I’d never in my wildest dreams have realized… She’s a new chess computer? He wanted something, but she had no idea what it could be. Stay the night? “It won’t work, Clark,” she said, standing up. “No matter how much flattery you throw my way, you’re still not staying the night.” “Who knows if I’m still being affected by the red Kryptonite and I’d hate for you to think it might be boosting my…” She licked her lips. “— desire for you.” “Then again,” she continued, pausing long enough to bite her bottom lip. “They do say that intimacy after a fight can be quite enjoyable.” He gulped. “Mom and…uh… um… Dad will wonder where I disappeared off to.” MARTHA: ” She zipped down the hall and threw on her schlumpy Superman sleep shirt again. She returned to find Clark still leaning against her door, now covering his eyes.
“Lois,” he said weakly, lowering his hand. “You do know that I… I can… when you change super fast… I still can… now… um…” He pointed to his eyes. So, she was in plain sight? Nervously, she bit her top lip. “What did you think?”
Clark’s lips were on hers so fast “And it leads directly to our honeymoon.” TEMPUS: “And it leads directly to our honeymoon.” LOIS: She thinks there are some dangling strings that need knotting in a Part 4. Michael
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Darth Michael; Let's see if I can sneak in another reply before tomorrow. Wouldn’t it be awkward if the lightning bolt had liquefied him and that puddle was all that remained? CLARK: Awkward? To be fair, that was the smart thing to do, not going against her wishes. It's at time like those that one really could use the friendship of a genius (or world's greatest detective). Maybe he should tread carefully, now? Where's the fun in that? LOIS: Oh, die already, will ya?! CLARK: Lois! LOIS: What? Lex always thinks everything is about him. Living dangerous, aren’t we? What? Two flying superheroes? Or misleading Lois? So, she can now slap him when he flirts with blondes and it will hurt? CLARK: /points at his chest/ It always hurt, right there. Hmm…maybe the dirty talk without the dirt? Clean talk? Ooops. I'll try to remember to fix that bit if my GE doesn't catch it. He quite unsure how to proposition his fiancée, isn’t he? He doesn't have much practice. Oh? Do they actually do Bachelorette auctions? Isn't that how that Celtic guy bought Lois? She’s a new chess computer? Well, she was captain of her chess club. (Actually, I don't think so, which is why Lois teases him about it.) MARTHA: /How do you think you were conceived?/ CLARK: On Krypton. MARTHA: Never mind. So, she was in plain sight? For some. TEMPUS: “And it leads directly to our honeymoon.” LOIS: /evil/ What does Tempus have to do with L&C's honeymoon? Oh, right. Herb-interruptus.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Isn’t that what you say when something unfortunate happens? CLARK: Unfortunate? It's at time like those that one really could use the friendship of a genius (or world's greatest detective). Like one of those birdmen? ER: Maybe he should tread carefully, now? EW: Where's the fun in that? To be had later, when she *doesn’t* dump him? LOIS: Oh, die already, will ya?! CLARK: Lois! LOIS: What? Lex always thinks everything is about him. Also, now that she…well…considering the outcome…won’t Lex be quite surpised? ER: Living dangerous, aren’t we? EW: What? Two flying superheroes? Or misleading Lois? Floating sans suit. CLARK: /points at his chest/ It always hurt, right there. LOIS: /punches him, right there/ CLARK: Oooowwwwww! LOIS: You were right. Isn't that how that Celtic guy bought Lois? He did? Huh. So, would those be classified very progressive or very sexist? CLARK: On Krypton. MARTHA: /I think Jonathan never had *that* talk with him/ Never mind. LOIS: Thanks. Thanks a lot… What does Tempus have to do with L&C's honeymoon? Oh, right. Herb-interruptus. Michael
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