Wrong Place, Wrong Time, Wrong Clark TOC can be found Here

Where we left Wrong Clark in Part 208

“God has given you an answer to your prayers,” Carlos said.

“If it is a sign, what does it mean? I feel as if I am being tricked into compliance… as if someone – I don’t mean Lois – will pull the rug out from under my feet at the last second and take this future away from me, again. I don’t know if I could survive that.” Clark closed his eyes and tried to rub the stress from his forehead.

“God’s meaning is for you to interpret,” Carlos replied. “I can guide you, Clark, but the final decision must rest with you.”

Clark’s shoulders sagged. “The universe is testing me. Good things don’t happen to me.”

“No?” Carlos returned. “I disagree.”

Clark raised his gaze.

“You grew into a decent and kind man, despite what life and the universe has thrown at you. You have found a woman to love, who loves you. You have a job, or two, at which you excel and that you enjoy. You have friends who would risk their lives to save yours. Yes, you have struggles, we all do.” Carlos nodded towards his cane. “But many, many good things have happened to you. You, Clark, are truly blessed.”

Clark felt it difficult to see his life in this light, yet despite this, a weight rose off his heart, making it easier to breathe. “Are you always this optimistic?”

Carlos chuckled as if he had heard that critique before. “God has also blessed you with my friendship, or should I say ‘cursed’?” He winked.

Clark returned his smile. They might not be brothers in any sense, but he felt a kinship with this man. “Definitely blessed.”

***

Part 209

Even though Lois wasn’t its star attraction, it was nice to be at an event with the best of her profession. She knew she would again be on top by this time next year. This year, however, she was here to support Clark, hang off his arm decoratively, laugh at his jokes, and try not to rip out his spleen for being nominated. She knew it wasn’t Clark’s fault that he was nominated instead of her.

It was the fault of the Kerth Nomination Committee.

“The nominees for the Kerth Investigative Journalism Award are Clark Kent from the Daily Planet for his investigation of the substantial lack of care the residents at Metropolis nursing homes received…” the emcee on the dais said.

Lois turned to look at her date. He appeared nervous. It was strange that a journalism award meant so much to him when people, charities, and governments offered Superman awards every week or so. He had tried to explain it to her earlier. Those other awards were given to him merely because of the abilities he had that others didn’t. If he won this award, it would be as Clark Kent, someone on a level playing field with the other nominees.

She squeezed his hand and, upon catching his eye, gave him a supportive smile.

It wasn’t as if any of these other losers could beat Clark. Next to her, he was the best journalist out there. Now, if Lois had been nominated, it would have been an entirely different scenario.

“For her investigations of Lex Luthor’s dating habits and the disappearance of Dr. Brenda Muldoon that combined to lead her to the discovery of Lex Luthor’s secret underground bunker full of people missing since Nightfall, Catherine Grant from the Houston Chronicle.”

What? Lois’s gaze snapped back to the dais and the stuffed shirt at the microphone. Turning, she focused on Perry across the table from her, who appeared entirely too distracted by his glass of wine.

Lois returned her attention to her date. “That was my story,” she hissed.

Clark raised his hand to quiet her.

She picked up her awards program, which she had ceremoniously dumped into the center of the table without a glance when she sat down, and quickly flipped through it. There it was, right where Lois’s name usually appeared. Catherine Grant. Appalling!

Now, Lois had proof positive that the Kerth Committee had been drunk when they picked the nominees. Cat Grant nominated for a Kerth Award?

This was an outrage!

Crossing her arms with a loud harrumph, Lois forced herself not to make a scene that would surely ruin Clark’s winning moment. However, once Clark had his glass trophy, the Kerth Nomination Committee was going to hear an earful from her about the lowering of their standards.

Clark leaned forward and set his hand on Lois’s shoulder. “Actually, Cat was working parallel to your investigation,” he whispered. “She figured out that Dr. Muldoon was one of Luthor’s prisoners and that Miranda, Dr. Toni Barnes, Toni Taylor as well as numerous other women all had received Gucci watches with tracking devices in them from Lex Luthor.”

“Because of me!” she said, patting her chest. “My investigation!”

“Can we discuss this later?” Clark replied.

“No!” She pushed Clark out of her personal space. “Perry!”

This time, her boss gave her a ‘not now’ warning with his eyes.

“And the winner for the Kerth Award in Investigative Journalism goes to…” the emcee said, causing Lois to return her focus to the dais. “Catherine Grant!”

***

“Highway robbery!” Lois said once again, much to Clark’s chagrin.

Clark set his hand in the small of Lois’s back in hopes of reminding her to keep a civil tongue as they wended their way through the crowd to congratulate Cat.

Duct tape across Lois’s lips probably would’ve worked better.

You were supposed to win tonight. Not her!”

“Thank you in believing in me, Lois,” Clark murmured.

“It’s not belief, Clark. It’s a fact!

Clark groaned. “Lois, unless you had peeked inside the envelope, you can’t know who would’ve…”

Should’ve won,” she corrected, giving him a pointed look. “And I do too know.”

Clark knew that if he let it, his mind would dwell on the not-so-hidden implication of her words. Then, his conscious and subconscious would let this wound fester as it endlessly debated whether it was something he had done differently than Lois’s true Clark in order not to have left tonight’s ceremony with an award. Instead, he exhaled those negative thoughts and reminded himself on the excellence of Cat’s series of articles.

He paused his step as the full meaning of Lois’s words sunk in.

She stopped and turned back questioningly.

“If you knew, then why did you give me such a hard time when you weren’t nominated?” he asked, crossing his arms.

Lois’s cheeks deepened in color and she glanced away. “Well, maybe ‘knew’ wasn’t…” She cut herself off and met his gaze with a hard one of her own. “Knowing something isn’t an exact science,” she snapped before continuing across the banquet hall.

Clark smiled to himself. Lois hated that her semi-psychic abilities occasionally meant she guessed wrongly. He wished they were alone so that he could scoop her up into his arms and kiss away her anger.

Unfortunately, Cat’s acceptance speech did all but flat-out admit to everyone in the upper echelons of the newspaper business that the gossip columnist had started looking into Lex’s sex life because she knew Lois wasn’t giving the billionaire any and Cat had wondered who was. Her reasoning for Lois’s good behavior wasn’t so subtle. Cat had stated that it was due to Lois’s romantic relationship with her writing partner Clark Kent. Therefore, Clark knew this wasn’t the appropriate place or time to further draw attention to them as a couple by kissing Lois in the manner he so dearly wished to.

Why did Cat always have to throw Lois those backhanded compliments? By announcing that Lois hadn't degraded herself by sleeping with her billionaire fiancé or cheated on her partner (positive) by proving Luthor had slept with many other women while they were supposedly dating and engaged (negative). Not to mention, bringing up Lois’s sex life, and/or the lack thereof, in such public forums. He sighed, resigned that the two women he loved most would never see eye-to-eye, and hurried to catch up with Lois before she stuck her foot into her mouth or, worse, her fist into Cat’s jaw.

“Cat owes us!” Lois growled as if she knew Clark was right behind her. “Stealing our stories…”

He set his hand on Lois’s arm slowing her down. “I owe her.”

“Just because she never said anything about what…”

“She saved my life,” he murmured. Lois stopped and turned to stare at him. He lowered his voice even quieter before continuing, “Superman’s life.”

*

When Cat had returned to her table, she automatically handed her trophy to Phil. There was no way she was going to carry both that heavy glass sculpture and her belly without dropping one of them. As it was, her little soccer player was wreaking havoc with her bladder. She had already grabbed her purse in hopes of making it to the ladies room, when the first of the well-wishers had arrived to block her path.

Five minutes later, her knees firmly locked together, Cat edged closer and closer to the restroom. She glanced over her shoulder towards Phil, hoping that he might be able to rescue her. Regrettably, she saw that he was deep into a conversation with Jimmy and Jenny Olsen. Jimmy had been up for a photography award for his photos of those fake FBI men who had stormed the Kent farm the previous October when those crazy army men had kidnapped Clark and exposed him to Kryptonite. Like Clark, Jimmy didn’t win, though.

Cat smiled politely at the New York Times reporter, plying her with questions about Luthor’s arrest, as she took another step towards the restroom. In the approaching crowd behind him, Cat saw Lois bee-lining towards her. Barely in time, Cat stopped herself from exhaling with relief. Not a wise move in her current condition.

“Excuse me,” she said to… what’s-his-name Scott. “I see a dear friend of mine with whom I must speak.” She brushed past him, thankful to have a plausible excuse to escape his inane questions. Forget Clark. Lois would be her hero! It wasn’t as if Clark could go with her to the ladies room anyway. “Lois!

Startled at Cat’s warm reception, Lois looked at her skeptically. Clark joined them a moment later.

“You don’t know how glad I am to see you!” Cat cheered with an over-abundance of enthusiasm she could tell neither of them believed.

“Congratulations again, Cat,” Clark said with a genuine grin. He reached forward to take hold of her fingertips over the heads of the faux well-wishers. If these people had truly wished her well, they wouldn’t have been making fun of her the ten-plus years she had covered society pages, celebrities, and charity events in Metropolis. Clark’s other hand propelled Lois forward into Cat’s path.

Lois rolled her eyes and stated in a complete monotone as if Clark was feeding her lines she didn’t want to say, “Congratulations, Cat.”

Cat wrapped her arms around Clark’s girlfriend, whispering, “Come to the restroom with me.”

“Why? Do you want to pump me for more information?” Lois retorted, stiffly not returning Cat’s embrace. “Or do you want to warn me that the ballroom is bugged?”

Cat laughed unexpectedly, which caused her to grab her belly in hopes of keeping her bladder in check. “I wouldn’t be surprised. You know how much Lex hates people talking about him behind his back.”

Lois actually cracked a slight smile in response.

Cat used this icebreaker as an excuse to hook her hand through Lois’s elbow, dragging her away from Clark. “We must catch up! I hear you’ve spent some time on the space station. Phil is over-the-moon jealous,” Cat said loud enough for anyone around them to hear.

Lois groaned, and only belatedly did Cat realize her pun.

“Why don’t you just tell people the truth?” Lois asked her. “Stating the obvious always was your forté.”

Lois was right. Why hadn’t Cat just told that annoying yap-a-doodle from the New York Times that she needed to use the little girl's room? Maybe it had to do with all the attention on her career this evening; Cat didn’t want her stomach once more to be everyone’s focus. Tonight’s festivities would be her last hurrah career-wise for a while and she didn’t want it to turn into another discussion about the baby.

When is the baby due, Cat?

Do you know if it’s a girl or a boy?

Wow, you’re as huge as a horse!

Can I feel your belly?

I never thought I’d see the day when some man domesticated Cat Grant!

You’re positively glowing.

My, have your feet… boobs… face… etc… swollen with pregnancy weight.

What’s your wildest food craving?

You want to play doctor, Mommy?

Cat wanted to slug them all. The ones who treated her with kid gloves and the ones who thought it was funny to make obnoxious, usually lewd, comments about her being pregnant.

Yes, she was pregnant. No, they didn’t know the sex of the baby, yet. Cat hadn’t lost her mind and still wanted to discuss topics completely unrelated to her fertility, but apparently, nobody else thought she was able to do so. If there was anyone at this event Cat knew wouldn’t treat her like a mommy-to-be, it was Lois.

“What did you think you were doing stealing my story and cutting Clark out of your story? He deserved more than an honorable mention in your thank-you speech,” Lois said, storming up the aisle and dragging Cat along. Yep, Cat could count on Mad Dog Lane to be laser focused. “You owe us.”

Cat laughed, which caused her to grab her belly again and rush a little faster. She loved how people jumped to get out of Lois’s way. It was something she had always admired about Lois, not that Cat would ever admit to it. “Don’t you already have a couple of shiny trophies, Lois?”

“Three, but Clark doesn’t have any, thanks to you,” Lois replied.

“Oh, boo-hoo. If you wanted him to have one so badly you should’ve added his name to your award-winning Prometheus story last year, instead of keeping him as a contributor,” Cat said, following Lois into the ladies lounge. “If he hadn’t needed to babysit you on your Luthor investigation, he wouldn’t have dropped the ball on our Brenda Muldoon story.”

“I didn’t need his protection and I don’t need your attitude,” Lois said, plowing through the lounge to the restroom. “His nursing home piece…”

“Was a touchy-feely piece about old people and you know it,” Cat responded. There were three women ahead of her in line. Terrific. The biggest night of her career and she was going to end up wetting herself.

“Why don’t you go first, honey?” the older woman at the front of the line said to Cat.

Sometimes, pregnancy had its perks. Cat quickly accepted the woman’s offer before she changed her mind. “Thank you.”

Cat was fixing her lipstick in the mirror when Lois emerged back into the lounge five minutes later.

Lois pointed a finger at her. “What you did was pretty darn lousy.”

Cat raised an eyebrow at her in response. She knew Lois would clarify.

“I told you about Lex’s bunker and about him tracking me with my watch in confidence. You knew they were components on my story.”

“And where is that story exactly, Lois?” Cat retorted, plopping her lipstick back into her purse. “You’ve been back on Earth for… six weeks now and your story still has yet to make the light of day. Anyway, it’s old news now, isn’t it?”

Lois scowled, and another woman who had started to approach the mirror backed up and quickly left the room, leaving them alone. “It’ll be in bookstores next spring.”

“What? Couldn’t make the Christmas rush? Too bad,” Cat jabbed back.

Growling in frustration, Lois sat down in one of the soft chairs. Point to Cat.

“I need you to tell me the truth,” Lois said some seconds later.

“I always tell you the truth, Lois. Whether or not you believe me…”

Lois locked eyes with her. “Clark said you saved him.”

Cat swallowed and glanced around the small room to make sure they were alone. “It was nothing,” she said carefully. Dinner lurched in her stomach as she recalled that day.

Lois reached forward and touched Cat’s arm. “Thank you.”

Cat closed her eyes. She could never recall a single instant when Lois had ever thanked her in the entire time they had worked together at the Daily Planet. Not even as a common courtesy. Cat’s knees weakened and she sat on the padded bench. “I… I was… I didn’t know he’d be there. I was looking for a way to contact you, because Clark had disappeared, but security wouldn’t let me in,” she said. “What’s up with that? I invited you to my wedding.”

“I was Clark’s plus one, and I had to go in a hideous disguise,” Lois replied. “That’s hardly the same as an invite.”

“It wasn’t as if I could invite the Lois Lane. She might’ve brought Lex Luthor, and he certainly wasn’t welcome.”

Lois’s gaze narrowed. Second point to Cat. Lois’s expression softened as she considered Cat’s words. “If security didn’t let you in, how did you…?”

Cat shrugged. “Through Lex’s secret parking garage.”

“Smart.” Lois nodded, actually seeming impressed.

“I had snuck in before. That’s how I discovered he had a clone,” Cat explained. “Although, I didn’t realize at the time he was Lex’s clone. I just thought Lex had a twin brother he hadn’t told anyone about.”

Lois’s jaw fell open.

“Between the terrorists taking over the Planet and reuniting with Phil, I completely forgot that detail,” Cat went on.

Lois’s jaw opened wider.

“Clark didn’t… well, I guess I never told Clark the whole story of what happened that night,” Cat said, and launched into a brief recap of her following Lois and this second Lex to the Planet, only to discover that they had been taken hostage. “Anyway, Phil heard about the Daily Planet and came rushing over to see if I was okay.” Cat sighed with a faint smile. She recalled that he hadn’t even taken the time to put on shoes.

Lois’s lips were pressed together, not in annoyance, but in thought. She shifted a seat closer to Cat and glanced around the empty lounge before asking, “Do you know everything that Luthor did… that happened to him?”

Cat nodded. “Not all, but enough.”

Lois looked down at her hands. “He’s still haunted by it.”

“I bet,” Cat replied. “I try not to think about it myself.”

The color drained out of Lois’s face as her wide eyes flashed back to Cat’s.

Cat took hold on Lois’s hand. “Clark loves you. He always has and he always will. I’ve never seen a man so in love.”

“He never told me the details on how you rescued him,” Lois admitted. “How was he when you found him?”

“Broken, but not defeated. Extremely weak.”

Lois nodded. “From the Kryp…” She glanced around again, before lowering her voice. “From the Kryptonite?”

Cat felt a huge weight leave her shoulders. Clark had been able to tell Lois about the cage. He would be okay. She knew that Clark had been hesitant to bring up the subject the few times that Cat had tried to during the summer. Being able to speak about it with Lois would do him worlds of good. “Even when I had opened the door, he couldn’t stand. He ended up crawling out of the cage, because I couldn’t lift him.”

Lois gripped Cat’s hand more tightly. “You don’t think that Luthor…” She swallowed. “— did anything to him, do you?”

“Physically?” Cat’s brow furrowed. “No, not more than a few kicks to his gut, I don’t think. Luthor’s torture was mostly mental. Trying to break his spirit. You were his saving grace, Lois,” she went on. “He kept saying ‘it’s not her. It wasn’t her.’ He never gave up on your love.”

Instead of looking more reassured by her words, Lois appeared sickened by them. Her face seemed to turn green. “It wasn’t me?” she echoed back, almost to herself, yet in a horrified tone. Lois was about to say something else, but the door to the lounge slammed open and several other women joined them. Lois stood up and pulled Cat to her feet. “The men are probably wondering where we are.”

Cat waved off this concern. “Let them wonder. It’s good for them.”

One of the women who interrupted them, said, “Congratulations on winning, Cat. So, how far along are you?” She reached out to touch Cat’s stomach.

Cat stared at the woman, aghast.

Lois slapped the woman’s hand away. “She’s not Buddha. How’d you like it if she touched your body uninvited?”

The woman stammered an apology.

“My hero,” Cat chuckled, as they passed through the door and back into the banquet hall.

“People can be so rude,” Lois retorted.

“Takes one to know one,” Cat teased. “Although, I have always wanted to know how falsies compared to the real thing and I think you’ve just ruined my one opportunity to find out.”

“The next in-depth investigation by Cat Grant,” Lois suggested with mirth.

Cat grabbed her stomach and bent over laughing. “Stop it! You’ll break my water.”

Lois pointed at her. “Don’t you dare! This evening has been horrible enough already.”

“Gee, thanks,” Cat returned. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Clark rushed up. “Everything all right? I heard someone mention breaking waters.”

Cat grabbed his arms and rested her head on his chest. Tears came to her eyes as she became overcome with giggles. Dear, sweet, Clark. Always a hero. “Don’t you two jinx me now,” Cat scolded. “I plan to sleep a full night in my own bed tonight. I’m hoping this baby shows fashionably late, not fashionably early.”

“So, everything’s all right?” he repeated, but Cat had a sneaky suspicion this time he wasn’t addressing her.

“Cat admitted that you deserved to have her award as much as she does,” Lois replied.

Before Cat could correct her, Clark said, “Liar.”

Cat removed her head from Clark’s chest. “Hey! I could’ve said that.”

“Yes, and someday Lois will give up chocolate and Perry Elvis,” Clark said gently, patting her hand and tucking it around his arm. “Anything’s possible.”

Maybe Cat shouldn’t have given up hope of experiencing floating sex, if anything was possible. However, for some peculiar reason that didn’t appeal to her any longer. It could have to do with the fact that she knew that Clark was head over heels in love with Lois, or with Phil, who glanced up at her at that moment and gave her a smile she could feel into the core of her bones. She decided to blame the baby for making risky sex less alluring. Another benefit of pregnancy. Someone else to blame for things.

***

After waving goodbye to Perry, Clark took Lois’s hand and led her across the street. They could walk for a few blocks before catching a cab or cape back to her apartment.

“It’s so strange,” he murmured, more to himself than Lois.

“What is?” Lois asked, moving her hand up to his elbow.

“Cat and Phil. Jimmy and Jenny. You and me,” Clark explained.

“And how are we strange?” Lois teased.

“Well, not strange as in out of the ordinary, a job for Superman, or anything else like that, but…” He shook his head. “Who would have believed it a year ago?” He smiled at her, loving how just being in her company made him feel happy.

“That Cat and Jimmy had both gotten married? Not me,” Lois chuckled, hugging his arm. “I never would’ve bet on that.”

“And expecting.”

Lois froze. “And what?

“Jenny. I’m pretty sure she’s pregnant,” Clark said.

“When did that happen?” Lois sputtered.

“June, I’m guessing.”

“So, what you’re saying is that Jimmy eloped because he knocked Jenny up during your guys’ trip to Vegas?”

“I didn’t say that.” Clark cleared his throat, feeling guilty for implying that. Even more so, for believing it, too. “He said it was love at first sight.”

“But that’s what you meant, isn’t it?” Lois prodded. “Cat and Phil had a one night stand…”

“Technically, it was more of an all-day romp in the copy room, but…” His voice faded at Lois’s glare. “I’m sorry. You were saying?”

“Cat ended up pregnant and they got married. Jimmy and Jenny, same thing,” Lois said. Then, he heard that slight clicking noise she made with her tongue when she was considering something from all sides. “Huh. You’re right, Clark.”

He felt his stomach drop as the ground seemed to disappear out from under his feet, but not in the good way. Lois never admitted he was right so easily. “Oh, really?”

“Yes. It is strange that both of our friends had what were essentially one-night stands with people they had fallen in love with at first sight. They both ended up pregnant and married,” Lois concurred. “And yet it didn’t happen to us. Very strange, indeed.”

He wasn’t sure what she was getting at from her tone of voice. It sounded a bit sarcastic, but often Lois hid her true feelings behind such a veil. “Do you wish that…?” His voice cracked as a tightness engulfed his chest. Did he really want to know the answer to that question?

“Heavens, no!” she gasped. “We were very lucky, that’s all.”

He had to agree, exhaling. These things seemed to happen in threes. What with all the lying she had done about what had occurred in the hospital, had she ended up pregnant while engaged to Luthor, it would have added a very unwelcome wrinkle to their lives. “Do you want…?”

“Clark,” she cut him off. “I just celebrated my twenty-seventh birthday. I have lots of living to do before I think about hanging up that shingle.”

His brow furrowed. “What shingle would that be?”

“The one that reads ‘Once great reporter, now a wife and mother.’ No thanks,” she replied.

“Oh,” he whispered. Lana hadn’t wanted to be a mother, either.

Lois tightened her hand on his arm. “Not ‘never’, Chuck. Just not right now,” she clarified.

Clark stared at her. Had Lois just told him that she was open to them having children someday? Could they have children? Herb had said that Utopia had been founded by their descendants. That, therefore, implied that Clark could father children... should the fates allow them a curse-free existence.

For as long as he could remember, Clark had dreamed of a future where he was a father. Not just because he was the last son of Krypton, but because he had always wanted to have a brother or sister in whom he could confide and with whom he could share his life. While he loved his folks, growing up an only child had been lonely. After they were gone, he had no one.

“I never thought I’d have kids,” Lois continued. “My parents were no great example and I hated being a kid. I couldn’t understand why anyone would want one. They’re dirty, smelly, money sucking, noise making, time hogging, sleep-depriving, career-killing creatures. Anyway, I was sure I’d be a train wreck as a mom.” She held up her hand to stop the reassuring words on the tip of his tongue from emerging. “Then, last year, something changed and becoming a mother didn’t seem so scary anymore.”

“What changed?” he asked.

“You.” She smiled.

“You mean, you met Superman?” he wondered. She hadn’t known his secret until this year.

Lois stopped. “No, Clark. Even after I met Superman, kids weren’t on the radar.” She took both his hands in hers. “I fell in love with you. Never had anyone ever loved me so unconditionally before.” She reached up and caressed his cheek. “Never had I realized that I had the capacity to love so much.”

This time, the floating feeling was literal and he had to stop himself from taking Lois into the clouds. Instead, he pressed his lips to hers.

“I love you, too, minha.”

“I know,” Lois said with a chuckle, patting his cheek. “There’s just something about you, Clark Kent, that makes me imagine having a babe in my arms, whom I love more than life itself.” She drew her hand down from his cheek with a sigh as she continued to gaze into his eyes. “Now, there’s something nobody would have believed a year ago.”

Clark grinned. “I would’ve.”

“In your dreams!” Her laugh became contagious.

“And what good dreams they were, Lois,” he replied with a wink.

She nudged him and he wrapped his arm about her shoulders as they continued down the street.

Lois loved him. Lois wanted to have his baby.

Thank goodness ‘not right now’. It would give him time to figure out exactly what to do about that.

Another strange thought crossed his mind. If Cat made one, and Jimmy made two, which one of his friends would be the third to fall in love at first sight, get married, and begin starting a family… not necessarily in that order?

Lois’s loving gaze brushed that conundrum away. Perhaps it was merely a coincidence, after all.

***End of Part 209***

Part 210

Yes, this dimension is moving further away from canon with every part. Comments

Last edited by VirginiaR; 07/15/15 05:57 PM. Reason: Added Link

VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.