Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic Every Time We Say Goodbye (1/12)

Title: Every Time We Say Goodbye
Author: Sue S.
Rating: PG/PG13ish (mild swearing/intense longing)

There's a scene in 'Barbarians at the Planet' where Lois is poised to tell Clark about Lex's proposal, only to have Perry (and then Lex) interrupt the moment. But what if they hadn't been interrupted? That's not the only liberty I'm going to take with the BatP/HoL arc, but I'm sure you'll easily spot the others. Credit where credit is due, most of their opening conversation has been lifted directly from the episode written by the incomparable Deborah Joy Levine and Dan Levine.

I didn't want to get sucked into an intensive story, so this is going to be rather short on plot, but long on atmosphere. Don't say I didn't warn you! There's basically nothing but fluff and WAFF and UST ahead.

My thanks to magical, who graciously read early drafts of this story and was immensely encouraging.

Most of all, I need to thank Susan, beta extraordinaire. This story would never have come to fruition without her generous help, unfailing inspiration, gentle nudging, and all-around awesomeness. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!

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Part 1

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Lois Lane was lost in thought as she poured a cup of coffee. She very nearly overfilled the mug in her distracted state, but stopped at the last second. As she took a sip to keep the contents from sloshing, she watched her partner dump an unseemly amount of sugar into his coffee. Not for the first time, she envied Clark's apparent ability to eat anything he wanted without gaining weight.

"Clark," she mused aloud, "do you think about the future much?"

"All the time. You?" He gave his coffee an experimental sip before making a small nod of approval.

"A lot, lately." Lois turned and began to walk back to her desk, confident that Clark would be close behind her. "I mean if the Planet ever went under, I'd be lost."

"No. Not you. You'd be back on your feet in no time."

Lois glanced over her shoulder at Clark and gave him a faint smile in appreciation of the compliment. Unfortunately, the possibility of being unemployed was becoming more and more likely. Less than an hour earlier several veteran reporters had been unceremoniously forced into early retirement. A pall now seemed to blanket the newsroom as most of her co-workers grimly updated their resumes.

"Maybe," she allowed with a shrug.

Lois sat down at her desk and set her coffee down in front of her. To her immense relief, Clark seemed to sense that she was working up to something, because he paused at the corner of her desk instead of heading back to his own.

"Something happened recently..." Lois hesitated, unsure how to bring up the subject. It didn't feel like something she could just blurt out -- especially when everyone around her was in such a somber mood.

"Something bad?"

She shook her head. "No. Just something that made me think. I wanted to talk to you about it, but…"

Lois hesitated again. She didn't have any close girlfriends and lately Lucy was too flaky to be a true confidant. The only person in the world that she felt even remotely comfortable talking to about something this personal and momentous was Clark.

Her partner looked around the newsroom before taking a seat in the chair alongside her desk. "Talk to me now." Clark's voice held exactly the right amount of friendly concern and Lois felt a little of her anxiety dissipate.

"Well, it's not the kind of thing that you just blurt out. It takes delicacy--"

"Ah, then you're in a lot of trouble there."

For a moment she simply gaped at him. Then he winked and Lois realized he was teasing her. His affectionate needling broke the rising tension inside her and she gave him a grateful smile.

"I know I don't seem like the type of woman that this would happen to, but…" Lois paused for a deep breath before continuing, "I've never had anyone actually ask me to be his wife."

Clark's eyes went wide. "Luthor?"

Lois nodded, pleased that he had guessed correctly. "Yes. Last night."

"And…?" Clark leaned a little closer and his voice had become hushed as he asked, "What did you say?"

"I told him that I'd have to think about it."

Their eyes met and she could see how serious Clark had become. "And…?"

"And… I don't know." Lois shook her head slightly and then shrugged. "I honestly don't know what to think."

"Do you love him?"

Lois gave another shrug and picked at the edge of her desk with her thumbnail. She'd expected this question, but Clark's expression was a lot more solemn than she had imagined it would be. In fact, his gaze was so intense that Lois had to look away.

"I enjoy being with him," she answered slowly as her thumbnail continued to worry at a small dot of ink on the desk. It suddenly felt extremely difficult to put her feelings into words. "He's very charismatic and… I mean, I'd be crazy to turn him down, wouldn't I?"

When she looked up again, Clark's darkly serious eyes were still fixed on her. "Why would it be crazy to turn him down?" he asked softly.

"Because…" Lois could feel the blush, and feel exactly how ridiculous it was to have to explain Lex's charms to Clark. Her partner had never really tried to hide his mistrust or dislike of Lex. "Because he's rich. He's handsome. He's Lex Luthor, for god's sake."

Clark leaned back slightly, although his gaze didn't waver. "And that's what you want? Someone rich and handsome?"

Lois sat up straighter as his words struck a nerve. "Do you really think I'm that shallow?"

"No. I'm sorry." Clark really did look apologetic as he leaned forward again and touched her elbow. "Look, do you want to go somewhere? Get a cup of coffee?"

Lois lifted her still steaming mug and gave him a wry smile. "We just got coffee."

"You know what I mean."

Lois knew exactly what he meant. Sitting in the newsroom, with its somber and depressive atmosphere, was the wrong place to try and sort through her feelings. She nodded gratefully and opened her bottom drawer to retrieve her purse. "I guess no one's really going to get much work done today. Sure."

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Clark didn't say a word as they left the building to walk across the street. Honestly, he wasn't sure what to say as his mind was still reeling at the thought of Lois married to Lex Luthor. It couldn't happen. He couldn't let it happen, not knowing what he did about the man.

It wasn't until they were seated at a table with a view of the globe over the Planet's entrance that Lois broke the silence to ask, "You're so quiet. Don't you want to hear all the gory details? Like how he asked me?"

Truthfully he didn't want to hear any of it, but Clark gave a genial nod and said, "Sure."

"He flew me to Milan for dinner." Lois rolled her eyes as if saying it out loud had made her realize just how ostentatious of a gesture that had been. "I didn't know that we were going to Italy. But, you know, once you're on the plane, it's kind of hard to back out."

Clark nodded. That sounded exactly like Luthor. The sick pit in his stomach briefly became a shimmer of anger at the idea of Lois trapped on a plane with that sociopath.

"Anyway, so we went to Milan and had dinner and it was… I don't even know how to describe it. The food wasn't just good, it was amazing. And the wine? Oh my god, I've never had anything like it. So I was kind of in this food and wine haze as we were flying home. He even had a violinist to play for us. I was listening to the music, but really I was trying to eavesdrop. Lex kept taking and making all these phone calls, buying this and selling that. And then he got off the phone and suddenly he's talking about how he hoped I'd spend the rest of my life with him. I didn't think he was really serious at first. But then he got down on one knee and presented me with a ring. A big ring. God, that thing must be at least four carats!"

The queasy feeling in Clark's gut continued to spread as Lois blithely babbled on and on about the food, and the violinist, and the proposal, and the ring. Clark jerked to his feet in gratitude when their order was called, eager to escape the table and Lois' growing enthusiasm for a few seconds.

She didn't tell him 'yes,' he reminded himself as walked to the counter to pick up their coffees. Not yet, anyway.

He took a couple of deep, only semi-calming breaths, before returning to their table. Clark set one of the coffee cups in front of Lois, and then began to methodically rip open sugar packets and pour them into his own.

"Anyway," Lois continued, her voice a little more subdued now, "that was when I told him that I needed to think about it."

As Clark stirred his coffee, he could feel the sugar dissolving with each swirl of the spoon. He wished his own emotions could be subsumed as rapidly -- that he could just wave his hand and it wouldn't hurt anymore that the woman he loved was in love with someone else. No, not just someone else. Lex Luthor. She was in love with Lex Luthor. It dawned on him that Lois had stopped talking and she was staring at him, waiting for a response.

"How did he take it?" Clark asked, simply to have something to say. He privately doubted that Luthor had even paused for breath at Lois' request for a little time. He'd bet his next paycheck that the man had simply assessed the situation and decided on a new approach.

"That was the weird part. I told him that I didn't really know him, and he said all I needed to know was that he loved me." Lois leaned forward and dropped her voice. "Honestly, that kind of bothered me. It's like he doesn't know me at all if he thinks I'd accept that as an answer."

Clark glanced up as a tiny tendril of hope unfurled inside him. "And that doesn't feel like a screaming signal to you?"

Lois frowned at him. "Look, I know you don't like him. Forget for a minute, if you can, that you loathe the guy and just be my friend, okay?"

"Okay." Clark returned his focus to the cup of coffee he was still stirring.

"I don't want this to sound shallow, Clark, but his wealth is a factor. If I married Lex, I'd never have to worry about money again. With everything going on at the Planet right now, it's definitely a consideration."

His attention swung back to his partner and he didn't even try to hide his incredulity from her. "You're going to stop being a journalist? Lois, I think you'd have an easier time giving up breathing."

"I didn't say I was going to quit being a journalist! I meant that getting a paycheck would no longer have to be a consideration. Imagine what I could expose if I didn't have to worry about paying the rent. What if the money was always there to pay a source, or to go wherever the story took me? I could do the stories that really matter, stuff that needs to be uncovered and brought into the light! Can you imagine being able to write about anything you wanted, without an editor assigning you to cover the dog show?"

"I like covering the dog show," Clark muttered.

Lois rolled her eyes. "Of course, you do. But I don't."

Clark sat back in his seat, regarding his partner with new eyes. He'd never thought of Lois as avaricious, but he was starting to believe that maybe he'd never really known her. "So you'd marry him for the money?"

Lois glared at him. "No. I said it was a consideration, not a motivation."

"But you don't know if you love him or not?"

She sighed and shook her head slightly. "That's trickier. I do like him. A lot. I'm just not sure if I love him."

"Gee, that's romantic."

Lois sat up straighter in indignation. "Successful marriages have been based on a lot less!"

Clark shook his head. "Successful marriages are based on a lot more."

"So you think I should turn him down?"

For a long moment, that question hung in the air between them. More than anything, Clark wanted to tell her that, of course, she should turn Lex Luthor down. He wanted to plead and beg and reason with her until she opened her eyes and saw Luthor for who he really was. He wanted to tell her that he knew exactly what kind of a man Luthor was, even if it meant confessing the truth about who Superman was. The only thing that stopped him was the certain knowledge that this was the wrong time, the wrong place, and definitely the wrong circumstances to risk that kind of honesty. Instead, Clark took a deep breath and let it out slowly before he spoke again.

"I think you need to seriously consider what kind of a man he is, and if he's the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. His money might make some things possible, but it's never going to buy you happiness."

"I know that." Lois took a sip of coffee and stared out the window, watching the traffic pass by outside for a long moment. She took another drink and then turned her attention back to him. Clark met her gaze, willing her to think -- really think -- about the decision he couldn't make for her.

"Have you ever been in love?" she asked quietly, watching him over the rim of her cup. "I mean like really, truly in love?"

Clark was silent as he considered how best to answer that question. Should he tell her that particular truth? Just blurt out that he was in love with her? Would that change anything? Or would it freak her out and drive her straight into Luthor's arms?

Finally, he nodded. His voice was barely above a whisper as he said, "Yes."

"How did you know it was love? I mean, what did it feel like?"

He couldn't continue to meet her earnest gaze, so he picked up the spoon and returned to stirring his coffee. What did it feel like to be in love? It was heaven and hell. Almost from the first moment he'd met Lois, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her. He lived for the short span of hours when he got to be near her and enjoy the mercurial mysteries of her brilliant mind. No one else kept him guessing like Lois Lane. At first he had simply enjoyed the challenge of her; now he craved it. When he wasn't around her, time seemed to crawl by.

Complicating everything was the fact that she was besotted with his alter ego. It would be so easy to woo her as Superman, but he couldn't deceive her like that. Deep down, he couldn't stop himself from hoping that she'd see him -- just plain Clark -- and want the real man under the suit. For the past few months he had almost convinced himself that the friendship between them was slowly growing into something more. It was actually physically painful to realize that it was never going to happen. He didn't have Luthor's wealth. He didn't even really have Superman's flashy charisma. He could tell her the truth, but she'd be angry with him. The last thing he needed was an angry Lois, armed with the truth about Superman, and married to Lex Luthor.

Across the table from him, Lois was still waiting for him to explain what being in love felt like. He didn't have the faintest idea what to say to her.

"You just know," he told her with a helpless shrug. "I don't know how to describe it. You just know."

"But how?" Lois persisted.

"Would you do anything for him?" Clark asked, meeting her eyes again.

"Like what?"

"Anything. Everything. Whatever she wants, or needs, I'd do it. Her happiness matters more than my own."

Her eyebrows shot up in amusement. "Her happiness matters more than your own? That's not past tense! You're in love with someone right now! I can't believe you've been holding out on me. Who is she?"

Clark could feel his cheeks turning warm, but he didn't dare look away. "It doesn't matter. Stay focused, we're talking about you here."

Lois shook her head. "I've had crushes on guys before, but I don't know that I really loved any of them. Until recently, there really wasn't anyone, outside of my family, that I'd do anything for." Lois leaned forward and lowered her voice, grinning at him as she added in a whisper, "But now there is."

For a moment hope flared to life inside him and his heart began to beat faster. And then Clark realized who she was really talking about. "Superman," he muttered.

"As far as I know, Superman's not rich, so you can't say I'm shallow."

Her infatuation with Superman had nothing to do with wealth, and Clark's bitterness only increased as he marveled at the complicated mess his disguise had created. A little piece of him was also resentful that she couldn't see what was right before her eyes.

"But how much do you really know about Superman?" he asked sharply. "At least you've actually dated Luthor."

Lois blithely ignored his indignant tone and answered earnestly, "I know he's honest. And selfless. And he did say he was in love with me once. I mean, yeah, sure, he was drugged at the time, but that had to have been at least a little true."

Clark blinked in astonishment. "Is that what kept you from accepting Luthor? The possibility that Superman might be in love with you?"

"I wouldn't put it quite like that. Superman's never really done or said anything since then to give me any hope. But there's always that faint little possibility isn't there?"

"I think we all cling to those faint little possibilities." Clark ripped open a new sugar packet and dumped it into his mug. What was he supposed to do now, when even the faint possibility was gone?

Lois wrinkled her nose. "How can you drink that much sugar?"

Clark shrugged. "I like it."

"It's disgusting."

"You don't see me mocking your sweet tooth, Ms. I-Have-A-Drawer-Full-Of-Chocolate."

"Fair enough."

Both their pagers began to beep and vibrate. Clark checked his and saw Jimmy's extension with a '911' following it. He looked up at Lois and they both simultaneously said, "Jimmy."

"So who is she?" Lois asked as they started back in the direction of the Planet.

"Who?"

"The woman you're so in love with that you'd do anything for her. Who is she?"

Clark shook his head.

"Oh, come on! Tell me!"

"Not a chance." He felt a grim little tug of satisfaction at the opportunity to stymie her, however slight.

"At least tell me it isn't Cat."

"Cat? Cat Grant? Are you serious?"

"Well, you did seem pretty bereft when she took that job in New York."

"Cat Grant?" he repeated incredulously. "I'm not in love with Cat."

"Thank the Lord for small favors," Lois muttered before punching his arm. "I'll tell you what --I'll buy lunch today if you'll tell me who she is."

"I don't think so."

"Oh, come on!" she cajoled. "Free lunch!"

Clark shook his head emphatically. "There's no such thing as a free lunch."

"Fine," Lois sniffed as Clark held the elevator door for her. "Just don't come crying to me later for relationship advice."

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They were barely out of the elevator before Jimmy was bounding up the stairs to greet them. "You're never going to guess what's happened! We have a new owner!"

Clark's stomach churned as he detected the faint scent of Lex Luthor's expensive cologne lingering in the air. In a heartbeat, he was painfully certain that he didn't want to know who the new owner of the Daily Planet was.

Lois, however, was breathlessly asking, "What? Who?"

"Lex Luthor!" Jimmy's eyes were bright with excitement.

Lois gasped as her hand rose to self-consciously smooth her hair. "Lex? Is he here?"

"He's in Perry's office."

Lois immediately took off in that direction. Clark trudged along behind her, his mind spinning as he tried to comprehend what kind of a twisted universe not only had Lois considering marrying Lex Luthor, but had also now made him one of Lex Corp's employees. Life truly wasn't fair.

Inside Perry's office Clark came to a stop alongside Lois. Luthor was seated in Perry's chair so Perry was sitting on the couch. The sight of Luthor in Perry's place increased Clark's antipathy. Just because Luthor literally owned the building now didn't change the fact that it was still Perry's desk. In a move that felt calculated to discourage anyone from making a scene, a hulk of a man dressed all in black was standing to the side of Perry's desk. Luthor's bodyguard was easily seven feet tall, with arms so muscled that they were unable to hang straight at his sides.

"Lois, my darling!" Lex said with a smarmy grin. "How wonderful to see you. Have you heard the news?"

"You bought the Planet?" Lois asked.

"I confess I have. News reached me last night about the layoffs and other cuts being made. I couldn't bear to think of the Planet reduced to such a state, so I contacted the board and made them a generous offer."

Clark stared at Luthor in disbelief. "Just like that?"

"Just like that," Luthor confirmed. "Believe me, it would have been foolhardy for them to refuse."

"In other words, you blackmailed them," Clark muttered. Lois' elbow poked his ribs in silent warning.

"What was that?" Luthor asked as his eyes narrowed slightly.

"It's great, Lex," Lois gushed. "Wonderful, even. It's just that it's all so sudden."

"It's not as sudden as you might imagine, my darling. For some time now I've been looking to diversify into communications."

Clark's anger burned a little brighter with each treacly endearment that fell from Luthor's lips. He had no doubt that Luthor had been looking for ways to draw Lois even further into his web. It was galling that Lois couldn't see how manipulative the man was for herself.

Luthor leaned back in the chair and smiled. "And to that end I've given a great deal of consideration to how I would manage the paper, were it mine to run. I have ideas, and I believe you will all find them as exciting as I do."

An uneasy ripple went through Clark. Whatever Luthor's plans were, Clark doubted very much that he was going to find them at all exciting. Perry made a small grunt that seemed to indicate he, too, was feeling less than enthusiastic about the Planet's new owner.

Luthor gestured at Lois, then swung his hand in a vaguely dismissive motion at Clark as he said, "The two of you have been a fairly productive team, but I think making you partners has sold you both short. Clark's strengths clearly lie in human interest pieces. We're going to begin a series concentrating on voices from outside Metropolis, covered exclusively by Mr. Kent here."

"So… we're not partners anymore?" Lois asked. "But Lex, I--"

"Let's give it a try, just for a little while, my darling," Lex cut in smoothly. "I've arranged for Clark to interview that young boy whose mother died smuggling the family out of Cuba."

Clark's mouth opened and then closed in amazement. He hadn't been at all surprised by Luthor's transparent maneuvering to dissolve his partnership with Lois. But he did feel oddly mollified by his first assignment.

"When is the interview?" Clark asked.

"Tomorrow morning. Your travel arrangements have already been made; you're on the three o'clock flight to Miami."

"Today? But I have other stories I'm working on--"

"I'm sure Lois can handle it. Leave your notes with her." Luthor rose and came around the desk, holding his hand out as a triumphant smile spread across his face. "Good luck to you, Clark."

Clark glanced at Lois as Luthor shook his hand. Surely she could see right through this ploy. But when Lois looked up at him, her expression was stunned, not furious.

"Uh, well, I guess you'll need a ride to the airport--" she started to offer.

"It's already been taken care of, my dear." Luthor put his arm around Lois, insinuating himself neatly between the now-former partners. Luthor's hulk of a bodyguard moved to stand on the other side of Clark. "Owen will take Clark home to pack, and then to the airport. Besides, darling, we have a date tonight, remember?"

Lois blinked. "Oh… right."

Clark saw Perry's mouth narrow in anger at Owen's unspoken menace, but Lois still appeared dazed. Causing a scene wasn't going to accomplish anything, so Clark looked Lois in the eye and promised, "I'll call you later."

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End 1/12

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