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#268664 01/20/16 08:40 PM
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groobie Offline OP
Kerth
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Filtering Out

Backstory: I was at a training for work, "Learning with the Brain in Mind." I wrote this super-short throughout the course of the day to keep myself awake and to prove that I learned something from the session. wink It's ten seconds in Clark's life, from his brain's point of view. Enjoy. smile


You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie. wink
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Brava. You managed to write a story in which about two thirds or three quarters (I didn't count) of the "sentences" completely lacked verbs -- and you managed to pull it off.

Mind-numbingly boring work meetings can be excellent catalysts for creativity. My own story, The (Semi)Annual Safety Seminar was written under similar circumstances.

Not that I would wish such boredom on anyone, but if one is stuck mandatory meetings, story writing can definitely help the time go a bit faster...

Joy,
Lynn

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groobie Offline OP
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LOL...I know - Word's grammar check put up a hearty objection to this story! rotflol


You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie. wink
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An interesting example of how Clark actually sees the world when Lois screams. It might be another fun exercise to see what happens to his POV under happier circumstances.

evil

Anyway, back to your story, I liked how very visual it was -- as if I were reading one of the early comics. In this frame, you see this. In the next, that. Here's Clark leaving his desk. Lois must have screamed for Superman. clap

Last edited by VirginiaR; 01/21/16 12:53 AM. Reason: too many sees

VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Very cool clap clap clap!

I love the structure of this story. The sensory details...then the small, but huge impact line about Lois' heartbeat. How you repeated this throughout made 'Lois' even that much more important in this piece of work.

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A secretary in the executive suites two floors above typing at approximately eighty-seven words per minute.

notworthy This detail--with even a type word count--is so awesome. I can really see Clark catching this, knowing this.

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The noise of the newsroom, the chaos of the city – all of it fades away the instant he hears her initial plea. All is tuned out except for her comforting heartbeat, the sound he can recognize across space and time. But now that she’s safe, his adrenaline can abate, his fear can subside, and he can process the multitude of the world’s wonders once again.

Love really is the most important thing, isn't it? love. With all his power, with all his ability, Clark's steadfast loyalty to Lois is on full display. You showed how the world stops for Clark, nothing else matters, if he has any concern for her well-being.

Powerful hail. Great job!
Laura




"Where's Clark?" "Right here."

...two simple sentences--with so much meaning.

~Lois and Clark in 'House of Luthor'~
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The brain is a fantastic biological machine, here we get a glimpse of a Kryptonian one. As always when Lois is in trouble, Clark goes into high gear!

This story is a result of you attending one of those long boring meetings? Hope you attend a couple more, this was very interesting.


Morgana

A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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I LOVE this. What a great concept. It reminds me of the writing exercises I did in my college creative writing class, only we would take only one sense to focus on.

I love the Matrixy "bullet time" feel of this. Every little thing noticed and highlighted. In my own head, I heard a very slow heartbeat (Clark's) ticking off every couple of things noticed.

Well done! I particularly loved the detail of the older, lead based paint in some places messing with his x-ray vision. Totally inspired!


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Deadly Chakram

"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent

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groobie Offline OP
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Thanks to everyone who left feedback. clap I'm happy you all understood and appreciated it - I know it's a rather unusual story. And special thanks to Laura, who encouraged me to post it. love


You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie. wink
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Behind the eight ball (I blame the packing), but I finally got a chance to read this.

This was absolutely wonderful, and so powerful! The whole feel of it- all those little details that would escape the human senses- was different, but made for such an intriguing story. As Laura said, you can *feel* the way the whole world stops for Clark when Lois is in trouble.

Brava! notworthy


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Hi Susan!
thud How do you find time between quizzing FoLCs to still make up stuff for *next year’s* quizzes?

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Summary: The brain is a remarkable biological machine.
And yet, one screwdriver stuck in it and it all comes apart at the seams.

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Her voice, screaming, “Help, Superman!”
Oooh! Is his brain going to start filtering out Lois’s cries for help because they become so frequent as to turn into a constant background noise?

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The sound of her heartbeat.
At least it’s not yet slowing down.

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A secretary in the executive suites two floors above typing at approximately eighty-seven words per minute.
Approximately…

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Ralph unsuccessfully hitting on a recent hire, who attempts to quietly demonstrate her disinterest by playing with her wedding band.
Maybe if she put it one finger to the right and then showed him? Also, clap

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His innate magnetoreception sensing that north is off his left flank.
Aww…he’s like a bird. No wonder our little homing pigeon is always finding its way back to Lois.

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the recognition that lingering lead paint in the older sections of the city causes his enhanced vision’s failure.
Left field: I recently read an article on how several dozen apartment buildings in Swiss cities are contaminated with radiation because they used to use radioactive paint for the glow-in-the-dark digits. Anyhow, what if a significant amount of Kryptonite crashed onto Earth and someone had the idea of using the innately glowing rock for watch making? What if Clark himself got such a watch and always remained a tad sickly and never fully came into his powers until he lost it on one of his travels? What if there’s still thousands of those watches out there in Metropolis?

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He feels a flood of adrenaline as he bursts through the concrete walls, knowing that for anyone else, flesh crashing against a solid surface would result in excruciating pain.
So, what if said flesh were on the other side of said solid surface when it explodes inward?

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The pin-pricking of bullets ricocheting off his back as he flies away from the lair.
So, would this still be considered attempted murder or just unlawful discharge of a firearm?

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But now that she’s safe, his adrenaline can abate, his fear can subside, and he can process the multitude of the world’s wonders once again.
[Linked Image]

He really does have a one-track mind clap

Fun one!

wave Michael


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groobie Offline OP
Kerth
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Originally Posted by Darth Michael
How do you find time between quizzing FoLCs to still make up stuff for *next year’s* quizzes?

Ha! Well, the quizzes were easier than last year because I created that spreadsheet during the year to categorize all the stories. Wanna know something insane? To make it even easier for the next year's quizzes, I've already started gathering quotes and excerpts for stories as they're posted this year. laugh It's always easier to do things a little at a time than all at once, and it doesn't take that long to gather them immediately after I've read a story. So creating next year's Kerth quizzes will be a breeze!


You can find my stories as Groobie on the nfic archives and Susan Young on the gfic archives. In other words, you know me as Groobie. wink
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'Organization' and 'L&C'--two of my favorite things notworthy / hyper / clap.

Love the planning ahead, Susan!
Laura


"Where's Clark?" "Right here."

...two simple sentences--with so much meaning.

~Lois and Clark in 'House of Luthor'~
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Ooh, I really liked this! As a writer, I'm always trying to think of details that Clark would always be hearing and filtering out, but I've never thought of so many! I was really impressed by how much detail and how many different senses you were able to draw out. The urgency was very clear throughout even though it was, in effect, a list. And I love how her heartbeat was always there, in between the hundreds of other things! I had to smile when I saw that it was only ten seconds too -- and people think Superman is boring! Whole epics pass in seconds of his life! Great job -- I'm in awe of this little story!

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Wow, what a description! I love how you zone in in on those few seconds, because it would feel like a lifetime. Every little second counts. For Clark, that's going to be the most terrifying and urgent matter there is. You do a great job of showing the instinctiveness of that: find her. Save her. Get her to safety.
I also love this because it gives a little bit of insight into what Clark's regular rescues are like. They may not always have the urgency Lois does, but every time his hearing kicks in his focus is tied to it.


"I really do believe that we're all put here on this earth, or whatever planet we're put on, to do better than we think we can. To be kind, helpful, generous, and forgiving."
"You know something, CK? She's a class act."
"I've always thought so."

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