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Joined: Jul 2003
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2003
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Story is HERE. FDK goes here.  I've been reading screen-writing books to try to punch-up my writing a little. Some of the advice is pretty amazing, imho. Also, I have much gratitude to my parents, who were kind enough to advise me in exchange for a mention in the credits (although, I think they might have been joking...) Not sure when I'll get around to posting 3, although I'll try to keep it up to at least 1 post a week. Thanks for being patient. <3
~•~
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Joined: Apr 2013
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Top Banana
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Ah come on! I may have to start hating you (j/k). I promised myself I was not going to read anymore of your long form stuff until you began updating/finishing "Lois Lane's Travels". Now you go and pull this and begin writing "the perfect Queenie story". This is outstanding and I knew I had to try it after reading the first chapter. gggrrrr...
Oh and the title (of course) is just perfect.
Mike
Last edited by Mike M; 04/03/16 08:23 PM.
Create all the happiness you are able to create.
Remove all the misery you are able to remove.
Jeremy Bentham
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Joined: Apr 2011
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2011
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It looks as if Michel knows about as much about his heritage as Clark knows about his. Really Jor-El, you could've done a better job. Did he send a globe in Michel's ship as well? Did his folks keep it or destroy it with the ship? Being that Michel is being non-confrontational as Vatman was with Superman, it makes sense that Clark would be more open to trusting him. Can Michel still fly? It's sounding as if he's promised not to or can't anymore (although, how else did he get to Metropolis?). Hmmmm. I must have read that ending wrong. I'm so excited for Clark to have found a possible true brother! I've been reading screen-writing books to try to punch-up my writing a little. Some of the advice is pretty amazing, imho. Feel free to share what you've learned with us!
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Part 2!  Michel froze in the doorway to his office, his heart hammering as it always did whenever he saw Susanne. The redhead stood up from her perch on the edge of his desk and came so close that he could smell her perfume. “Um, who is it?” he stammered, struggling to remain coherent. Awww….look! He’s got a stalker target, too! Must run in the family  Susanne snorted. “I don't know,” she said, “I'm not your secretary! He's on hold, so find out for yourself.” And they have a type! “My analyses are on your desk. You really should be more organized; I don't know how you find anything in here!” He has x-ray vision? Also, I’m guessing Clark’s got all the tidy-genes and Michel got the smarts. Moving them aside, however, only turned up an old calendar. Crap. So, he’s dug down to the last-year stuff on his desk? He surveyed the remaining mountain on his desk, as well as the new sea that now surrounded it, and took a deep breath in through his nose.
[…]You really should be more organized; I don't know how you find anything in here!” Apparently, neither does he. It was only x-raying, he told himself. X-rays were invisible; Then why can we always see them on television when Superman x-rays Lois’s clothes to check for… umm… bullet wounds? He turned his gaze onto one of the larger piles, focused, then cursed and shoved his glasses back into place when smoke began to rise. Out of practice, huh? Susanne shook her head. “Here's one more page for those analyses,” she said, handing him a sheet of paper. “I'm going to the cafe with Philippe.” Yeah, he certainly made an impression there. Also, I think Michel and Clark share some sentiments on the quality of French bachelors. Well…it *is* France. They do smoke a lot over there. he felt an intense wave of fear and curiosity, mixed with a little bit of hopefulness. Strangely, though, Clark had the unsettling sense that these feelings weren't his own. Awww… they’re emoting  “I wanted—I wanted to ask you—about—” How do you date Earth women? They’re so…complicated! Aww… I've been reading screen-writing books to try to punch-up my writing a little. Some of the advice is pretty amazing, imho. Feel free to share what you've learned with us! Pretty please!  Michael
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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I love this! The style in which you are writing, the plot, the characterization of both Clark and Michel. So so good  . I'm really hopeful for Clark that he is gaining a brother and friend--how amazing for him! And I'm very curious about Michel's life up to now! Will be looking forward to more Laura
Last edited by LMA; 04/05/16 10:54 AM.
"Where's Clark?" "Right here."
...two simple sentences--with so much meaning.
~Lois and Clark in 'House of Luthor'~
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Joined: Jul 2003
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Pulitzer
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OP
Pulitzer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 3,054 Likes: 20 |
MikeM: Eep! Yeah, I'm so sorry for not updating Lois Lane's Travels for...a...while. >_> Now that I'm getting back into some kind of writing groove, hopefully I'll be able to get back to it soon. Hopefully. Virginia & Darth Mike: Sure! The books I've read and recommend are "Save the Cat" and "Your Screenplay Sucks." The latter has some rough language, but also the invaluable (to me at least) advice of treating the location as a separate character. Locations and Backgrounds have always been a weak point for me in both writing and drawing; it takes effort just to not have the characters in a vacuum. However, this author points out that a couple arguing in the front yard will behave differently than a couple arguing in the back yard, because the neighbors will not see. It's pretty cool. Laura: Thanks! I hope the rest of the story doesn't disappoint.
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Joined: Apr 2011
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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However, this author points out that a couple arguing in the front yard will behave differently than a couple arguing in the back yard, because the neighbors will not see. It's pretty cool. That's so true! Although, we have neighbors that fight in the front yard at decibel ranges I doubt I will ever master, and it's to the point we don't even need to look out the window anymore. "It's the neighbors again! Break up already, why don't they?!" If they ever did fight out of sight, one of them might not survive. However, if one of them did end up dead, there's more than ample proof (from us annoyed neighbors) of domestic disturbances, which could easily point the police towards the other, whether or not they were in fact guilty. As we proved earlier with our series on all the people who inadvertently Clark revealed his secret to, there may be even more people who saw Clark change from Superman to CK (or vice versa) because he wasn't careful enough to check the locations of his changes for possible witnesses.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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This is a really fascinating concept! I wonder if his parents helped him get a handle on his powers or if he never was able to control them in the way Clark does. Things to think about (for us) going forward.
CLARK: No. I'm just worried I'm a jinx.
JONATHAN: A jinx?
CLARK: Yeah. Let's face it, ever since she's known me, Lois's been kidnapped, frozen, pushed off buildings, almost stabbed, poisoned, buried alive and who knows what else, and it's all because of me.
-"Contact" (You're not her jinx, you're her blessing.)
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 9,065 Likes: 30 |
Thanks Michael
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