Part 1 is
Don't Be CruelTable of Contents***
If Superman had made an effort to be kind rather than cruel, would Lois have taken the time to explore her options and that conversation?
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Lois stared at her open window.
She watched the curtains fluttering long after Superman’s departure. She found herself frozen in place.
She couldn’t think…
Couldn’t speak…
Couldn’t move.
Stunned at what had just happened did not begin to explain how she felt. She wasn’t sure how long she stood there. It was as if her mind and body had shut down, and needed to reboot like a frozen computer.
Tonight was confusing. There was something off about Superman tonight. He seemed distressed with an underlying tension. His speech was different, hesitantly spoken as if every word was cautiously calculated.
She stood up again and paced in her living room as she thought over the events earlier. There was something more there. She was missing something, but what?
Where was the superhero, the one who always had a smile for her?
The one who just a couple of weeks ago had teased her about how special she was because she caught bombs instead of bouquets?
The one who seemed to look directly into her heart?
Tonight, he wasn’t here.
Instead, she saw someone who was serious and distant. He seemed tense and uncomfortable. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was in pain. But he was invulnerable. He was troubled as he confessed his fears. Obviously he was vulnerable when it came to matters of the heart. So maybe he was in pain tonight. Not physical, but emotional pain.
Who had dared to hurt him? And how? They’d have to answer to her! How dare they cause that wonderful man pain!
Would he tell her? Actually she didn’t see any reason why he would confide in her. Not unless he could trust her with his heart. And he couldn’t tonight. It was obvious he couldn’t trust her with knowing everything about him, so how could he trust her with his heart? She slumped, dropping back onto her loveseat.
She thought about what else he’d said tonight.
He worried about how his enemies might hurt his potential girlfriend, wife or children.
Obviously that was a very real fear he carried with him. How long had worried about that? Before Trask appeared? Probably. It sounded as though he had seriously considered it for some time.
Before tonight Lois had no idea he carried such worries. He never seemed burdened by them before now.
Her perceptions of him seemed wrong. Was she overconfident to think she knew him so well? Then again, tonight was the longest conversation they’d ever had. Even longer than her exclusive interview.
Tonight he never addressed her confession of loving him with or without his superpowers. That seemed to bother him.
Why?
She wondered,
‘What’d I say?’What about that statement made him change the subject rather abruptly?
She thought about exactly what she’d said, “I know you. And I don't mean you the celebrity or you the superhero. If you had no powers, if you were just an ordinary man leading an ordinary life, I'd love you just the same.”
And his reply, “Oh, Lois I wish I could. You don’t know how much I wish I could believe you. But under the circumstances…” And then he abruptly changed the subject.
What circumstances?
What would make him think she didn’t love him as an ordinary man?
One of her professors in college said to look for the simplest explanation to a puzzle. That advice had served her well, and her leaps of logic in investigations often came about after applying that principle.
So what was the simplest explanation here?
The circumstances that would make him not believe she could love the ordinary man living an ordinary life would be…
Oh. My. Gosh.
He must
be that ordinary man! It was the only thing that made sense.
Somewhere she must have met him as Ordinary Guy living his ordinary life. Not only had she not recognized him, but also to her chagrin she realized she must have brushed him off. Maybe even in Mad Dog Mode.
No wonder he thought she couldn’t love him as Ordinary Guy! He might even think she disliked or hated him.
And he changed the subject because…?
He didn’t want to discuss it. Maybe because then she’d know he was also Ordinary Guy.
Why?
Surely he must know how she’s always admired him. And she told him tonight she was completely in love with him.
What’d I say?She told
Superman. Not Ordinary Guy.
And that’s important because… he thinks of himself as Ordinary Guy?
That can’t be right. Why on Earth would Superman, that wonderful man who could do so many things ever think of himself as ordinary? It just didn’t make sense. Unless… did he
want to be ordinary?
Why? Ordinary is nothing special. Ordinary is what most people are. Most humans. Lois had spent her life striving to be extraordinary, and Superman was born that way.
Maybe she needed to look at this through his eyes. As the only survivor of his people, he was the lone Kryptonian among billions of humans. How would that make him feel?
Alien? Even alienated?
Isolated?
Different?
But in his case different was great! Didn’t he see that? Or maybe he needed someone to remind him of that fact.
Could Superman want to be that Ordinary Guy? He said he was a man, with a man’s feelings. Did he want to be human?
To belong... He wanted to belong and be normal?
Then why would he fly around as Superman?
What did he say when she first met him? He was here to help. So Superman was here to help. Firefighters, policemen, first responders all need time to recover from their shifts. And isn’t that what he is in many cases? He’s a first responder, an unofficial fireman and policeman… and so much more.
So maybe Ordinary Guy lets him recover from rescues and all the horrors he must see on a daily basis. And maybe he liked being Ordinary Guy. Could the Superman suit be a uniform so he could help when needed without exposing himself as Ordinary Guy?
What had she thought before tonight?
That between rescues he just hovered, in the sky looking for the next person to help?
Or maybe was rescuing someone in the world 24 hours a day?
Actually, she realized she’d never thought much about it.
And if he was Ordinary Guy, he probably had a job, friends and maybe a family. Obviously that part of his life he kept under wraps. With good reason, she realized. If anyone suspected, the government, tabloids and public would hound him until they discovered all his secrets. And would indeed use his family and friends to get him to do what they wanted. Or to destroy him, like Trask tried to use Clark, Lois and his parents. To her horror she realized that’s what she wanted to do months ago when he first appeared. Use him to uncover his secrets and get her Pulitzer.
Did he know that?
What if Clark told him?
Or maybe he heard her? How far does his super-hearing work anyway? Something else she didn’t know about him.
How she must have hurt him—
both of him.
AARGH! She buried her head in her hands in embarrassment.
She was wallowing. And Lois Lane does not wallow!
What could she do now?
She had to figure this out and make it right.
Where to start? What did Superman say? He said the first thing she needed to do was to decide whether or not she wanted to marry Lex. Apparently he wouldn’t do anything until she decided that.
Wait, what was it Superman said about Lex?
Superman had said that he knew but couldn’t prove Lex was a criminal. Of all the possible things she thought she might learn tonight, that was not on the list. She knew Lex had a reputation for ruthlessness in business.
A criminal?
Why would the city’s biggest philanthropist be a criminal?
It didn’t make sense. But what if… the opposite were true, that a criminal was the city’s biggest philanthropist? Then it was a great cover. Suddenly Lex’s refusal to rebuild the Daily Planet or to provide for its employees except her took on ominous possibilities of his underlying motives. She didn’t like where her thoughts were going, but felt she needed to continue.
Jumping up, Lois began to pace back and forth, thinking hard.
She trusted Superman.
She believed Superman when he said Lex was a criminal. But she hadn’t given Clark the same consideration. Instead she’d opted to believe it was all personality conflict. And after today in the park, she thought it was jealousy.
Thinking back, she realized Clark and Lex didn’t get along. Lex had even killed at least one of Clark’s stories. Why? And what did Lex know about journalism? Sure he owned LNN, but what if any experience did he have? Surely he must delegate. His multiple businesses couldn’t succeed if he micromanaged like he did at the Planet. What was different about the Planet? Maybe his recent acquisition of it had something to do with his hands on approach. Or maybe because the fact that the Planet was in serious financial difficulties.
And what about Perry and Lex?
Initially Perry seemed to welcome him. Within a day though, Lex had hired Chip as Perry’s supervisor. That’s when Perry left the newsroom, opting to take early retirement. Chip was a kid out of business school who had no experience in journalism. He may not have had any previous jobs. No wonder Perry quit! It was humiliating and beyond insulting. The loss of her mentor and surrogate father was painful, and she was still reeling from the shock.
She thought about Lex pushing Perry out as a business decision. Why had Lex humiliated and alienated a journalist as experienced and respected as Perry? Even if he wanted to get rid of Perry, wouldn’t easing him out of his position be a better business decision? It certainly would have been better for morale. Which raised the question whether or not Lex wanted the Planet to succeed. Did he consciously or unconsciously want the Planet to fail?
And then there was Jimmy, whose newsroom job disappeared after Lex took over. Since then Jimmy had been cautious around her, not discussing Lex. Jimmy had seen her reactions to Clark’s concerns and accusations. Probably Jimmy didn’t want to have her unleash her temper on him. He was understandably upset about losing his job. Moving Jimmy from the newsroom didn’t make sense. He was her favorite researcher, and a budding photojournalist to boot. His skills were wasted in printing or wherever he had been sent. And he was like the younger brother she never had. And one of the few people she could depend on. Just like Perry and Clark.
Come to think of it, hadn’t Lex suggested if Clark wasn’t happy with his editorial decisions he could leave the Planet? At least that was the newsroom gossip. Why had she dismissed it instead of asking Clark what happened? Lex said that Clark didn’t like him, while he claimed to hold the utmost respect for Clark.
But did he?
That’s not how he acted when they were all taken hostage a couple of weeks ago. He had dismissed Clark’s suggestions, and acted superior all night. Yet it was Lex who got shot, and Clark who saved his life.
She wondered if Lex had ever thanked Clark. Not while she was around anyway. She had thanked Clark, and Perry was impressed with Clark’s skill she recalled. Jack didn’t say much, but his attitude towards Clark had changed by the end of the night. So maybe he changed his mind about Clark.
Why had she so easily sided with Lex that night? Was it because she was on a date? That was scary, if she was actually changing her personality when around him. Would that last? And what would be his reaction if she disagreed with him?
Did she side with him that night it because he seemed so composed and wanted to take charge… to be in control? Clark was also calm until Lex pushed his buttons too far. In retrospect Clark’s suggestions were safer than either hers or Lex’s. Clark was right. Darn it!
What had Fuentes said when Lex offered him money? Oh yes, he’d rather have the police after him than Lex. If he were the businessman and philanthropist he portrayed, why would Fuentes say that?
He wouldn’t.
Fuentes must have known something about Lex she didn’t. Could Lex’s involvement explain why he changed his mind about killing the hostages? Was refusing to negotiate with Lex and killing the hostages be a way to prevent retribution from someone who was a bigger criminal than Fuentes?
Wow, she really didn’t like the way her thoughts were leading. Still, it was a puzzle that she felt she had to complete.
She thought about Superman’s absence that night. He had arrived at the last minute to save her and Fuentes after they fell off the scaffolding. Apparently he had watched, listened and waited for the most opportune time to act. Just like Clark had suggested they all do in the conference room. Oh she hated when someone was more right than she was! And in this case it was two people—Superman and Clark.
Losing Perry as Editor in Chief, moving Jimmy and antagonizing Clark—the second best city reporter and the only reporter she could partner with—didn’t make good business sense. At least what she knew about business. And in the process, she had lost the three people closest to her.
Lois halted her pacing. A cold shiver went down her back.
She. Had. Lost. Her. Three. Closest. Colleagues.
Why?
Suddenly she felt like she was being manipulated… by Lex. And then she had an epiphany. One of her leaps of logic. Lois, her family, friends, colleagues and even the Planet were all pieces on a chessboard.
Could that be it?
Did Lex see the Planet and those she cared about as pieces on a chessboard? Was he playing a game of chess, which is effectively a game of war? Maybe he believed all was fair in love and war? Or was she reading too much into this? No, she didn’t think so. Who was Lex competing against? Was she the queen, a pawn or his opponent? How could she play if she didn’t know the game was being played or the pieces? Or is that the way Lex routinely won business decisions? No, she definitely didn’t like the way her thoughts were turning tonight.
Pawns. Jimmy and Jack were pawns, as were others in the newsroom. Who was who? Actually it didn’t matter. Continuing this analogy, with a ruthless player, they were
all expendable in pursuit of winning. She had learned that the hard way in her high school chess club. She remembered that some of the members didn’t care how they won, just that they did. And humiliating their opponents seemed to be part of their joy in playing.
Suddenly the Planet’s bombing took on a more sinister connotation. What if… if
Lex had somehow been behind it? He didn’t like Jack; that was evident from the confrontation they’d had in the newsroom. Could he have framed Jack? Or paid someone to do it more likely. Would he? That went beyond ruthless business practices. People could have died if not for Superman! Jimmy broke his arm and others were hurt. And all those people lost their jobs. Thinking of all the employees with families who now had no income made her stomach queasy. How could anyone deliberately hurt that many people to gain, what?
Could this whole thing have been an elaborate game of chess to win her?
How callous was that? Or was she being ridiculous? Surely Lex was not that ruthless and cruel to hurt so many people in the pursuit of one woman.
Or was he?
What did she really know about Lex?
Thinking about it, she was amazed to discover how little she actually knew about him. Did she know enough about him to accept a marriage proposal? Earlier today she would have said yes. But now, if any part of this was true the answer was definitely no. Was she in love with him? No. Did she love him enough to marry him? In all honesty she had liked and respected him, but now she wasn’t so sure. Oh she was flattered by his attention. To be honest, she didn’t love him. And she realized with a start she didn’t trust him with her heart.
She sat down with a sigh. This was almost too much to think about. No, she started this and she would figure it out.
What she really needed was to talk to Clark. But, after today she wasn’t sure he was talking to her let alone willing to brainstorm about the man who asked her to marry him.
So what did she know about Lex from personal experience?
In reviewing their dates and other encounters, she realized just how secretive he was, and how good at avoiding her questions. He could change the subject so smoothly she didn’t realize until later what had happened. And she admitted recently she wasn’t even noticing he did that, even afterwards. Worse, lately many of their conversations had become him asking her questions. He never gave her an interview with enough information to print.
What had happened to Lois Lane, the city’s best investigative reporter? Was she so flattered by his attention that she stopped investigating? And it was embarrassing to admit she had never really started an investigation of Lex. Instead she had begun dating him.
Were all their dates orchestrated? Thinking back on them, not once had he asked her what she would like to do on a date before he had made plans. When he called it was with an itinerary already set. The few times she had declined, he made her feel like it was her fault she had other plans.
Why had she tolerated that behavior? From anyone else, she would have gone into Mad Dog Mode and verbally eviscerated him for making assumptions.
Never had they planned things together. Usually he even prearranged their meal. Oh, the food was delicious, but it would have been nice to be asked what she wanted rather than have him assume he knew. If she didn’t know an hour ahead of time what she wanted, how could he? Is this what she wanted in a husband?
Well, she admitted, it was romantic—every little girl’s fantasy—to be treated like a princess, living the jet set lifestyle. The truth was though… she hadn’t been a little girl for many years. Long before her father finally left. And she did not like being treated like a child.
Why had she tolerated that behavior? It was condescending, insulting and humiliating. And Lois Lane did not normally allow anyone to treat her that way. It was usually a surefire way to unleash Mad Dog Lane… or worse. Was she so dazzled and flattered by Lex that she allowed him to make decisions for her? Or was it something else?
She didn’t know why she tolerated Lex’s behavior. And decided she’d figure that out later… maybe a lot later. She definitely didn’t like it. She wondered if she was more annoyed at herself for not seeing this before, or at Lex.
Lex. He enjoyed taking her to the opera. Who else did she know with season tickets to the opera, let alone that they were also box seats? Lois thought they were probably the best seats in the house. While the performances were breathtaking and the music beautiful, she had to admit she hated trying to follow the story in a foreign language she didn’t understand. She often found her mind wandering less than halfway through the performance. And the mystery of following the details without comprehending the words usually gave her a headache. She found the translated synopses in the program not as detailed as she’d like, and usually felt she was missing the subtleties of the story. If Lex followed it, he never offered to explain, and she never asked. Was she too embarrassed or intimidated to ask? Another thing to consider in the future…
Why had she pretended to enjoy herself at the opera? Was she trying to impress Lex? Or was she as Clark had proclaimed once, a snob?
While Lex’s penthouse was furnished beautifully and professionally, it often seemed cold and impersonal to Lois. Was that the latest in interior design? Or did it reflect his personality? Or maybe both?
And she had become part of Lex’s social circle. Well, sort of. She didn’t feel like she belonged. They had other interests than she did. And when she had attempted to talk about topics she was interested in, including their jobs, Lex smoothly changed the subject. Too often she was either at Lex’s side while he led the conversation or was left to chat with the wives and girlfriends while the men went into another room to discuss business. Lois had little in common with the other women, and found their discussions boring, inane or both. She was never left one-on-one with any of Lex’s friends or business associates. So she couldn’t develop either social relationships or cultivate them as sources.
How could she ever consider doing that her entire life?
She couldn’t.
Did she really want to be part of LNN? Broadcast journalism really held no interest for her. Lex offered her the job of producer, saying it was a promotion from reporter or even anchor. She would work behind the scenes but get no on-air recognition for her work. Maybe she’d get her name in the credits at the end of a program. Credits that no one ever looked at. More importantly, she’d be giving up her Pulitzer. She would no longer be an investigative journalist, and likely would not qualify for a Kerth or Meriwether either. With a start, she realized she still wanted her Pulitzer.
Then she realized something amazing. She saw Clark winning that Pulitzer with her! When did that happen? When did she begin to think of them winning joint awards? When had
Clark Kent become that important to her? From the start he had gotten under her defenses. And even though it was only a few hours since she last saw him when he had left the park with hurt feelings… she missed him.
Was she really a part of LNN? More and more she felt isolated. Cut off from her beloved Daily Planet and her friends. Her family was scattered, with Lucy in California, her father buried in his work and her mother in rehab once again.
Lex had saved her from Max Menken when she and Clark investigated those cyborg boxers. He also didn’t blow her cover at the Metro Club. Unlike Clark, who had. But did she really hold that against Clark? That was early in their partnership, and he was afraid for her. It was her idea to go alone into the Metro Club. And she never did ask Perry if it was Clark’s idea to go undercover. Or maybe Perry suggested it and let Clark take the blame? Clark had taken responsibility when he left the Planet to go undercover at the Star, and she never found out whose idea it was first.
She had to admit that it was because Toni Taylor went to Clark’s apartment that Lois followed her and got the information on the Metros and Toasters. And grudgingly she admitted to Clark’s credit, he hadn’t tried anything remotely similar since.
Then there was that weird copy of her apartment in Lex’s bunker during Nightfall. She hadn’t dwelled on that, but in retrospect it was creepy. How did he make an exact copy of her apartment, unless someone broke into her apartment without her knowledge? While Lex had seen her living room a few times, the details in that apartment reminded Lois of profiles she’d read about stalkers. Why hadn’t she seen that before? Another sign she’d missed that Lex was dangerous.
Even if he wasn’t dangerous, she realized earlier that she didn’t love him, and right now she didn’t she trust him. She was flattered by his attentions. And while that would be enough to go out with him in the past, it wasn’t enough for her to marry him.
So she couldn’t marry Lex. Or continue seeing him.
Should she turn down his proposal? Tomorrow?
What should she do? Go undercover? If she did, she’d be going alone into a situation she didn’t understand. Clark wouldn’t be there, and she wouldn’t have the resources of the Daily Planet behind her. And worse, if Lex had fooled her so far how could she trust her instincts where he was concerned? Would she even know if she were in danger? Too many ifs, and this time she would take the time to check the water level before jumping in.
With a shiver, she realized she was cold. And her current outfit was not comfortable. So she went to her bedroom and changed into soft cotton knit shirt and pants. She blushed as she thought about her aborted attempt to seduce Superman. Well, if he came back tonight, he’d find her in a different outfit and maybe they’d both be more comfortable.
She decided she needed some tea. Clark had given her a jar of loose-leaf herbal tea that was supposed to help clarify thoughts. Lois felt tonight she needed it, and was grateful to Clark for his thoughtfulness.
As she was waiting for the water to boil, she thought again about her meals with Lex and those with Clark. How different were her meals with them! While Lex determined the place and food, Clark was more interested in what she wanted. Even the first time, when Clark brought that amazing Chinese takeout, he brought a selection rather than assuming she’d like a certain dish. Since then, he always asked her what she wanted. With chagrin, she realized she’d rarely asked him what he wanted. It was almost always her choice, whether pizza, Italian, Chinese or something else. The most independent decision he ever made regarding food was bringing her takeout coffee fixed the way she liked it and surprising her with French pastries. Well, she could change that. Assuming he still wanted to be her friend after today.
After the water boiled, Lois steeped her tea. Just like Clark had shown her. As she did, she realized Superman was right that she didn’t know him very well. Did he like tea? She had no idea. She didn’t know what he liked to eat, or even how often. He’d told her once he didn’t have to eat, but that didn’t mean he didn’t ever eat. And just because he didn’t have to eat didn’t mean he didn’t enjoy eating.
What did Superman like to do to relax? What was his taste in music or videos? She had no idea.
She already knew Lex’s preference for opera in a foreign language. Any language other than English she suspected. Whether or not she was interested in it made no difference to him. Actually, she fumed, it often seemed immaterial.
Unlike Lex, Clark seemed happy to watch a video with her in one of their apartments. He always asked what she wanted to see and where. If she had no preference or told him to choose, he’d usually bring a selection for her to make the final choice. Once he brought that Italian movie they both wanted to see. Clark spoke Italian from his travels. He would stop the video when he disagreed with the English subtitles. They laughed at the differences his knowing Italian made. He amazed her with not only the ability to listen to the audio while reading the subtitles, but his thoughtfulness to explain the discrepancies. For Lois even with the delays of translation the time flew, unlike how it often dragged at the opera.
Lois poured herself a mug of tea, and sat down. She realized that despite his urbane exterior and sophisticated tastes, Lex could not hold a candle to Clark for manners and genuine thoughtfulness.
Clark liked lots of different music, and had a fairly extensive collection of recordings in his apartment. His apartment! Furnished in an eclectic blend of things he’d picked up in his travels and mementos, with both new and old furniture. It worked and made a comfortable home, much more so than either her apartment or Lex’s penthouse. And he had done an amazing job of repairing and painting the apartment. The glimpse she’d seen before he moved in showed it had been an absolute wreck.
She didn’t know Clark’s Metropolis friends outside of work. But most people at the Planet had been his friend, and apparently everyone in Smallville liked or loved him. Even though he hadn’t lived there in several years.
Did Superman even have any friends? If he was Ordinary Guy did they know who he was? While she considered him a friend, she definitely knew less about him than she did about Perry, Jimmy or Clark.
Her thoughts turned to Ordinary Guy. Was he lonely? Did he have friends?
While one of her fantasies was to be Superman’s friend, she apparently wasn’t Ordinary Guy’s friend. Had she totally blown it? And did he more than care for her as a friend? Just because she felt a connection didn’t mean he did.
A single tear silently ran down her cheek.
If she had accepted Lex’s proposal, she knew she would have lost the two most important men in her life… Superman and Clark. And right now she wasn’t sure which one was more important.
Did that make her shallow? Earlier this evening she had proclaimed her love for Superman, now she was focused on Clark. And until a few minutes ago she’d been seriously considering Lex’s proposal. What did all that mean? It was so confusing.
Of course her actions may already have caused her to lose Clark. She remembered the anguish on his face as he abruptly turned and walked away from her in the park.
No! She couldn’t lose Clark. She’d have to find some way to be his friend again.
And Superman. She had hurt him at some point as Ordinary Guy. Or maybe how differently she had treated both of him hurt him more.
Who was he?
Superman or Ordinary Guy?
Or some combination of both?
She’d have to find out if they were to become closer.
Then she remembered a quote from somewhere, “Love is not whom you can see yourself with, it is who you can’t see yourself without.”
While she’d been comparing how different her life was with Lex, Superman or even Clark, which one did she see herself not living without?
She thought about the last few months. She remembered her encounters with all three men. How upset she was that Lex had tried to turn her interview into a date. What really upset her though about that interview was that Clark was right about Lex. And she had failed to see it! Did that confirm that Clark knew other things about Lex, and she’d missed them too?
Worse, had she dismissed his concerns only because he was from a small town and less experienced? Well, he’d certainly proven himself on investigations. Why couldn’t she accept his suspicions as easily as he accepted hers?
Maybe she was really a snob.
Or was it because she hated to admit she was wrong?
Or maybe it was because she had to be tough to deal with difficult men all her life. She was a woman in a man’s world, and they did not readily accept her or her ideas.
Except for a very few.
Perry.
Jimmy.
Clark.
And Superman.
From that first day, Clark had accepted her. He listened to her ideas, and more often than not after expressing his concerns or doubts he would still follow her lead. She wondered if he would follow her to the ends of the Earth one day. Yes, she could see him doing just that if he could.
Superman said he always read her work. He never seemed to lose his temper with rescuing her, no matter how often. And if anyone could follow her to the ends of the Earth, it would be him. Heck, he’d probably beat her there!
Except for tonight, her encounters with Superman were during rescues or interviews. He had ignored her during the Bachelor Auction, although Clark had been there to comfort her later.
It was Clark not Superman who rescued her from Mr. Make-up disguised as Mr. Tracewski. And Clark held her when she was upset. Why was it so hard to see how good it felt to be held by Clark?
And she had to admit it felt great to hold Clark after Trask tried to kill him at the Kent Farm last fall. And she loved dancing with him at the Corn Festival, and yes at the White Orchid Ball. Although she wasn’t ready to tell him she enjoyed their dance at the ball. No use in him getting conceited.
So who was it she saw herself not living without?
The answer was clear.
She could live without Lex. So why had she thought of accepting Lex’s proposal? Actually, she hadn’t been thinking, just reacting for a while now.
Lois was both surprised and embarrassed to recognize that the one person who would make her life incomplete by his absence was… Clark. As soon as she realized the truth, she knew what she had to do. She needed to apologize to him and tell him how she felt. She didn’t know if she was “in love” with him, but she did know she loved him as a close friend—her best friend—and he was a big part of her life.
But maybe she was just a teeny tiny smidgen in love with him? She had fallen hard for him after being sprayed with Miranda’s pheromone potion. She shuddered to remember her behavior, including the Dance of the Seven Veils, although she still didn’t clearly remember dancing it. The pheromone was only supposed to work if there was already an attraction there. Could her subconscious have known what she consciously denied? That she felt more for him than the love of a friend or brother? And he was so gentlemanly and understanding. Other men would have taken advantage of the situation. After all, she did when Superman was sprayed with the 100 percent solution!
And there was no question that Clark was telling the truth today. As she thought about it, he showed how he loved her every day. Whether asking her choices of movies or dinner, bringing her coffee just like she liked it, for respecting her as a work partner or just in being her friend, his caring was obvious. And no one else could make her laugh over something as silly as recalling the names of the seven dwarfs or Santa’s reindeer. She smiled at the memory of all those trivia games he graciously won, yet never collected their bets. When she won, she would be sure to collect! And his teasing was always gentle, not unkind.
She remembered she had told him shortly after they met not to fall for her because she didn’t have the time. Apparently he didn’t follow that advice… or was she really telling herself not to fall for him?
And the kisses they shared. Wow! No one had ever kissed her like Clark. Especially the only one she was sure wasn’t a cover… the one when he left during the heat wave. Gentle kisses that spread heat down to her toes meant something, didn’t they?
What did she really know about being in love—lifelong love—anyway? Her parents were not good examples. And her past relationships were federal disasters. In retrospect, what she’d felt in the past seemed more like crushes or lust. To her embarrassment, even her love of Superman seemed more like a schoolgirl crush than a lifelong commitment to love and be loved.
Thinking about Clark always being in her life made her feel content, comforted and complete.
And Superman was right. She didn’t know him well at all.
She didn’t notice as another tear trickled down her cheek. Suddenly the stresses of the last week overwhelmed her. Instead of unleashing her anger, the floodgates opened. She dissolved in a deluge of tears and sobs.
At first she cried for the Planet. She cried for Perry’s retirement, and how she would miss her mentor and surrogate father. Then she cried about missing the clues about Lex and Ordinary Guy. And even how blind she’d been to Clark’s caring and—yes—love.
As her tears continued, she realized that she wasn’t crying just for her own pain caused by someone else or for a fictional television or movie character’s pain.
For the first time she could remember, Lois Lane was also crying for those she had hurt.
The two men she had hurt deeply.
She was crying both for Ordinary Guy—the man who wore Superman’s suit—and for Clark.
Overwhelmed with that realization, her torrent of tears continued.
TBC
Comments A/N: Usual disclaimer applies. I don't own the characters, they belong to others. Just like to play with them.
