Ghost From the Past
Folc4evernaday
Part 18
***
<“Hey, Jamie…” a soft feminine voice cooed as the camera zeroed in on the bright smile of a little baby boy with dark hair and eyes. His smile was infectious.
“Ah, ha, ah!” he cooed back at the camera.
“Hey, Jamie….” The feminine voice cooed once more and Jamie smiled brightly, grinning ear to ear.
“Ooooh,” He cooed back with a big grin as he stuck his tongue out.
“Hey, Jamie,” She said once more. Jamie stuck his tongue out once more and grinned happily, giving what appeared to be a silent laugh. She laughed, happily, “You’ve got a pretty smile. Smile for the video,”
“Ah, yah,” He cooed.
“Yeah,” She cheered.>Clark picked up the remote and clicked a button, burying his face in his hands as the video played once more.
<“Hey, Jamie…”
“Ah, ha, ah!”
“Hey, Jamie….”
“Ooooh,”
“Hey, Jamie, you’ve got a pretty smile. Smile for the video,”
“Ah, yah,” >Anticipating the end, he hit replay again.
<“Hey, Jamie…”
“Ah, ha, ah!”
“Hey, Jamie….”
“Ooooh,”
“Hey, Jamie, you’ve got a pretty smile. Smile for the video,”>He lifted the remote to hit replay again, but found it jerked out of his hand, “Enough!” He looked up and saw his dad, trembling in anger, holding the remote. “Clark, you have been watching this video over and over and over again for hours. You can’t keep doing this to yourself….”
Clark just stared back at his dad coldly, “Give me the remote,”
“No,” Jonathan said, shaking his head firmly.
Clark stood up, ready to confront his dad, but thought better of it when he saw the grim look on his dad’s face. “Fine,” In the blink of an eye he disappeared, leaving Jonathan there, holding the remote.
He stared at the screen as he fought to keep the tears that were glistening his eyes from escaping, “Oh, Jamie,” He whispered hoarsely before blackening the screen with the push of a button. He stared up at the ceiling and whispered, “We miss you,”
***
“What do you think you’re doing?” Martha asked, watching Lois throw her things into a suitcase haphazardly.
“Packing,” Lois said matter-of-factly.
“I can see that,” Martha said wryly, “I was leaning more towards the ‘why’ part,”
“It’s been three days. He won’t hardly look at me,” Lois said shaking her head. “Not that I can blame him. I need to get back to Metropolis….”
“What you need is to cut him some slack…” Martha cut her off, grabbing her things from the suitcase and putting them back in the closet. “It’s been three days, not three years! Quit trying to make rash decisions in the heat of the moment…”
“I’m not being rash…” Lois argued, grabbing the clothes from the closet once more.
“Yes, you are!” Martha said, grabbing another stack of clothes from her and putting them back in the closet. Lois reached for the clothes once more but Martha blocked her, “Lois, I may look small but I can hold my own. I will hog tie you if I have to but you are not walking out that door until you resolve this…”
Lois glared at the elder woman, uncertain of how willing she was to follow through with her threat. She arched an eyebrow back at her, sending the silent message of how serious she was and Lois relented, “Fine,” She harrumphed, storming out of the room. As she descended the stairs she heard a familiar swoosh. She wasn’t sure if it was Clark coming or going, but right now she didn’t care. She just wanted to leave.
Her breath caught in her throat as she caught Jonathan staring at the image of Jamie on the television screen with tears in his eyes. It was unnerving to see him like this. Jonathan was always so quiet and in control of his emotions. Even when they’d been held hostage he’d kept his cool the entire time, talking them through everything.
“Oh, Jamie, we miss you,” Jonathan whispered hoarsely.
Lois bit her lower lip and watched as the television screen went black. The pain in her chest ached. She felt like someone had taken a knife and stabbed her in the heart as she fought to keep her grief at bay. How she wished someone would just put her out of her misery. End the suffering. Make the pain stop. Then she wouldn’t have to hurt anymore. She wouldn’t have to continue to face each day without her little boy.
As quickly as the thought crossed her mind she pushed it out. She knew she could never give up. It wasn’t what Jamie would want. She would just continue to live each day for Jamie, just as she always had…whether Clark was with her or not.
***
A son. He had had a son. A living breathing baby boy that had the most beautiful voice. How had this happened? How had he been robbed of so much? His mom had said it was ‘cot death’ or ‘SIDS’ as some people had called it. He hated that Lois had to go through this alone. He hated that he hadn’t been there. He hadn’t been there to help her through the pregnancy. He hadn’t been there to help her through the birth. He hadn’t been there to help her through their son’s death. He hadn’t been there.
She’d had to shoulder all of it on her own. If he’d been there…maybe….just maybe he could have done something. He could have prevented it…
He couldn’t stand to be around anyone at the moment. He hated himself for it. He knew his parents were trying to help and he knew Lois was just as distraught but right now all he wanted to do was crawl under a rock and hide. Hide his guilt. Hide his shame. Hide the fact that when his fiancée had needed him the most he hadn’t been there.
He stared down at the clouds below him as he floated in the night sky, uncertainly. He had to go back eventually. He just wasn’t sure he was ready. Going back meant talking. Talking meant dealing with things he just wasn’t ready to deal with….not yet anyway.
***
“Still no sign of him?” Martha asked, stepping out onto the porch with a mug of coffee in her hand.
Jonathan shook his head, “Nope,” The bitter amount of disapproval added a bite to his tone. “I know he’s having to deal with a lot right now but right now….” He shook his head angrily, shaking his fist in the air to illustrate the anger he felt at the moment.
“I know,” Martha sighed, “I’m trying to be patient, but I don’t think Lois can take any more of the silent treatment he’s been giving everyone.” At Jonathan’s knowing look she admitted, “I kinda threatened her into staying so they could work this out…”
Jonathan cracked a half smile, “Of course you did,”
“I didn’t know what else to do. I knew the minute she walked out that door she’d regret it…”
“She went for a run earlier…” Jonathan teased.
“I locked her suitcase in the attic for now,” Martha shot back and Jonathan laughed. Martha shook her head in disgust. “How did we get here?”
He stared up at the night sky, “All I seem to be doing is making him angry…and vice-versa,” He admitted sheepishly.
“She’s been family for the last five years…the mother of our grandchild. It’s normal to be protective,” Martha reassured him.
“So, how do we get these two to start talking?” Jonathan asked.
“Well…” Martha shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee. He could tell from the glint in her eye she already had a plan.
***
Nigel laid the report on the desk as he recited its contents for Lex, “Not of earthly origin. Periodic element 126. Emits an extremely high band radiation that doesn’t seem to have any negative effects on any of the subjects…”
“Maybe we need to begin testing on different subjects…” Lex began slowly.
“We’ve tested on subjects all over the world and no one has suffered any ill effects…” Nigel began.
“Well,” Lex picked up the file in front of him and gave Nigel a slow smile, “I suppose if this isn’t ‘of earthly origin’ we need to test it on someone with the same genetic makeup…” He lit his cigar and took a puff. “No sign of him yet?”
Nigel shook his head, “He’s either ignoring the pleas for help or he’s not close enough to hear them,”
Lex threw the file down on his desk in anger, “We need something bigger…Think, Nigel, how can we draw him out?”
***
“Help Superman!” The cries for help continued to haunt him but he just couldn’t. He couldn’t put himself at risk like that…Not after everything he’d been through. Not after everything…
He continued to ignore the cries, watching from a distance to see that the authorities were able to handle the situation. He grimaced. Before stopping Nightfall…before Trask…He wouldn’t think twice about rescuing someone in need…just without the flashy cape. His mom had begun making suit after suit ‘just in case’ but the only thing he’d used them for was to fly away. Here he was the strongest man in the world able to bend steel in his arms but unable to escape his greatest enemy: himself.
Why had he thought flying back to Metropolis would help?
He spotted the familiar alley behind his apartment and landed quietly, spinning into his jeans and t-shirt from earlier. He headed up the steps to his apartment and pulled out the key he’d hidden inside the flower pot. He sighed, looking at the withering plant in disgust. Yet another thing that he’d lost.
He opened the door, looking around, scanning for a sign that anyone other than himself was in the room before he relaxed and closed the door behind him. They were still out there. They were still out there with that….
He shuddered slightly as he stepped into the familiar setting of his apartment. It looked like someone had been maintaining the place… His parents, maybe? He paced around the room, uncertain what he was looking for. He was tired. He was angry. He wanted to break something…but he couldn’t. He could never lose control. He could never allow himself…
He fell against his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Lois had been pregnant when they’d gone to Smallville. When had it happened? There had been so many times… Lois had been on birth control so they’d thought they were in the clear but obviously not. A son. They’d made a baby together. A baby he would never see. A child he would never hold. A son he would never know. He blinked back the tears cursing the God that had given him such a gift only to snatch it away.
The phone on his nightstand rang and he glared at it angrily. Who knew he was here?
‘Mom’ he thought to himself. After the fifth ring, he decided to give up and answer.
“Hello?” He croaked, doing his best to cover up the despair he felt at the moment.
“Kent?” the voice on the other end was familiar but he couldn’t quite place it.
“Who is this?”
“Floyd?” the man prompted on the other end of the line. He still wasn’t sure who the man was and was about to ask but he thankfully added, “Your landlord?”
“Uh, yeah,” He nodded, recalling the middle aged man that had helped him a week ago. “Yes, I remember,”
“Good, you sound like you’re feeling a lot better.” He remarked.
“Uh,” He wasn’t sure how to answer that.
“Anyway, the reason I’m calling is there’s some stuff I’ve been holding in storage for Ms. Lane. Wanted to see if I could bring it by…”
“Uh, sure,” He said. What had Floyd been holding in storage for Lois? Before he could respond there was a knock at the door and the phone line went dead.
He scanned the door and saw Floyd on the other side holding a few boxes and closing his cell phone. He’d obviously been just giving him a last minute courtesy call. He sighed, standing up and heading for the door.
He answered the door, “Uh, just put it in the living room,” He pointed toward the couch.
Floyd nodded, handing him the stack of boxes before turning around, “I’ve got more in the truck…”
“Truck?” He asked, bewildered. He sighed, placing the boxes on the floor by the couch. What could be in them? He wondered. They were pretty light…
He turned around to help Floyd with the rest of the stuff. His voice caught in his throat when he saw what Floyd was carrying. It was a bassinet. His bassinet.
‘Mom probably gave it to her for Jamie,’ He thought to himself.
Oh, God! He couldn’t do this. He saw Floyd drop the bassinet by the couch and stared at it numbly. Box after box filled the living room along with pieces to a crib. He just stared at the bassinet, unable to move.
A hand rested on his shoulder and Floyd looked at him in concern, “I, uh, assumed you knew…”
He just nodded numbly, “Uh, yeah, she told me…”
“I’m sorry. I’ve got three of my own. Couldn’t imagine what you and her are going through…I mean the hell they put her through…” He shook his head in disgust.
Clark looked up at him inquisitively, “They?”
“Cops! Rats! Every one of them. Someone loses their baby like that then gets treated like a criminal? It ain’t right.” Floyd muttered angrily. “Anyway, uh, if you need anything let me know…”
“Yeah,” Clark nodded, “Thank you,”
***
<<“What you and her are going through…”>>
<<“I mean the hell they put her through…” >>
<< “They?”
“Someone loses their baby like that then gets treated like a criminal? It ain’t right.” >>The words echoed through his mind as he stared up at the ceiling.
<<“What you and her are going through…”>>
<<“I mean the hell they put her through…” >>Report after report. He had read them all. The investigation into Jamie’s death. The autopsy report. That made him shudder just thinking of someone cutting his son into pieces and examining his body parts. Thankfully nothing had been noticeable enough for them to examine anything further. It had been ‘unremarkable’ as the ME had put it. His brain. His heart. His son.
Why hadn’t she told him?
‘When did she have a chance?’ his conscience accused.
He hadn’t given her a chance to talk to him for the last few days. He’d made himself scarce on the farm and when his dad had found him in the den watching the only video they’d had of Jamie over and over he’d snapped. He knew he wasn’t being fair to them. He wasn’t being fair to Lois. They’d dealt with their grief and now were having to go through it all over again because of him.
Cause of Death: Unknown. Categorized as Sudden Infancy Death Syndrome.
He could still feel the words glaring back at him, taunting him. No explanation. No nothing. Just unknown. Sixteen weeks. That was all Jamie had had was sixteen weeks. He glared at the ceiling above him, shaking his head. He couldn’t think here. Not with his son’s things a few feet away. He felt like he was suffocating.
Without a second thought he spun into his suit and fled the apartment, locking everything up at super speed as he ricocheted out the window, moving at a speed that was so fast he was nearly invisible.
<<“What you and her are going through…”>>
<<“I mean the hell they put her through…” >>***
Martha smiled to herself when she heard the familiar sonic boom from a distance. Jonathan looked at Martha then at Clark as he approached, “You okay?” He asked.
Clark shook his head, “Where’s Lois?”
“She went for a run,” Martha said, motioning for him to come in. “How about some dinner?”
“I’m not hungry,” He shook his head. She arched an eyebrow at him and he looked down, “but I guess I could make myself eat,”
Jonathan laughed as he watched Martha drag Clark into the kitchen to eat. He grabbed the phone from the porch along with the notes Martha had made when talking with Floyd earlier. It seemed to have done the trick…to bring him back home anyway.
***
<<“It’s a boy!”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<“I’m pregnant…”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>
<<“I don’t know how I’m going to do this…”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<“James Clark Kent….I wish he was here now,”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>
<<“I love you so much Jamie,”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<“We are right here with you….Anything you need. You’re family. With or without Clark and….with…or without…Jamie.”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>
<<“He has his smile,”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<“It’s been three days, not three years! Quit trying to make rash decisions in the heat of the moment…”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>
<<“Lois, I may look small but I can hold my own. I will hog tie you if I have to but you are not walking out that door until you resolve this…”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<“Oh, Jamie, we miss you,”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>
<<“Hey, Jamie, you’ve got a pretty smile. Smile for the video,”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<“Look at that! World’s number one bro!”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>
<<“Mama!”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<“Ah la!”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>
<<“Lois, you can’t spoil him like that. He has to sleep in his own room!”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<<“Three months is long enough to be room sharing…”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>
<<“His pupils are fixated…I’m sorry, Ma’am. He’s gone!”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<“Are you sure there was nothing in that crib with him?”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>
<<“Are you sure he was face-up?”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<“How could you put him to bed and he just not wake up? Explain that to me…I’ve been on the force for years and there’s ALWAYS a reason…”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>
<<“My baby!”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<“You don’t want to spoil him, do you?”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>
<<“I didn’t hear him. I don’t understand how I could NOT hear him…”>>
<<“I’m so sorry, Clark…”>>
<<“A…son?”>>
<<“Please forgive me,”>>Lois fell to the ground in tears, hitting the ground repeatedly as she screamed in agony. She fisted the grass beneath her palms, “Give him back…” She cried over and over pounding her fist into the ground. It hurt. Why did it have to hurt so bad? Why? She’d been able to ignore it and push it aside so long as she kept busy, but now… Now it was like a floodgate had been opened. There was no pain like it. Nothing compared to this. She’d lost everything. She’d lost her baby and by association, Clark. “Give him back…” She continued to cry, beating the ground repeatedly. Her fists were bleeding but she didn’t care. “I HATE you…” She screamed in agony.
She lifted her arm to strike the ground once more but found it unmoving as two familiar arms wrapped around her, “Stop it…” He whispered, wrapping his hands over hers as he wrapped her in his arms. “Please, stop…”
“My baby…” She continued to cry.
“I know…” He soothed, “I know,” He croaked.
“You said…you wouldn’t…leave…” She cried.
“I know,” He cried. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…” He held her as she buried her face against his chest.
“Please forgive….me. I…I’m SO …sorry, Clark,” She cried.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” He whispered, kissing her cheek. “Please stop doing this to yourself,”
“I just want him…back…” She cried.
“I know you do, sweetheart,” He held her against him, rocking back and forth. “I do too,”
“I loved him SO much….but it wasn’t …enough…” She whimpered against him.
“I’m so sorry, Lois,” He cried. “If I could ….I’m so sorry…”
***
TBC..
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