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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Blooming TimeAuthor: Millefeuilles Summary: Another take on the infamous declarations of love from ‘Barbarians at the Planet’. What if Lois had been more upset by Clark’s avowal of love than she was? This is my first attempt at fanfic in the LnC:TNAoS fandom, and English isn’t my first language. Complete StoryAny comments?
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Super story. Just right combination of tension and humor. Teri's Lois when she is flustered is absolutely hysterical and you caught it very nicely. Would never have known that English was not your first language.
Mike
Create all the happiness you are able to create. Remove all the misery you are able to remove.
Jeremy Bentham
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Very well done. I wish my students (most of whose first -- and probably only -- language *is* English) could write even a quarter as well as you do.
I actually like that you did not spell out here the reconciliation between Lois and Clark -- that you left it to the reader's imagination. While such a scene would be interesting to read, should it be in a sequel, it would have diluted the impact of this story as it currently stands.
Brava!
Joy, Lynn
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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I liked this one a lot. Can we get a sequel?
~•~
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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What a delightful story! I could actually see Lois and Superman talking in her apartment. Her nose is red and raw from blowing her nose using paper towels rather than tissues.
All the right touches of drama, humor and kindness are here for us to enjoy and smile over. Lois and Superman or rather Clark were first and foremost friends and that gentle quality of their relationship comes shining through.
I would have never thought that English was not your first language.
Please feel free to write another story or better yet, how about a sequel?
Welcome to the writer's side of the msbs!
Morgana
A writer's job is to think of new plots and create characters who stay with you long after the final page has been read. If that mission is accomplished than we have done what we set out to do, which is to entertain and hopefully educate.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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MikeM, Lynn SM, Queen of the Capes, Morgana, thank you very very much for all the nice and encouraging words... Truth to tell, I was helped by two fabulous betas who carefully polished all the hard angles on my imperfect English… As I was taught UK English at school a looooong time ago, there were quite a few left! Regarding a sequel, I must admit that I never considered one. But with so many nudges in that direction, why not? Even if I fear it might fall flat after an intended one-shot story. (My appalled betas are about to commit suicide.) IMHO, a sequel wasn’t needed because there was enough of Clark shining through his Superman disguise. I wanted to “leave it to the reader's imagination”, as Lynn S. M. so aptly pointed out. Besides, I planted some seeds for Lois’s ulterior moves: her reconciliation with Clark, their investigation of Lex leading to the rebuilding of the Planet, her piecing things together (or not), etc. My ambition was to have a peek into Lois’s inner journey to self-awareness and move her epiphany a little earlier into the storyline. I had the added challenge to develop the eps scenes into something a little different, twisting the dialogue into another shape. Indeed, a very difficult challenge since so many fabulously talented writers had done it before with flying colours. What a delightful story! I could actually see Lois and Superman talking in her apartment. Her nose is red and raw from blowing her nose using paper towels rather than tissues. Thanks. I figured the paper towels came from all her take-out deliveries!! And Lois Lane never cries, so she had no tissues at home…
Last edited by Millefeuilles; 02/01/17 04:17 AM.
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Features Writer
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Features Writer
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I absolutely love your version of this scene. As Mike mentioned, you've combined humor and dramatic tension beautifully. The imagery of flowers, fire and later the chill accompanying the cold Superman woven into Lois's introspection and awareness of her feelings is brilliant. Your detail of the muted colors of her clothes mirroring the brighter colors of Superman's uniform is priceless. You've painted a wonderful story with your words. Welcome to posting your first L&C story!
Cuidadora
"Honey, we didn't care if you were a Russian or a Martian... You were ours... and we weren't giving you to anybody." ~ Martha in Strange Visitor
"A love that risks nothing is worth nothing." ~ Jonathan in Big Girls Don't Fly
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Posts: 3,072 Likes: 24 |
IMHO, a sequel wasn’t needed because there was enough of Clark shining through his Superman disguise. I wanted to “leave it to the reader's imagination”, as Lynn S. M. so aptly pointed out. Besides, I planted some seeds for Lois’s ulterior moves: her reconciliation with Clark, their investigation of Lex leading to the rebuilding of the Planet, her piecing things together (or not), etc. You have a point, and it does work beautifully as a stand-alone with an implied ending/epilogue. However, there is of course a very obvious pick-up point for a sequel, should you choose to write one, and I'd love to see your version of what happens.
~•~
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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I absolutely love your version of this scene. As Mike mentioned, you've combined humor and dramatic tension beautifully. The imagery of flowers, fire and later the chill accompanying the cold Superman woven into Lois's introspection and awareness of her feelings is brilliant. [...] You've painted a wonderful story with your words. Welcome to posting your first L&C story! Thank you for your kind words and your gentle prompts that improved this story... folc4evernday and you know how much I'm indebted to you both... Your detail of the muted colors of her clothes mirroring the brighter colors of Superman's uniform is priceless. Well... What amused me is that Lois thought the colors clashed together when she was wearing them, but wasn't as critical when applied to the brighter version of Superman's suit!
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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IMHO, a sequel wasn’t needed because there was enough of Clark shining through his Superman disguise. I wanted to “leave it to the reader's imagination”, as Lynn S. M. so aptly pointed out. Besides, I planted some seeds for Lois’s ulterior moves: her reconciliation with Clark, their investigation of Lex leading to the rebuilding of the Planet, her piecing things together (or not), etc. You have a point, and it does work beautifully as a stand-alone with an implied ending/epilogue. However, there is of course a very obvious pick-up point for a sequel, should you choose to write one, and I'd love to see your version of what happens. Errr... Don't hold your breath too much (not as long as Clark, anyway!), but... I began working on a sequel this afternoon (I had the day off. And yes indeed, too much leisure breeds misdeeds.) I'm not sure it will lead anywhere (as I really didn't plan a sequel at all), and what I wrote looks truly terrible to my critical eye. Rao and kind steel-hearted Betas willing, I may some day post something on the boards.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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I really enjoyed this perspective on that famous scene. And don't worry about it having been rewritten before, one of the things I love about good fanfic are all the ways and shades authors can explore the fundamental realities in the show and between the characters. So bring on all the rewrites, I'll read them all
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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I enjoyed the story very much also. I think most L&C fanfic writers have probably attempted or thought of attempting this scene and your rendition captures the characters personalities nicely. I also like the word choice and sentence structure being a little different than I think a native speaker would have done it. IMO English has a lot of flexibility that way and I didn't find anything written to be done in a strange way. Good job on your first story.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Thank you very much! And don't worry about it having been rewritten before, one of the things I love about good fanfic are all the ways and shades authors can explore the fundamental realities in the show and between the characters. So bring on all the rewrites, I'll read them all I don't have any other rewrites in the works, for the time being. However, I'm working on the sequel... I enjoyed the story very much also. I think most L&C fanfic writers have probably attempted or thought of attempting this scene and your rendition captures the characters personalities nicely. Thank you... I admit that one of the challenges was attempting to render the characters' "voices" more or less accurately. (Aside from writing in another language.) I also like the word choice and sentence structure being a little different than I think a native speaker would have done it. IMO English has a lot of flexibility that way and I didn't find anything written to be done in a strange way. Good job on your first story. I understand what you mean: when I read fiction in my native language that was written by a non-native speaker, there is always a feeling of faintly exotic wording... and it sometimes works out for the best! Anyway, I had two fantastic Betas, so credit must chiefly go to them for a stellar work, correcting my mistakes and smoothing out the rough angles.
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Columnist
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Columnist
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I really enjoyed this perspective on that famous scene. And don't worry about it having been rewritten before, one of the things I love about good fanfic are all the ways and shades authors can explore the fundamental realities in the show and between the characters. So bring on all the rewrites, I'll read them all I agree completely. I think you captured their characters and relationship better than the show. When I think of this scene in the future, yours is the one that will come to mind first.
Shallowford
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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What a roller coaster ride! Lois's emotions are all over the place (and rightfully so). She hates Clark. She misses Clark. She possibly likes Clark. It's all Clark's fault! I love how Lois discovers through her musings (and waiting for Superman) that she doesn't need LNN, and therefore Lex. She's a terrific writer; she can just go to another newspaper! She doesn't NEED a man to rescue her. Realizing this, it makes perfect sense that she doesn't throw herself at Superman to love her, but to be her friend. She misses Clark, her partner, her friend, and that cute guy she playfully (and securely) can flirt with. Seeing Lois vulnerable and miserable about hurting Clark was just the medicine Clark's (Superman's? ) aching heart needed to forgive her harsh words from that afternoon. Of course, admitting that she *could* someday fall for Clark hadn't hurt either. A sweet story about the true strength of friendship that it even finds itself through disguises. Well done! Like Lynn, I believe it's best left up to the reader to fill in what happens next. (Unless your muse has come up with a sequel, then please disregard my words.) And if my rusty German was half as good as your English, I would count myself blessed.
VirginiaR. "On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling" --- "clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Aug 2016
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I really enjoyed this perspective on that famous scene. And don't worry about it having been rewritten before, one of the things I love about good fanfic are all the ways and shades authors can explore the fundamental realities in the show and between the characters. So bring on all the rewrites, I'll read them all I agree completely. I think you captured their characters and relationship better than the show. When I think of this scene in the future, yours is the one that will come to mind first. Wow. You really made my day! Thank you very much... (I'm blushing scarlet)
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Thank you for your lovely FDK! What a roller coaster ride! Lois's emotions are all over the place (and rightfully so). She hates Clark. She misses Clark. She possibly likes Clark. It's all Clark's fault! Isn't it always Clark's fault? I love how Lois discovers through her musings (and waiting for Superman) that she doesn't need LNN, and therefore Lex. She's a terrific writer; she can just go to another newspaper! She doesn't NEED a man to rescue her. Realizing this, it makes perfect sense that she doesn't throw herself at Superman to love her, but to be her friend. She misses Clark, her partner, her friend, and that cute guy she playfully (and securely) can flirt with. Sometimes, not having something/seeing someone shows us how much we value it... I also wanted to show that all her certainties are upside down: she has fallen in love with Clark and is friends with Superman... Seeing Lois vulnerable and miserable about hurting Clark was just the medicine Clark's (Superman's? ) aching heart needed to forgive her harsh words from that afternoon. Of course, admitting that she *could* someday fall for Clark hadn't hurt either. I'm glad this came through... A sweet story about the true strength of friendship that it even finds itself through disguises. Well done! Like Lynn, I believe it's best left up to the reader to fill in what happens next. (Unless your muse has come up with a sequel, then please disregard my words.) I believe that friendship is also very important for a couple and an excellent foundation for romantic love. There is a finished sequel in the works, but still in the Beta process... (RL went in the way.) At first, I didn't intend to write one, but my Muse demanded it. You may disregard it, though. And if my rusty German was half as good as your English, I would count myself blessed. I'm pretty sure your German is better than mine (that is, zero nothing nilch.
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Columnist
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Columnist
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This was really sweet. I like how Superman calmed down and stayed so Lois could vent at him. Sometimes what we really need is to have someone just listen while we verbally work out our thoughts and feelings.
The descriptions of Superman and his demeanor are very evocative. You do a great job of showing his emotions without getting inside his head and showing how Lois's thoughts about him change over the course of their discussion.
"It is a remarkable dichotomy. In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all. Then...he shoots fire from the skies, and it is difficult not to think of him as a god. And how fortunate we all are that it does not occur to him." -Batman (in Superman/Batman #3 by Jeph Loeb)
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Thank you very much for your kind words, Mrs Mxyzptlk ! The basis for this story was my questioning what could Lois say to calm Clark, even unconsciously! The answer was obvious: twist and turn the "ordinary man leading an ordinary life" infamous sentence! And all the fic developed from it... Sometimes what we really need is to have someone just listen while we verbally work out our thoughts and feelings. Indeed, we sometimes do! The irony being that Lois doesn't entirely realise there is only one man, not two! The descriptions of Superman and his demeanor are very evocative. You do a great job of showing his emotions without getting inside his head and showing how Lois's thoughts about him change over the course of their discussion. Thanks again. I'm glad it worked for you, as I wanted to write the story from Lois's POV.
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