Sleeping with the Fishes
by MrsMxyzptlk
The phone rang in Clark's apartment as he was pulling ingredients for dinner out of the fridge. He answered it with his customary, "Clark Kent."
Over the line, he heard a panicked, "CK?"
"Jimmy?" Clark guessed.
"Yeah, it's me," Jimmy replied. "CK, um, we're -- we're friends, right?"
Clark was puzzled and a bit worried at Jimmy's anxious tone. "Yeah, of course we're friends," he replied. "Why? Is everything ok?"
"No, I mean, like, they say, 'friends help you move, but a real friend helps you move a body.' You're a real friend, right?"
"Jimmy? What's wrong? Are you in danger? Where are you?" Clark asked, unknowingly channeling his Superman voice in his incipient panic.
"Danger? Um, no, not exactly... am I in trouble? Yes. Definitely. Can... can you come over? I messed up, and now he's dead, and I don't know what to do, and I didn't know who else to call," Jimmy said plaintively.
"Dead?! Who's dead?" Clark exclaimed.
Over the line, Clark heard Jimmy start to hyperventilate. "I... I just... will you come?"
"Yes, of course," Clark replied. "You're at home? Or the office?"
"No, I'm at Lois' place."
Clark paused for a second, startled, then said, "Lois'? But she's in South America on assignment. What are you doing at her place? Wait-- is Lois ok?"
"Yeah, well, as far as I know, she's fine. But she might not be when she gets back. Or at least I won't... So will you come over?"
"Yeah, I'll be right there. Give me ten minutes," Clark said, then hung up the phone.
He wanted to don his cape and fly over to Lois' apartment immediately, but Jimmy obviously knew that he was nowhere nearby. He figured that ten minutes was long enough to allay Jimmy's suspicions, even though it was normally a twenty-minute walk.
Clark put away the food he had pulled out for dinner, then spent four minutes pacing his apartment in agitation before deciding that Jimmy questioning his quick arrival was less important that figuring out who died and why Jimmy was in trouble at Lois' apartment while she was out of the country.
Superman darted out of Clark's window and landed in the alley behind Lois' apartment building. Clark emerged from the alley and looked around, noticing that nothing seemed out of the ordinary on the street. He entered the building, jogged up the stairs, and knocked on Lois' door.
Jimmy answered the door and ushered him in. "I'm so glad you're here!" Jimmy exclaimed. He paced away from Clark and ran his hands through his hair before pacing back. "I don't know what to do! I messed up bad!"
Clark looked around the apartment. Nothing seemed out of place, apart from Jimmy, who was a bit rumpled but otherwise intact. He did not smell any blood or anything unusual. There was no one else in the apartment, either.
He walked over to Jimmy and put his hands on Jimmy's shoulders to stop his pacing. "Jimmy, calm down. What happened?" Clark asked.
Jimmy took a deep breath, then another. He covered his face with his hands and wailed, "She's gonna kill me! I killed him, and Lois is going to kill me. And I don't know what to do with the body. Do I keep it? Will she want to see it? Or do I get rid of it? And how?" He dropped his hands to his sides and cried, "CK, you've gotta help me!"
Clark squeezed Jimmy's shoulders, leaned down a bit to look him in the eye, and asked, "Jimmy, who died?"
"Rodrigo!"
"Rodrigo who?" Clark paused as realization came over him. "Wait-- Lois' pet fish?"
Jimmy collapsed onto the couch and hung his head. "Yes! I killed her fish! And now I'm doomed!"
"Jimmy, calm down. It's just a fish."
"Have you
met Lois?"
Clark shrugged and nodded in concession, then walked over to the fish tank where he found Rodrigo The Fish floating near the top. "Ok," he said, "We can handle this. Typically, on the farm I'd bury my dead goldfish in the yard. My mom said it was good for the flowers. That always made me feel better about losing my pets: I would remember them whenever I saw the flowers blooming. But given the situation, I think we should opt for a burial at sea."
Jimmy turned and peered at him over the back of the couch. "Burial at sea? What are you talking about?"
"We flush him."
"That's it?"
"That's it."
"Oh." Jimmy blushed and mumbled, "I should have thought of that."
"Don't worry about it," Clark consoled. He located the little fish net and scooped Rodrigo out of the tank. "Come on," he said and gestured for Jimmy to follow him to the bathroom.
With great ceremony, Clark upturned the net and dropped Rodrigo into the toilet. "Would you like to say a few words?" he asked. Jimmy looked at him, aghast, and shook his head. "Ok." He turned to the toilet and bowed his head. "Rodrigo, you were a good fish and a good pet. You will be missed." Then, with a flourish, he flushed the toilet.
He turned to Jimmy. "Come on," he said and put his arm around Jimmy's shoulder to escort him back to the living room couch. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Clark finally asked, "So I assume you are watching Lois' fish while she's gone. What happened?"
Jimmy sighed. "She told me to give them a pinch of fish food every day. So I gave them a pinch. But then I wondered, how big is a pinch? I was giving them a pretty small pinch. Was I underfeeding them? Maybe a pinch is bigger. Is it however much you can pick up with two fingers? I don't know. So I gave them a bigger pinch because I was afraid they'd starve with a tiny pinch."
"I see," said Clark. "So you gave them too much food, and then Rodrigo got sick."
"I didn't even know he was sick!" Jimmy said. "He seemed fine yesterday, and then today I came over to check on them and he was dead! And what is Lois going to say?"
"Lois will understand. Sure, she loves her fish, but these things happen. I'll help you smooth things over when she gets back."
"Thanks, man." Jimmy deflated with a sigh. "I'm sorry for calling you over like this. I just panicked."
"Any time. I'm glad to help. After all, what are friends for?"
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This was inspired by the
Moving the body challenge, though it doesn't quite fit the parameters. ::shrug::
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