Oh sweet heavens, I am so freakin' nervous to be posting again! It's been so, so long (and I apologize for that). I've gone through and re-polished the whole story, so if you need a refresher it's all shiny and new-ish. Many thanks to everyone who has nudged and wheedled in both the FDK thread and emails for the rest of the story. Super big thanks to my rock, my muse, and the most fantastic traveling companion, Susan, who beta'd this ages ago.
<big deep breath>
Here we go...
Title: Every Time We Say Goodbye
Author: Sue S.
Rating: PG/PG13ish
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Previously:"This is my final guess. I promise I won't ever ask again after this one." There wouldn't be a need to ask because if she was wrong she'd die of embarrassment before morning. And if she was right?
Oh god. Oh god! What if she was right?There was a small pause before he quietly said, "Okay. Ask."
Her heart began to hammer inside her chest, like a bird frantic for escape. She took a couple of shallow breaths but couldn't quite make herself speak. Lois swallowed hard and just barely managed to quickly whisper the words, "Is it me?"
Dead silence.
Lois' breath caught in her throat. Maybe he hadn't heard her? No, he must have heard her or he would have asked her to repeat the question. Her eyes closed in embarrassment. She'd been too presumptuous. Of course he wasn't in love with her. So why didn't he just say so? The question was still there, seeming to hang heavy in the air.
After an eternity, Clark quietly said, "Yes."
Her heart began to beat again. "Oh," she whispered as her mind raced to make sense of it. Had she heard him correctly? "You, uh, you said 'yes,' right?"
It took much less time for him to answer. "Yes."
"So that's a yes, you're in love with me?"
He made a sound like a suppressed laugh. "Yes."
"Oh my god, that's so great! I'm in love with you, too!"
"You… what?"
"I love you." Lois laughed from the sheer relief of having actually said the words out loud, then stopped abruptly. "Wait! Don't say it back! I'm coming over."
She didn't wait for a reply. Lois dropped the phone in its cradle and raced to the door. She fumbled open the locks with shaking hands and rushed into the hallway. Only after she had knocked on the door of 510 did it occur to her that she wasn't wearing any pants.
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Part 9/12
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Clark was in a daze. He could hear the door to Lois' room open and then close, but it didn't seem possible that any of this was really happening. He was the fastest man in the world, so he couldn't quite understand how Lois could already be out of her room while he was still in bed, still holding the phone, and still trying to make sense of the past minute.
He'd gone into a panic when Lois asked if he was in love with her. He'd debated laughing it off, but he couldn't lie to her, especially since he had promised to tell her if she guessed correctly. So he'd sucked up every bit of courage he had to answer her honestly. It was what happened next that he couldn't quite wrap his mind around. Had Lois actually said that she loved him?
Him. Clark Kent. Not Superman. Not Lex Luthor. She knew he loved her and she wasn't pushing him away.
Lois was in love with him.He was abruptly galvanized into action when she knocked on the door. Clark fumbled for his glasses, bumping them off of the nightstand in his haste. He rolled off the bed and narrowly missed crushing his glasses. He picked them up with shaky hands and put them on as he rushed towards the door.
Clark flipped on the overhead light and was about to open the door when he realized that he was wearing only his boxer shorts. He flew back to the suitcase lying open on the couch and grabbed the first shirt and jeans he found inside. Lois knocked a second time, making his fingers that much more uncooperative as he tried to close the shirt. He made a mess of it, mismatching the buttons in his eagerness. Rather than risk Lois giving up and going back to her own room, he returned to the door and opened it so quickly that she gasped and jumped back a little in surprise.
And then it was his turn to gasp. Lois was wearing the t-shirt he'd loaned to her earlier -- and
only his t-shirt. She was devastatingly beautiful with hair still damp from her shower, dark eyes bright with excitement, and long, bare legs on display. He couldn't stop himself from taking a second look at her legs and the way his t-shirt draped over the soft curves that had occupied his fantasies for the past year.
"Hi!" Lois chirped as she pulled on the hem of the shirt in an ineffective attempt to lengthen it.
"Hi," he managed to reply in a voice that sounded surprisingly normal.
Her eyes narrowed a little as she took in his rumpled appearance. "You're sure I didn't wake you?"
Clark swallowed hard and shook his head. "I wasn't asleep yet."
Lois smiled like she knew better. "Maybe you should ask me inside? Or do you want to do this in the hallway?"
"Sorry." Clark stepped back and gestured for her to enter. "Would you like to come in?"
Her smile was electric. "Yes."
Lois brushed lightly against him as she moved past, sending his pulse into overdrive. He drew in a quick breath, shivering with a barely contained anticipation. Lois loved him. She was here, in his room, and wearing nothing but his t-shirt. He had to be dreaming.
She walked to the foot of the bed and then turned to face him. Clark let go of the door, leaving it to shut behind him as he stood there, half-afraid that if he moved closer or said anything either he'd wake up or she'd change her mind and leave. After several seconds of silence, Lois crossed her arms, causing the hem of the shirt to rise. Unable to resist, Clark snuck another peek at her legs.
"I have no idea what happens now," she said with a giggle. "Do you?"
Clark quickly shifted his attention to her face. He exhaled his own little laugh from the sheer surreal joy of the moment. Then he shook his head. "We're definitely in uncharted waters here."
Lois uncrossed her arms and tugged at the shirt's hem again. "Maybe we could start by having you say it."
"Say it?" No sooner had he parroted the words than he realized what she was asking. "You mean, uh, how I feel about you?"
"Yeah." Her dark eyes were luminous with happiness. "You said you were in love with someone at the Planet, someone you'd do anything for, and you said she was…" Her words trailed away as she looked at him expectantly.
"You," he confessed in a voice that had unexpectedly dropped to a raspy whisper. "Lois, I'm in love with you."
She exhaled and grinned. "Would you really do anything for me?"
He nodded, hoping she wasn't really going to ask him to rob a bank. "Yes."
"Then I need to ask you for a favor. I, uh, well, in my haste to get over here, I kind of forgot my room key." She looked down, as if to verify that her room key wasn't there. Her cheeks flushed and she gave the hem of the shirt another frantic tug which only stretched the material tighter across her chest. He blushed at the discovery that she wasn't wearing a bra as she added, "Actually, I kind of forgot to get dressed, too."
"Yeah, you, uh, you kinda did," he mumbled.
Lois looked up at him from beneath her lashes, giving him a sheepish grin. "I swear, Clark, I wasn't trying to seduce you by showing up in just your t-shirt."
He couldn't resist teasing her. "You think I'm that easily seduced?"
Lois laughed. "I don't know. Maybe. Are you?" She fluttered her eyelashes for effect and it actually took his breath away.
Clark gave her another once-over, taking his time as he appreciated her legs and the alluring drape of the shirt over her curves. "You're lucky I'm jet-lagged right now."
"Oh yeah?" she scoffed. "If you weren't jet-lagged what would you do?"
"I—" Clark hesitated, then shook his head. He was too tired to trust himself with sharing a few fantasies. "So what's the favor? You want me to go downstairs and get you a new key card?"
She considered it for a long moment, then shrugged. "I guess if you're jet-lagged then fetching a key card is about as useful as you can be."
He narrowed his eyes in what was only half-mocking irritation and his voice cracked a little as he said, "Useful?"
Lois smirked. "Could you be useful in another way?"
For a long moment neither of them moved. Clark wasn't sure how much of what she was hinting at was simply flirtation, or if maybe she was being earnest and hiding it in a tease. If she was flirting, this was a fun new dimension to their usual banter. If she was in earnest, he was going to have to tell her about Superman. Telling her the truth would definitely ruin this night and the easy, uncomplicated way they were being open about their feelings. He'd seen Lois bluff plenty of times and her current attitude was nearly identical.
Or was it? Her eyes, while bright, also contained a faint flicker of anxiety. An electric tingle blanketed his skin at the possibility that she was in earnest. That was all the reason he needed to pretend it was only flirting.
"I guess we'll never know," he said quietly and reluctantly turned towards the door. Behind him he could hear her pulse ratchet to a rapid, staccato beat.
"Clark…"
He paused, looking back at her over his shoulder, his heart pounding to match the frantic beat of hers.
"Can I ask for another favor first?"
Unable to find his voice, Clark simply nodded.
"Before you leave, maybe we could, uh… Not that I think you're going to change your mind in the elevator, but I’d really like it if, uh, maybe you, or we, uh, would you please kiss me first?"
“Okay,” he whispered and turned to fully face her. It felt like the entire world slowed down as he closed the distance between them. He reached out with one hand to feather his fingertips along the line of her jaw. Her eyes fluttered briefly closed. Then she tipped her head back and opened her eyes, looking up at him in expectation.
"Make it good, Clark."
His breath left in a sough of amused surprise and he loved her even more for her bravado. "Okay."
She bit her lip, released it, and sucked in a quick breath. "And maybe you could tell me you love me again, just for good measure."
Clark framed her face between his hands and tried to look annoyed. He didn't quite manage it because he couldn't stop smiling. "Anything else?"
"No. That should do it." Lois closed her eyes and her lips parted.
"Hey," he whispered and waited for her eyes to open. When they did his throat tightened a little when he saw she was just as dazed as he was by their new proximity. "I love you."
Lois had just started to smile when he closed his eyes and went for it.
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The first true heat of Clark's mouth on hers was mind bending. Her memory was not faulty. Kissing Clark was everything Lois had remembered -- and more. His lips moved on hers, soft and gentle, getting a feel for how they fit best together. Lois swayed closer to him, sliding her hands up his chest and over his shoulders to twine her arms around his neck. One of his hands moved to the back of her head, which was good because her head suddenly felt too heavy to stay upright unassisted.
Lois sighed, giving herself over entirely to the sensation of kissing Clark. It was an experience like nothing else. There was no rush, no push for more; he seemed as content as she was to savor their newfound closeness. Their languid pace made it seem almost as though she was slowly dissolving into him.
"How was that?" he murmured when their lips lost contact.
Her brain was still fogged with elation, so all she could think to say was, "S'okay."
"Okay," he echoed in an amused tone. "Admit it. That was a lot better than just okay."
"Maybe it was," she allowed. "Let me think about it."
Giddy that this was really happening, Lois went on tiptoe for another kiss. In an instant, she was lost all over again. The taste of his mouth and the inquisitive stroke of his tongue against hers deepened her excitement until she was shaking with the sheer wonder of it. She teasingly sucked on his tongue and he groaned, pulling her closer against him. That possessive gesture set off a firestorm of pure lust that blocked out all rational thought. She didn't care anymore what she was (or wasn't) wearing. She didn't care where they were or how late it was.
The next time they breathlessly parted Lois couldn't quite stop kissing him. She touched the underside of his chin and then the base of his throat with her lips before resting her cheek to his heartbeat, strong and steady. A rush of emotions were flooding through her – relief that Clark was safely back in Metropolis, affection for her best and dearest friend, exhaustion from the late hour and the stress of the past week, along with a definite edge of lust. But mostly she felt love. For the first time in her adult life she felt unconditional, unfeigned love for someone else. The most amazing part was that she knew Clark felt the same way. She'd always scoffed at the idea of soulmates, but at this moment she was willing to believe they might actually exist. How else could she explain how perfectly
right it felt to be in Clark's arms? The fact that they were in an unfamiliar hotel room didn't change the sense of being home.
Her gaze caught on a gap in his shirt. She smiled as she realized Clark had probably mismatched the buttons in his rush to answer the door. She toyed with the missed button and asked, "Did you get dressed in a hurry?"
"Hmm?" His lips skimmed across her forehead as his hand caressed down her back, then up slowly up again. "Um, yeah, I guess so."
Lois couldn't help herself, she loosened the button above and tugged lightly on his shirt to match it to the correct hole, before refastening it in its proper place. In the process her fingertips brushed his skin and he shivered. She was caught off guard by the surge of power that came with knowing she was having an effect on him.
"You guess so?" she teased, looking up at him from beneath her lashes, relishing his wide-eyed reaction. "You don't know for sure?"
"I was afraid you'd leave before I could get to the door."
"Why? I knew you were in here, and I was willing to wait. I mean, really, I had nowhere else to go except maybe Perry's room." Lois fixed the next button down, biting her lip at the tantalizing glimpse of skin that afforded her. She mentally chided herself that she was doing it wrong. Shouldn't she be trying to undress him instead? "Admit it, Clark, you were you asleep when I called."
"Kind of, yeah."
Lois touched the next button, then hesitated. Maybe she hadn't picked the right moment to coax a confession of love out of him. Clark was too much of a good sport to flat out admit that she'd dragged him out of bed. He probably hadn't exactly been kidding earlier when he'd joked about being jet-lagged. He really was willing to do anything for her; surely she could show him the same kind of consideration.
"How long was the flight from Hawaii?" Lois studied him, watching closely to gauge just how exhausted he was.
It looked like he had to stifle a yawn before answering, "Twelve hours."
Lois shook her head in wonder. How was he even still standing at this point? "Aren't you tired?"
"Not anymore." His eyebrows rose and fell in a lecherous tease.
"Liar," she playfully pushed his shoulder so that he wobbled slightly on his feet. "If you want me to leave, just say so."
He tightened his arms around her a little, pulling her closer against him. "I don't want you to leave."
Her heart fluttered in her chest at the thought of not leaving. The flutter increased as he leaned down to place a kiss in front of her ear. "Stay," he whispered.
Stay. It was so simple. She could stay. Her mouth went dry at the possibilities, acutely aware of the cushy expanse of unmade bed only a few feet behind her. What if she stayed? What would happen? Would they… Oh god! What if they did? She had been only half-kidding before, but that was only because she hadn't thought they would really get this far.
"Are you cold?" he asked and lightly rubbed her upper arms.
"No."
"You're shaking."
"Am I?"
"Yes." He kissed her forehead, then her cheek.
"I think you're shaking, too."
"Wouldn't surprise me." He left a kiss just below her ear, making her shiver again, this time in earnest. "You pretty much always have that effect on me."
"Do I?" she asked breathlessly.
"Yeah." His hands traveled down her arms and found her own, then gently raised them to place a kiss on the back of each of her hands. "Every time you've ever touched me, Lois, it makes me tremble."
"Oh, come on." She rolled her eyes even as his words sent another tremor through her.
"No, really." He kissed each of her palms. "Maybe sometimes it's only on the inside, but I promise it happens."
She was definitely trembling herself on the inside, and the outside as well, as his lips moved to kiss the inner plane of her left wrist.
"You have no idea what you do to me," he murmured against her skin.
Lois locked her knees so that she could remain upright as his mouth moved slowly higher on her arm. "Tell me," she urged him.
"You make me weak." His whispered words tickled over the inside of her elbow. Every nerve in her body was awake and eager for more. She thought she had experienced desire before. Paul, Claude, and especially Superman had made her yearn for a kiss, or a touch, or maybe something more. But those feelings paled in comparison to this. She didn't just want or need Clark at this moment. The sensation was deeper, richer, and more all-consuming than simple lust or passion. The white hot inevitability of the two of them making love had her dizzy and yet she had never felt this calm and certain. Clark's fingers tightened slightly on her arms and she knew instinctively that he was feeling the same primal pull.
Their eyes met and the world around them went utterly still. For a long and breathless moment they stood there, paused on the brink of immolation.
Lois licked her lips and saw his gaze dip to watch. "You don't seem so weak to me," she whispered.
He drew in a quick breath. "It's lucky for us both that I have the strength to do one more thing."
She swallowed hard. "Yeah? What's that?"
Clark kissed her forehead, his lips lingering for a long moment. Then he let go of her and took a step backwards.
"Good night, Lois." His voice was a deep rasp and her body responded with another shimmering tug of desire low in her belly.
Then she registered not only what he was saying, but the fact that he was serious about stopping. Lois could scarcely breathe, but she managed to squeak out, "You want me to leave?"
He blinked in surprise. "No. I asked you to stay and I meant it. You can have the bed. I'll take the sofa."
Lois shook her head as disappointed tears blurred her vision. It wasn't going to happen, not tonight anyway. She was crushed, and yet there was a sliver of relief mixed in with her regret.
"I can't steal another one of your beds," she protested. She should leave now, she knew that. It was the only responsible thing left to do.
"I'm pretty sure that sofa folds out to make a bed."
"Then I can sleep there. I--" Her words changed to a squeal as he scooped her up. Her heart raced as she realized he was carrying her to the bed. Oh god, oh god, oh god! Had he changed his mind? Had she changed hers? How could you want something so much and yet be afraid of it in the same instant? What if they didn't make love? What if they just held each other? How amazing would it be to spend the night in his arms?
Clark set her down gently and pulled away slowly before drawing the covers over her. His eyes met hers, a mirror of her own excitement and regret. "No arguments, you get the bed."
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Clark's hands were shaking as he moved away from the bed, his imagination tantalized by thoughts of making love to Lois. There was an electric undercurrent between them now, one that was hot enough to burn them both if they weren't careful. He owed her the truth before they moved beyond friendship. He owed her the truth even if they never did. She was his best friend and he owed her. He owed her loyalty, but most of all he owed her the truth.
"Clark..."
Her voice was husky, making him shiver. He paused, but didn't turn to look at her, knowing that might be his undoing. "Yes?"
There was a long pause. He could hear the rapid beat of her heart, then her soft sigh.
"Sweet dreams," she whispered.
He choked out a surprised laugh and very nearly turned around to return to the bed. After a couple of measured breaths he managed to return the sentiment. "Sweet dreams, Lois."
Clark steeled his resolve and moved his suitcase from the sofa to the desk, double-checking to make sure that it was closed. His supersuit was at the bottom and, while it seemed unlikely that Lois would stumble across it, there was always a chance that she'd ransack his suitcase in the middle of the night. He could feel her eyes on him as he returned to the couch and set the cushions aside. He opened the bed, then went to the closet to retrieve the bedding stored inside. He concentrated on keeping his movements and breathing slow and steady as he made up the bed. All the while he could feel her gaze like it was a physical touch. For the past year he'd wanted Lois to look at him like she did at Superman. Now she actually was -- and he didn't dare to look at her.
Bed made, he finally risked a glance in her direction. Lois was propped up on her elbows, which had the amazing benefit of thrusting her chest out. Clark stared at her, transfixed by the sight of Lois with her hair tousled and her lips swollen from their kisses.
She tilted her head slightly and grinned at him. "You sure about this?"
He wasn't quite sure what 'this' she was referring to but he nodded and gulped out a strained, "Yeah."
"That's an awfully thin mattress."
He looked at the hide-a-bed, grateful for something to draw his thoughts away from her, and shrugged. "I've slept in worse places."
"Like where?"
Clark groped for a reply, but he couldn't find one. He was certain he had slept in worse places, but it was impossible to think of anything except Lois right now. He walked to the door and turned off the overhead light. The lamp on the bedside stand was still on and he hoped she'd turn it off, but she didn't. Instead, she was watching him, her dark eyes sparkling with mischief.
"You know," Lois mused, "this is a pretty big bed." Her hand swooped an invitation over the empty space next to her.
He could feel his cheeks flushing as he paused at the end of the sofa bed. He looked over at Lois again and his resolve weakened a little. They could sleep in the same bed, he told himself. Just sleep. That was all. Just two friends sharing a bed. He could face the other way and it would almost be like she wasn't there at all… Who the heck did he think he was kidding?
"That would be a bad idea," he rasped.
Her smile widened. "I trust you."
Clark shook his head. "I don't."
Her eyes widened in mock-indignation. "You don't trust me?"
Clark ventured closer, stopping when he got to the nightstand. Lois was near enough that he could simply reach out and touch her. He paused for a moment and met her gaze.
"I don't trust me," he told her. He turned off the lamp, but not before he heard her gasp and saw her eyebrows shoot up.
He sat on the sofa bed, cringing as the springs squealed and moaned, a noisy indictment of just how right she was about the sofa bed. Lois was less than five feet away so he didn't need superpowers to hear how carefully she was regulating her breathing. It was a rough kind of solace, knowing that she was as distracted as he was.
Clark laid back and closed his eyes. He tried to ignore the steady sound of her heartbeat, so close in the darkness. He levitated a few slight millimeters above the mattress, not wanting to risk making the bed squeak again. He tried to think of someplace worse that he had slept. He reviewed his travels, recalling a cold wood floor in Norway, and then a sweltering hot night in Gabon on the dirt floor of a roadside hut. No, it had to be China and the stormy night he'd sheltered in a flea-infested barn with several pigs.
"Clark?" Her voice was soft and uncertain and thrillingly close in the dark.
"Yeah?"
"I'd do anything for you. You know that, right?"
He turned to face her. His sight had adjusted to the dim room and he could see that she was lying on her side, facing him. His eyes traced the curve of her bottom lip, remembering how it had felt to kiss her. "Yes. And I'd do anything for you."
"Usually I would add 'within reason,' but I don't want it to sound like I'm hedging my bets."
Clark was instantly a little worried because it was obvious that she was working up to something. "I'd never ask you to rob a bank," he added drily.
"I'd do it," she said confidently.
"I know, that's why I won't ask you."
She giggled and squirmed a little closer. "Why didn't you tell me you were in love with me that day at the coffee shop?"
"I didn't know how you felt about Luthor -- or me -- for that matter. I didn't want to ruin our friendship."
Several seconds ticked by before she spoke again. "Do you think this is going to ruin our friendship?"
"No."
"Are you sure? Maybe it has already. I mean, I can't just look at you as plain old Clark anymore. Not that I thought you were plain. I always liked you--"
"No, you didn't." He grinned in her direction. "You called me a hack from Nowheresville."
"Whatever." She flapped one hand dismissively. "That was before I got to know you. Once I got to know you, I liked you."
"If you say so," he teased. "So long as you like me now, that's all that counts."
"I love you," she said quietly.
Clark was caught off-guard all over again to hear her say the words. "I love you, too," he whispered back to her.
His chest tightened, constricted by the secret he was still hiding. "I, uh…" he started, then had to swallow to work open his throat. "I need to talk to you about something, or, uh, someone, actually."
"Who?" He could hear her slide a little closer to the edge of the bed.
"Superman." He choked on the name, losing his breath as a crushing kind of panic closed in. Was it too late to simply get her a new room key?
"Superman?" she repeated in what sounded like disbelief. "Oh, Clark, don't. He was just a silly crush, that's all."
A silly crush? He should be glad, but it actually hurt a little to hear her dismiss Superman so completely.
"You don't think there was something real there?"
"I don't know. Sometimes, maybe. Let me get this straight, you want me to have romantic feelings for Superman?"
Clark sighed, hating the quagmire he was stuck in. "Not exactly."
"I don't love Lex either." Lois rolled onto her back and cleared her throat softly before speaking again. "I think maybe you owe Lex a fruit basket for splitting us up like he did because that's when it really started to sink in for me that I was in love with you. I missed you like crazy. All those things I said about Lex, about not being able to relax around him, or to picture myself with him long-term really got me thinking. I couldn't talk to him about stupid little things. I wasn't friends with him. I can't even imagine being friends with him. And then I realized that I didn't just miss you, I couldn't stop thinking about you. Thinking you were in love with someone else made it even worse. I was so jealous of whoever she was."
"You were jealous?" Clark was grateful for the reprieve and intrigued by her confession.
"Insanely jealous! It was awful!"
Several long silent moments passed before he admitted, "I was jealous, too. I couldn't bear to see you with Luthor, but it felt like sour grapes each time I tried to warn you about him."
She sighed before whispering, "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to apologize for. You're right, I should have told you that day at the coffee shop."
Lois made a small, amused grunt. "You know what? Hearing you say I was right is almost as gratifying as hearing you say you love me."
"You want me to say it again?"
She giggled softly. "Yeah."
"You were right."
She sighed and rolled onto her side facing him again. "What else?"
"What do you mean?"
"Is there anything else you've been secretly dying to tell me?"
It was felt as though cold water had been tossed onto his soul. "Well, about Superman—"
"No, uh-uh. We're not going to talk about him. Not tonight. Pick something else to tell me."
"Like what?"
"Doesn't matter," she persisted. "Make it up. Tell me I'm beautiful, or that you're jealous of my Kerths. Flatter me, Clark."
"You are beautiful and I am jealous of your Kerths."
"That sounds more like you're patronizing me than an actual compliment."
"You are the best, most fearless, most brilliant reporter I've ever known. Your instincts amaze me. Your determination inspires me. I count myself lucky every day that I get to work alongside you."
She laughed softly. "You're going a little overboard, aren't you?"
"Lois, you're amazing. Gorgeous. Intelligent. Brave. A good kisser."
"You think I'm a good kisser?"
"Definitely."
"How good? How many girls have you kissed?"
"More than one."
She made an exasperated growl. "Have you kissed Cat?"
"Not on purpose."
Lois snorted and rolled to the middle of the bed. For a few seconds there was silence and then she asked, "So I'm like, what, top ten? Top three?"
"Number one."
"Number one?" she repeated with a giggle. "Liar. I bet you say that to all the girls."
"Nope, just you. Definitely number one."
"Maybe you should kiss me again. Just to make sure you're ranking me correctly."
Clark took a deep breath and released it slowly. He'd given anything in the world right now to be kissing her again. "I don't think that's a good idea," he whispered.
Her voice was equally as hushed as she asked, "Why not?"
"You know why not."
He heard her heart rate speed up, and her quick intake of breath. "I would have said 'yes,'" she whispered. "I still would."
"That's why it's not a good idea."
"You think we'd be rushing things? After having known each other for over a year now?"
"Maybe. You don't think that would be rushing things?"
There was a long pause before she quietly said, "I don't know. Maybe." After an even longer pause she sighed. "I think I might love you even more for wanting to take this slow."
"Then my plan is working."
"Ha."
The room fell quiet but he was tortured by the one secret still standing between them. He should tell her. But the truth might not just ruin tonight, it could ruin everything. She might not see Superman as a necessary deception. She'd only see the lie. There wasn't a nice way to put it. He had lied to her. Flat out, bald-faced lied to her. The only thing that was going to make it worse was delaying his confession.
He took a deep breath, steadying himself to say it, but he couldn't quite get the words out. How should he tell her? Just blurt it out? Or should he try to soften the blow? Could anything make it easier or better? He wracked his mind, but there was nothing. There was no easy way to say it. Fine, he'd simply tell her.
"Lois?"
For a few seconds he thought maybe she had already fallen asleep, but then she offered a lazy, "Hmm?"
"I'm… I… I, uh, we still need to talk about Superman."
"Mmm. Wha'?"
"Superman," he repeated doggedly.
"I pick you," she whispered, her voice slurred with sleep. "Even if this was some perfect world where I could be Superman's girlfriend, I'd still pick you."
"Really?"
"Yes, really." She took in a slow, deep breath and then sighed. "I think maybe what I like most about him, besides the flying, is the fact that he's a lot like you. Liking Superman is a lot less complicated. He's not my co-worker or my best friend."
He was half-dizzy with how close to the truth they were now. "What if he was?"
"What if he was my best friend?" Lois made a soft snorting noise. "Nah. It's like Lex. I can't really picture us ordering a pizza and watching movies. Face it, Clark, I like you best of all. More than Superman. And definitely more than Lex."
Out of nowhere, Clark found himself blinking back tears. "Thanks," he whispered.
"Mmm. Give it a month. See if you're still thankful then."
Regret flooded in to replace his happiness. A month from now she might not be talking to him, let alone still love him. He couldn't keep compounding the lie. He had to tell her. His mind made circles, imagining how to say it, how she'd react, how widespread the fallout would be. He couldn't think of a single scenario where Lois didn't hate him after she knew the truth. Again and again he tried to imagine a way to soften the news. There really wasn't any other option but to be straightforward and honest.
"Lois?"
She didn't answer. Her breathing was slow and even and he was grateful that maybe he had lucked into a reprieve. Nearly a minute ticked by before Clark sat up and looked towards the bed. Lois was lying on her side facing him, one hand tucked beneath her cheek and the other stretched across the bed as if she was reaching for him. He debated whether or not he should wake her up. At length he decided it could wait. He'd tell her in the morning.
"I'm Superman," he whispered, just to try out the words. Her only reply was a soft snore that made him shiver in disbelief that Lois Lane was actually sleeping in his room. He took off his glasses and set them on the nightstand.
"I love you," he added, still not quite believing that she was really there.
<><><>
End 9/12
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