Delusions of Grandeur
Folc4evernaday
Chapter 15
Lois held her breath, watching as Clark silently entered the dining room. She didn’t dare look up, still feeling the pang of guilt washing through her over what had almost happened again. The images from Lex’s attempt on her life flashed through her mind and she swallowed hard, trying to will the images to sink back down to where she’d buried them. She couldn’t keep doing this. She was losing control and putting everything at risk.
No matter how tempting it was to just forget the threats that lurked in the shadows and indulge in the rare moments of pleasure with Clark she knew it couldn’t last. He knew exactly how to touch her to make her melt in his arms and make her want to forget the rest of the world. He could make her lose herself in that passionate look he gave her. She could let him do the many, many things she knew he was so talented at that made her toes curl. That was the problem. It was too easy to forget and lose herself except when she got a call like they had earlier that set her straight into a panic attack.
She’d had a panic attack. The last one she’d had had been shortly after Jonathan’s shooting. She couldn’t afford to put herself under this much stress. She couldn’t afford to keep harboring this secret and hoping that Clark would eventually tell her the truth. She had to keep her mind sharp. She had to stay focused on the goal at hand. As satisfying as the previous night of drunken lovemaking had been she knew it could only end in heartache.
There was no more hiding what had happened. He’d seen the ugliness she’d been scarred with by Lex. She knew there would be no going back now. Images from Lex’s attempt on her life flashed through her mind and she felt the tears sting the corners of her eyes. She couldn’t keep doing this. She couldn’t hide what Lex had done. She couldn’t hide the mental and physical scars she carried with her. She couldn’t hide the lies and half truths that weighed on her like an anvil plunging down onto the concrete and crushing everything in its path.
Tears stung the corners of her eyes as she recalled the sucker punch to the gut she’d taken when Martha had told her the truth. It had been humbling to process everything and realize how close she had been to her infatuation without knowing it. All this time it had been nothing more than Clark using his gifts to help those in need. She had spent a year working side by side with him, unknowingly sharing her deepest secrets with the object of her infatuation.
Things had changed. They were both different. If last night had proved anything it was how much things had changed between them. They weren’t just colleagues. They weren’t just friends. She had put up with a lot in the last few months. Along with fighting her own demons she’d tried to help him through his. In doing so it seemed the wall she’d kept wrapped around her had crumbled down. Even at his worst she couldn’t make herself give up on him. The closer they’d gotten the harder it had been to pretend like there wasn’t a tsunami of unresolved tension between them.
Now here she was left with the fallout from his discovery of what Lex had done. She knew he’d put the pieces together. It wasn’t a hard stretch. Still she couldn’t bring herself to talk about what had happened. She couldn’t bring herself to open up about the most painful moment of her life with someone that still refused to let her in. That was what hurt her the most. He trusted her enough to help him work through some of the ugliest sides of what Lex had done to him, make love with her, and yet he still couldn’t tell her he was Superman.
She glanced over at him carefully, uncertain what to do or how to respond when he brought it up. She felt her heart pang in her chest, staring at him as he took a seat across from her. It would be easier to forget but she knew the likelihood of that happening was slim to none. The memory of him pressed against her flashed through her mind and she felt a chill run down her spine.
“Lois?” She didn’t respond, looking down at her hands that were folded on the table, unwilling to meet his gaze. “What happened?”
She looked away, brushing him off hurriedly. “I don’t want to talk about it. Please just forget about it and forget about last night,”
“I’m not talking about last night, Lois.” He said, looking at her in concern. “That scar…”
“It’s nothing,” she snapped with more force than necessary. The look on his face told her he wasn’t going to let this go. She tried to change the subject. “Perry said Jimmy got detained when questioning Sayer. I think we should probably pull up what we had on him and see if anything else stands out…”
“That scar was not nothing,” he argued, refusing to be distracted. “It looked like someone carved out your midsection…”
Lois refused to acknowledge the comment, continuing her train of thought, “We need to try and call him later.…”
He slapped his hand on the edge of the table making her jump. He let out a sigh, “Lois, would you stop talking about the case for a second?”
“Clark, it’s nothing. Just drop it.” Lois responded, hearing the hitch in her own voice.
“It’s not
nothing!” he shook his head at her.
“I
don’t want to talk about it,” Lois shrugged, glaring back at him.
He cradled his head in his hand, peering up at her pleadingly, “Please, I’m trying here…”
“Just leave it the hell alone.” She spat out angrily. She could already feel the hot tears building up inside her.
“Lois, wait,” he gave her a pained expression and she stood to her feet. Something seemed to click in his mind and realization dawned on him, “Luthor did this to you, didn’t he?”
“Leave it alone,” she ordered, trying to push past him.
“That’s what happened, isn’t it?” he took a step closer to her. “He did this to you. That’s why you …”
“Why what? Why I want to see a thief, gangster, psychopath, and murderer pay for his crimes? Why I want justice served isn’t any of your business.” Lois snapped angrily, growing more and more irritably the closer he got to her.
“Lois,” he placed a hand on her cheek and she felt her knees go weak as she stared back at him. He leaned into her, tracing the frame of her face, leaving a few millimeters between them as she fought for control. He was too close. “Please talk to me,”
“I can’t,” she let out a muffled scream, pushing him away. “This is a mistake. I told you before this is too dangerous and…”
He looked at her, shaking his head, “I know what you’re doing here. You’re scared and I get that,”
“I am not
scared,” she harrumphed angrily, feeling her heart pounding in her chest as he moved closer.
“Yes, you are,” he challenged, taking a step closer. “You put on a good front, but both of us know what happened last night was ...”
“It was …a
mistake,” she swallowed hard, trying her best to keep her emotions in check.
“Why?” he pressed her, running his fingers through her hair. “You’re so afraid of letting anyone close to you.”
“I’m not afraid of anything,” she snapped angrily. “I am just careful. There is a big difference.”
“Careful?” His hand moved to cup her cheek and she could feel her defenses begin to waver. “Lois, after everything we’ve been through you have to know I would never hurt you.” He looked down shamefully, “You helped me through some of the worst moments of my life. Now, whatever it is that happened could never change how I feel about you. You have to know that. Please let me help you…”
“Just stop,” Lois flinched away from his touch. “Why can’t you just let it go? I don’t want to talk about it. What part of that is so hard to understand?”
“I can’t,” he said solemnly. “I’m sorry, but that’s not something I can just set aside and pretend not to see. Those scars…”
“Are none of your business!” she hissed out angrily. “If I can ignore the burn marks and…and bruises and gashes you can give me the same courtesy. Not once did I try and press you for a single detail about what happened to you. Not once did I try and make you relive the worst moment of your entire life and force you to talk about something that is so painful it makes you have night terrors and panic attacks!”
“It’s not the same,” Clark said in an even tone.
“Right, because I wouldn’t know anything about being terrorized by the sociopath everyone’s trying to put behind bars,” She let out a snort.
“You have every right to be upset. If anyone understands the power of that white hot anger at Luthor, it’s me.” Clark began calmly. “But the longer you keep this bottled up the harder this will be on you. Trust me.”
“You’re joking, right?” Lois spat back venomously. “You want me to what? Share victim stories? No thanks.”
“You had a
panic attack, Lois,” he reminded her.
“I’ve got a professional hitman looking for me,” Lois retorted angrily. “It’s not like I had a whole lot of control over the situation.”
“You’ve been in dangerous situations before and never lost control like that,” he reminded her.
“Things are different,” Lois fumed angrily. “I had a panic attack. It’s not my first one and it probably won’t be my last. I’ll probably have another one before this is over.” She shook her fist in anger.
“That’s not exactly what I’d call managing the problem,” He said softly.
“Well, I don’t have a whole lot of choice in the matter, now do I?” she spat out angrily.
“Lois, you can’t possibly think that you can deal with this on your own.” He said with a deep sigh. “If anyone understands that it’s me.”
Lois crossed her arms defiantly, “Fine, I’ll share mine when you share yours.”
He looked back at her in surprise, “What?”
“Answer the questions that you never had to answer from the FBI that could probably put the nail in this case and make sure Lex Luthor stayed behind bars for the rest of his miserable life.” She pressed on, feeling a bold confidence as she swung the pendulum closer and closer to the point of no return. “How in the world did you end up in that place? Who was that doctor? What the hell was
Kryptonite doing in your chest?” She spat out the last accusation with a jab to the chest where she’d dug the green glowing device two months ago.
He stared back at her in shock then quickly recovered, “You can deflect all you want and attack me to your heart’s content but none of that is going to erase last night and it isn’t going to erase the last two months.”
She shook her head at him, unable to hold back any longer. “Right,
that must be what it’s all about.”
“Isn’t it?” he pressed, tilting her chin to look at him. “I would never hurt you, Lois, you have to know that. I trust you more than anyone. I don’t know what I have to do to prove it to you, but…”
“Oh,
puh-leaze!” Lois looked at him incredulously, unable to fathom how after all this time and everything they’d been through he still insisted on this ridiculous charade of pretend. Did he really think she was that gullible not to figure it out? “You trust me? That’s a joke and you know it!”
“Lois…” he placed a hand on her shoulder and she brushed him off.
“No! Enough of this! Just stop it! God, you must think I’m the dumbest person on the planet!” Lois gave him a dark expression and snapped. The games and pretending had to stop. She turned to face him and growled, “How long? How long are you going to keep lying to me and …and acting like I’m an idiot! I mean, it’s not like I have a paper to go publish your stupid secret in or really a way of talking to
anyone. So, how long do I have to watch you continue this ridiculous charade before you deem me trustworthy?”
“You know.” He stared at her for a moment. It wasn’t a question but rather an observation, confirming what they both knew to be true.
“Of course I know! What do you think, I was born yesterday?” She growled at him angrily and jabbed her finger in his chest accusingly. “Did you seriously think I wouldn’t figure it out? Give me a little credit! I’ve known for
months!”
“Of course,” Clark muttered, turning to her with a growl, “This whole time…that’s what this has been about,” He shook his head, “It’s what it’s always been about.”
Lois rolled her eyes, “What are you talking about?”
“You!” he pointed his index and middle finger at her accusingly. “All you care about is
him! Superman!” he snickered, shaking his head at her. “Why did I ever fool myself into thinking otherwise?”
“It’s so easy for you to dismiss everyone around you and act like this wounded victim…” she hissed angrily, letting out a frustrated growl. “You have no idea…”
“Don’t I?” he challenged, his eyes narrowing at her. “You wouldn’t have thought twice about leaving me in that hell hole if it weren’t for the fact that knew I was Superman.” Anger flashed in his eyes and he muttered under his breath, “Why would Lois Lane go to all that trouble unless there was something in it for her?” he let out a slow clap, shaking his head at her. “Congratulations! You finally have that Pulitzer Prize story to give you what you’ve always wanted. Step on anyone in the way and don’t worry about who gets hurt.”
Storm clouds crackled as she did her best to control her anger at his insinuation that she would put a story above those she cared about. “If you seriously think I would ever do something so heartless...What would ever give you that impression that I would ever put someone’s life in jeopardy for a story?”
“I don’t know maybe the last year of you chasing down every single Superman exclusive.” He snapped back. “You would have printed this in a heartbeat if the Planet was still around.”
She could feel the fury pulse through her as she challenged, “It’s called professional discretion and I know the difference between something that’s newsworthy and something that belongs on the front page of the National Whisperer. Hate to break it to you, but exposing your secret isn’t exactly what the Daily Planet does and it certainly isn’t something I would ever do—not that you
ever gave either of us a chance.”
“Why should I believe a word out of your mouth when you spent…”
“You want to talk about trust?” she scoffed angrily, jabbing him in the shoulder with her index finger. “You lied to me! Over and over and over again and then when I really needed my friend…”
“Friend? I think you need to go look up the definition, Lois, because you are no friend!” He growled back angrily. “You were manipulating me this whole time!”
“Manipulating you? Oh, that’s rich! You spent over a year lying and pretending to be two people and you want to accuse me of manipulating you?”
“I did what I had to to protect those closest to me.” he growled back at her. “I don’t owe you anything!”
“Right, you sat on evidence that could have thrown that psychopath behind bars. You lied to me every day for over a year!” She snapped angrily.
“You never would have believed any of it!” he shouted back at her. “How many times did you ignore my warnings? I gave you everything you needed to look into that psychopath and you ignored me every time!”
“Don’t kid yourself! You didn’t give me anything but veiled insecurities and conspiracy theories. Not once did you give me anything concrete or tangible…”
“What would you have done if I had?” he challenged, “Go running to Luthor with it. I couldn’t take the chance.”
Her jaw tightened and she jutted out her chin, holding back the tears that were threatening to overtake her. “If you really think that then you don’t know me at all. You never did.”
“Right,” he rolled his eyes. “You almost married him, didn’t you?”
Lighting crackled in her eyes and she pulled away from him, slapping him hard across the face.
“Go to hell!”***
“If you really think that then you don’t know me at all. You never did.”
“Right,” Clark rolled his eyes, staring back at Lois with malice as he threw the verbal blow. “You almost married him, didn’t you?”
The minute the words were out of his mouth he immediately regretted it. He saw the pain flicker in her eyes, quickly replaced with anger as she struck him hard across the face and shouted,
“Go to hell!”She moved to leave and he stopped her. He held her by the wrist and growled back at her, “You were the one that made that choice. You were the one that ignored every warning and …”
“And what?” He’d never seen Lois like this. Her tone was calm and yet rage ignited in her eyes as she challenged him with a daring look and scoffed, “I deserve whatever I got, right?” She jerked her hand back from him. “You have no idea what you’re talking about and this conversation is over. It’s real clear how little you know me. So do us both a favor and stay the hell away from me!”
He watched her leave, shaking his head as he sunk back down into the chair he’d been sitting in moments ago, burying his head in his hands. How had he been so stupid? He’d actually thought there was a chance to salvage their relationship after everything. He thought she might actually care about him...Clark Kent. But no, it had been a ruse. This whole time she had known. She had known and had only done those things because she knew it was Superman she was helping. If it had been just him, Clark Kent he probably would be still sitting in that cell rotting away.
She’d made it perfectly clear where Clark Kent fell in her priorities. Without his powers, Superman was nothing but a distant memory and he knew all too well how painful Lois’ rejection would be when she realized the man she had risked everything to rescue was nothing but a shell of who she thought he was.
She never wanted me.
She wanted
Superman. He shook his head bitterly.
All this time…
She knew.
She knew he was Superman.
The question was how?
Had Luthor told her?
His gaze drifted to the phone on the table. He really needed answers but he couldn’t just drop in like he normally did. He couldn’t call like he normally did either. He picked up the phone and dialed Jimmy’s number, hoping to get an answer
“Hey Jimmy,” he did his best to hide the strain in his voice. “Yeah, Perry updated us. I’m sorry about all of this.…” He waited for Jimmy to finish his own sentiments and then asked, “I need to get a message to Wayne Irig.”
***
Nigel pulled up in front of the cabin, taking in the secluded area he was in. It was the perfect place to set up a home when you didn’t want to be found. He needed to get a closer look to be sure but he was fairly certain this was the right house. His grip tightened on the rifle in his hands, preparing to open fire and put an end to the loose end that was Lois Lane once and for all. Lex Luthor would never have to find out and who knew? He might be solving his boss’ problem for him. If Clark Kent was in here as well he could take care of two birds with one stone.
***
Lois balled her fists up, beating the mattress as she let out a muffled scream of fury into the pillow. She could feel the burn in the back of her throat from where a lump had begun to form. She could feel a heaviness in her chest as she rolled over on her back, allowing the tears to fall freely down her cheeks.
One year.
That was how long he’d lied to her. That was how long he continued to masquerade as two people and keep her in the dark about everything. He was never going to trust her. He was never going to let her in. She had been an idiot to think he ever would. Why would he? It was clear even in all the months of working together he didn’t know her at all. The fact that he thought so little of her left a bitter bile in her mouth.
How could he think she would do something so horrendous as to tell Lex Luthor about his suspicions or publish his identity in the paper? Did he really think she was that
shallow? Did he really think that she would put someone’s family and personal safety at risk for a story?
The sound a sonic boom echoing in the distance caught her attention. She sat up, wiping the tears from her eyes. She recognized that sound anywhere. She bolted up from the bed and looked out the window. She could still see the pigment of green and blue in the sky from where Clark had disappeared into the sky. She felt a catch in her throat as she let out a strangled wail.
A loud tapping came from the back door and Lois stalled for a moment, wondering if it could be Clark. A half second later Christina Wallace’s voice came from the other side of the door, “Open the door, it’s Christina.”
Lois rushed through the hallway, jerking the door open to answer the agent’s insistent knocking. “What are you doing here?” she asked.
“Get a bag and start packing,” Christina ordered, slamming the door behind her.
“What?” Lois gasped, feeling her throat dry up as the reality of what Christina was telling her began to hit her.
“Lois, this is
real,” Christina pleaded with her, looking around the hallway, “Where’s Clark?”
Lois bit her lip, uncertain how to respond. If this was really it then she had no way of warning him or letting him know what was happening. Though at the moment she wasn’t sure she wanted to even be in the same room with him let alone the same vehicle.
“Lois?” Christina pressed. “Where is he?”
Lois looked up, opening her mouth to respond when a loud crash intruded on her thoughts. The eruption of gunfire and glass shattering around them echoed around her as Christina pushed her down on the ground, flattening her against the wooden floor.
***
TBC...
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