Delusions of Grandeur
Folc4evernaday
Chapter 17
***
Clark arrived at Luthor Towers, landing outside the towering building as he searched for Luthor with his x-ray vision. He could feel anger and hate raging through him like he’d never felt before. Even with his fight with Jason Trask he had never felt such raw rage simmering inside him. He held onto his hatred as he pondered how he would make that worm suffer for what he did. He had kept his anger and rage at bay for months, refusing to let it out and deal with the raw emotions that demanded justice for Luthor’s torture.
He wanted justice. He wanted revenge. But right now more than anything he wanted Luthor to feel the fear he’d made Lois endure. He knew Luthor would suffer and find himself behind bars soon enough but it still wouldn’t be enough. Not after everything he’d done.
There in the penthouse he spotted him. He checked the room, ensuring there were no hidden radioactive materials that could cause a problem later. He saw no signs of Kryptonite or any unexpected guests nearby. Luthor’s manservant was by the front door. He counted the flights of stairs and guessed it would take half a second to speed up the stairs.
He took a deep breath and disappeared into a blur of black from the dark clothes he was wearing. A loud wheeze escaped Luthor’s throat and Clark felt a wave of satisfaction wash over him as he stared back at him and roared, “I will end you!”
“So glad you could make it to the party, Kent,” Luthor shot back unfazed by the threat as Clark threw him against the wall and pinned him in place. “I do think you’re forgetting one small tidbit here, hmm? One story in the paper exposing your secret to the world and everyone and everything you care about will come to an end.” He let out a low sneer and added, “I’ve got you, Kent and there isn’t a thing you can do to stop me…nothing you’d actually
do anyway,”
“Try me,” Clark growled, “I know what you did you demented piece of garbage!” He pinned him in place, feeling the rage inside him threatening to boil over. “I oughta tear you limb from limb and make you scream for help. Sound familiar?”
“Well, I’ll give Mrs. Cox some credit. When she turns she certainly does a full one-eighty,” Luthor snarled out. “What do you want a medal? The hero coming to his heroine’s rescue months later is so overdone don’t you think?”
“You don’t deserve to live!” Clark growled out angrily.
“Yes, we’ve been here before. You threaten to do away with me and yet you can’t bring yourself to do it, can you?” Luthor challenged. “You are too weak and crippled by your sense of right and wrong to take your revenge, aren’t you?”
Clark’s grip on him tightened around Luthor’s throat as he narrowed his eyes at him, “Still think I’m too weak, Luthor? You really think I wouldn’t hunt you down like the animal you are and end your miserable life after what you did to her?!”
Clark contemplated ending him right there. He knew his heat vision could get hot enough to turn him into a pile of ashes and leave him as nothing more than a burn mark on the floor. Or maybe he could squeeze his neck hard enough to snap it in half. It wouldn’t take a lot. There were so many ways in which he could rid the world of Lex Luthor, but something stopped him…someone rather.
<<“It’s the idea of Superman. Someone to believe in. Someone to build a few hopes around. Whatever he can do; that’s enough.”>>
<<“All of the things we instilled in you is what and who Superman is.”>> “Go ahead, do it! I dare you!” Luthor challenged him from beneath his grasp. “You and I both know you won’t be able to do it. You’re pathetic.” A maniacal laugh escaped his throat as he added, “You’ll never know the thrill that comes from taking a life in your hands and watching it slowly simmer out. You were never worthy of her. A coward in a cape that she continued to cry for as I took what was rightfully mine again and again and again and…”
<<“Five years,”>>
<<“I love you, Clark,”>>
<<“What’s five years?”>> The memory of Lois’ confession flashed through his mind and Clark tightened his jaw, jerking Luthor to him as he let out a low snarl, “You’re lying!” He grabbed him by the belt buckle and hoisted him up toward the ceiling, watching as the fan blades came closer and closer to giving Luthor a deadly haircut.
“Perhaps,” Luthor’s giddy response came with a chuckle, “but you’ll never know for sure, will you?” Clark’s grip on him lowered with each taunt and he could feel the anger flooding through his veins as Luthor continued, “How does it feel to know you’ll never have her, hmm? I won. You can do whatever you want and it won’t matter because the one thing you hold dear in this world has been taken from you and you will never have anything but a mere wet dream to keep you warm at night for the rest of your miserable life.”
In a fit of rage, Clark threw him across the room, knocking him into the bookshelf as a piercing pain flooded through him. “You murderous sociopath…”
He let out a groan and fell to the ground when he felt the burning sensation in his side. He turned to see a metal blade sticking out from his shirt. “Quite a remarkable piece of work there,” Luthor said standing to his feet. “Molded from the metal of the knife used to kill Lois Lane and then mixed with a heavy dose of lead and Kryptonite to keep you from finding it. “But just enough Kryptonite on the blade to be deadly. A blade is so underused these days, wouldn’t you agree?”
Clark grunted, pulling the blade from his side and throwing it across the room. He felt the wound begin to heal as he stood to his feet, “You can stab me with a hundred of those things and it still won’t stop me,” Just as he was about to grab Luthor the doors opened and a swarm of officers pushed their way through Luthor’s study and surrounded him with their weapons drawn.
One of the officers pulled his helmet up and addressed Clark, pulling him aside, “Kent? What are you doing here?” It was Henderson.
Clark glared toward Luthor but didn’t respond, still feeling the rage and hatred running through him after his altercation with him.
“Yes, detective, I was being assaulted by Mr. Kent here or do you prefer your other name? I just can’t remember…” Luthor chuckled out loud, “Superman?”
***
Lois stared at the television set in shock, unable to focus on anything else as she watched the long line of officers escorting judges, senators, police officers, and even the governor out of the Luthor Mansion in handcuffs. The news anchor narrated the coverage and she gripped the side of her bed, unable to turn away from the shocking news.
“This evening the nation sits in shock as over five-hundred agents and public officials have been taken into custody in connection to organized crime and RICO charges from the FBI. No one is saying anything and we’re seeing more and more people coming out of Luthor Towers. As you all know the Orchid Ball is an annual event LexCorp holds to drum up support for the charities Mr. Luthor works with each year…”
“Lois, are you all right?” Lana’s voice brought her back to the present and Lois turned back to the auburn haired woman looking at her in concern.
“Fine,” Lois lied, wiping the tears from her eyes to cover up the fact that she’d been crying.
Lana’s face twisted, staring at her for a long moment before taking a seat in the chair next to the bed. “How about I just sit here until Clark gets back?” Lana offered. Lois nodded uncertain what to think or say. She glanced at the television and saw the image of the governor being led out in handcuffs. A hard lump formed in her throat and Lana pointed at the TV. “You don’t have to watch this.”
“Yes, I do,” Lois said tearfully.
***
“Yes, detective, I was being assaulted by Mr. Kent here or do you prefer your other name? I just can’t remember…” Luthor chuckled out loud, “Superman?”
Clark felt a panic rise inside him as all eyes turned to him. It was out. The story to end his life and surely destroy any chance at a normal life was now out there. He stared at Luthor’s smug expression from behind the swarm of officers that held their weapons on him. It was too late to stop him. The damage had been done.
His life was over.
His chance at resuming any semblance of a life that is.
His parents would now be targets.
Lois would be even more of a target than she had been in the past.
It was all over.
“Is that blood?” he heard Henderson ask, looking at the dark navy shirt Clark was wearing that had a dark stain on the fabric from where Luthor had stabbed him earlier.
“Uh, yeah,” Clark shrugged. “It just grazed me.”
Jack Davenport let out a snort, “Last I heard Superman didn’t
bleed. You hitting the sauce too hard, Luthor?” Jack did a drinking signal with his thumb and pinky finger and Clark let out a deep sigh of relief as Jack grinned back at Luthor, not even thinking twice about the accusation he’d tried to make against him, “You got some
issues with the bourbon?” Davenport grinned back at Luthor, “You can make up all the fairytales you want. Hell, I’ll be
Batman if you want, but that won’t change the fact that we’ve got you. You’re not getting out of this one,”
Henderson motioned to Davenport who was standing a few feet away, “Get the knife,”
“Oh, you can’t be serious!” Luthor shouted as Davenport slapped handcuffs on Luthor. “
He attacked me!”
“If you think we rushed in here because of your disagreement with Kent here then you’re in even more trouble than you could imagine,” Davenport said, flashing his badge, “Congratulations Lex Luthor you’ve just won an all expenses paid trip to Federal Prison where the food is lousy the company is even worse and the entertainment is so dull you’ll beg for someone to put you out of your misery,”
“Federal Prison?” Luthor choked out in laughter. “You’ll be writing parking tickets by the time I’m through with you and I’ll be out before the ink dries on your supposed warrant.”
“Is that so?” Jack Davenport looked at Henderson and laughed, “You hear that boys? Mr. Luthor thinks he’s above the federal government,”
Clark felt a strong grip on his shoulder, keeping him from doing what Henderson probably thought would be a stupid move. Clark glanced around the room, fighting the urge to throw
“You’ve made the biggest mistake of your career.” Luthor sneered.
“I wouldn’t get so cocky,” Davenport shot back smugly, “I mean, after all you haven’t met your new cellmates…”
***
Jimmy cleared his throat, looking around the questionable atmosphere of the bar he was in. The bar was crowded with people listening to music and ordering drinks. A short man with balding hair and a sailor’s hat was behind the bar serving drinks to the patrons.
“Take a load off,” he heard Jack say from behind him, clapping him on the shoulder.
“Jack!” Jimmy groaned, turning to his friend and yelling at him. “Don’t do that!”
Jack pointed to the back corner of the bar, “Come on, I’ve already got us a table.”
***
Pete Ross stood in the kitchen watching the shocking images on the television from the living room television. Lex Luthor had been arrested. From what Clark had told him it was a long time coming. Still watching not only a handful of thugs be taken into custody but enough public service agents to fill a small town be named in such a large corruption scandal and arrested was appalling.
The back door opened and he saw Clark in a dark jacket, a torn shirt and dark jeans. His friend looked like he’d been hit by a truck. Pete sighed, taking a step toward him and placing a hand on his shoulder, “It’s okay,” He could tell Clark was struggling to remain in control of the emotions he was holding in. “It’s over,” he said calmly.
“It’ll never be over,” Clark croaked out angrily. “Not really,” he glanced toward the stairs where Lois and Lana were.
Pete spotted the dark stain on Clark’s shirt and sighed, “Maybe not but you can at least stop hiding.” He pointed to the laundry room a few feet away, “Here, you need to change before Lana sees you like that and freaks,”
“I’m fine,” Clark said with a shrug.
“Yeah? Since when is having blood all over you fine?” Pete asked with a firm tone, looking back at Clark with a stern expression. Clark looked back at him in surprise and he shrugged, “You need to get changed,”
Clark hung his head and stared at the gash in his shirt, “I went to confront Luthor,”
“You didn’t kill him, did you?” Pete asked before adding, “I’d understand if you did, but I really don’t want to start making regular trips on Sundays to the New Troy prison in order to see you. It’d really cut into my golf time.”
“You couldn’t play golf if your life depended on it,” Clark chuckled.
“Probably just as well,” Pete sighed. “I just can’t make that sweater vest look work for me.” Clark cracked a smile at him and Pete sighed, “I take it Luthor walked away,” He pointed to news coverage. “I didn’t see him being wheeled out on a gurney or anything.”
“It wasn’t without trying,” Clark admitted in a grave tone. “I wanted to kill him, but I couldn’t.”
“He’ll pay for what he did,” Pete reassured him.
He wanted to say something—anything to reassure his young friend that it was okay to feel that kind of hate and anger toward someone that reflected pure evil. But he knew Clark wouldn’t be able to justify it to himself. He held himself to a higher standard. He always had and for the longest time he didn’t understand why Clark was so hard on himself. It wasn’t until Junior High when he caught his friend floating in his sleep that he truly understood why. Clark never knew and telling him would only add to his stress so Pete continued to do what he could to help him when he could and be his friend. To him he would always be just Clark Kent the same guy he’d grown up with. He just happened to also be Superman.
“He thinks Lois is dead,” Clark let out a bitter chuckle, “He thinks she’s dead and he was gloating about it and…” He hung his head, “I should have snapped him in half when I had the chance.”
“That’s not you,” Pete said with a heavy breath.
“Don’t be so sure,” Clark shook his head.
“Hey I’ve known you since grade school. I think I would know,” Pete snorted.
“I’m not even sure who I am anymore,” Clark let out a defeated sigh.
“You’re the guy that does the right thing even when it doesn’t feel right,” Pete said with a deep breath. “You’re the guy that is there for his friends and protects those that can’t protect themselves.” He pointed toward the stairs. “Case in point, that friend of yours that’s recovering from a one man surgery and still alive because of you,”
“She’s alive because of you,” Clark argued.
“And you,” Pete reminded him.
There was a silence between them and Clark looked at him with a curious expression, “You know, don’t you?”
“Kinda hard to get from Lincoln to Wichita in under ten minutes,” Pete said calmly, not looking up. “I deleted it off the caller id.”
“Does Lana know?” Clark asked.
“Nope,” Pete said calmly. “You talked to your mom?”
“Yeah,” Clark sighed.
“She give you the recipe to her sugar cookies?” Pete asked.
“She said you can have them over her dead body,” Clark retorted with a smirk.
“I was really looking forward to those cookies,” Pete sighed and pointed toward the stairs, “So is there a reason why you’re hiding down here with me? I mean, not that I don’t enjoy catching up but your friend was shot and you haven’t even tried to check on her.”
“I know she’s in good hands,” Clark said with a shaky breath.
“You’re full of crap,” Pete retorted.
“And she and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms right now,” Clark said.
“She mad at you?” Pete chuckled. “Flowers, groveling, chocolate and some more groveling should help get you back onto speaking terms.”
“You don’t know Lois,” Clark snorted.
“She’s nice to me,” Pete said with a grin. He let out a sigh, “I’m telling you, grovel. It’ll save you a lot of headaches. Practice these words
‘you were right and I was wrong.’ Make it your mantra and the fight magically disappears when you apologize.”
“What makes you think
I’m the one that needs to apologize?” Clark asked mildly offended.
“Because you’re
you,” Pete said with a grin. “You and I both know your bonehead meter tends to hit higher than usual when women are involved. The bonehead meter is off the charts with this one.” He patted Clark on the shoulder. “Just apologize and get it over with.”
***
“I’m not even sure who I am anymore,” Clark let out a defeated sigh. He’d come close to killing a man tonight. Really killing him. He’d stopped himself but the fact that he had been that tempted left him disappointed in himself and wondering how he’d gotten this far away from the idealistic farm kid that just wanted to make a difference in the world. He’d known Pete most of his life and he knew he was one of the few people he could let his guard down with and be vulnerable.
There was a long pause and then Pete spoke up, “You’re the guy that does the right thing even when it doesn’t feel right,” Pete turned to him and let out a deep breath. “You’re the guy that is there for his friends and protects those that can’t protect themselves.” Pete pointed toward the stairs leading up to where the bedrooms were. “Case in point, that friend of yours that’s recovering from a one man surgery and still alive because of you,”
“She’s alive because of you,” Clark argued. Pete had put everything on the line to help save Lois and he would be forever grateful to his friend.
“And you,” Pete reminded him.
Clark looked back at him and caught a hint of something in Pete’s eyes. He was hinting at something like he knew…
‘He knew,’ Clark realized as he looked back at his friend. “You know, don’t you?”
“Kinda hard to get from Lincoln to Wichita in under ten minutes,” Pete said calmly, not looking up. Clark recalled the phone call from last night when he’d been in Lincoln Nebraska and then shown up at Pete’s clinic in Wichita a few minutes later. He’d been in such a rush he hadn’t even thought about the timing. He just knew he had to get Lois to Pete as fast as possible.
“I deleted the call off the caller id.”
The admission of Pete’s willingness to cover for Clark’s misstep that could have exposed his secret sent a mixture of relief and uncertainty through him. Clark looked over at his friend, uncertain if he wanted the answer but he knew he had to ask, “Does Lana know?”
Pete and Lana had begun dating Pete’s junior year of college. A few years after Clark had left Smallville to attend KSU. Lana and Pete seemed to be a perfect match. Pete had mellowed out from his wild hair raising days. Lana had matured and let go of her more stubborn attributes that had contributed to the very quick breakup between Clark and Lana during Sophomore year of High School.
Her insistence on taking charge on everything –even things that didn’t affect her had been the straw that broke the camel’s back for him. Lana’s need to push him to be something he wasn’t had resulted in him walking away and choosing isolation over her. Looking back he knew it wasn’t meant to be. He could never see himself opening up to her and letting her see the real him and she would never be happy traveling and being exposed to different cultures and parts of society that were a part of what he loved the most about journalism.
After the sting from the breakup had worn off they were able to become friends again, but he still wouldn’t want Lana knowing he was Superman. He couldn’t imagine any scenario where Lana would keep that kind of a secret without holding it over his head in someway. Having Lois find out that not one but two other people also knew after he’d failed to ‘trust her enough’ and tell her the truth would only add salt into the gaping wound of his fragmented relationship with Lois.
“Nope,” Pete said calmly. “You talked to your mom?”
“Yeah,” Clark sighed.
“She give you the recipe to her sugar cookies?” Pete asked with a glint in his eyes. Clark smirked recalling the request Pete had made in order to test if he’d actually spoken to his mom. She was never going to give him that recipe but he sure loved to try and ask.
“She said you can have them over her dead body,” Clark retorted recalling his mom’s response.
“I was really looking forward to those cookies,” Pete sighed and pointed toward the stairs, “So is there a reason why you’re hiding down here with me? I mean, not that I don’t enjoy catching up but your friend was shot and you haven’t even tried to check on her.”
Clark felt a pang of guilt wash over him once more. He wanted to check on her. He just didn’t want to find himself in another fight with her. Not while she was still healing. It still amazed him that so much could change in just two days. How had they gone from being on the brink of starting a real relationship to barely speaking to one another in forty-eight hours.
The conversations he’d had with his parents and his confrontation with Luthor weighed heavily on his mind, preventing him from talking to her. He was still upset about their fight, but his anger was directed more at himself than Lois at the moment. She didn’t want to talk about what had happened and he’d pushed her. Then like a cornered animal she’d lashed out in anger and everything he thought he knew disappeared into nothingness. He was left feeling numb and uncertain if anything they had shared had been real.
<<"He made her call for help over and over and kept laughing when no one arrived. When Superman didn’t arrive.”>> Then of course there was the confrontation with Luthor that had sent him in a rage. It was almost like he wanted to see how far he could push him. Luthor’s perverted account for Lois’ death left a mental scar so deep he had actually been tempted to end Luthor’s life right there. That knowledge alone made his fight with Lois even worse. He felt like the scum of the Earth and couldn’t bear to face her after hinting that she had done anything to deserve what Luthor had done to her.
<<"You were never worthy of her. A coward in a cape that she continued to cry for as I took what was rightfully mine again and again and again …”>>
<<“If you really think that then you don’t know me at all. You never did.”
“Right, you almost married him, didn’t you?”>>
<<“And what? I deserve whatever I got, right?”>>
<<“It’s real clear how little you know me. So do us both a favor and stay the hell away from me!”>> “I know she’s in good hands,” Clark said with a shaky breath.
“You’re full of crap,” Pete retorted.
“And she and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms right now,” Clark said.
<<“One less…person to know, right?”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about, Lois.”
“Maybe if you…trusted me…I would,”
“I did trust you,”
“Just not enough,”>> “She mad at you?” Pete chuckled. “Flowers, groveling, chocolate and some more groveling should help get you back onto speaking terms.”
“You don’t know Lois,” Clark snorted, knowing full well there wasn’t enough flowers and chocolate in the world to get Lois to listen to him if even half of what Luthor had said was true.
<<“You’re lying,”
“Perhaps, but you’ll never know for sure, will you?”>>
<<“You want to talk about trust? You lied to me! Over and over and over again and then when I really needed my friend…”>>
<<"He made her call for help over and over and kept laughing when no one arrived. When Superman didn’t arrive.”>>
<<“Right, you sat on evidence that could have thrown that psychopath behind bars. You lied to me every day for over a year!” >>
<<"You were never worthy of her. A coward in a cape that she continued to cry for as I took what was rightfully mine again and again and again …”>>“She’s nice to me,” Pete grinned back at him. Clark didn’t respond, uncertain how to at this point, “I’m telling you, grovel. It’ll save you a lot of headaches. Practice these words
‘you were right and I was wrong.’ Make it your mantra and the fight magically disappears when you apologize.”
“What makes you think
I’m the one that needs to apologize?” Clark asked mildly offended.
“Because you’re
you,” Pete said with a grin, patting him on the shoulder. “You and I both know your bonehead meter tends to hit higher than usual when women are involved. The bonehead meter is off the charts with this one.” He pointed toward the stairs and added. “Just apologize and get it over with.”
<<“You want to talk about trust? You lied to me! Over and over and over again and then when I really needed my friend…”>>
<<"He made her call for help over and over and kept laughing when no one arrived. When Superman didn’t arrive.”>>
<<“Right, you sat on evidence that could have thrown that psychopath behind bars. You lied to me every day for over a year!” >>
<<"You were never worthy of her. A coward in a cape that she continued to cry for as I took what was rightfully mine again and again and again …”>>
<<“And what? I deserve whatever I got, right?”>> Deciding he’d sat there stewing in his own head long enough Clark let out a deep breath and muttered, “Just remember this was your idea if this doesn’t end well,”
“No way,” Pete shook his head and laughed.
Clark let out a deep breath and contemplated how serious he was about continuing up the stairs when he heard a door open. At the top of the stairs he spotted Lana making her way down the steps, “Oh, Clark, you’re back,” Lana beamed at him loud enough he was sure for Lois to know he was there.
‘No backing away now,’ he thought to himself.
“How’s your mom doing?” Lana asked, looking at him expectantly.
“She’s fine,” he replied on autopilot. Lana continued to stare at him expectantly and he smirked realizing what she was waiting on, “And I already told Pete she’s not giving that recipe up without a fight so you might as well give it up.”
Lana smiled back at him, “Had to try, right?” She looked behind her then back at him with a solemn expression. “She saw the news coverage already,”
Clark nodded, unsure what to say as he moved past her and continued up the rest of the way to the spare bedroom Lois was in. Lois knew about Luthor’s arrest. That was a good thing, right? He didn’t have to explain how he knew about the arrest or what he’d been doing there in the first place. He hung his head, realizing this line of thinking was how he’d gotten where he was to begin with.
Pete was right. He needed to make things right with Lois. They both had hurled a lot of hurtful things toward one another in the last forty-eight hours but the knowledge of what Luthor had done to Lois made his verbal jabs seem that much more vindictive and callous. Every verbal jab she’d thrown his way had been the truth. The painful ugly truth of his own insecurities and unwillingness to give her what she so desperately wanted.
<<“Just don’t lie to me and you won’t lose me,”>>
<<“I love you, Clark,”>>
<<“Exposing your secret isn’t exactly what the Daily Planet does and it certainly isn’t something I would ever do not that you ever gave either of us a chance.”>>
<<“And what? I deserve whatever I got, right?”>>
<<“You want to talk about trust? You lied to me! Over and over and over again and then when I really needed my friend…”>>The door was open and he could hear the news anchor’s voice from the television set as he stood outside the bedroom. He wasn’t sure how to even begin this conversation. Should he knock and let his presence be known. The reminder of how rude it was to stand outside someone’s door came to mind and he took a deep breath choosing to press on.
“When you’re done debating whether you’re coming in or not can you hand me the remote?” Lois’ voice penetrated his internal thoughts. “Apparently I’m not allowed to walk around without assistance.”
Clark spotted the remote on the bookshelf by the door and grabbed it, taking the first step inside the room. She looked a thousand times better than she had last night. The color had returned to her face and the scratches she’d received were quickly healing.
“Hi,” he finally found his voice as he reached over to hand her the remote.
“Hi,” she caught his gaze for a split-second before pulling away. She took the remote from him and nodded, “Thanks,” she pressed the red button, turning the news cycle off and sighed in relief. “I couldn’t listen to that for another second.”
“Yeah,” he took a seat in the chair next to her bed, praying she would at least let him get what he needed to say out before pushing him away. “I guess now we know why no one was answering their phones last night,”
“Yeah,” Lois nodded, looking down at her lap.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, desperate for anything to focus on other than the boulder sized guilt that continued to weigh on him.
“Sore,” she said cautiously. She glanced toward the television that was now off and added, “A little out of my depth I guess.”
“It’s not easy sitting on the sidelines,” he commented, “Watching,”
“No, it’s not,” she said with a sigh, “but I’m not allowed to do anything that could cause any further damage.” She flashed him a half-smile, “I’d hate to put Pete through the trouble of patching me up twice. And I really don’t think I want to be on his wife’s bad side.”
He let out a chuckle, “No, probably not,”
There was an uncomfortable silence for about half a minute before Lois broke it, “How’d the visit with your parents go?” He looked at her in surprise and she shrugged, “Pete mentioned he made you go see them.”
“Yeah,” Clark gave her a pained smile, “I wasn’t left with much of a choice in the matter,”
“Your mom’s been worried sick about you,” she said softly.
“I know,” he felt a lump in his throat. “I wasn’t ready. I’m still not even sure if I was ready to see them today, but I did.”
“Must be nice,” Lois said twisting her mouth. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I just…” She let out a deep breath. “This has been harder than I ever could have imagined.” She looked away and he felt his heart contract in his chest when he saw her mover her hand to her forehead, attempting to cover up the fact that there were a few tears escaping the corner of her eyes.
He let out a deep breath and placed a hand on her elbow, “I’m sorry,”
“I don’t need your pity,” she said roughly, straightening up.
“I know you don’t,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “But I do owe you an apology. I tried to push you to open up about something you weren’t ready to talk about. I never should have done that.”
“What’s done is done,” she said hoarsely, still not looking at him, but he could hear the wavering in her voice that told him her words were just displaying a false bravado to keep him from seeing how hurt she really was.
“Mom said she was the one that told you,” Clark could hear the strain in his own voice as he spoke. There was no more hiding or pretending. All that was left was the raw ugly truth of what he’d hidden for so long.
“Yeah,” Lois said cautiously. “I didn’t manipulate her into telling me either if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“I know,” he said letting out a long breath. “I never should have…I’m sorry,” he finished his apology lamely.
“Seventeen months,” she bit out angrily.
“What?” he looked at her in confusion.
“Seventeen months,” she repeated with an eerie calm. “That’s how long you’ve known me. Why? I mean, in all that time what did I ever do to make you think I would
ever put someone’s life in jeopardy for a story?”
“I said a lot of things that I shouldn’t have,” he said cautiously. “That was one of them. You’re right. You push the envelope but you have never done anything to intentionally put anyone’s life in danger. I’m not very rational when it comes to this.” He glanced toward the door and stood up, walking toward it to close out any possible peering eyes and ears.
She was silent as he walked back toward the bed and took a seat next to her, propping himself on the edge of the bed. “I’m not good at this. I’ve never shared this part of myself with anyone. I spent the better part of my youth trying to figure out why I was so different and where I came from. It wasn’t until recently that I even discovered the answers to those questions.”
Lois twisted her mouth and looked up at him, “It’s not just about Superman. You had all this information on that…psychopath that could have made us all look harder but you never said anything.”
“I…
tried, ” he finished weakly meeting her hurt expression.
“You tried?” she echoed, turning to face him. “Just one. Just one conversation that you had with that monster would have been enough. We’ve got a kid prepared to testify to the conversation he overheard between Superman and Lex Luthor. A
kid. Even if you never told me about Superman you could have told me or Jimmy or Perry or anyone.” She shook her head adamantly, “but instead I got you acting like a two-year old that had his favorite toy taken away rather than open your mouth and tell me what the hell you knew.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you without giving myself away,” Clark explained cautiously. “It’s not an excuse but it’s the only thing I’ve got. This thing with Luthor started when I first got to Metropolis and at that time I didn’t know who I could trust. I didn’t know how far his reach was. I didn’t know what to do.” He let out a deep sigh, “Think about it, Lois, what was the likelihood of you believing the word of the new guy you just met versus the billionaire that at that point was the city’s most loved philanthropist. You never would have believed me and you know it.”
“Maybe,” she let out a sigh, “I guess we’ll never know,” She was quiet for a long moment before finally speaking up. “I’d like to think I would have believed you though.” A tear ran down her cheek. He felt her hand brush against his side and she looked back at him with an accusing stare, “Why is there
blood on your shirt?”
***
“Think about it, Lois, what was the likelihood of you believing the word of the new guy you just met versus the billionaire that at that point was the city’s most loved philanthropist. You never would have believed me and you know it.” Clark’s statement was telling on just how little he thought of himself.
Lois fought the urge to argue her point and make him see how wrong he was, but the pain in his eyes stopped her. “Maybe,” she let out a sigh, “I guess we’ll never know,” The silence that fell between them was deafening. She looked up at him, trying to read his body language and figure out what he was thinking. He seemed so sure of himself at times but it wasn’t until she’d had her eyes opened to the truth that she allowed herself to see the cracks beneath the façade he put up for the world. He was just as scared and uncertain as anyone else. The only difference was if he made a mistake it left more damage.
She took a deep breath and whispered in a hopeful tone, “I’d like to think I would have believed you though.” A tear ran down her cheek as her inner doubts began to nag at her making her question if she really believed that. She could feel the walls around her close in as she looked down and spotted a tear in his shirt with a dark stain on it. She let out a shallow breath, staring at the stain outside of the large cut in the side of his shirt. She ran her hand against the smooth surface of his skin. She looked back at him with an accusing stare, “Why is there
blood on your shirt?”
He stared back at her with uncertainty in his eyes. She looked back at him expectantly, waiting for an answer to why a man that was invulnerable could have blood on his shirt. A million thoughts ran through her mind as she waited for his response.
“Because I was bleeding earlier,” he said softly.
“I thought your powers were back,” Lois said, placing her hand over the blood stained material once more.
“They are,” He said.
“Then how…?”
“I might have run into some Kryptonite,” he said with a heavy sigh.
“Might have?” she looked back at him with a disapproving stare. “Where
exactly did you run into Kryptonite?”
“In Luthor’s penthouse,” he said evenly, avoiding her gaze, “…when I was confronting him.”
She immediately pulled away and lowered her head in her hands. “You shouldn’t have done that,”
“I was not going to let him get away with what he did.” He said calmly, placing a hand on her right side.
She brushed him off, pushing him away and looking back at him with a scowl. “This is none of your business,”
“I made it my business,” he growled out. She could see the anger simmering beneath his dark eyes as he continued. “After everything he did. He needed to have the fear of God put into him.”
His hand brushed against her cheek and she swallowed hard, “I didn’t ask you to do that,”
“I know,” he said. “I didn’t ask you to rescue me but you did it anyway.”
“That’s different,” she accused.
“Is it?” he asked,
She swallowed hard, turning away, from him as he stared back at her expectantly. She bit the inside of her lip, attempting to hold in her anger, “This has nothing to do with you. You had no right to go and what…Pick a fight and possible jeopardize this case and my safety because you can’t control your macho instinct to ram someone’s head through a wall.”
“I couldn’t just do
nothing. ” He said, looking back at her with a scowl. She could feel the tears glisten in the corners of her eyes as he revealed a hard truth. “I wanted to kill him,”
“Superman doesn’t kill,” she said hoarsely.
“Superman doesn’t exist anymore,” he said solemnly.
“Yes, he does,” she whispered. “You can’t change who you are,” she said softly, “…and you can’t let him win. After everything he did you
can’t.”
He seemed to be mulling over what she said and he cracked a smile, “That’s what my parents said,”
“They’re smart people,” she nodded, “You should listen to them.”
“Luthor knows,” he admitted softly.
“He’s also in
prison,” she argued. He let out a shallow breath and she sighed, setting her anger aside for the moment to address whatever demons he was struggling with. She was still unbelievably angry at him and didn’t know how she could ever move past it but allowing him to walk away from everything out of fear of what Lex could do was not an option. This was bigger than her. It was bigger than Clark. If the last few months had proven anything it was just how much the world needed Superman. One man could make a difference. She just wished she could make him see that.
She looked down at his shirt, “What happened?”
“I wanted to kill him after mom told me about him forcing you to cry for help. I wanted to break him in half and make him know what it felt like to be helpless,” he admitted in a dark tone. She could feel the hair on her arms stand up from the tone in his voice. It was chilling to see this side of him. Here he was, Superman, the man that stood for truth and justice and yet even he had his breaking point it seemed Lex had pushed him so far and now the Superman the world knew felt like a distant memory.
“But you couldn’t,” Lois said, looking back at him.
“No, I couldn’t,” he admitted. “I came really close though. Had him hoisted up in the air about to give him a close inspection of his ceiling fan.” He let out a deep sigh, “But I couldn’t go through with it. That’s how I ended up with a Kryptonite laced blade inside me.” He let out a grunt, “It healed as soon as I pulled it out. Just stung more than anything. I was too angry to focus on anything else though.” He let out a long sigh, “Luckily the SWAT Team came in when they did.”
“Luckily?” Lois asked.
“I don’t know that I would have been able to stop myself at that point if I’d gotten my hands on him again,” Clark admitted hoarsely. “Then of course in classic Luthor fashion he threw down the gauntlet. Tried to out me in front of Henderson, Davenport and the rest of the officers in the room.”
Lois placed a hand on his chest, feeling a sense of dread wash through her. If Clark’s secret got out it wouldn’t be just him that was in danger it would be everyone close to him. “Clark?”
“Lucky for me I had blood on my shirt to prove otherwise,” Clark said bitterly.
“That’s a lot of
luck,” she said cautiously.
His hand brushed against her cheek again and he sighed, “I’m sorry. So unbelievably sorry, Lois,”
“I wasn’t
manipulating you,” she said cautiously. “I was just trying to be your friend. You seemed like you needed one. I never would have told anyone.”
“I never should have said that,” he said carefully.
“Then why did you?” she stared back at him accusingly. “You weren’t just mean. You were
cruel. Then you come in here with a half-ass apology and I’m supposed to what? Just accept it and forget everything?” she asked looking back at him expectantly. “I don’t know if I can do that,”
A pained expression crossed his face and he looked at her with an apologetic frown, “I know, and I’m unbelievably sorry, Lois,”
She knew he was sorry and he probably meant it but it wasn’t enough. Time and time again she had gone through hell and back and put everything at risk—including her own safety—to save him. Despite everything she thought she had reconciled Superman and Clark as one in her mind. She thought she knew who he was—beyond the superhero. She’d come to realize that no matter how close they got, no matter how vulnerable she allowed herself to be around him it would never be enough. He didn’t trust her. He obviously thought very little of her despite the weak apology he was trying to pander. She’d put up with everything hoping one day he would trust her enough to tell her himself, but he never did…he probably never would have.
She didn’t ask to be included in on the secret. She didn’t ask to be put in the situation she’d been thrust into but she’d made the best out of it, trying her best to let him work through what he needed. He never even came close to trying to tell her the truth. He was never going to tell her. He’d much rather think the worst of her than tell her the truth.
She clamped her eyes closed, trying to push the tears that threatened to reveal the depth of her sorrow away. She leaned her head back against the headboard, feeling the anguish overtake her emotions, “Clark, please…just go,”
“I can’t leave things like this,” he said looking at her with a pleading expression. “Not after…”
She took a deep breath, recalling everything over the past few months. Five months. How had it only been five months? She wanted to hold on to her anger and resentment and continue to push him away yet she still felt that pull toward him that reminded her how deep her feelings were. Despite everything she knew she still loved him. He’d wormed his way into her heart despite all the defenses she’d put up to keep him out. She was hurt. She was angry. She knew the longer he sat here the harder it would be to keep him from seeing how completely he’d shattered her heart.
A lot had changed between them.
The fighting between them after the revelation had subsided but now she just felt numb. She didn’t know which way to go or how to work through everything that had happened. She’d been stabbed, shot, and attacked more times than she cared to remember. She had spent months looking over her shoulder and playing the part of someone docile and content with the ordinary. Now here she was facing the possibility of reclaiming her life back in Metropolis while Lex and his underlings awaited trial for the crimes he’d committed against her and her home.
Too much had happened.
“Just leave me alone,” she choked out, swiping her hand against her cheek. “Fine, you’re sorry. That’s great. You got it off your chest and now you can leave,”
“Lois?” the pained expression covered his face.
She shook her head, “I’m not supposed to be moving around.” She said, pointing toward the door. “There’s no reason for you to be hanging around anymore. Leave.”
***
Jimmy took a seat across from a man in a checkered blue shirt and another man with a green striped shirt and glasses. He glanced at Jack for some sort of clue as to who these men were but got nothing from him. “You Olsen?” the man with glasses asked.
“Yeah,” Jimmy held out his hand to shake the man’s hand.
“Rollie Vale,” he pointed to the man next to him, “This is my brother Emmet.”
“Nice to meet you,” Jimmy said, still not certain what this meeting was about. He stole another glance at Jack but still had nothing to go on. How his young friend had arranged a meeting with these two brothers within less than a day of being back in Metropolis he wasn’t sure, but what bothered him more was not knowing what this meeting was about.
Emmet cleared his throat, “We’re told you have an in with this case against Lex Luthor?”
“We know the detectives and the agents leading the case,” Jimmy said carefully.
“And Superman,” Rollie added. “You’re friends with the big guy, right?”
Jimmy looked to Jack who nodded, “The best!”
“As good of friends that you can be with him I suppose,” Jimmy said cautiously. “Why?”
“Say we had information that could help your case and we wanted to make a deal that would guarantee no prison time and protection.” Emmet began cautiously.
“What kind of information?” Jimmy asked.
Emmet looked at Rollie and the brothers nodded before Emmet continued, “The kind that can prove the bomber that hit Clinton Street was the same one to make the bomb at the Daily Planet.”
“Among other crimes that lead back to Lex Luthor,” Rollie added. “You want the information we want a deal.”
“And protection,” Emmet pulled out his business card and handed it to Jimmy, “You can reach me at this number,”
Jimmy looked at Jack uncertainly, “How exactly are we supposed to do this?”
***
TBC…
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