Enough
Folc4evernaday
Chapter 2
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A/N: Yes, I'm posting it all at once. It was intended to be a short fic. It ended up being mid-length.
***
Chapter 2The sound of the door shutting behind them echoed in the back of Lois’ mind as she let out a low moan, unwilling to break her mouth from Clark’s as he walked her back into the disheveled living room. She felt her legs hit the back of something and mumbled her protest when he pulled away to ask, “Why is your loveseat upside down?”
“I knocked it over,” she whispered against his lips, gasping in surprise when he lifted her up to carry her over to the other sofa that hadn’t been knocked over.
“There’s glass,” he murmured against her lips.
“Broken candlestick,” she explained in-between heated kisses as her hands wandered up and down the side of his face, reveling in the sensation that ran through her as they sunk down onto the sofa.
Two weeks ago, she would have been questioning how good of a decision this was. Two weeks ago, her biggest fear was moving too fast and dealing with the very real feelings that had simmered deep inside her for the past two years. Now all she could think about was how close she was to losing everything.
Her hands roamed through his dark hair as she pulled him on top of her, desperately seeking to hang onto this moment and never let go. He let out a low moan as he fell on top of her, tearing his lips away from hers.
“We need to slow down,” was all he could get out before pulling back and resting his forehead against her shoulder.
She let out a shuddered breath, uncertain how to take the sudden change. She could feel the heat that had built up between them in the last twenty minutes. It was intoxicating. The intense emotions and overpowering tug that drew her to him. She knew he was right. They needed to slow down. There were so many things that needed to be said, but stopping would mean giving life to the fears and inner doubts that had been plaguing her over the past few weeks. This was the closest she’d felt to him in weeks, and she couldn’t help but feel a sense of panic as she felt him withdraw from her arms.
He sat up, letting out a shaky breath. She propped herself up on the arm of the couch, uncertain what to say as she tried to calm her racing heart which continued to pound inside her chest. She could feel a tingle run through her at the loss of contact as she stared back at him. He appeared to be having the same problem she was.
Though she had the overpowering desire to pull him back in her arms and resume the intense activities they’d been embarking on for the last twenty minutes she knew she couldn’t do that just yet. Clark was right. They needed to slow down. They needed to talk—really talk. Walking on eggshells around one another was only amplifying the tension between them and if the last hour had taught her anything it was just how fragile their relationship was.
She didn’t want to lose him.
He meant too much.
He turned to her, opening his mouth to say something when a faraway look crossed his face. She bit her lower lip, recognizing the look as a sign he was once again going to run away and disappear with some lame excuse. She let out a deep sigh, preparing herself for the worst as she uttered his name in defeat, “Clark,”
“Hold that thought,” he said, standing to his feet and heading toward the kitchen. She watched him in confusion before the sound of the refrigerator door opening reached her ears. Before she could assess what had just happened, she heard a loud bang come from the kitchen. She stood to her feet and heard a muffled cry followed by the shattering of glass and Clark’s low growl, “What are you
still doing here?”
‘No, please tell me he’s not still here,’ she thought to herself in disbelief.
Careful not to step on the broken glass scattered on the floor in front of her, she tip-toed across the floor and into the kitchen where she found the remnants of her blue ceramic plate on the ground, a half-eaten sandwich and Clark jamming his forearm against Dan Scardino’s throat as he pinned him against the refrigerator door. Lois watched the scene unfold, not ready to make her presence known just yet.
“Gr…ip,” Dan Scardino called out, waving his left arm in the air as he patted at the door.
Clark’s stern features remained as he loosened his grip and tossed Dan Scardino to the ground in a heap on the tile floor, landing him face first into the disassembled sandwich covering her kitchen floor.
Dan let out a half-wheeze, “I’m just…”
“Breaking and entering?” Clark finished for Dan as the DEA Agent stood to his feet, attempting to brush the mayonnaise and cheese off his face. Clark tossed the broom and dustpan to him as he listed off Agent Scardino’s offenses one by one. “Stealing. Destruction of property.” Dan opened his mouth to protest, and Clark cut him off with a growl, “Please argue these points with me.”
Dan’s face fell to a frown and he glanced at the mess that had been left on his leather jacket with a grimace before glaring up at Clark. “In case you’ve forgotten, there’s a ruthless killer with a love for sadistic violence out there.”
Clark looked around the apartment, “And yet the only criminal I see here tonight is
you.”
“Last I checked I was the one trained to take on cold-blooded killers!” Dan jabbed a finger in Clark’s chest. “Unless you’ve got a badge or special ops training—which I highly doubt—I suggest you back off and let me do my job! Quit butting into my investigation and leave the job of protecting your
partner to me!”
“Why? So you can trip over yourself while making a sandwich?” Clark scoffed as Dan brushed the mayonnaise off his jacket with a napkin. “No thanks. Lois has a better chance of being struck by lightning than being safe anywhere around you.”
“That your professional opinion, Kent, or just jealousy talking?” Dan jabbed another finger in Clark’s chest, and Lois noticed Clark’s scowl grow tense, and the vein on his forehead rise up from his normally smooth features.
“
Enough, both of you!” Lois shouted, deciding to interject the verbal sparring that was taking place escalated any further.
Dan glanced back at her and cleared his throat, “Yeah, Kent, enough. I mean, can’t we set aside your differences for the
big story here?” He puffed out his chest as his eyes sparkled with amusement and added, “I mean how do you expect to work together if we can’t all get along?”
‘Is he serious right now?’ Lois wondered to herself watching Dan continue to play innocent as he tried to bait Clark.
“That’s what this is all about, right? Finding Mayson Drake’s killer? Putting Sean McCarthy back behind bars?” Dan then added the verbal jab, “Unless you don’t want to find Mayson’s killer.”
“Get out!” Lois hissed angrily, seeing the flash of hurt and anger cross her partner’s face. Dan looked back at her in surprise, seemingly trying to register that she was indeed talking to him. She crossed into the living room to fling the door open, “Yes, you! The walking sandwich! Out, now!”
“Get out or be thrown out. Makes no difference to me.” Clark said, taking a step toward Dan.
Dan was smart enough to assess the threat of bodily harm was greater than his ability to talk himself out of the hole he’d dug himself into. He stopped by the door and added with an arrogant smile, “I’ll go, but I’m not going far.”
“You show back up here again, and you’ll be leaving by police escort,” Clark warned, pushing him out the door.
Dan looked at her for confirmation, and she nodded, “I think Clark and I are perfectly capable of finishing up this investigation on our own.”
“Your loss,” Dan Scardino snorted storming down the hall before she slammed the door closed after him.
***
“In case you’ve forgotten, there’s a ruthless killer with a love for sadistic violence out there.” Scardino threw the reminder back at Clark as if it somehow justified his actions here tonight.
Anger and frustration over the current situation still lingered from before when Scardino’s arrogant face appeared behind Lois’ freshly showered figure. She said he broke in and from the condition of her apartment and backdoor, he could tell she’d probably wailed on Scardino with whatever was around her to make him think twice about that choice. Still, Clark couldn’t get that image out of his mind.
The arrogance with which the DEA agent continued to hold as he tried to justify his actions was astounding. The raw emotions of anger and hurt coupled with the nauseating guilt Clark had been working through over the last few weeks made any attempt at being civil with the DEA Agent an impossible feat.
Clark threw his hands in the air and looked around the apartment, giving the pretense that he was searching for the mysterious killer Scardino feared. “And yet the only criminal I see here tonight is
you.”
He knew there was a killer out there responsible for Mayson’s death. He also knew Lois probably had a target on her back after the recent incident at the cemetery, but there was no way any of that justified Scardino breaking into Lois’ apartment and attempting to interfere in his and Lois’ already fragile relationship.
“Last I checked I was the one trained to take on cold-blooded killers!” Scardino said, jabbing a finger in Clark’s chest. “Unless you’ve got a badge or special ops training—which I highly doubt—I suggest you back off and let me do my job! Quit butting into my investigation and leave the job of protecting your
partner to me!”
That remark earned Scardino a sharp scowl. Did he seriously think he was more capable of protecting Lois just because he worked for the DEA? Clark let out a bitter laugh, “Why? So you can trip over yourself while making a sandwich?” He shook his head and added, “No thanks. Lois has a better chance of being struck by lightning than being safe anywhere around you.”
“That your professional opinion, Kent, or just jealousy talking?” Dan jabbed Clark in the chest once more, and Clark did his best to push down the festering rage that was building inside him. He knew exactly what he was doing. Clark was sure of it.
“
Enough, both of you!” Lois shouted, grabbing both his and Scardino’s attention.
He looked toward the doorway leading to the living room and saw a very irritated Lois standing there staring at both of them. He watched in disbelief as Scardino tried to play off the encounter as if he was just an innocent bystander.
“Yeah, Kent, enough. I mean, can’t we set aside your differences for the
big story here?” Scardino puffed out his chest and that arrogant smile crossed his face once more, “I mean how do you expect to work together if we can’t all get along?”
Clark suppressed the urge to throttle him right there. If he thought there was any chance of him working with Scardino again after tonight he was out of his mind. He stole a glance at Lois uncertain if he would be able to argue his case with her. Dan Scardino was trouble. He knew it. The longer they left the door open for him to interfere in their lives the worse things would get. He was more than confident he and Lois could find Mayson’s killer without Scardino’s help. They’d brought down far worse criminals that Sean McCarthy without any help from any federal agencies and they could do it again.
“That’s what this is all about, right? Finding Mayson Drake’s killer? Putting Sean McCarthy back behind bars?” Scardino reminded him in an innocent tone that made Clark want to puke. Then Scardino added the verbal blow that tested his limits, “Unless you don’t want to find Mayson’s killer.”
He wanted to scream. He wanted to throw something. Preferably Dan Scardino through the nearest window and off the top of the tallest building in Metropolis. He’d done it to Dillinger a few times he could do it to Scardino and get plenty of satisfaction out of scaring the DEA Agent with the threat of imminent death before pulling him back at the last second…again and again. He could feel his fury simmering inside him like hot lava, threatening to seep out as he stared back at the DEA Agent.
“
Get out! ” he heard Lois roar out in anger.
Clark watched in amazement as Lois sprinted over to the front door of her apartment and flung it open. Scardino seemed to be having difficulty distinguishing that Lois was indeed talking to him. She pointed at Scardino and hissed, “Yes, you! The walking sandwich! Out, now!”
Scardino stumbled a few feet back as Clark walked toward him, helping inch him toward the open door that Lois was pointing at. Feeling confident that Lois would have his back he added sternly, “Get out or be thrown out. Makes no difference to me.”
Scardino looked back at him, seeming to assess the risk wasn’t worth it and backed away toward the open door. He stopped in front of Lois and with an arrogant smile, “I’ll go, but I’m not going far.”
It took everything in him not to throw Scardino out the window after that comment. Clark took a step toward him and pushed him into the hallway with a carefully measured shove that was hard enough to tell Scardino he meant business but not hard enough to leave a mark, “You show back up here again, and you’ll be leaving by police escort.”
Scardino looked back at Lois, seeming to try and get her to plead his case. Truth be told, Clark knew he couldn’t have Scardino escorted out of here by the police without Lois’ support. It was her apartment after all and her decision on whether she wanted this clown showing up unannounced. He just hoped she could see him for what he truly was. A menace.
Lois took a step toward Clark and nodded, “I think Clark and I are perfectly capable of finishing up this investigation on our own.”
Clark looked back at Lois in surprise, feeling a wave of relief wash over him as he heard Dan Scardino scurry off with a snort, “Your loss.”
Lois slammed the door after Scardino and let out a shaky breath. “Are you okay?” She placed a hand on his chest, seeming to read the turbulent emotions he was struggling within that moment.
“Yeah,” he said evenly, though he was far from okay in that moment. He placed a hand on her cheek and whispered, “Thank you.”
It was moments like this that made hiding everything from her so hard. She was his biggest defender, both as Superman and Clark Kent. Though her defense of Clark Kent seemed to be more evident in the recent months as they’d grown closer.
“What are partners for, right?” Lois asked with a sad smile.
“Yeah,” he let out a defeated sigh, looking around at the mess he’d made in her kitchen. He looked down at her still bare feet and partially damp hair. “Sorry about the mess.”
“It wasn’t exactly spotless, to begin with,” she smiled back at him as she looked toward the kitchen with a sigh. “I’ll get the broom.”
He reached out to stop her, “No,
I’ll clean up. There’s glass everywhere, and you’re the one that’s barefoot.”
She nodded, looking down at her feet. Her hand went to her hair, “I guess I can finish drying my hair without distractions now.”
“If anyone tries to break in again I’ll be sure they leave with a police escort and restraining order,” he promised with a smile. He didn’t think Scardino was stupid enough to try something again, but then again he didn’t think he was dumb enough to break into Lois’ apartment.
She stared at him for a long moment then leaned in to kiss his cheek before tip-toeing through the wreckage in the living room and disappearing behind her bedroom door. He heard the hairdryer turn on and turned his attention to the mess in the living room.
Keeping an ear out for Lois’ hair dryer to stop he moved at super-speed to clean up the glass and ceramic from both rooms then discarded the disassembled sandwich into the trash and cleaned up the tile floor with soap and warm water. After ensuring the floors were cleaned he grabbed a pot from her bottom cabinet and poured two cups of water into it and set it on the stove to bring it to a boil. He then found the box of
Lapsang Souchong from the cabinet and measured out the tea leaves to prepare the tea he’d promised Lois.
He reentered the living room and began picking up the furniture that had been knocked over and found the bathroom plunger on the ground by the couch. He let out a deep sigh as he set it against the bathroom door for Lois. He turned his attention back to the kitchen where the tea was just starting to come to a boil. He finished adding in the milk and sugar to Lois’ liking and then reached in the drawer and pulled out the tea strainer he’d given her. He heard the hair dryer stop as he began to pour the tea into the two mugs.
The door opened, and he heard Lois’ voice from the living room let out a low whistle, “How long was I in there?”
“I work fast,” he called over his shoulder as he picked up the two mugs and carried them into the living room. She was fluffing one of the pillows on the couch, preparing to take a seat when he set the cup on the coffee table for her.
Her hair was freshly dried and combed, and he noticed she’d taken the opportunity to change into another pair of pajamas that weren’t soaked from her dripping hair. The gray cotton pajamas were a welcome change. He was still struggling to push the image of Scardino standing behind her out of his mind.
“Thanks,” she smiled back at him, reaching for the mug he placed in front of her. He took a seat on the opposite end of the couch from her, trying to collect his thoughts after the tempestuous evening. He could hear Lois’ heart patter against her chest in a calm, rhythmic tone, much different from the hammering it had been doing an hour ago during their heated argument in the hall.
They still needed to talk. There were a lot of issues that needed to be sorted out. Namely the reassurance he knew Lois needed that she was not yesterday’s news. Far from it. Though his actions earlier should have conveyed that he knew Lois needed to hear the words. He just wasn’t sure how to start this conversation he was sure they both desperately needed.
Lois was the first to break the silence, “Clark, do you realize this is the most you’ve even spoken to me outside of investigating Mayson’s murder in…”
“Two weeks,” he mumbled out on auto-pilot. It had been exactly two weeks ago tonight since the night of Mayson’s death. Two weeks since their first kiss and two weeks and one day since their first date. “It’s been two weeks.”
“I know,” she said carefully, her voice was an eerie calm. “It feels more like two
years.” He didn’t respond choosing instead to watch the tension move from her eyes to her mouth as she asked, “Why won’t you talk to me?”
He wasn’t sure how to respond to her question. He still had so many emotions running through him. How to explain the torment he was going through without risking losing Lois was a balancing act he found himself constantly trying to stay one step ahead as he fought his inner demons.
He hung his head, running a hand across his forehead when he heard Lois’ hoarse voice whisper, “Did you love Mayson?”
“
What?” he looked back at her in surprise, caught off guard by Lois’ question. The idea seemed preposterous.
He blamed himself for Mayson’s death. He blamed himself for hurting Mayson and not being direct with how he felt. He foolishly had thought keeping his distance would be enough to deter the affections Mayson was trying to throw toward him. His experience with relationships—with women—were lacking, to say the least. He never was quite sure how to handle situations where he was actively pursued, and he didn’t return the affections. Hurting anyone intentionally–no matter how great the reason wasn’t something that came easy to him. He hadn’t realized how deep Mayson’s feelings had run until he heard her confession two weeks ago.
Lois had thrust Mayson on him just hours after their first date trying to push him away. The lunch with Mayson had been awkward, to say the least as Mayson had been asking for an explanation on why he wasn’t responding to her attempts to start a romantic relationship with her. He never could give her an answer. The conversation had been cut short, and now he never would have the chance to let her down gently.
<<“Just tell me. Look, Clark, a lawyer. I know you’re hiding something. Something keeping us apart.”
“What is it? I can deal with it.”
“It's not that easy.”
“If it's Lois, just say it.”>> “Did you love her?” Lois asked again with more strength behind her voice the second time. “You seem to be taking her death harder than a lot of her friends, and you won’t hardly talk to me unless it’s about work…”
“Lois,” he cut her off, putting a stop to her rambling. “I didn’t love Mayson,” he reassured her. Then he added with a deep sigh, “I couldn’t…” At her questioning gaze, he waved his hand in the air, “It’s complicated,”
“Oh,” she met his gaze, looking over the rim of her mug as she sipped the tea. “Then why…?”
“I knew,” he spoke up, finding his voice amidst the tension in the air.
“What?” Lois looked back at him in confusion.
He cleared his throat and responded, “You told Scardino I didn’t know how Mayson felt.” He shook his head, “I knew.”
She bit her lower lip and nodded, “Oh,” She cleared her throat, “I didn’t know that.”
He stared down at the mug in his hands and muttered, “She let it slip on that lunch you forced me to go on.”
Lois’ cheeks flushed with a slight pink, and she gave him an apologetic wince, recalling aloud, “The one after our date?”
“That’s the one,” he said uneasily.
<<“Mayson, I like you. And I like Lois”>>
‘Like? I’ve been hopelessly in love with Lois for over a year. Even when I didn’t even know it,’ he thought to himself as the raging emotions ran through him.
<<“I love you.”>>
<<“You’re not flying around with a big 'S' on your chest, bragging about what a hero you are...”
“You heard Superman brag?”
“Not in so many words...”>>
‘I could never love someone that couldn’t accept all of me,’ he thought to himself, recalling the shock on Mayson’s face as she stared at the red and yellow emblem on his chest.
‘But I never meant to hurt her.’ He set his mug down on the table in front of him and hung his head, running his hands over the back of his head as if that would somehow relieve the guilt and anguish that he carried.
“I’m sorry,” Lois said, placing a hand over his and pulling him back to the present. He looked back at her, and she shook her head ruefully, “I still don’t know why I did that.”
“You don’t?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
“No,” she shook her head, “I don’t know why I freaked out the way I did. It was like all of a sudden…” she stopped short of completing her thought. “Maybe if I hadn’t of pushed you away you wouldn’t be so torn up about what she said to you?”
‘If.’ That was the word that continued to tumble around his thoughts like a tumbleweed being blown through the desert sand. If he had been faster. If he hadn’t been afraid of his own feelings for Lois. If he hadn’t allowed things to get so completely out of control.
Maybe—just maybe—he could have spared Mayson some pain in her final moments. Perhaps he could have saved her from such a gruesome end, and maybe he wouldn’t be carrying this guilt around that continued to be an iron anchor in his and Lois’ relationship. How long could he carry around this boulder-sized guilt and keep Lois at arm’s length before everything imploded?
“This has nothing to do with that,” he said turning to her. “It’s just…stuff I have to work through.”
“Are you…talking to anyone?” she ventured cautiously. He let out a deep sigh and gave a noncommittal shrug. He probably needed to talk to someone. The guilt alone was eating away at him little by little but explaining why he felt so guilty over Mayson’s death to a therapist or anyone specializing in trauma would require divulging information he couldn’t share.
After Mayson’s death, he’d done his best to keep busy and not think about the horrific scene. He had been required to attend a counseling session for dealing with trauma by Perry, and he’d gone and said all the right things so he could continue business as usual. He felt his fists instinctively clench and unclench as he recalled yet again the ticking sound of the car bomb that had killed Mayson.
“Clark?” Lois placed a hand over his fist, forcing it to relax as she threaded her fingers over his, “Talk to me, please?”
<<“I know you’re hiding something. Something keeping us apart.”>>
<<“So…that’s what you’ve been hiding.”>> “I
can’t, ” he said, shaking his head, knowing she would never understand. It would make things so much easier if he could talk to her about this. The guilt he carried around continued to eat away at him little by little. “You wouldn’t understand,” he whimpered.
“What?” Lois looked at him incredulously. “What wouldn’t I understand, Clark? I was
there!” She placed both hands on the sides of his face and forced him to look at her. A lone tear escaped the corner of his eye as she wrapped her arms around him. “I don’t know what it is that’s eating away at you or why you feel this need to hold everything in like this, but something is tearing you apart. Please talk to me.”
He heard the words but still couldn’t allow himself to be forgiven for the role he’d played in the pain Mayson had endured in her final moments. Burdening Lois with his pain would only make the pain all the more unbearable by burdening Lois. “I
can’t,” he whispered hoarsely.
“Why not?” Lois looked back at him with a distraught expression, pleading with him to let her in. “I’ve already watched someone I love lose themselves in their grief.”
The story of her parents’ messy divorce and her mother’s subsequent alcoholism as she grieved the loss of a twenty-year marriage and even longer relationship was not news to him. He’d heard the story both from Lois and her sister. Over the years as they’d grown closer and the walls had come down little by little she’d let him see some of the darker parts of her broken childhood. She’d practically raised her sister and had been forced at a young age to grow up too fast, watching her mother battle alcoholism as grief consumed all of their lives.
Lois’ tear-stained cheeks and hoarse plea caught his attention as she added with a fierce determination, “I’ll be damned if I lose you too.” The hidden meaning behind her warning caught his attention as he stared back into her eyes. Someone she loved. She didn’t want him to lose himself in his grief too. His head began to swim as the reality of what she was saying registered with him. She whimpered out a heartfelt plea, “You mean too much to me. I lo…”
“I love you too, Lois,” he whispered, brushing away the tears that had escaped the corners of her eyes.
Her eyes sparkled through the pain as she stared back at him. “Please, let me help you.” Her left hand brushed against his jaw, and she whispered, “Whatever it is that’s eating away at you, you can’t just keep burying it inside like this.”
Lois loved him. He should be over the moon, but he couldn’t even muster up the strength to celebrate that small victory. Finally, she was returning his feelings. Finally, she saw him as more than just a colleague or friend. He could finally see the future he hoped and prayed for right there before his eyes. Yet he couldn’t even savor the precious gift he’d been bestowed.
<<“At least tell her how you feel. If she feels the same, it shouldn’t take her too long to figure out you’re no ordinary man.”>>
‘I need to tell her,’ he told himself, silently preparing himself for the worst as he leaned in to kiss her. He felt her respond to him, running her hands up and down the sides of his face as she let out a sigh. What he wouldn’t do for a chance to savor this moment just a little while longer but he knew he couldn’t…not really. Not with so much continuing to hang over his head.
“You’re right,” he said solemnly, tearing himself away from her as he let out a shuddered breath. "I do need to talk to someone, and it makes sense that it should be you." Silence fell between them, and he took a moment to collect his thoughts uncertain where to begin. "There's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time, but the time just never seemed right,” he began carefully. “I'm actually not sure that there will
ever be a right time for this.”
A concerned expression crossed her face, “Tell me what?”
He could feel the dread building up inside him as he searched for the right words, “I’ve never shared this with anyone. The only other people that know this are my parents.” He met her nervous gaze and let out a heavy sigh, “I couldn’t for a long time see myself sharing this with
anyone.”
“But now you do?” Lois asked, her eyes scrunching as she stared back at him.
He nodded his head as he gave voice to his greatest fears and made the heartbreaking promise he hoped he wouldn’t have to deliver on, “I’ll understand if it’s too much. I really wouldn’t blame you. I…I’ll leave. I…”
“Leave?” Lois stared back at him incredulously, “Clark, what in the world is so big of a secret that you think you need to leave?”
“Just let me explain,” He ran a hand through the hair on the back of his head and stood up, pacing in front of her nervously as he allowed the words to flow out of him at an alarmingly fast pace. “Mayson…" He shook his head again. "I wasn't honest with Mayson about a lot of things. I never meant to hurt her. I just didn’t know how to let her down easy. What she
thought she wanted was impossible."
"Because you didn't love her." Lois supplied for him carefully.
Clark nodded his agreement. "That was part of it."
“Part of it?” A frown crossed Lois’ face.
"I've only ever loved one woman, Lois," he said stopping mid-pace and catching her gaze as he added softly, "You." His tone was almost reverent as he looked back at her, feeling the fear inside him threaten to consume him.
“Oh,” Lois’ lips pursed into an ‘o’ shape. He held her gaze, wanting to convey the gravity of what he felt to her before he delivered the hard blow of how he had let her down as well. She took a breath, then reminded him of the misunderstanding a few months ago that he never did give her a clear answer on, “You agreed to go to the mountains with her.”
“
No! I
never….” Clark let out a heavy sigh and quickly amended, “I wasn’t paying attention to the conversation,” Clark explained, raising his right hand to stall her next question he knew was coming. “I never agreed to anything like that.” Relief washed over her face, and she looked back at him expectantly, content to let him finish for the moment. “I wouldn’t…I couldn’t…” He let out a deep sigh, “Everything just got so complicated. I’m not exactly skilled in this department.” He caught Lois’ questioning gaze and supplied, “Letting someone down gently. Sometimes I think it’s to my own detriment.”
He tilted his head up toward the ceiling, gathering his strength for what was to come. “I figured she’d get the hint eventually, but it didn’t help things when we kept having to work with her for a story or for information on a case…or to help stop Jimmy from being railroaded.” He trailed off.
Lois looked back at him with a stunned expression. “I would have found another way to get the information. If I…”
Clark let out a long breath, “I didn’t realize how big of an issue it had become until a few weeks ago.”
“When I forced you to have lunch with her?” Lois asked, wincing at the reminder of her part in the situation.
“Yeah,” he shook his head. “Right before you called I was trying to let her down gently. Then before I left, I heard her confess how she felt.” He shook his head ruefully, “You always think you’ll have more time, but you really don’t know how long you have.”
He let out a frustrated growl, shaking his head. Lois cleared her throat, “Well, no one’s guaranteed tomorrow. If anyone knows that it’s me.”
A light chuckle escaped his lips, “That’s the understatement of the century.” Lois cracked a smile at him, and he let out a shaky breath, uncertain how to continue. “I thought I’d have a chance to explain things and set her straight, but I never imagined…” He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to regain control of his emotions. He had to get this out.
“You had no way of knowing what was going to happen, Clark,” Lois tried to reassure him, standing to her feet and crossing the room to where he was pacing. She placed a hand on his chest, and he was sure he would crumble beneath her touch right there.
“I should have stopped it,” he let out a shuddered breath. “I couldn’t get there in time. I went as fast as I could.”
“Clark, you didn’t set off that bomb. You didn’t make her get into that car. There is nothing you could have done.” She whispered, stroking his cheek. “The arson report said…”
“I know what the arson report said,” he said, pulling away from her. “She triggered the bomb the second she put her key into the car door.” He waved the information off. “I know. I’ve read over it a hundred times, but I know if I’d just gotten there sooner…”
“Then you’d be dead too!” Lois cut him off her eyes filled with tears. “There is
nothing you could have done.”
“Lois, please,” he pleaded with her, “just let me get this out.” He let out a snort of disgust. “I never wanted her to know. I never wanted anyone to know for the longest time…until I met you.” His expression softened as he stared back at her, “You’re the
only one I ever even considered sharing this with.” He hung his head in shame, “but she found out by accident the night she died.”
He could feel Lois’ eyes boring into him as he paced in front of her nervously. "Know what? What is so bad that…" She stopped mid-sentence, meeting his mournful gaze and pulled her arms up, hugging them to herself.
He stopped, turning to face her and put an end to this once and for all. “If I’d gotten there in time, I might have been able to stop the bomb. I’ve done it a thousand times. You’ve watched me do it at least a hundred times over the past year.”
"Clark, what are you talking about?" Lois demanded, her face filled with confusion.
He let out a heavy sigh, “But I didn’t. Because of that…” He swallowed hard and then said, "It’s probably easier if I just show you." Taking the final leap of faith, he took his glasses off and set them on the table. A flicker of recognition crossed her face just before he took the final step and disappeared into a blur of red and blue before her eyes. The blue, red and yellow suit left him feeling exposed and naked under her widened eyes as he met her gaze. His secret—what he’d spent his entire life hiding—was finally out. She now had the final piece of evidence she needed to put the pieces together and shatter his world forever.
Her mouth opened as she stared back at him, shock written over her face. “You’re…”
“Superman,” he finished for her.
***
"It’s probably easier if I just show you." Lois heard Clark say in an eerily calm voice. His hand moved to his glasses, taking them off his face and setting them on the coffee table in front of him. It was strange. She couldn’t think of a single time she’d seen him without his glasses. Even when she’d caught him at the Apollo fresh out of the shower, he’d been wearing them. He looked so different without them yet so familiar.
It felt like she had the wind knocked out of her as she stared into his eyes. She’d stared into those eyes countless times before. She knew those eyes. She knew that face. As if confirming what her mind had already figured out he completed the final piece to the puzzle and disappeared into a whirlwind of red and blue. The colors mixed together in a burst of pigments running together as Lois stared at the spot Clark had just been standing.
He reappeared in front of her in the familiar blue spandex and red and yellow ‘S’ emblem across his chest. She blinked, allowing her eyes to register that she had indeed seen Clark just change into Superman.
Clark was Superman.
Superman was Clark.
Clark was Superman. She opened her mouth, finally finding her voice as she stared back at him, “You’re…”
“Superman,” he finished for her.
A million thoughts raced through her mind as she stared back at him, uncertain what to do or say. Flashes of memories from the last two years pushed their way to the forefront of her mind, again and again, reconciling the memories with the two men she thought were two separate people as one. It was Clark who had saved her life countless times. It was Superman who had sent her on a wild goose chase for stealing his story. It was Clark she had been fawning over at the beginning of their partnership. It was Superman who she had turned down that day in the park. It was Clark. All of it was
Clark.
He called out her name, but this time it was Clark calling her—in Superman’s suit. Was that all it was? That’s what it felt like. A suit. A disguise. Some façade to cover up the fact that her partner could bend steel bars over his head and fly across the world in under a minute.
Her head was spinning as she paced back and forth in front of him. “I…” she tried to form the words but couldn’t get them to escape the back of her throat where they were trapped. She sunk down on the sofa, trying to wrack her brain around the new reality she was in. Anger and hurt flooded through her as she recalled the many, many lies she’d been told over the past two years.
Two years.
She clamped her eyes closed as the image of him lying on the floor of Georgie Hairdo’s casino –supposedly dead—after being shot by Clyde Barrow. The painful reminder of how deep the lies were stung the corner of her eyes as she fought back tears. Finally finding the strength to choke out her response she looked back at him with a cold expression, “You… are Superman.”
“Yes,” he responded in an even, guarded tone.
Raw. Unfettered. Gut-wrenching. She felt the emotions hit her one by one, retelling one simple truth to her over and over again. Clark was Superman. She wasn’t sure how to react or what to say. What was there even left to say when nothing was as she had thought or remembered? Every memory. Every moment. Everything had changed.
“I wasn’t sure how to tell you,” he said carefully.
One by one the tears began to fall as the emotional rollercoaster from the evening became too much for her. Clark’s hand rested on her shoulder, and she brushed him away, crying out, “No, don’t!”
The hurt on his face was evident, but he quickly covered it, “I’m sorry.”
She bit her lower lip, trying to form the words as a thousand thoughts jumbled through her mind. One by one each memory of what she thought she knew about him disappeared until she found herself questioning everything she thought she knew about the two men she had once called friends.
“Wh…?” she stammered out, trying to vocalize the turbulence of emotions that continued to hit her again and again. She felt like she’d had the wind knocked out of her and been punched in the gut. “You lied to me. Two years…You made me think you were
dead!” Lois accused staring back at him numbly. “I watched the bullet hit you, and you fell to the ground…”
“I know,” he acknowledged. He had the decency not to give an excuse—there really wasn’t one. She glanced up at him, noting the uncertainty on his face as he stared back at her. His facial expression went from uneasiness to almost fear in the few minutes after he responded. Imagining Superman—Clark—afraid of anything was a strange and unwelcome feeling.
The memory of the heartwrenching evening she’d spent mourning his death rippled through her and she looked back at him with a tearful whimper. “I spent two days blaming myself and…” she stopped herself from finishing that statement as she stared back at him, shaking her head. “Do you have
any idea what you put me through? What you put
everyone through?”
“I’m sorry,” he offered the two-word apology that she wasn’t even sure meant anything at this point given the gravity of the lies. He looked down, not meeting her gaze and she shook her head in disbelief.
“You’re sorry?” Lois scoffed, shaking her head as she felt tears escape the corners of her eyes, “You keep saying that word like it’s going to just erase the lies and …and the deceit and …”
He opened his mouth to say something and stopped, clamping his mouth shut as a faraway expression crossed his face. “I’m really,
really sorry…” he stammered as he looked toward the window.
“Are you
serious right now?” she snapped angrily as he walked toward the glass door leading out onto her balcony. “You cannot be trying to leave…now!”
“I have to go,” he said with a pained expression.
“Fine,” she bit out, venom dripping from her tone as she stared back at him coldly. “Go.”
“We can finish this later,” he started to say.
She shook her head, “No, just…go.”
“I
am sorry, Lois,” he said, looking back at her as he stood by the window.
“Yeah,” she watched her window curtains billow in the wind as he disappeared, closing the window behind him. She let out a frustrated growl and threw her pillow across the room.
***
TBC...
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