Dad Bod
By: C. Leuch
Rated: PG
Can you tell I’ve been spending a lot of time at the pool lately? When you are stuck watching the kids with the other parents, your mind starts to wander…This quick vignette takes place sometime after It Runs in the Family in my Kent family series.
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The hallowed halls of the Metropolis municipal building echoed with the sounds of several hundred teenagers as they made their way to the council chambers. It was fairly orderly scene, though a few kids took to roughhousing, much to the consternation of the teachers present. Laura Kent trudged along with the rest of them, one among a sea of classmates. She hiked her backpack further up onto her shoulder and glanced at her friends, who were currently fiddling with their phones. There was precious little time to catch up on social media while being lectured by politicians, and she knew her friends needed to get their fix, even if it was only for a few minutes in the hallway.
The trip to the municipal building was part of their civics course, a day long immersion in the workings of their local government. Thy had already been shown the police headquarters and a few of the offices, such as code enforcement and engineering. Next on the agenda was a quick study in how the council worked, followed by a visit from the mayor. Laura wouldn’t mind the opportunity to explore the various offices and chat with the politicians in a more personal setting, but this trip offered nothing but the basics. Given her parents’ jobs, she was more than a little familiar with the city government, as well as some of the politics and interpersonal rivalries that were playing out on a daily basis. But as dull as the experience was, it still beat spending the day in school. She smiled a little at the thought, then found a seat facing the front of the council chambers.
As soon as the crowd settled down, a woman made her way to the front of the room and adjusted a microphone. “Hello?” she said, her voice loudly blaring from the speakers and causing her to startle, along with several audience members. She gave a nervous smile, then backed away from the microphone somewhat. “Hello?” she said again, this time at a more reasonable volume. “Uh, yes, good,” she continued, fidgeting. “In a moment, we’re going to hear from our City Clerk about council meetings, and we’ll ask a few of you to come up here and act one out.” She gestured toward the seven raised seats behind the decorative wooden table. “But first, I have some news, and a little change of plans. It seems that Superman just saved the city again. This time from, um, an out of control aircraft, I believe. So instead of meeting with the mayor this afternoon, we’re going to go out front and attend a press conference with the mayor and Superman.”
Laura sat bolt upright in her seat, her eyes widening. Her Dad knew she was on a class trip to City Hall. It couldn’t be a coincidence that he would ask for a press conference while she was there, could it? Granted, he had no control of when he was called into action to save the city, but the press conference…that sounded like something that was too good for him to pass up. Figured.
A low roar of chatter built up in the room, and the clerk held up her hands to try and calm it. “It’s exciting, I know,” she continued. “And if we’re lucky, maybe Superman can come chat with all of you once his duties are wrapped up.”
Laura grunted. “Yeah, lucky.” She rolled her eyes, ignoring the pointed looks from her friends.
“But first,” the clerk said, then began to launch into her spiel about the council. The excitement seemed to leave the room, and Laura found herself mercifully forgetting about Superman. But all too soon, they were being ushered out to the front steps of the building, where a small stage with a podium had been set up. The street was lined with news vans, and several cameras were set up to either side of the audience, hoping to catch their hero. Television and newspaper reporters, several of whom Laura recognized, loitered in front of the podium, waiting. Laura tried to blend into the crowd.
Gradually, more people began to show up, and the dignitaries began to gather on stage. None of Laura’s classmates seemed to notice, though, until the guest of honor showed up, at which time an excited murmur rippled through the crowd. Superman dropped slowly from the sky, his cape rippling behind him, cutting an impressive figure. Even though Laura knew that was her Dad, and even though she had spent plenty of time with him while he was wearing the suit, the sight of him dropping from the sky and looking so completely heroic still caused a little spark of excitement to travel down her neck. For the barest moment she got swept away in the spectacle, but then the adoring sighs of squeals of the girls around her brought her back to reality.
As soon as Superman’s feet hit the stage, the press conference started up. The mayor approached the podium, while Superman stood off to the side, surveying the crowd and generally appearing heroic, if not somewhat indifferent. It was act, she knew; given that there were no other Daily Planet reporters in the crowd, her dad was technically on the job. If she looked closely she could see that intelligent spark in his eyes as he made mental notes, and she was fast enough that she could catch the quick glances away to survey the scene. Nobody else would notice those details; most people would see the suit and the cape and stop there. It still amazed her how well the disguise worked, and she startled slightly as the point was brought home.
“Mmm,” one of her friends said, the connotation clear, as she practically leered at Laura’s dad. “He’s even better looking in person than he is on television.”
Several friends giggled. “He certainly fills out that suit,” another friend said.
Laura scoffed. “You realize he’s old enough to be your father,” she said, raising her eyebrows. “In fact, he already is someone’s father,” she continued, referring of course to the Crimson Superman. His picture was all over the media, especially on those teen magazines and social media sites her friends frequented, and her friends would have no doubt who she was talking about.
“Yeah, but he’s also an alien,” the first friend said. “Biology for him probably works differently.” She shrugged, then turned to gaze at her subject some more.
“And if he’s a dad, then he has a hell of a dad bod,” the second friend said, causing a chorus of laughs loud enough for some toward the front of the audience to notice.
“Don’t tell me you hadn’t noticed,” her best friend said, and the rest of them looked at her.
“No, I hadn’t noticed,” she said, indignant.
“Well, that’s a dad bod that I wouldn’t mind looking at,” the first friend said, and all of a sudden the attention was off Laura again. She shrunk down into herself a little with secondhand embarrassment, but then she noticed Superman, generally the stoic hero while in the public eye, locking eyes with her and giving her a little grin. She started to smile back, but then realized that several other sets of eyes were on her again.
“Oh, that smile,” one of her friends said with a contented sigh at the end.
Another friend nudged her. “Hey Laura, I think he’s smiling at you.”
At that moment, Laura had an idea, and suddenly her smile was genuine. Her dad must’ve caught the look in her eyes, because one of his eyebrows raised in question. “I think he heard what you were saying,” Laura said.
“What?!” several of the girls around her asked in unison.
“Superhearing. Ever heard of it? He can hear an alarm half way across the city, I’m sure he could hear your very vocal admiration of his dad bod,” Laura said, using air quotes with the last two words, then gesturing toward the stage, locking eyes with her dad again. “I’m right, aren’t I?” She willed him to play along. Messing with her friends was just too easy sometimes.
After a long pause, he gave an almost imperceptible nod, and Laura turned triumphantly toward her friends, most of whom had now turned various shades of pale. It was almost painful to hold back the laughter that was bubbling just below the surface, but she doubted any of her friends would find the situation all that funny. She took a couple of deep breaths to steady herself, then continued.
“If it’s any consolation, I bet he’s probably heard worse over the years. Wasn’t there a website devoted to not suitable for work stories about his…exploits at one time?” She glanced back at her dad, who couldn’t hide a wince at the mention of that topic. She still remembered the day that her mother found that site…Laura heard words that day that she hadn’t heard before or since. Needless to say, the Superman foundation made sure that site disappeared post haste, though it wasn’t nearly so easy to make the mental images conjured by the stories hosted on that site go away.
“My mom used to love that site,” her best friend mumbled, drawing a couple curious glances.
“I’m just saying, this all probably rates way down on the embarrassment scale for him,” Laura said. “Probably doesn’t phase him much at all.” That brought a slight bob of the head from Superman. “Now, if Mrs. Superman heard you saying such a thing, though….”
“Crap, that’s right,” the friend who first offered comment about Superman’s physique said.
On stage, Superman puckered his lips a little, and Laura knew that he was straining to keep a straight face. “I mean, Ultrwoman is pretty super too, right? So she would be strong enough to launch someone she doesn’t like into orbit,” Laura said, wondering if anyone knew how close to the truth she really was. Superman looked away, his invulnerable façade very close to cracking now.
One or two of the girls around her were staring at her wide-eyed, but her best friend started to laugh. “Yeah, there’s been a real epidemic of women disappearing into space at the hands of a rouge superwoman who doesn’t like people looking at her man.” She elbowed Laura, and the rest of the girls around her broke into nervous laughter, which gradually became more genuine.
“For all we know, she’s on some other planet or something,” one friend said.
“Oh, you’re just trying to distract us because he smiled at you,” another said.
“And holy cow what a smile,” a third said.
“You want him all for yourself,” her best friend chimed in. “Admit it – you’re the jealous type.”
Laura threw up her hands. “Yeah, you got me,” she said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. On stage, the mayor was done with introductions, and Superman took the podium, discussing the plane he had saved and the intricacies of how and why it came to be grazing the tops of Metropolis skyscrapers earlier that day. All traces of amusement were gone from his features as he spoke, but at one point his gaze turned to Laura, and she could see a twinkle in his eye. Once he was done speaking, he took a few questions from the media, then took off into the air.
A moment later, the crowd was starting to disburse, and as Laura began to follow her class back toward the buses that would bring them back to school, she could hear someone calling her name from nearby. Turning, she could see her father cutting through the other high schoolers, dressed in his reporter clothes. She raised her hand in greeting and hung back, and it was a matter of moments before he caught up to her. “Working the press conference, huh?” she said, and they shared a knowing grin.
“Something like that,” he answered. Her friends caught notice, and she could see them appraising her Dad, then giving her a little nod. Her Dad seemed oblivious to it. Little wonder, she thought – given the way her friends reacted, she could only imagine the kind of visual undressing that his alter ego experienced on a daily basis. “I suppose I should thank you for defending my honor,” her Dad continued, and she couldn’t help but smile.
“I was just thinking of Mom,” she said matter-of-factly.
“You were just having some fun at the expense of your poor friends,” he said, and she bobbed her head. “But, to tell the truth…” he said, then moved in closer to her. “I think your mom would come down firmly on their side. Some of the most…impassioned comments I ever accidentally overheard were from her.”
Laura laughed gently. “Before she knew?” He nodded. “And she didn’t realize that you could hear her?”
“I think she figured it out pretty quickly. I was blushing so hard that I started to turn the color of a lobster.” He started laughing, too.
“Don’t tell me that she’s okay with other women in the crowd saying those things, though.”
He shrugged. “It’s not like there’s anything that either of us can do about it. It is what it is.”
It was odd how his midwestern zen came through at random times. She marveled at how even keeled he was in the face of what was surely a maddening chorus of highly personal comments. But that was her Dad, and it was just part of what made him so endearingly loveable. “Well, thanks anyway for playing along. Made today a little less boring.”
He put a hand on her shoulder. “Bored? You? Perish the thought.”
She leaned in and gave him a quick hug, ignoring the appraising stares of her friends. “See you at home,” she said, pulling away.
“With any luck,” he said, then waved at her friends, turned, and walked away. Laura sighed and watched him for a moment, then returned to her friends.
“Daddy’s girl,” said the friend who had been the most vocal with her comments on Superman.
“Always,” Laura said. Girls could be awful to other girls, and she had the distinct impression that her friend was trying to shame her. She didn’t take kindly to those tactics, and really any friend of hers should know better. Maybe it was time to turn the tables. “So, ah, you were so hot for Superman earlier,” she said, then poked her thumb in the general direction of her father’s retreating form. “How about my dad? How does his dad bod rate?”
Her friend made a face. “Gross. You want me to look at your dad that way?”
“You looked at Crimson Superman’s Dad that way I assume it’s just a thing you do.”
Her best friend snickered. “How could she even tell? There are enough layers on that suit that he could be hiding anything under them all.”
“I’m imagining a lot of unflattering things,” the first friend said, wrinkling her nose.
“He played football in college,” Laura said.
“Yeah, and now that that’s a couple decades in the rearview mirror, he’s probably rocking a beer gut and flabby arms,” she said. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
Laura preferred to remain mysterious. Rather than answer, she just gave a smirk.
“Well you have to admit, he’s no Superman,” a third friend said.
“If you insist,” Laura said, then smirked again. In the distance she could hear light laughter, and she knew this exchange had been overheard, too. Good. With a sense of purpose she joined her friends in boarding the bus and heading back to reality.
