Here's another entry in Queenie's No Context Challenge


Dear PJ (No Context Challenge) (1/1)
by Lynn S. M.


April 16, 1995

Dear Personal Journal (PJ),

Dr. Friskin encouraged me to start a diary in which I would write about the events of the day and my reactions to them. I refuse to write a diary. Diaries are written by air-headed pre-teenage girls who spend all their time drooling over the latest hunk.

I refuse to do that. I will not waste space on the page dwelling on how easy it is to lose oneself in Superman’s liquid brown eyes, on the joy of looking at or even touching his firm muscles, on how secure I feel in his gentle arms, or on the heavenly nectar of his kiss -- a pleasure I have experienced all too rarely. No, I will not write about such things.

Nor will I contemplate in these pages the more down-to-earth attractiveness of Clark Kent, of how rock-solid his friendship is, on how I can always count on him to be there -- except when he runs off on the flimsiest excuse right in the middle of a heart-to-heart.

And then there’s Dan. Goofy Dan with the hugest smile, the silliest gifts and the corniest lines. He always knows how to make me laugh. And unlike Superman or Clark, he is always there for me. If only he were a little more open about himself and his work.

No, I will not waste perfectly good paper drooling over these men or any others.

And on that affirmation, I will close my inaugural entry into this journal.



April 23, 1995

I can't believe that Clark Kent! His latest excuse to run out on me? He had to pick up his clothes from the dry cleaner. At 10:30 at night! What dry cleaner would be open then? And if there were one open, they would probably be open all night, so he could have picked up his clothes an hour later. And even if they weren’t, he could always have waited until the next day to pick them up. And I ask you, PJ, does Clark Kent look as though he even gets any of his clothes dry cleaned? I think not!

Funny, three completely different men. All claim to be at least my friend. All, at least at times, have seemed to want to be more. Yeah, OK, it’s been subtle with Superman. But you can’t tell me that he hasn’t been at least somewhat attracted to me from day one -- If that line about him being a man just as I am a woman wasn’t flirting, I don’t know what is. And would a man who wasn’t interested in me have me very literally dancing on air?

Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. Three men. All seeming to want some sort of a relationship with me, quite possibly beyond the platonic. And all three holding out on me. Clark abandons me without notice. Dan won’t talk much about himself. And Superman hasn’t even told me his real name, for goodness sake!

Is it me? Do I just attract men who fear openness and commitment? Is my judgment in men so awful? It must be -- look at Paul and Claude. They were real gems, too! I must inherit it from mother dearest. Look whom she chose to marry.

Or maybe it’s not me. Maybe it really is them. And come to think of it, it’s not just men that are unreliable and that stab you in the back. Take Linda. Best friend in college - hah!

You’d think I’d have learned by now, wouldn’t you, that you just can’t trust people. They’ll always let you down. I had thought I had had that lesson down pat, but that was before Clark rode and Superman flew into town. Somehow, they both managed to get me to lower my defenses. Which only makes the pain of their rejection that much harder.

If I were smart, I’d say, ‘To hell with them,’ and just throw myself completely into my work, the way I had done before I ever met them. If I were smart, I’d become ‘Mad Dog Lane’ once again. If I were smart, I wouldn’t let anyone get close to me. If they don’t get close, they can’t hurt me. I should just focus on getting that Pulitzer.

Three men have shown some interest in me. Three men have shut me out of some part of their lives.

All I want is one man. One man who will share his life with me and whom I can trust enough to share my life with. Is that too much to ask?

***

If anyone wishes to write more entries into Lois diary personal journal, by all means do so. smile

As always, all feedback is much appreciated.