Much later that night, Lois lay sprawled over Clark’s chest, her own thudding heart almost but not quite drowning out the sound of his heart racing in the aftermath of their lovemaking.
Wow.
They hadn’t made love with that kind of intensity for a while. Lately, they’d settled into a pattern of gentle, sensual loving – becoming an old married couple, Clark had joked once – but that...that had been something else! Noisy, too. She hoped CK was sound asleep downstairs.
“Hey.”
The sound of Clark’s voice rumbling in his chest made her lift her head up to look at him. He was gazing at her with a very satisfied smile on his face. “Hey, you,” she replied. She grinned. “I think I awakened a beast.”
Because he’d been reluctant at first. His mind had clearly been elsewhere as she’d kissed and caressed him, his return kisses half-hearted and lacking in heat. She’d been well aware of his thoughts, of course, because he’d had little else on his mind since they’d left Dr Klein. She’d hoped that she could distract him with a little lovemaking.
Not so.
So she’d given up and tried talking instead. They’d gone over everything Dr Klein had told them. Apparently, he’d explained apologetically, the quality of Clark’s samples was really pretty poor. Clark would never be able to conceive a child with any woman unless things improved. Clark had taken the news calmly, but Lois could tell that he’d been shocked – the tell-tale muscle in his jaw had started jumping as he’d listened to Dr Klein. Of course, he’d put a brave face on it and pointed out that at least they now knew what had to be fixed. She’d agreed, but that had been the start of his preoccupation which had lasted all through the evening until they’d come to bed.
She could have shaken Dr Klein in frustration once he began to explain why he hadn’t told them any of this before. Why was it that even respected scientists like Dr Klein preferred to deliver semi-speculative answers as if they were facts rather than admit to any lingering doubt? Male ego again, she reflected with resignation.
At the time of the first test a couple of years ago, Dr Klein had assumed that what he’d been seeing through the microscope was normal for a Kryptonian. With nothing else to compare it to, he’d concluded that Kryptonian reproductive biology differed significantly from humans – the sample might look infertile from a human point of view, but obviously for Kryptonians it would work perfectly well.
Klein had then admitted with a reddening face that a small part of him really hadn’t wanted to tell Superman, of all people, that his samples weren’t up to scratch. It had been easier to fall back on the incompatibility theory.
Lois had wondered briefly about her father’s conclusions, and had decided with a tinge of bitterness that he would have been even more likely to shy away from such awkwardness.
It hadn’t been until Klein had seen Superman’s second sample – actually CK’s - that he’d begun to suspect his mistake. Here was a sample in excellent condition, very similar to a normal human male’s, and undoubtedly good enough to facilitate fertilisation. He’d been delighted to tell Superman the good news. He’d had no idea how such a dramatic change had taken place, but had assumed that Superman must have undergone some sort of Kryptonian transformation.
Then had come the third batch of tests, and the reversion back to infertility. Well, now that Dr Klein knew that he’d been testing two different people, everything was clear. Clark was infertile, while CK was not.
Dr Klein had then run through the various causes of male infertility with them. Or rather, he’d stumbled to a verbal standstill, then printed out a list from his computer and shoved it under their noses to read.
With sinking hearts, they’d read through a catalogue of blockages and obstructions, tumours and hormonal imbalances, finishing off with excessive stress and environmental toxins such as pesticides, radiation, and heavy metals.
Clark had laughed nervously. “Not much to work with, then.”
Lois had reassured him that this was good news; that there was lots of chances for Dr Klein to find the answer, but she could see his initial optimism wavering as the size of the problem became apparent. Still, Dr Klein had done his best to be positive, pointing out that the most common cause was also the simplest to diagnose and the easiest to put right. Lois had refrained from stating the obvious - minor surgery was necessary, which in the case of an invulnerable man, wasn’t exactly simple. Clark’s long face had said it all for her.
However, there had been one piece of good news. Clark’s latest test was actually better than his first one two years ago. Perhaps whatever was wrong with him was getting better all on its own.
Dr Klein had sent them home then, saying there was lots for everyone to think about and that he’d be in touch in a couple of days with a proposed plan of action.
Lois had been left with a brooding Clark for the rest of the evening and a considerably churned-up set of inner thoughts and feelings herself.
In bed, after they’d talked through the problem from every conceivable angle, Clark had lightened up a bit. He’d even regained some of his earlier optimism, and apologised for being such bad company.
“Well, you were kind of moody,” she’d said, “but I forgive you. It’s not like you didn’t have a good excuse.”
“Maybe so, but I should have remembered that this affects you just as much as it affects me,” he’d replied.
“Yes. Talking of affecting...” She’d reached over and started nipping playfully at his earlobe, while letting her hand roam freely over his chest.
His hand had captured hers. “Not tonight, okay?” he’d said softly. “I’m really not in the mood.”
“Oh, but we can soon change that,” she’d murmured, moving closer to attack his chest with her lips.
She’d thought she’d won him over when he fell quiet for a few moments, but then his hands had gently lifted her head away from him. “Honey, if you’re doing what I think you’re trying to do, then I’d rather you didn’t. Yes, I’ll admit my ego’s taken a major hit tonight, but I’m not that fragile. I don’t need remedial treatment.”
She’d nearly slapped him then. “Clark, if you think I’m doing this purely for your benefit, then I don’t know where you’ve been during this marriage the past couple of years. Obviously not in the same place I’ve been!”
His eyes had widened in shock. “I...you know that’s not true! We’re about as close as two people can ever get in a marriage.”
“Just not close enough for you to understand that I need you as much as you need me,” she’d observed bitterly.
“Lois, of course I understand that! I live and breathe for you – you know that,” he’d said.
“Well, show me, Clark,” she’d urged. “Show me how much you live and breathe for me.” To her confusion, her eyes had filled with tears and one solitary tear had begun making its way down her cheek. She’d had no idea why she was suddenly crying.
“Lois...” He’d rolled her over onto her back and captured her lips in a gentle, tender kiss that had made her cry even more freely. He was such a wonderful person, he didn’t deserve all this bad luck! “Shhh...” he’d murmured, persisting with his kisses, distracting her from her tears, and finally lighting the blue touch-paper of her passion. Tumbling, hungry kisses had followed. They’d rolled freely around the bed, clinging to each other, devouring each other. The rest had passed in a searingly intense haze of desire.
Now, in the aftermath of that passion, he raised his eyebrows at her ‘beast’ comment. “Who, me? You weren’t exactly decorum personified either.”
Her grin broadened. “No, I wasn’t, was I? I’m rather proud of that.”
“You were a tornado,” he said, stroking her hair. “Thanks for reminding me why I married you,” he added.
“I thought you were after my mind, not my body,” she said, pouting.
“Nope, I married the whole package,” he replied. “Even the burnt toast.”
“Hey!” She swiped his arm playfully. “I guess I got a pretty good deal, too,” she relented, snuggling up into his broad chest. “And I’ve been thinking, by the way.”
“You were thinking while I was doing all those wonderful things to you?” he said. “I’m not sure I find that very flattering.”
“Well, okay, maybe not exactly thinking,” she said with a sly smile. “Maybe you just inspired me.”
“That sounds better. How did I inspire you?”
“All right, this might sound a little ‘out there’, but hear me out first, okay?” she began. “You know that long list of infertility causes Dr Klein gave us?”
He grimaced. “Honey, can’t we leave that for tonight? We just made the most incredible love and I’d rather fall asleep thinking about that than Dr Klein and his lists.”
“Don’t worry, this is good news. Radiation was on that list, right?” She waited for his nod. “And what do we know that gives out harmful radiation - harmful to you, that is?”
“Kryptonite, I guess.” He frowned. “So...you’re thinking that kryptonite radiation is the cause of my problem?”
“Yes!” she replied. “It all fits, Clark. You’ve been exposed to it on and off for years, and a few times for pretty long periods, too.”
“What about CK?” he objected.
“Maybe he hasn’t had so much exposure as you. And think about it – when was the last time you were exposed?”
He thought about that for a second. “Must be over a year ago, I think. There doesn’t seem to have been so many wackos getting hold of the stuff lately.”
“Exactly. And what did Dr Klein say? Your last sample was better than the first one.” She pushed herself up to face him squarely. “You’re recovering, Clark! All you have to do is keep away from the stuff and you’ll be as good as new.”
He laughed – the first laugh she’d heard from him in ages. “Lois, you’re a genius. I’ll talk to CK tomorrow and find out whether he’s had as much exposure as me.” He kissed her. “Did I ever tell you why I married you?”
“Hmmm...for my body, wasn’t it?”
“Nah. Definitely the mind.” He winked. “And maybe the burnt toast.”
************
CK was itching to know what Dr Klein had told Clark and Lois after he’d left with Jon. Not because he wanted to pry, but he was just darned curious to know why Dr Klein was so sure infertility was the cause of their problem. Clark was invulnerable and therefore presumably also as perfect physically as it was possible to be. CK was the same, now that his powers had kicked back in. So if Clark could develop some sort of abnormality, CK wanted to know how, because the same thing could happen to him.
He just hoped that he was a good enough friend to Lois and Clark these days that they’d let him into their confidence.
Not that things were looking good on that front, so far. Here they all were, sitting around after dinner watching Jon play on the carpet with his toys. Nothing had been mentioned so far. He supposed there hadn’t been much opportunity this morning, when everyone had been in early-morning rush mode. And they’d talked amiably about politics and sport over this evening’s meal, so that hadn’t been a good time, either.
Maybe he’d just have to ask them straight up. If they didn’t want to answer, they didn’t have to.
“CK, Lois and I were talking last night, and she has this theory,” said Clark, breaking CK’s train of thought.
“Oh? What about?” he replied.
“Well, she thinks kryptonite might be the cause of my...well, my problem.” Clark shifted uncomfortably and looked at Lois. “I guess I have to tell him, don’t I?”
Lois shrugged. “It’s your call, honey.”
He sighed. “This isn’t going to work unless there’s no secrets between us.” He shoved his glasses up his nose and leant forward on his knees. “The truth is Dr Klein thinks I have a fertility problem. He says there are any number of causes, from physiological to external causes like stress, but whatever it is, right now I wouldn’t be able to father a child with any woman, whether from Krypton or Earth.”
CK watched Clark state the very personal facts with disarming honesty, but even he could tell that Clark was more upset than he was letting on. The poor guy had to be pretty confused, considering he was used to thinking of himself as a completely and utterly healthy individual. Lois had snaked an arm around his waist while he’d been talking, so she was obviously aware of his feelings, too.
At least CK had his answer to yesterday’s mystery, and it was definitely good news that Lois and Clark now had an explanation of their inability to have kids. But it was a surprising answer; certainly not what he’d been expecting. Like Lois, he’d imagined something far more obscure and difficult to explain; a small chemical difference, perhaps. Poor Clark – doubtless he’d now have to subject himself to a whole barrage of tests.
CK met Clark’s steady gaze. “I’m sorry, Clark. I don’t suppose you were expecting news like that when we started out on this thing.”
Clark shrugged. “At least we have something to work with.”
CK nodded. “You mentioned kryptonite,” he prompted.
“Radiation causes infertility, and Clark’s had a lot of exposure over the years,” said Lois. “So we wanted to ask you how often you’ve been exposed.”
“Oh! I see,” he exclaimed, relieved to be contributing something constructive rather than just offering a sympathetic ear. “Well, a couple of times, I guess. The first time was the worst, when Mr Irig found this weird rock and brought it indoors to show me. Man, I’d never felt anything like it when he walked through that door – I actually passed out, the pain was so bad.
“Then there was Luthor’s cage, but Lois got me out of that pretty quickly...” He paused, straining to remember what happened after that time.
“So you weren’t stuck in there overnight?” asked Clark.
“Oh, no!” he said. “You mean you were?”
Clark nodded grimly.
CK winced. “Ouch. That must have been painful.”
Clark glanced at Lois. “Yeah, it was pretty bad.”
CK saw the couple exchange another supportive glance with each other. It dawned on him then that their experience must have been a lot, lot worse than his own. While his had been bad enough, it had at least been the turning point in his relationship with Lois. After the debacle of Lois’s engagement to Luthor, he’d finally decided enough was enough and told her the truth about Superman. Things had been rocky for a while, but they’d worked it out together eventually. Lois and Clark, however, looked like they’d been through hell and back over the affair.
He pressed on, though, recalling a couple of other brief incidents, ending with the crazy guy who’d wanted to steal Superman’s body and make it his own. What was his name again?
“Spenser Spenser,” supplied Clark. “He was nuts! But is that all? What about the virus?”
“What virus?” asked CK. “Other than all those colds and coughs I caught on New Krypton?”
Clark raised his eyebrows towards Lois. “No virus,” he commented in surprise.
CK demanded to know what on earth they were talking about, and received in return a hair-raising story of organised crime and just about the worst build up to Christmas he could imagine. Boy, he was glad that his universe didn’t have the equivalent of Intergang – at least, not as far as he knew!
“So,” said Lois. “Tell me, CK, what’s the longest you think you’ve ever been exposed to kryptonite?”
He thought back over the years. “Couple of hours, maybe – in Luthor’s cage. And that was a while back.”
“Whereas you, honey,” said Lois to Clark, “have had several long exposures. And it sounds like CK’s never actually had the stuff inside him.”
CK gasped. “Hold on there!” he said. “You mean you actually swallowed kryptonite?”
“Not deliberately,” said Clark dryly. “And I’ve been shot at. Twice.”
CK shook his head in amazement. “Man, and I thought I’d had a tough life! It sounds like you’re lucky to be alive, Clark!”
Clark smiled ruefully. “I guess maybe I am. There always seems to have been some wacko out there with a lump or two of the stuff.”
“In fact, my theory is right,” said Lois in triumph. “CK’s hardly had any exposure to kryptonite compared with you, honey. It’s got to be the cause.”
Clark straightened up and gave her a broad grin. “Did I ever tell you why I married you?”
Lois laughed. “Because I’m a genius?”
“Nope, because you’re practically always right,” he said with a wink.
CK joined in the laughter. “You made a big mistake there, my friend,” he told Clark. “She’ll never let you forget you admitted that.”
“Too right!” said Lois. “He didn’t need to include the ‘practically’ – oh, look, Clark!” She broke off and pointed over at Jon.
All eyes turned to Jon, who had pulled himself up onto his feet while hanging on to the edge of the coffee table. The little boy looked like he was concentrating hard, and there was a determined glint in his expression as he let go with one hand.
CK suppressed the urge to fall to his knees and encourage his son forward – this was Lois and Clark’s moment. He just hoped Jon wouldn’t look like too much of an expert!
It was Clark who scrambled to the floor and knelt a few paces in front of Jon. “Come on, Jon,” he encouraged eagerly, his arms outstretched towards the baby. “Come to Daddy.”
The word ‘Daddy’ tugged briefly at CK’s heart. He totally sympathised with Clark for saying it, especially in the heat of the moment, but he really wished Clark would drop the term. After all, CK was Jon’s Daddy, too – yet he wasn’t allowed to refer to himself as such.
Everyone in the room held their breath as Jon let go of the table and tottered fairly sturdily across the carpet to Clark. A few paces later, he reached Clark and let out a happy giggle of triumph. They all clapped and cheered, and Clark swept him up into his arms and hugged him joyfully. “Oh, Jon, you’re so clever!”
CK smiled fondly, recognising Clark’s fatherly pride only too well. He was glad Lois and Clark had experienced this moment with Jon, even if it was slightly under false pretences. Just as well Jon couldn’t talk yet, he thought ruefully.
**************
The following day, Lois and Clark rushed over to Star Labs at lunchtime to discuss Lois’s theory with Dr Klein. He hadn’t been planning on seeing them for another day or so, but rallied around quickly and listened attentively while Lois told him everything they’d found out so far.
“Well?” said Lois when she’d finished. “What do you think?”
Dr Klein frowned. “It’s certainly a good theory, and considering that Clark is invulnerable and in excellent physical condition, kryptonite radiation is about the one thing we know which does definitely affect him.”
Lois whirled around to Clark. “See?” she said in triumph. “I’m right.”
“Uh, I didn’t say that, Lois,” objected Dr Klein. “I said it was a good theory. Unfortunately, it’s a theory we can’t really prove – not without putting Clark at further risk.”
“Which we are not going to do!” said Lois vehemently. “But it doesn’t matter if we can prove it or not, does it? We just need to figure out the cure. If it doesn’t work, we just think of something else to try.”
“Lois, I don’t think you can cure radiation,” said Clark. “You just have to wait for the body to recover naturally. Isn’t that right, Dr Klein?”
Klein nodded. “And assuming radiation is the cause, then we do have evidence that your body is already starting to repair itself. All you have to do is keep away from kryptonite and you’ll probably recover completely in time.”
“How much time?” asked Lois, knowing that Dr Klein had a talent for leaving out important details.
“How long? Well, let’s see...” Dr Klein paced backwards and forwards while he gave the question some thought. “A year to eighteen months should do it, going on your progress so far.”
Just as she’d suspected. Lois looked at Clark. “What do you think the chances are that no-one will come at you with kryptonite in that time?”
Clark grimaced. “Zero. I’ve been lucky so far this past year, but I’m sure there’s still some of it out there. It’s only a matter of time before it turns up, honey.”
Lois sighed. “Yeah, I know.” She looked at Dr Klein hopefully. “Isn’t there anything we can do to speed the healing process up?”
“Well, not unless there’s a way of speeding up Superman’s metabolic rate,” he replied. “And I’m not aware of anything which would do that. How about asking CK to take Clark’s place as Superman for the next year or so? That would keep Clark safe from kryptonite, wouldn’t it?”
Lois almost laughed, the idea was so ridiculous. “No way!” She heard Clark say it with her. “Don’t you have any other ideas?”
Dr Klein shrugged apologetically. “I’m sorry, but I don’t see what else we can do other than let nature take it’s course. Always assuming that we’re right, and it is radiation that’s causing your infertility, Clark.”
“Well, is there anything else we can do in the meantime, in case it’s not?” Clark asked. “I mean, I don’t want to wait a year and then find out that it was a waste of time. Not that I don’t agree with Lois that it’s a good theory.”
Lois slipped her arm loosely around her husband’s waist. He really was coping with this very well, but it didn’t hurt to give him a little extra support now and then. She knew he appreciated it, even if he didn’t give away any outward signs that he needed it.
Meanwhile, Dr Klein was giving a stumbling, euphemism-ridden explanation of a few simple measures they could take. As he rambled on, she found herself becoming a bit impatient with him and wished he was less tongue-tied – this was difficult enough without a doctor who couldn’t use direct and straightforward language to discuss these things.
Finally, she snapped. “I guess we should stop using condoms when we have sex, then?” she asked, cutting right across the doctor’s ramble.
Both men stared at her as if she was crazy. Or rather, Clark looked as confused as heck and Dr Klein turned a predictable shade of pink. “Uh, what are you...we don’t...” said Clark.
“Dr Klein?” she prompted. “What’s your opinion on that?”
“I...I should have thought it was obvious,” he said evasively.
“What’s obvious?” she said.
“Well, that you should...that you shouldn’t...”
“Shouldn’t what?” she prompted again.
“Honey-“
She silenced Clark with a glare. “Dr Klein? What shouldn’t we do?”
“Lois, you know this!” protested Dr Klein. “This is crazy.”
“Is it?” she said. “I just want to hear my husband’s doctor give him some advice in plain, simple language we can all understand.” She crossed her arms in front of herself and looked expectantly at him. “Well?”
Dr Klein squared his shoulders and appeared – at last – to understand what was required of him. He cleared his throat. “Yes, Lois, you’re quite right – you shouldn’t use condoms during sex while you’re trying to conceive. I should have thought that much was obvious, but apparently I need to tell you this in order to pass some ridiculous test you’ve set me. Satisfied?”
“Yes. Thank you. Now, what else is there?” she said crisply. “Do you need to examine Clark physically?”
After that, Dr Klein was all business, confirming that he would indeed need to examine Clark in order to eliminate the most common physiological causes. He even described what would happen during the exam, reassuring Clark that it was a simple and straightforward procedure. He finished by repeating his other recommendations in succinct, direct terms, and then Clark made an appointment for his exam.
As they walked back to the jeep, Lois felt Clark slip his hand around hers. “Thanks for telling him, Lois. I’ve never felt comfortable discussing anything intimate with him, but I think you fixed him for good today.”
“Well, he was getting on my nerves,” she replied. “All that mumbo-jumbo about relations and extra pillows – he could have been talking about inviting your parents over for the weekend, for all the sense he was making.”
Clark laughed. “Actually, talking of Mom and Dad, I was thinking – how would you like to spend a couple of days away from all this? I’m sure they’d love to see us. I thought maybe this weekend?”
Lois immediately thought it was a great idea to go away for the weekend. Things had been pretty intense since the day CK had arrived, and they were all tired. A couple of days away from paternity issues and infertility testing would be very welcome. She had her doubts whether they’d actually do much escaping if they were in the company of Clark’s parents, but on the other hand, Jonathan and Martha were ready-made baby-sitters and they generally knew when to ease off on the probing questions. She and Clark could probably grab a few relaxed hours alone, too – that would be a real treat.
What of CK, though? Her instinct was to leave him behind, because he was part of the hassle they were trying to escape, but would Clark agree to that?
“Honey,” she said, “I think it’s a great idea. I’m sure CK would appreciate the time alone, too.”
“You think?” said Clark. “I assumed we’d take him with us.”
“Oh, please, let’s not,” she said. “I know he’s been a lot easier to live with these past few days, but he’s still the main cause of all this mess. Having him around is just going to keep me on edge the whole time we’re away.”
They reached the jeep, and Lois opened it with her remote. Clark went around to the passenger side while she got in at the driver’s side. It wasn’t until they were both seated inside and buckling up their seatbelts that Clark spoke up again. “You’d really prefer to leave him behind?”
She looked over at him. “Yes. It’ll just be awkward if he’s there – we won’t be able to go out as a threesome because he looks exactly like you, and when we’re at home we’ll have to ‘entertain’ him. You and he will have to take turns at visiting the town.” She shook her head. “Clark, it just won’t be a break at all if we take CK.”
He frowned. “I guess you’re right. I just didn’t want him to feel isolated.”
“I think he’ll welcome the freedom.”
“Well, okay, if you’re sure,” he said.
“We’ll tell him tonight,” she said. “And you can phone your folks.”
He nodded. “And who knows? Maybe they’ll come up with an answer to the kryptonite problem.”
“As long as we don’t spend all weekend talking about it,” she said.
“I’m sure we’ll find some time for other activities,” he replied with a wink.
Smiling, she laid a hand on his thigh and leant over to kiss him. “You bet,” she murmured in his ear. “After all, we owe it to Dr Klein to practice his pillow talk.”
“Mmmm...and the relations.”
She slid her hand up his thigh a little further. “Definitely the relations.”
**********
CK was ready to go home. He wanted to return to his own world and start living life properly. Here, in this parallel universe, he was a misfit; a person with no fixed abode. He didn’t really even have an identity here. On his Superman days, he was impersonating Clark, and on his Dad-days - as he’d dubbed his days at home with Jon - he wasn’t even supposed to exist at all.
No, it was time to pick up the pieces of his old pre-Krypton life and establish a proper identity and a real position in the world. He’d re-apply for a job at the Planet and find a place to live. There should be some savings still left in his account, so even if he didn’t get a job immediately, he could afford to rent for a few months. His personal stuff was hopefully safe in Perry’s loft, so he shouldn’t have to spend too much on clothes and so on. He even wanted to be Superman again. He’d probably start quietly, without a fuss – just the odd rescue here and there. Nothing spectacular. And if he had Jon with him – oh, God, how he hoped that he would! – he’d make sure his Superman work remained reasonably low-key. Jon would be his first priority, every time.
Martha’s advice to not let Jon become the reason for his very existence came floating back to him. Well, it was good advice, but he thought he was ready to find the right balance. He had goals for himself in mind as well as goals for himself and Jon together.
Jon.
He gazed down at his baby boy, sleeping peacefully in his arms after lunch. He yearned to take Jon home with him. Sometimes he wanted it so much his throat closed up and his heart thudded in his chest. This boy, so beautiful in sleep and so delightful when awake, was his own flesh and blood. When Jon laughed, so did CK. When Jon cried, the sound pierced CK’s heart. And he carried his son’s heartbeat with him wherever he went.
If he had to leave Jon behind, it would be like leaving part of his soul behind. He’d be incomplete without Jon.
He drew in a deep breath, closed his eyes, and rested his head back on the sofa cushions. There was little sense in working himself into a lather over the situation. It wasn’t as if there was anything he could do about it right this minute.
And things were working out pretty well for Lois and Clark having a child of their own. If they could crack the kryptonite problem soon enough, there was every chance they could conceive within just a few months. Surely once they knew they could have a child of their own, giving up Jon would be easier for them.
He sighed deeply and stood up carefully with Jon. Time to put him down in his cot for a nap.
Upstairs, he leant against the side of Jon’s cot looking down at him. He would do everything in his power to provide well for Jon, but there was one thing he knew he could never provide. A mother.
Recently he’d prodded, very tentatively, the tender, bruised place that held his memories of Lois. He’d asked himself, ever so gently, if he could he ever have feelings for another woman.
No.
He’d recoiled immediately from the thought; his stomach had knotted up and he’d almost felt physically sick. Lois was irreplaceable and he simply couldn’t conceive of loving anyone else. They’d nearly been married – how could he possibly just switch off the part of him that had wanted to spend the rest of his life with her?
So was it right to bring Jon up without a mother? He knew there were plenty of men who did just that, and did it very successfully, but if there was a choice, he believed that a child was always better off with a Mom and a Dad.
By that logic, Jon would be better served by remaining here with Lois and Clark.
For a moment, he tried picturing himself handing Jon over to Lois then using Wells’ device to travel back to his own universe. Alone. He tried picturing himself at home. Alone. He imagined himself coming home after work. Alone. Eating dinner. Alone.
His life would be a desolate, arid existence without his baby boy.
Reluctantly, he left Jon’s cot and after a moment’s hesitation, entered Lois and Clark’s bedroom. There on the dresser, where he’d first seen it, was the picture of Lois cradling a much younger Jon in her arms. He picked it up and studied it again.
Lois looked wonderful in the picture, as if she’d just been given the best present in her entire life. This woman deserved a child of her own.
But as he gazed down at her, a memory stirred. That terrible day in Perry’s office when his world had shattered. Perry’s distant voice coming to him from down a very long tunnel, talking about a difficult pregnancy and an even worse birth. Telling him the worst news he could possibly imagine - death due to childbirth. The unspoken news, too, which was worse still – his alien genes had been the cause of her death.
CK slumped down onto the bed. How could he have forgotten this? He lived with Lois’s death every day of his life, yet he’d not once remembered that she’d died because she’d been carrying his child. The implications for Lois and Clark were devastating.
*************
