CK wasn’t sure what to expect the next morning when he entered the kitchen to fetch breakfast. After the sounds he’d heard the previous night, he half-expected to find either Lois or Clark still tearful, or at the very least looking rather bedraggled and harried. He knew they were due to get the results of Clark’s test today from Dr Klein, and that was going to make them even more jumpy, he imagined. He steeled himself, ready to help out in any way he could.
To his surprise, he found Lois crisply dressed in casual clothes and competently feeding Jon his breakfast. Clark was at the counter pouring coffee, similarly dressed.
“Hi, CK!” he said brightly. “Want some coffee?”
“Um...yes, thanks,” he said. “Not going to work today?” he asked, indicating Clark’s jeans.
“No, we’re working from home. We’re seeing Dr Klein at ten anyway, so we thought we may as well spend the rest of the day here,” Clark replied, coming over to the table. “Honey, here’s your coffee,” he said to Lois, placing a mug near her.
“Thanks,” she said, swivelling to pick it up while still keeping one eye on Jon. Unfortunately, she misjudged the distance and knocked the mug flying, sending hot coffee spilling all over the table and herself. “Oh, no!” she cried, leaping up to avoid the worst of the spillage.
CK grabbed a cloth from the sink and thrust it into her hands. “Here,” he said.
She began blotting at the coffee on her pants. Clark, meantime, was mopping up the coffee that had spilled over the table and onto the floor.
“CK, you’d better finish feeding Jon,” said Lois, still dabbing frantically at her clothes. “This is going to take a while.”
“Sure,” he said, moving over to pick up Jon’s spoon and helping of baby food. Jon was distracted, of course, and was more interested in watching Lois and Clark deal with the mess than in co-operating with the food being shovelled into his mouth. CK continually had to weave around in mid-air with the spoon, following Jon’s face, until he spotted an opportunity and popped the food in.
Lois stopped dabbing and looked down at herself. “These are ruined!” she exclaimed with a slight catch in her voice. “I only bought them last week.”
“Hey, hey,” said Clark, straightening up from the floor and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “We can buy you another pair.”
Lois shoved him away angrily. “They were in a sale!” she said. “There won’t *be* another pair.”
“Then we’ll buy you something even nicer,” Clark said, trying to comfort her again.
“These were nice enough!” she said, the catch in her voice becoming even more pronounced. “You don’t understand! They can’t *be* replaced.”
If CK thought that Lois was over-reacting to the loss of a pair of casual pants, Clark’s response was even more bizarre. He pulled her firmly into the protective cradle of his arms and laid her head on his shoulder. “Honey,” he murmured. “It’s only a pair of pants.”
“But I wanted...I needed...” Against his shoulder, her voice was muffled, but she was still clearly upset. “You don’t understand! I loved those pants!”
“Hey,” murmured Clark, stroking her hair. “I’m sorry.”
CK could only think that they were both on edge because of the impending appointment with Dr Klein. Nothing else could explain why they were suddenly so clingy over a pair of pants.
Lois took a shuddering breath, pulled away from Clark and crossed to the door without looking back. “I’ll get changed,” she said dully.
CK looked at Clark when she’d gone. “Is she okay?” he asked.
Clark sighed. “Yeah. We...we didn’t get much sleep last night,” he said.
CK nodded. “I guess this is a pretty important day for both of you.”
Clark frowned. “Important day...? Oh, the appointment. Yes, I guess we’re both a little nervous.” He smiled tightly. “Big day, huh?”
“Yeah.”
CK turned his attention back to Jon, who still wasn’t in a very co-operative mood. It seemed like the whole family was out of sorts today.
*************
Lois peeled off the sodden pants and held them up to inspect the damage. The dark coffee stains stood out in stark relief against pale stone-coloured linen. They were ruined.
She slumped down onto the edge of the bed, clutching the pants. They were new on today. She’d chosen them especially, in an effort to make herself feel better about the day. She knew she’d looked good in them; had enjoyed wearing them because they were comfortable as well as stylish.
What a pointless effort. There was no way she was going to feel good about today, new pants or not.
Fresh tears sprung into her eyes and she dashed them away angrily with the back of her hand. There was no point in crying over this. They’d made their decision and it was the correct one. It was best for Jon.
So why did she feel so lousy?
Uttering an angry noise of frustration at herself, she stood up and proceeded to get dressed again. This time she chose jeans for practicality – style could go take a hike today.
Making her way downstairs, she became aware of Jon crying loudly in the kitchen. From the sound of him, he had worked himself into a full-blown temper tantrum over something. She paused on the stairs and put her face in her hands, willing herself to be strong. Normally, she’d go in there, gather him up into her arms and comfort him, just like any other Mom. Today was different, though. Today, she had to begin learning how to hold back and let CK take over. CK was Jon’s main parent from now on.
In the kitchen, CK was bouncing Jon up and down in his arms and talking to him loudly over Jon’s wails, while Clark was doing his best to ignore the commotion and clear up the breakfast things. Lois walked straight past CK and joined Clark at the sink. “Anything I can do?” she asked.
He smiled briefly at her. “You could try rescuing CK,” he said. “I don’t think he’s having much luck with Jon.”
“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” she said brightly. She saw that Clark had just about finished up. “Okay, I’ll be next door on the computer if you need me. There’s just time to finish my expenses claim before we leave for Star Labs.”
She left him and walked resolutely past CK and the tearful Jon again, ignoring Clark’s concerned, “Lois?”, and headed for the dining room table. The laptop was already set up. She flipped up the lid and switched it on, then fetched her briefcase from the other side of the room.
Sitting down at the table, she fished out her expenses folder from the briefcase and opened the relevant form on the computer. Jon’s cries still percolated through from the kitchen. All her instincts screamed at her to get up and comfort him, but she told herself that Clark was there if CK couldn’t calm him down.
Now, where had she got to last time she’d tried completing this infernal spreadsheet? She found her place and began filling in the remaining blanks.
Jon’s wails penetrated through her head like a knife through her heart. This was no big deal, she insisted to herself. It wasn’t the first time she’d had to rely on someone else to deal with Jon.
“Lois, he wants you, I’m sure of it.”
She looked up to find Clark standing in the doorway holding their sobbing son.
She snatched her gaze back down to the screen. “I’m...I’m busy.”
At least, she would be if her hand wouldn’t keep shaking on the dratted mouse.
“Lois, look.”
She glanced up. Jon was reaching out to her with a chubby arm, his face red and wet with tears. “He doesn’t need me, he needs his Dad...CK,” she said, almost choking on every word as she uttered it.
“Oh, Lois.” Clark brought Jon further into the room. “Don’t do this to yourself.”
“CK can...” She tore her eyes away from Clark and Jon and gripped the mouse more tightly. “I have to learn how to do this,” she said determinedly.
But it was no use. She was out of her chair and lifting her baby son into her arms in a flash, feeling him cling on to her immediately, burying his head into her shoulder and crying accusatory tears at his Mom for ignoring him. She rubbed his back while he cried and hiccupped against her. “I’m sorry, baby,” she whispered. “That was mean of me.”
Jon quieted down fairly quickly once he realised he was exactly where he wanted to be. One of his hands gripped tightly onto her top, as if to make sure he couldn’t be separated from her. She rocked him gently from side to side. “What was all that about, huh?” she asked him softly. “Didn’t you like your breakfast?”
She glanced up to question Clark, but her eye was caught by CK, who was standing behind Clark in the doorway. His hands were stuffed in his pockets and he was watching her and Jon with an unreadable expression in his eyes.
*************
CK was sitting on the carpet, playing with Jon. They’d done the build-a-tower-and-knock-it-down game – several times – and now they were matching different shaped blocks with the right holes. Jon was doing okay, thought CK. He was a bright kid.
He checked his watch again. Five to eleven – Lois and Clark were due back any time now. He hoped it would be good news. After the strain of this morning, they all needed a break.
“That’s right, Jon,” he said encouragingly, watching him fumble the cross-shaped block into the correct slot. When he saw that Jon was about to give up and try somewhere else, he stretched out and helped swivel the block around so that it fit, and together they pushed it through the hole. Jon gave him a brief grin before reaching enthusiastically for the next block.
This was fun, and they were getting along just fine together. CK couldn’t help remembering Jon’s tantrum at breakfast, though. CK had tried everything he’d learnt over the past few weeks to calm Jon down, but the baby had been inconsolable. It had been like the first time they’d met all over again – Jon just hadn’t seem to like CK at all.
Then Lois had walked in, and for a moment, Jon had been distracted from his crying fit, his eyes following her as she crossed the room. When it became clear she wasn’t going to pay him any attention, though, he’d resumed at twice the volume. Even Clark hadn’t managed to quieten him down.
CK was never going to forget the miraculous change in Jon when Lois finally gathered him into her arms. He’d pressed his little body tightly into hers and all of a sudden his screams had turned into shuddering sobs, and then soon there was just the odd sniffle while she rubbed his back and murmured soothing nonsense to him.
Was it a fluke? Had Jon just run out of steam by the time Lois took over? Or was it that Jon had wanted his Mom, and no-one else at that point would do?
And if so, what if Lois hadn’t been there?
Well, of course Jon would eventually have cried himself out, but the incident was a sharp reminder to CK of the kind of challenges he’d be faced with if he was granted custody of Jon.
He heard keys turning in the lock on the front door, and moments later, Lois and Clark were walking in, shedding coats and shoes and generally settling themselves in. CK left them to it, and remained on the floor with Jon. Soon, though, they were seated on the sofas sipping coffee.
“CK, could you join us?” asked Clark. “We need to talk.”
“Sure,” he said, boosting himself up from the carpet and joining them on the sofas. “So how did it go?”
Lois pulled a face. “Well, you know Dr Klein – never one to give a straight answer to a simple question. I bet he even talks that scientific mumbo-jumbo in his sleep.”
“But eventually we got him to tell us,” said Clark.
“And...?” prompted CK.
Lois laid a hand on her husband’s knee and smiled briefly at him. “It looks like it worked.”
“That’s great!” said CK jubilantly. “I’m really happy for you guys.”
Clark smiled weakly. “Yeah. There’s some way to go yet, but basically the exposure worked exactly as we’d hoped. Dr Klein thinks I’d need five or six more sessions and then I’d be back to normal.”
“Would they need to be as intense as last time?” asked CK. “I mean, I guess getting drunk on kryptonite isn’t so bad, but I’m assuming you’d rather not go though that every time.”
Clark grimaced. “Unfortunately, I’d probably have to – and there’s no telling if I’d get drunk next time, or something entirely different. Red kryptonite seems to be less consistent in its effects than the green stuff.”
If CK didn’t know better, he’d have thought they weren’t very enthusiastic about the good news. They didn’t seem to be as happy as he’d expected them to be; in fact, both of them looked distinctly unhappy as they took sips of coffee from their mugs.
“So it’s all systems go, I guess,” he said, trying to be upbeat despite the lack of enthusiasm from the other side of the coffee table. “When’s your next session, Clark?”
Clark hesitated, then glanced at Lois briefly. CK saw Lois squeeze Clark’s knee encouragingly and nod slightly. Clark looked back at CK and drew in a deep breath. “We’ve decided not to go ahead. For now, anyway.”
“W...what?! I thought you were all set to give this a try!” he exclaimed, totally shocked by the news. They’d seemed so anxious to go ahead just a few days ago, and CK couldn’t imagine what could have prompted them to change their minds so suddenly. Did this explain the crying last night?
“I guess we were,” said Clark. “But we’ve discussed it, and we don’t think we’re ready to try for kids of our own yet. We...we kind of rushed into it without thinking about the longer term, I guess,” he explained in a voice husky with emotion.
“But...” CK still didn’t understand. What was there to worry about longer term? “You’re not still worried about Lois carrying your child, are you?”
Clark sighed. “Well, there is that, but it’s not the main reason. We...we made a decision last night.” He looked at Lois. “A very hard decision.”
The stress the two of them were under was painfully clear to CK. Clark’s face was taut with ill-disguised anxiety, and Lois had hardly said a word since they’d sat down. CK desperately wanted to help them, reassure them somehow, but he was pretty certain that nothing he could say would make things any easier for them. This was a problem which wouldn’t be fixed with a few simple words.
Clark was still looking at Lois, as if waiting for her permission to continue. She nodded fractionally. “Go on,” she murmured very quietly.
Clark turned back to CK. “CK, both you and I know what it means to be adopted – especially in our special circumstances. However much you love and respect your parents, you still wish you could have known your biological parents. They’re part of who you are. If only you’d known them, you feel you’d know yourself that much better.”
CK nodded his agreement. He’d struggled with his own identity as a child, despite his parents’ wonderful support. All those weird powers that had kept manifesting themselves had made him question constantly what and who he was. Knowing he was adopted had just added to the struggle.
He also understood at once what Clark was really talking about. He was preparing to tell CK what they’d decided to do about Jon. This was clearly the hard decision they’d reached.
From the sound of it, Clark was preparing him for bad news – he could hear a ‘but’ coming after that short speech about adoption. It was understandable, he told himself, trying to keep a lid on his disappointment. They’d brought Jon up as their own for nearly a year, so how could anyone reasonably expect them to let go of him? It was simply too much to ask of such loving parents.
But why had they been crying last night? He supposed that if they were going to keep Jon, then presumably they’d been crying over their decision not to have a child of their own. After all, if they had Jon, then there was less reason to put themselves through the stress of Clark’s kryptonite treatments and Lois’s pregnancy. It didn’t seem like a crying matter, although he guessed it had been a difficult choice, given their earlier enthusiasm for the idea.
“You and I never had that chance,” Clark continued. “But Jon does.” He drew in a slow breath. “Which is why we’ve decided to let you take him. He’ll be with his real father, which is where he belongs.”
CK couldn’t believe he’d heard correctly. They were giving him custody? After all these weeks of struggle and uncertainty, when he was sure he’d made more mistakes with Jon than he’d ever thought possible? After he’d been so rude and ungrateful to Lois and Clark during the early days?
His heart swelled with joy. He was going to be taking Jon home with him! His son, the child he’d grown to love and cherish over the past few weeks, would be living with him – for ever.
“I...I don’t know what to say,” he replied, stumbling over the words. “I’m so happy!” He looked over at Jon, who was still sitting on the floor playing quietly with his toys. CK thought he’d never looked so adorable as at that moment, and he had a sudden urge to scoop his son up and give him a big, fatherly hug.
But he was acutely aware of Lois and Clark, who had to be in all kinds of hell over their agonising decision. He reran Clark’s last sentence in his head, and heard Clark’s voice crack with emotion. He turned his gaze back to them. Sure enough, Lois looked near to tears, and Clark was trying valiantly to raise a smile to hide his true feelings. “Thank you,” CK said quietly. “I’m honoured that you trust me with him, and I can only imagine what this has cost both of you personally.”
“But we know we’ve made the right choice,” said Lois, standing up and holding her arms out to him. “Come here, CK.”
He stood up and hesitantly put his arms around her, feeling her hug him tightly. “You’ll make a wonderful father, CK,” she said. “Jon is very lucky to have you.”
He swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat. “And he was very lucky to have you, Lois. You’re the best mother he could have had.”
She nodded against his chest. “I did my best for him.”
He held her close for a moment or two longer, deeply touched by her generosity and lack of selfishness – she had to be feeling terrible about this, yet she was still making the effort to show him that he had her full support.
Then CK sensed Clark stand up behind Lois, and released her to take Clark’s offered hand. “You’ve come a very long way in a short time, CK,” Clark said. “Jon’s going to be proud of you when he grows up, I’m sure.”
“And I’ll make sure he never forgets you two,” replied CK. “In fact, maybe we can arrange some sort of visiting schedule.”
Clark hesitated, and CK realised too late that such an arrangement might actually be very stressful; perhaps more than any of them could endure. But before he could retract the suggestion, Clark nodded. “We’d appreciate that, if it’s possible between the two universes.”
“Well, I’ve still got the device, so I’m sure we can figure something out.”
“Yeah.”
*************
