[Edit: Just remembered that I've been told I should issue a tissue-alert for this part. Have your hankies at the ready...]
Lois sat cross-legged on the carpet in Jon's bedroom, surrounded by toys, clothes, baby equipment and packing cases. Jon himself was being pushed around Centennial Park with Clark and a lightly-disguised CK – two Clark Kents couldn't be seen together, after all. Jon, of course, was totally oblivious that his mother was packing up his life in boxes ready for his move to another universe.
Clark hadn't wanted to leave her alone, but she'd insisted, pushing him firmly out the door with a reassuring smile to show just how well she was coping.
Ha! Oh, yes, she was coping – just about as well as when she'd had to send her fiancĂ© to another planet. Which was worse? Sending your son to a parallel universe, or sending your fiance to a distant planet? And why did these things keep happening to her? Was it some fatal character flaw? Something she'd done in a previous life?
She picked up a pair of Jon's newest dungarees. She'd figured there was no point in sending him away with his older stuff – he'd grow out of it too soon. So only the recent stuff was going with him to CK's.
Of course, maybe CK would want to buy him all new clothes and toys. He might not want a constant reminder of Jon's old life with his temporary parents.
Well, tough. Things would be strange enough for Jon without taking away all his familiar toys and clothes as well. Besides, CK would need a few things to tide him over until his first pay check came in.
She added four more pairs of dungarees, a fistful of socks and an armful of t-shirts and sweaters. Then, for good measure, she squeezed in most of his pyjamas and his sun-hat. And his mittens. And the cute little scarf Martha had knitted for him.
Then she snatched the scarf out again. Perhaps Martha would like it as a keepsake.
Tears filled her eyes and blurred her vision as she gazed down at the scarf. Oh, yes, she was coping all right...
************
A pre-occupied Clark pushed Jon's stroller through the azalea garden in Centennial Park, hardly aware of the brilliant colours lining both sides of the paths. Beside him, CK was describing his new apartment, but Clark was only peripherally aware of what CK was saying.
Mostly, he was thinking that he and Lois hadn't done stuff like this often enough. A simple stroll in the park with the family – so easy to take for granted when you could do it any time you wanted – was a great time to reflect on the joy of just being together. They should have done this more often. He wished he had a hundred memories like this one to draw upon when Jon was gone.
He still couldn't believe Jon was leaving. He'd become so used to being a father, to having a bubbly, adorable baby in their lives, that he couldn't imagine life without Jon. What would they do when they'd normally be bathing him, or playing with him after dinner, or putting him to bed?
They'd have each other, he told himself. He and Lois would just have to relearn how to enjoy each other's company to the full, like in the old days before Jon. They'd snuggle up together on the sofa with a bottle of wine and watch TV or catch up on their reading. They could go out more, too. Perhaps they could join a club or something.
But a club wouldn't replace Jon.
“That's one heck of a sigh,” remarked CK.
“What?” Clark wasn't aware he'd made any sound at all. “I'm sorry, CK. You were saying you have a balcony?”
“No, I said I wished it had a balcony,” replied CK. “I guess you've got weightier things on your mind than my new apartment's shortcomings, huh?”
“I'm sor-“
“Don't be,” interrupted CK. “I know how hard this is for you and Lois. Do you think she's okay by herself, by the way?”
Clark sighed. “No, but she obviously wanted to be alone, so I'm trying to give her the space she needs. Believe me, I'm this close to checking up on her.” Clark demonstrated with his thumb and forefinger.
“She'd call if she really needed you.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Clark stopped walking and turned to CK. “Look, I don't think I'm very good company right now. It's not that I don't think we've made the right decision to send Jon away with you, it's just...”
“You need some time alone, just like Lois.” CK nodded. “I understand. Do you want me to take Jon for a while?”
“No, I think I'd like to keep him with me.” Clark hesitated, knowing he was pushing CK away rather abruptly, probably when he least needed it. “Perhaps you could do a...” He waved his hand in a flying motion. “Patrol?”
“Sure.”
CK began walking away immediately, and Clark felt a pang of guilt. “CK, I really do appreciate how well you've handled this,” he said.
CK turned and gave a wan smile. “I just wish this didn't have to be so hard on you two.”
“We'll be okay,” said Clark.
“Yeah. Well, I'll see you later, okay?” said CK, backing away from Clark.
“Okay.”
Clark watched CK turn and begin to jog down the path, picking up speed until he was running as fast as any normal man could. CK was upset, clearly. Clark followed him regretfully until he disappeared out of sight, then turned back to Jon's stroller with a heavy heart. “Come on, Jon, let's you and I find a quiet spot somewhere.”
**************
CK ran as fast he dared. He needed to escape from the claustrophobic atmosphere that surrounded Lois and Clark these days.
The wind on his face felt good, blowing away the guilt and regret that dogged him whenever he was in their company. Instead, he turned his thoughts forcibly to happier things. Jon was coming home with him. Very soon, and for good. What could be more incredible, more wonderful, or more fulfilling? He must surely be the happiest man in Metropolis.
He was positive it was best for Jon, too. He'd be back where he belonged, in his own universe, with his real father. Jon would grow up knowing his Dad and never having to wonder who he really was.
It was definitely best for Jon.
Definitely.
He came upon a secluded area in the park, quickly span into the suit and shot upwards into the air. Once aloft, he headed straight out to sea, where he executed an exuberant series of loops and rolls. The sky was his playground, a huge, empty space where he could express his freedom and his individuality. No more hiding himself away in Lois and Clark's house, and no more living in the past with the nightmare of New Krypton. He could be himself at last - journalist, part-time emergency worker, and Jon's father.
Finally, he slowed and let himself drift on his back, allowing the sea breezes to carry him wherever they liked. The sun's rays soaked deep into body, filling him with a tremendous charge of energy and strength. Yes, he was the luckiest man in Metropolis.
So why was there still a nagging voice at the back of his head?
***************
“Jon, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Besides Lois, of course. You see, ever since I was a teenager, my dream was to be normal. All I wanted was to be a regular guy, with a regular job, a wife, a family, and a home.
“Not very ambitious, huh? I guess not.
“But those seemed like the important things in life. Especially my life, which was so crazy at times that being normal looked like a total impossibility. Not that I didn't have ambitions - I didn't want to be just any reporter, for example. Only the Daily Planet would do for me.
“So I got the job at the Planet, met and married the most wonderful woman in the world, and settled down in a nice old townhouse with lots of character and a real homey feel to it. I was really happy, because my dream was actually coming true.
“But when you came along, you completed my dream. I couldn't believe it at first; kept waiting for someone to claim you back as their own. But as the weeks and months rolled by, I let myself believe the dream. I let you become part of me, the same way that Lois is. Nowadays I spend every waking moment carrying both your heartbeats with me.
“Now, though, your natural father is here. I'm really happy for you, Jon, because you're going to get to know him in a way that I could never have known my own father. That's important. You're going to understand yourself so much better because of it.
“You won't have a Mom, but then neither do lots of kids. They grow up just fine, and so will you. And who knows? Maybe your Dad will meet someone he likes one day. I know he's not ready for that right now, but in time the pain he's feeling will ease and maybe he'll be able to let someone else into his heart.
“So, Jon, the dream was great while it lasted. Thank you for giving me that. And thank you for being such a wonderful little person and bringing so much light and happiness into our lives. I know Lois feels the same way, but she'll have her own way of telling you, and...well, she always hates it when I edit her copy.
“Just don't forget us, okay? We'll always remember you.
“I love you so much.”
************
It was funny how the most significant days in your life are often so filled with organisation and preparation that you hardly have time to notice you're in the middle of a momentous occasion. So it was on the day of Jon's departure. Lois spent most of the morning busily rushing around the house packing the hundred and one items she seemed to have forgotten to include earlier in the week, while Clark completed the final details of their cover story for Jon's departure.
Their biggest problem had been the paperwork. It was easy enough to tell friends and family that Jon's natural father had reappeared to claim his son, but the authorities needed identity papers, a birth certificate, and so on. Lois and Clark were also fairly new adoptive parents, and thus still under the occasional scrutiny of Social Services, so it was particularly important that they put together a convincing batch of evidence.
Bobby Bigmouth had proved invaluable. Neither of them had been at all comfortable with the production of fake paperwork, but there had seemed no alternative and at least they had the comfort of knowing that in essence, the forgeries were there to support the truth, and not a lie.
So Clark had a final rendezvous with Bobby to keep, and then he was to fly over to Smallville to fetch his parents. He'd invited them a couple of days ago, and they'd eagerly accepted, pleased to be included in Jon's final goodbyes.
Visiting arrangements for Lois and Clark had already been agreed. Fortunately, they already knew that the universe-hopping device allowed more than one person to travel simultaneously, so CK would come back at a pre-arranged date and time, then would take Lois and Clark over to the other universe. Again, the arrangement was less than ideal, but they couldn't exactly make phone calls across the universes to arrange visits. At least this way, they had a date in their diaries to look forward to.
That was, of course, if Wells let CK retain the device. CK hadn't been thinking too clearly at the time he'd demanded it from Wells, so he wasn't sure if the one in his possession was the only device in existence, or whether Wells had a duplicate. However, since Wells hadn't been anywhere in evidence the last time CK had returned, all felt that there was a good chance that there was a second device.
Eventually, of course, all the preparations came to an end and the big moment arrived. No-one could quite believe they'd got there at last, and everything started to pass in a dreamlike haze, yet at the same time, it all seemed so incredibly real.
Clark sat with CK and his parents in the living room. CK had already taken all of Lois's packed boxes over to his new apartment, so now all that remained was to take Jon himself. Lois was currently upstairs with him, changing his diaper, although Clark suspected that she was really using that as an excuse to steal a few last moments alone with him.
Conversation was stilted. Clark's Mom, bless her, had led most of it, showing great interest in CK's new apartment and his new job on the sports desk – there had been a letter from the Planet confirming his appointment waiting for him when he'd taken all the packages across. But even that train of conversation could only last so long, and now they were all finding it difficult to say anything much at all to each other.
Clark himself felt ill. He kept telling himself that this was the right decision for Jon and that they wouldn't regret it at all in the long term. But his stomach was churning and his shoulders ached with unaccustomed tension. Not since he'd taken the decision to freeze Lois all those years ago had he faced such an agonising situation.
He heard Lois's footfalls on the staircase and slowly stood with the others as she came into the room, clutching Jon to her bosom. She'd been crying, that much was clear. Further tears didn't look that far away, either, but she was doing her best to retain her composure. Clark's heart twisted as he watched her.
She went to his Dad first, allowing herself and Jon be enveloped by his all-embracing hug. “Bye, Jon,” was all he managed to murmur in a husky voice.
Next came Clark's Mom, who took Jon from Lois with a quiet, “May I?” and then hugged him tight and kissed him softly. “We're all going to miss you so much,” she said to him. “But you're going to have a wonderful life with your new Daddy.”
Finally, Lois brought Jon to Clark. He gathered the warm bundle of life into his arms, and reaching deep down into his heart and soul, managed to pull out a smile for his baby son. Jon grinned back and reached out for Clark's glasses, just like on so many other occasions. This time Clark didn't stop him, but let him pull them slowly off his nose. Jon examined the awkward shape in his hand, turning it over in mid-air. He looked back at Clark to make sure he wasn't about to be told off, and when Clark simply shrugged, he twirled them around once more then handed them delicately and carefully to Lois.
“Thank you, Jon,” said Lois in an awed, shaky voice. “He did that so deliberately. Almost as if he knows he won't get another chance.”
Clark couldn't believe it either. “I...I guess he has a right to see me properly,” he said shakily. “Don't you, sport?”
Jon regarded him a moment longer, during which Clark felt as if he were being scrutinised very closely. He hoped he wasn't found wanting; hoped Jon wasn't feeling betrayed by his old Dad. But then Jon squirmed restlessly in his arms, and Clark told himself that these were fanciful ideas, that a baby as young as Jon couldn't possibly understand what was happening. No doubt he'd just had enough of all this hugging and kissing. Nevertheless, Clark kissed his soft hair, breathing in his baby scent for the very last time.
Then he walked over to CK and handed Jon across, taking care that the precious bundle of life was totally secure in CK's arms.
CK cuddled Jon tenderly, murmuring, “Oh, Jon,” in a husky voice. He turned away from Clark and walked away a couple of steps, and while he was composing himself, Clark went back to Lois and slipped his arm over her shoulders.
Clark felt Lois wrap her free arm around his waist, and turned towards her briefly. He couldn't trust himself to speak; didn't even try to raise a smile. The thing was, his emotions were completely mixed up. He was genuinely happy for CK, and CK's emotional reaction to receiving Jon had just reinforced the feeling that they'd made the right decision. On the other hand, he was utterly torn up over losing the child he and Lois had thought was their own, and knowing that Lois was just as upset as he was made that feeling even more acute.
He was a wreck. All he could do was cling to Lois, as she clung to him, waiting with dread for the final moment of truth to arrive.
CK turned back to them with moisture in his eyes. “Today is the most incredible day of my whole life,” he said. “Today I get to take my son home - the son I never even knew I had until a few weeks ago. That means so much to me, I can't put it into words. I...I just feel like I'm a whole person again.
“And I promise I'll take good care of Jon,” he added. “I'll do everything I can to be as good a parent to him as you two were.”
“If...if you need anything – anything at all, just come over and ask us,” offered Clark. “We're rather you asked than struggled on alone.”
CK nodded. “Thank you.” He turned his gaze to Clark's parents. “Thank you, also, for being such great grandparents.” His mouth twitched in the hint of a smile. “And thank you for not throwing out a stranger when he so rudely invaded your farmhouse.”
“We're just glad we could help, son,” said Clark's Dad.
“And we're proud of you, CK,” said Clark's Mom. “You're a good man.”
“I...I hope I can live up to that,” CK said. He transferred Jon onto one arm and reached into his pocket with the other hand. Pulling out the universe-hopping device, he said, “I guess it's time. I just hope I can work this with one hand.”
He bowed his head and fiddled with the buttons with his thumb.
Clark felt Lois begin to tremble and grip his waist more tightly, and, worried that her legs might give way, he steadied her more firmly against his body. Not that he felt that much better himself – there was now a tight band of pain clamping down right across his shoulders and his stomach was doing its best to leap into his mouth.
CK seemed to be taking forever to program the device. Clark wished he'd just sort it and get the awful moment of departure over with.
Then CK looked up abruptly, his face stricken. “I can't do this,” he said.
Clark swallowed – of all the times to get stuck with the technology! - and stepped forward with Lois. “Maybe I can help,” he suggested. They'd used a similar device before, after all.
“No,” said CK. “I mean I can't take Jon. Here.” He quickly lifted Jon up and thrust him towards Lois.
Lois must have been as confused as Clark, because she didn't automatically take Jon from CK, and there was an awful moment when Jon hung suspended between the two adults.
Clark stared at CK, who was white-faced but determined. What on earth was going through his mind?
“Please,” said CK. “Take him.”
Jon began fretting, and that was Lois's trigger. She reached out and gathered Jon into her body, holding him close until he settled down again. “What are you doing, CK?” she asked in a trembling voice.
“What I should have done a long time ago,” he said. “You're his real parents. I'm just...biology.”
“You're much more than that!” objected Clark.
“Maybe,” replied CK. “But when I look at you, I see two of the most loving, caring parents he could ever wish to have. When I look at Jon, I see a happy, well-balanced baby who's thrived on the love and warmth this family gives him. He even has two wonderful grandparents to spoil him rotten when his Mom and Dad aren't looking. Why should I take him away from all that?”
“Because you're his father,” said Clark. “I thought we agreed that he needed to know you.”
“He will,” said CK. “I'll visit him, and he can visit me any time he wants. But he belongs with you. There's so much more for him here than there is with me.”
“CK, are you sure?” said Lois. “Please don't change your mind for the wrong reasons.”
CK shook his head. “This isn't a last minute attack of nerves. I'm just letting myself finally admit what's been clear since the outset. Jon is very happy here and is part of a stable family. Who knows, in a few years, he might even have a little brother or sister to play with. I can't offer him that.
“I know you think this is sudden, and I guess it is. But I want the best for my son, and that means leaving him with the best parents I know.”
“CK, I don't know what to say,” said Clark. “I know how much Jon means to you.”
“Just promise me you'll explain all this to him when he's old enough to understand,” CK said. “I'd hate for him to believe I abandoned him.”
“Oh, we will!” Clark exclaimed, although he still couldn't really believe what CK was doing. “But are you absolutely sure you want to do this?”
CK nodded. “Positive. I can feel it...right here.” He laid his hand over his heart. “I know I'm doing the right thing for Jon.”
“But what about you, CK?” asked Lois. “Is it right for you?”
Which was exactly Clark's concern. CK would be going back alone, to an apartment he'd prepared especially for his son's homecoming. Clark knew that CK was a much stronger individual than when he'd arrived fresh from New Krypton, but that kind of loneliness would test the strongest of personalities.
CK was clearly painfully aware of that, too. He hesitated before answering, and when he did speak, there was a catch in his voice. “It will be.”
Clark waited for him to say more, but soon realised he was unable to, for fear of breaking down in front of them. It was a horrible moment. Clark wanted to help him, but couldn't see how; it was like an invisible barrier had come between them. Breaking through the barrier would probably destroy CK's tenuous grip on his control.
The moment stretched into seconds.
“Okay.” CK drew in a deep, shaky breath. “I...I'll bring the boxes back in a few days, okay? I don't think I could bear...”
“Sure,” said Clark quickly, seizing this small opportunity to help. “Take as long as you like.”
“All right. I won't draw this out any longer...” He stepped towards Lois and cradled his son's head gently in his hands, bowing to kiss him. “I love you,” he murmured.
Then he quickly pulled out the travelling device and pressed a couple of buttons. “I'll come back on that date we arranged, okay?”
“Sure,” chorused Clark with Lois.
And finally, with a brief smile and a faint “Bye,” he was gone.
No-one spoke in the room for a few moments. Too many emotions had been packed into a few short minutes. Clark himself felt numb with shock - he could hardly process what had just happened. He'd been about to lose his only son, and now CK was gone and Jon was cradled in his wife's arms.
It was Lois who broke the spell. First one sob, and then another, and then a third, shook her. Clark moved quickly to comfort her, wrapping his arms around both baby and wife, but soon, she was sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder.
He wasn't sure how long they stood together like that. At some point, his Mom took Jon away because he was getting squashed and rather fractious as a result, but Clark was only vaguely aware of these things. All he knew was that there were tears stinging his own eyes as Lois cried against him, and he had no idea whether he was crying because he was happy or sad.
****************
