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"Lois Rules! - A Story" TOCI would like to thank all of you who contributed to the Lois Lane manual in time for me to post this for April 1.  Thank you. Again, I'm sorry, Tank, but I had to work with what I was given. Don't hate me.  Now, excuse me I need to... 
Last edited by VirginiaR; 05/08/14 10:48 PM. Reason: Added Link
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Kerth
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Kerth
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Lovely! Lois' side comments were absolutely perfect to balance out the rest. I was  Fantastic job!
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eye witness.
--Mark Twain
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Pulitzer
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Hi Virginia,
I love what you did with the list. Especially with 101.
Brava!
Joy,
Lynn
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Kerth
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Kerth
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LOL! What an idea! Rule #23 - Keep away from people named Maxwell - especially if they are a doctor.
- More true than #21 and #22! If Lois gets amnesia, best to take her home and you be the doctor. Better yet, let Clark be "playing doctor" with her.  Rule #26 - If Lois says she's not up to anything, she's lying. She usually is. Feel free to stalk from a reasonable distance.
- I don’t lie! If I’m up to something, it usually takes place AFTER he asks. Stalk? Ha! Hover is more like it. Yeah, hovering is so his thing. (Both figuratively and literally.) Rule #28 - Be careful with her skull. She may seem thickheaded sometimes, but a bump on the noggin will make her forget the best guy in the universe is her boyfriend...twice...
- Twice? This happened twice?  Rule #84 - Regardless of #83, Lois does rate 5 stars in the kitchen.
- Thank you. Nice save.
#84a - She also rates 5 stars on the ceiling or any other place you can imagine.
- Oh, is that what he meant? Hee-hee. Naughty, naughty Clark. That one sunk in a little slowly. (Probably because Lois didn't expect that kind of naughtyness from her gentleman husband?) #92 - Keep Lois away from any kind of blonde. They won't get along. (Linda King, Lana Lang, Toni Taylor, Toni Baines...)
- Mayson Drake, dog walkers named Tiffani, Penny Barnes, Mindy Church... I could go on, but do I really need to?
- As a personal rule, I don’t trust any woman who is blonde. It just makes my life easier. I only have a few exceptions to this Rule: Alice White and Martha Kent.
- Yes, I do realize that my mother is not included within those exceptions. And? I wouldn't have included her, either.  He closed the Handbook and set it down on his desk, crossing his arms. “Now, I believe there are some things we need to discuss.”
H.G. Wells blanched at the intensity of Clark’s gaze and cleared his throat. “You know, Clark, it isn’t good to know too much about your future.”
“Uh-huh,” Clark said. “Too late for excuses, Herb. Get talking. Let’s start with this ‘curse’.” I'd love to be privy to that conversation...
The only known quantity that moves faster than
light is the office grapevine. (from Nan's fabulous Home series)
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Hack from Nowheresville
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 Poor Alt-Clark, he has many things to remember and take care of ! Lucky Tank, he is a legend! *We agree Lois you have a beautiful neck!*
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Blogger
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I really enjoyed this story and Lois' extra commentary. I just have a question on this rule: Rule #63 - To bring Lois out of her shell and start the process of friendship building, simply take to the Smallville Corn Fest.
#63a - Frequent exposure to the elder Kents is good for Lois. Isn't this rule a bit pointless considering Alt-Clark's parents have passed away? Or is Clark thinking of publishing his guide for distribution in other alternate universes? 
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Originally posted by datasprite12: I really enjoyed this story and Lois' extra commentary.
I just have a question on this rule:
Rule #63 - To bring Lois out of her shell and start the process of friendship building, simply take to the Smallville Corn Fest.
#63a - Frequent exposure to the elder Kents is good for Lois. I used the list as it was compiled on the above thread, making no changes (it made it more of a challenge). I'll probably remove this (a) for the Archive version of this story as it doesn't really apply. My thoughts for the origional Handbook though (the list without the story), is that it could always be used by Clark, should he lose his memories again.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Pulitzer
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Oooh. I just realized I forgot to thank my wonderful Beta Reader. Thank you so much, Mrs. Luthor! Thank you all for your kind words. More later, I'm really supposed to be cleaning up. :rolleyes: EDIT: Okay, I've fixed it now. Sorry, Mrs. L.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
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"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Mouserocks: Glad you enjoyed. I have a sequel in mind... maybe someday when my writing schedule allows (i.e. during my next bout of writer's block  .) Lynn: Thank you. I had a different ending in mind, but when that last one came up, it just faded away. It does kind of explain her roller coaster of reactional emotions, doesn't it? Lara Joelle Kent:  Yeah, hovering is so his thing. (Both figuratively and literally.) So true! Iolanthe: Thank you. 
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Also - please tell me that you plan on doing one of these when we finish the Clark Kent Rules. 
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Originally posted by Deadly Chakram: Also - please tell me that you plan on doing one of these when we finish the Clark Kent Rules. That list is being edited by Lynn S.M.  Anyway, for some reason, I cannot see Clark responding to Lois's rules with snarky comments. Mumblings under his breath, maybe, but not snarky comments.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Pulitzer
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I agree with Virginia. For the most part, Clark does not snark. (Not even in the dark in the park on a lark. Gee, can you tell I'm in a silly mood? ) Anyway, anyone who wishes to write something similar for Clark's rules has my blessing. Joy, Lynn
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Pulitzer
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Absolutely hysterical. Clark should have known that no lock will keep Lois out if she is determined to get in. 
Herb replied, “My boy, I never say … impossible.” "Lois and Clarks" My stories can be found herekj
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Originally posted by Lynn S. M.: I agree with Virginia. For the most part, Clark does not snark. (Not even in the dark in the park on a lark. Gee, can you tell I'm in a silly mood? )
Anyway, anyone who wishes to write something similar for Clark's rules has my blessing.
Joy,
Lynn  I'd do it, but I lack the comedy gene.
Battle On,
Deadly Chakram
"Being with you is stronger than me alone." ~ Clark Kent
"One little spark of inspiration is at the heart of all creation." ~ Figment the Dragon
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Originally posted by KenJ: Absolutely hysterical.
Clark should have known that no lock will keep Lois out if she is determined to get in. Thanks, Ken. It was the fact the drawer was locked that got her attention in the first place.
VirginiaR.
"On the long road, take small steps." -- Jor-el, "The Foundling"
---
"clearly there is a lack of understanding between those two... he speaks Lunkheadanian and she Stubbornanian" -- chelo.
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Boards Chief Administrator Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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He would hate for his wife to see it and think he had been serious. Oh boy… I hope this helps. Clark PS: Don’t open near Lois He’s just gets distracted, and I cannot always wait. :p I don’t LOOK for trouble, it just happens to find me. Uh-huh. - Well, TOO late for that one, (See punishments under Rule #1), Ouch. - What? You’re supposed to water them once every other month, right? And intermittently with cold coffee?  (adding extra day for punishment from Rule #1). /wonders how long until Lois figures out that withholding sex only works when one doesn’t like sex with husband more than husband likes sex with wife/ I’ve also recently learned how to pop popcorn and fry eggs and bacon! Clark set down the list and walked over to his bookcase where he removed his dictionary. Sure enough, penciled into the margin in Lois’s handwriting was:
Chumpy (adj): someone who’s a chump. In case of emergency copulation required? - Is that where he keeps his secret stash? Ha Ha! Now, I know! Oops? - True about the flying off. Don’t EVER fly off on me when I’m mad. It just ticks me off. Mogwai, Lois. Mogwai. Gremlins are the critters a Mogwai spawns. Aside from that, it’s true. Mogwai Lois must be fed (as in *censored*) regularly after midnight, *and* the part about *censored* *censored* *censored* *censored*. Otherwise, she turns into a gremlin and bites Ralph’s head off in the morning. Remember how she was when Clark was missing? - He paced his ceiling? Really? I almost made Superman cave? Who knew the power of a harem costume? See? Better make a note so you can get him to cave first during the sex-withholding stratagem. Rule #44 - The only time she'll ever let you put her on a leash is when she's pretending to be your concubine. (Don't ask!)
- Oh, I had forgotten about that. Hee hee. Yeah, don’t ask.
- Addendum 44a – Do ask, but not us. This is another one to talk to Wells about. - Addendum 44b – Lois still has the costume and the leash for when Clark has been a particular good boy. - I find costumes (or uniforms, as the case may be) are equally effective when they come off. /points to harem’s costume/
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“Okay.” Clark sighed. How was he ever supposed to kiss Lois after learning about this? Thus endeth Utopia. - Who’s Tank and why is (s)he writing stories where my hair gets cut? Michael
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Merriwether
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Cute. Lois' comments were very Lois.
Tank (who thinks that even though Lois doesn't know who he is, she seems to agree with idea of the shorter hair)
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