Wrong Place, Wrong Time, Wrong Clark TOC can be found
Here Part 11 Part 12Clark sat in the bullpen, watching and listening to the government agents interview Lois. Actually, he was leaning against Lois’ desk, guarding her computer from the government men. It was the least he could do with her trying to protect him – well, Superman him – from these men.
They had already confiscated his computer, not that there was anything on it, but at least he wouldn’t have to endure the lie detector. At first, he wasn’t sure that they would let him off the hook, but they eventually relented. Of course, they could always change their minds. He didn’t know if his body would react like a human’s when hooked up to the heart rate monitor and other devices. He swallowed. He sure knew he got nervous and perspired, just like a human man. He had taken off his jacket; he was already so warm around the collar. He pressed his lips together.
“…
walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, chances are pretty good, it’s a duck,” Lois was telling the men. Good, she looked cooler than him. She really was excellent at her job. He was impressed.
Cat walked up to him. She was wearing some kind of hot pink and orange flowered jumpsuit, which hugged her curves. The government men were having a field-day with her and had already frisked her twice, as if she could hide anything in
that outfit.
“Clark,” Cat said, and then hesitated. She turned and looked to where he was staring at Lois in the conference room. She lowered her voice and leaned closer to him, more privately than seductively. “She means
that much to you?”
“Uh-huh,” he replied noncommittally, his focus never leaving Lois.
“When all this is over, I need to talk to you,” Cat said, and it reminded him that she had come to his desk wanting to speak to him earlier.
He nodded.
“
Mission?” Lois was saying, then shrugged. “
He told me he was here to help.”
‘Mission’? What mission? The only mission he was on was to get Lois to fall in love with him. Clark wondered what these men wanted from Superman exactly. What they were looking for?
“If you need to bolt, give me a sign, and I’ll make a distraction,” Cat murmured, again speaking at a volume so low, he didn’t know whether he would have heard her if he hadn’t been using his super hearing to listen to Lois.
He shook his head and turned to look at Cat, really look at her. “What?” What had she meant by that? Why would he need to
bolt?
Cat touched his sleeve with her hand and she smiled at him. It wasn’t her regular come hither smile; it was one of friendship, of support. She stared him straight in the eyes and thought, more than whispered, the words, “I know.”
She had definitely spoken the words because he couldn’t read minds. What exactly did she think she ‘knew’?
“Excuse me?” he choked out.
Her fingertips danced up his arm and across his chest, playfully, as she nodded to her desk next to Lois’ and said loud enough for the agent who was standing nearby to hear. “I’ll be at my desk, if you
need me, Clark.” Cat gave him a wink that seemed to be attached to her hip, before returning to her desk.
Clark figured he must have misunderstood. She couldn’t possibly have meant what he originally thought she meant. It was just a come on, like always, he tried to reassure himself, but a part of him didn’t buy it. She had been acting too strange. “No,” he sputtered at her. “I don’t think I’ll
need you, Cat. Thanks.”
She shrugged her almost bare shoulder at him. “You never know.”
He stared at her for a moment, almost wishing he could read minds, so he could know what in the hell she was thinking.
“
That’s none of your business,” Lois snapped at the interviewer.
Clark leapt to his feet without realizing he did so and returned his attention to the conference room. He wished he hadn’t been distracted by Cat. Lois appeared irate at whatever they had asked her, and by making her mad, they had also made him mad. Lois gazed at Clark for a moment. He watched as she took a deep breath and exhaled, trying to calm herself, before returning her focus to the government man.
A whoosh of adrenaline rushed through Clark’s body, lighting his nerve endings on fire. Lois had used him to calm herself down. Just by looking at him, Clark had helped Lois. A thrill of excitement, of hope, coursed through him.
“
No, you didn’t ask it in the form of a ‘yes or no’ question,” Lois told the man, her voice more restrained.
“
Did you take Superman to your apartment?” the man inquired.
Clark took a step away from Lois’ desk and towards the conference room again before he felt a hand on his arm. He glanced down and saw Cat Grant standing next to him once more.
“Lois is a big girl. She can take care of herself; let her,” Cat reminded him.
He nodded and took a step back.
Cat let go of his arm and returned to her desk, murmuring a soft, “Don’t do anything stupid.”
Clark glanced over his shoulder at her. What had she meant by that?
She rolled her eyes and hissed, “Rash.”
‘Don’t do anything stupid or rash’? Like what?
When the lie detector started beeping, Clark was back on his feet again, especially since he saw Lois get to hers, and he headed towards the conference room.
“
It’s lying. He never came into my apartment.”
The machine continued to beep.
“
I’m not answering any more of your asinine questions. This isn’t about national security! This is a witch-hunt.”
Witch-hunt? Superman? Dissection like frogs? ‘
If you need to bolt, give me a sign, and I’ll make a distraction,’ Cat had told him. Clark gulped. Bolting sounded like a tempting, viable option.
“
Did you and Superman engage in sexual relations?”
“No!” Clark gasped.
“
Bug off!” Lois exploded, pulling the wires off her chest and fingers. “
That’s none of your business.”
“Tell them you didn’t, Lois. Tell them ‘no’,” he murmured to Lois, wishing more than hoping that she could hear him telepathically, as he took another step forward towards the conference room.
The two men interviewing her looked at one another. “
I’m accepting that as a ‘yes’. We need to take her in.”
“No!” Clark said louder, as he watched the agents take hold of Lois and drag her from the conference room. “She’s innocent. She didn’t do anything. Whatever you think she did, she didn’t do it.”
“Shut up, Kent!” Lois growled, squirming against the men. “Whatever happened between Superman and me is
my business, and it has nothing to do with national security,” she was yelling at the men. “If you’re even with the government!”
“No!” Clark said again, stepping closer. He wouldn’t let these men take Lois anywhere.
“She’s being an idiot,” Cat murmured with a shake of her head, suddenly next to Clark again. She wrapped her long nails around his forearm tightly. “Stand back, Clark, and don’t get involved. I’ll take care of this.”
“Superman is my source, and I don’t have to reveal my sources,” Lois screamed, trying to escape the agents. They took out a set of handcuffs and locked her wrists. “I’m part of the fourth estate!”
Clark stood there dumbfounded. Why would they want to take Lois in if she and Superman had made love? It made no sense to him. How did that make a bit of difference to national security?
Cat sidled up to the government agent in charge and held out her hand. “Cat Grant, I’m gossip columnist here at the Daily Planet, perhaps I can help.”
“Butt out, Cat. I’m not fodder for tomorrow’s headlines!” Lois roared.
“What in blue blazes is going on out here?” Perry commanded, stepping out of his office and up to Lois. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing with my reporter?!”
“Ms. Lane engaged in sexual relations with Superman, and we need to examine her to make sure she isn’t infected by him,” the lead agent told Perry.
Clark stumbled backwards.
Infected? He didn’t have any STDs. What in the hell did they mean by… oh, crap, impregnated. They wanted to make sure Superman hadn’t made Lois pregnant. His eyes went wide with fear. Who
were these men? And what did they have against Superman? What kind of examination were they planning on conducting on Lois?
He stared at Lois, willing her to tell them the truth.
“Now, wait a gosh darn minute,” Perry insisted. “Lois?”
“I told you he never even came into my apartment,” Lois said adamantly, shooting a pleading look to Perry to back her up as she continued to fight her captors. “Let me go!”
Cat Grant exploded into a loud guffaw of laughter. “You think Lois…
Lois Lane had sex with Superman?” She doubled over, gasping for air. “You think that Superman came to Earth to have sex, and out of
all the woman he could have, he chose Lois Lane?” Her laughter howled.
Clark wasn’t quite sure how Cat considered this helping. He certainly wasn’t ruling out super speeding himself and Lois out of the newsroom if necessary. Then he realized, that was the ‘something stupid’ that Cat wanted him to avoid. If he super sped Lois out of the newsroom, his secret identity would be blown, and all these men’s fears regarding his relationship with Lois would be confirmed. That information floored him.
Cat Grant had figured out his secret identity.
Cat Grant knew he was Superman, and she was trying to protect his secret identity.
He was a complete and total idiot. If Cat had figured it out, it was only a matter of time – and not that long of a time – until other people did as well. Glasses? Phaw! He knew that was a stupid disguise. How in the hell had that other Clark Kent been able to keep his identity secret for over four years?
“What in the hell are you laughing at?” Lois screamed at the woman, which only seemed to make Cat laugh harder. “It could’ve happened.”
Cat ignored the brunette and faced the man in charge. “Look at that woman,” she said, after getting her voice back and flinging a hand at Lois. “Do you really think
she has had sex with a man called Superman? Please! Look at her! She’s stiff, tense, bitter, sarcastic, and wears her shirts buttoned up to her neck, and her skirts past her knee. I doubt she knows what good sex feels like, let alone experienced it recently.” Cat looked Lois up and down, and the head agent did the same. “If I would have to hazard a professional opinion, and as a gossip columnist it is my duty to know these things, I’d say that it’s been…” She contemplated Lois while considering her answer. “Did you have sex while in the Congo, Lois?”
Clark felt that familiar stab to his heart that struck him whenever anyone mentioned that country. Was that what had happened in the Congo to his Lois, a love affair gone wrong?
Lois shot Cat daggers with her eyes as she continued to try to pull away from the men holding her. Guess not.
“I’ll take that as a ‘no’. So, eighteen months at least.” Cat’s eyes widened as she took in Lois’ stunned reaction; for a moment the investigative reporter stopped fighting as she stared at Cat slack-jawed. “So, longer then? Over two years?” She began to chuckle. “Lois, Claude? Really, Lois,
Claude was the last man you had sex with? Uh, poor you.” The laughter overtook Cat again. “I can see why you think that she’d have sex with Superman. She’s really hard up.”
Lois eyes shot to Clark. “You bastard!” she screamed as if it were his fault that Cat had brought up Claude.
Oh, no, Lois thought Clark had spilled her deepest secret to Cat. No, no, no, no! Clark shook his head adamantly. Lois didn’t believe him.
“Now, look at me,” Cat continued after licking her lips, and the man – actually all the men – complied. “I have sex all the time, and you can tell; it’s written all over my body.” She ran her hands down her tight outfit, accentuating her curves. “I enjoy life to the fullest;
she doesn’t. Do you really think that if Superman came to this planet to have sex that he would have tried to seduce the ice queen over there, instead of someone like me?”
Clark wanted to drop his head into his hands in embarrassment, but he couldn’t look away from the train wreck happening two desks away.
“What in the hell is that supposed to mean, Cat?” Lois snapped, obviously not realizing that the woman was trying to help her.
Actually, Clark couldn’t see the assistance himself. Cat seemed to be humiliating Lois more than helping her.
“Did you engage in sexual relations with Superman?” the man asked Cat.
“No, but we haven’t been formally introduced,” Cat replied with a wink. “Would I? Yes, in an instant, but that’s me. Well…” she purred. “It wouldn’t take an instant.”
“Oh, God,” Lois groaned, rolling her eyes. Those were Clark’s thoughts exactly as he shifted his position uncomfortably.
Cat gloated and let that morsel settle into the government man’s thoughts before continuing, “That’s not, on the other hand, Lois Lane. Why would Superman chose that stale piece of shortbread over there, when he could have tiramisu with whipped topping?”
“Don’t you mean a fresh fruit tart?” Lois grumbled.
Cat ignored this barb. “Trust me. If Superman had come to Earth to procreate, you would have heard about it already, and he wouldn’t have chosen someone like Lois here...” She flicked her wrist in her female co-worker’s direction. “— as his first mate. Actually, when I asked Lois what she and Superman had done during their flight yesterday…” Cat grinned at having beaten the man to the punch. “She seemed disappointed that Superman had been a complete gentleman. Does that sound like someone who just had sex? I think not.”
“Maybe the man’s not any good,” suggested the government man.
Oh, kill me. Kill me now, thought Clark.
End this misery.Cat chuckled patronizingly and tapped her finger to the man’s nose. “Trust me, with all of his talents, I doubt he’s called Superman just because he can fly.”
This time, Clark couldn’t resist the urge to bury his face in his hand.
One of the agents came up to the man in charge and murmured, “Perimeter’s been penetrated.”
Clark’s head shot up as his brow furrowed. That was a strange thing to say.
Perimeter?“Let her go,” the government man said to his agents. “She’s wasting our time.” He pointed to Lois as she rubbed her wrists, now free of the handcuffs, and then back to Clark. “We’re not finished.”
“Damn straight!” Lois retorted.
“What’s going on with you people?!” Perry yelled at the departing government men. “I want an explanation for all this!”
The agents disappeared out of the newsroom quicker than water down a freshly unclogged drain and without answering his request.
“Beiderman, let’s get legal on this right way. Lane, you and Kent type up your notes and give them to Valdez; she’s going to be writing this.”
“What do you mean
our notes? This is
my story!” Lois said, following the Chief across the newsroom towards his office.
“
Our story!” Clark corrected her.
“I didn’t see
you plugged into a polygraph. I didn’t see
you in handcuffs!” she retorted.
“Well, you didn’t see me telling a bunch of government goons that I made love with Superman either,” Clark responded, and then winced when both Lois and Perry turned to look at him. He raised his hands in mock surrender. “And you won’t, because I wouldn’t… never… I’m not…”
Shut up! Or you’re foot will be so far wedged into your mouth, you’ll never get it out.“I don’t know, Clark,” Cat said, breezing by, with a grin and wink. “I think you sleep with Superman
every night, have been for years.”
“Cat!” he growled as she just laughed. “That’s not funny.”
“Have a sense of humor already, Clark,” she replied.
“And I
never told them that I slept with Superman,” Lois said, trying to save her good name. “I said he
didn’t come into my apartment. It was that damn infernal machine that said I was lying.”
Perry turned and raised a skeptical eyebrow at Clark for a moment before they both looked at Lois.
“It’s not my fault that they inferred that I had slept with Superman, just minutes after meeting the guy,” Lois continued in self-defense. “That’s not who I am.”
“Actually, Lois, I don’t remember you issuing any denials either,” Cat called from her desk.
“Lois,” Perry said, lowering his voice. “Whatever happens between you and Superman is your business.”
“Damn straight,” Lois agreed with a nod of her head.
“But if you start sleeping with him, you need to tell me in private, because I couldn't have you writing his stories. You would no longer be an unbiased reporter.”
“What?!” she whined. “That’s not fair. I’m unbiased.”
Clark glanced over at her with a raised eyebrow. Had Lois actually been thinking about a sexual relationship with his alter-ego? He shook this thought out of his head. Okay, not completely out, just pushed into the back of his closet with his blue Suit.
“Just as fair as if Kent here said he was Superman. I couldn’t let him write Superman stories either. Them’s the rules, Lois,” Perry reminded her.
“Yeah, right. There’s a headline for a story we’ll never see: ‘Clark Kent is Superman’,” Lois scoffed.
Clark shifted from one foot to the other, but wisely held his tongue.
The Chief brushed aside that comment and returned to the matter at hand. “Right now, you two
are the story, and in case those goons come back with a subpoena, I want you outta here, A.S.A.P.,” Perry told them in no uncertain terms.
“I guess I could work at home, then,” Clark said, as he and Lois continued to follow the Chief towards his office.
“Home? Anywhere but home, Kent. Don’t go anywhere they can serve you. Wear your beepers; we’ll be in touch,” Perry ordered.
Clark’s shoulders fell. Where would he go? A hotel? He was all ready to move out of the Apollo Hotel and into his new apartment. Kansas? And do what? Knock on the Kents’ front door and say, ‘Hey, guess what? I’m Superman, and you were supposed to be my parents. Can I bunk here for a day or two?’ He looked around to see where Lois had gone and found her still standing next to him.
With pressed lips Lois pulled her fist back and punched him in the shoulder. “You promised!”
“What did I do?” Clark stammered.
Lois looked at him as if she couldn’t believe he didn’t know.
“What?”
“You know what. You promised never to tell anyone, and you told…” she hissed, gesturing to Cat.
“Come off it, Lois,” said Cat, walking up. “Everyone knew about you and Claude. It wasn’t like it was some big secret.”
Lois somehow managed to both blanch and become flushed at the same time. She gulped and pushed Clark out of her way. “You’re still not forgiven,” she grumbled, heading for Perry’s office. “I want to see that warrant!”
Clark turned away from the gossip columnist to return to his desk, but she stopped him by taking hold of his tie.
“Since you’re now a man in hiding, I think this would be the purrrrrfect night to have dinner at my place.” She nudged his nose with the scarf that matched her floral print outfit.
He scratched his forehead in thought and then agreed, “Yeah, okay, but only because we need to talk.”
She grinned. “I have a big bed. We could always share.”
“That’s not happening, Cat,” Clark told her.
Cat pouted. “A girl can dream, can’t she?”
**********
Punishment**********
Lois poured over the warrant. “Perry, what branch of the government were those guys from?”
Her boss’ eyes grew larger, and he grabbed the paper away from her. “Doesn’t it say?”
“No, and I don’t recall them ever introducing themselves or flashing a badge or some kind of ID or anything. Did they to you?” Lois inquired. “Did you get any of their names?”
Perry dropped into his chair, shoulders slumped. “You’re right, Lois. I wasn’t thinking.” He perused the warrant again, before standing up and crossing to the door. “Beiderman! Call legal again and have them find out which branch of the government those bozos were with, would you?” Then he shut the door. “Have a seat, Lois.”
Her brow furrowed, but she did as she was told.
Perry returned to his desk and sat down on the corner. “Lois, honey, what’s going on with you, darlin’?”
Okay, that was three endearments, or her name and two endearments, in one sentence, not good. “I’m fine, Perry.”
“Lois, this is me you’re talking to, honey. You not only stole Kent’s story this morning, but you also practically admitted to being open to sleeping with a man you just met, to government agents, no less. That’s not like you.”
“That was just a misunderstanding. Superman and I didn’t… we…
didn’t… he’s not like that,” she sputtered, waving away the issue.
“Uh-huh,” replied Perry. “And you are?”
“No!” she gasped. “It was just a misunderstanding. You know me on a story; Mad Dog Lane bites off more than anyone else thinks she can chew. I’m fine, you’ll see. It was sexism, pure and simple. If Clark had gone off flying with Superman, I bet those agents wouldn’t have assumed that
they had slept together, now would they have? No! But because I’m a woman…” Lois stopped talking to take a breath, when she saw her boss raise his hand.
“Uh-huh.” Her boss studied her for a moment. “Lois, you need to remember that the Daily Planet is a team. We all work together to get the newspaper out. You don’t steal the ball from a teammate, any more than you would steal a story. It’s a waste of manpower and a waste of your valuable time and mine. Remember how you felt when Claude stole your story? This jumper thing isn’t anywhere near the size of the gunrunning story, but still…” He took a deep breath. “I’m partnering you up with Kent for a while. You two need to learn to work as a team, and if you’re partners you can’t steal any of his stories.”
“No! You can’t do that, Perry,” Lois insisted, standing up.
He leaned back and crossed his arms. “I can’t?”
“No… You see…”
Think, think, think. Perry said she couldn’t submit any Superman stories if she was sleeping with
him. “Clark and I went on a date last night.”
A smile tugged on the corner of the Chief’s mouth. “Did you? Must have been some bad date, if you ended up stealing his story this morning.”
Crap, he didn’t buy it! She needed to convince him that she couldn’t partner up with her boyfriend. “No, no, not at all.” Actually dinner with Clark had been quite nice.
Focus! “That was business, not personal.” Oh, God, that sounded bad even to her ears. Lois started pacing. She thought better on her feet. “The story, that is. I just don’t think it would be professional, if you partnered me up with my boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend?” Perry echoed, his eyebrows raising in surprise. “I didn’t realize it was so serious between the two of you. No wonder he was so upset when those agents thought you had slept with Superman.”
“Yeah… well… uh-huh.”
Boyfriend probably wasn’t the correct term to use, she admitted to herself. “Well, when he wanted to kiss me goodnight last night, I just freaked, because the dinner had been so nice – perfect really – and I was worried that if we kissed it would ruin our friendship and our working relationship, which is very important to me, for there not to be any weirdness or extra stress between me and those I work with. I ended up saying we couldn’t see each other anymore and slamming the door in his face, but the truth of the matter was I
really wanted to kiss him because there’s all this intense chemistry between us.” Where in the hell had that off-the-wall story come from? “I was also worried that I might end up in another Claude-type scenario – not to say that Clark is like Claude; he isn’t, quite the opposite in fact – but that’s why I stole his story this morning. I
had to, before he stole mine. So, you see, you shouldn’t partner me up with a man I’m dating, it will be all awkward and stuff. I won’t know where to draw the line, and like you said about covering Superman stories if I was dating him…”
“Lois, you aren’t writing a story on Kent,” Perry reminded her, throwing a bucket of icy water on her theory. “You are more than welcome to be as biased about your work partner as you want, just make sure it doesn’t interfere with your ability to investigate and write up stories. You’re professional enough to keep your work stuff separate from your relationship stuff, right?”
Great, now if she said that she couldn’t work with Clark, Perry would assume it was because she wasn’t professional enough to keep her work and personal life separate. “Yes,” she said weakly.
“Good. I’ll tell Kent as soon as you two are no longer sequestered. Now, shoo, before those men come back and want to examine your body,” Perry said, waving her from his office.
“Yes, sir,” she said, her shoulders slumping forward. All in all, except for those five minutes floating in the clouds with Superman, this had been one very bad day.
***End of Part 12*** Part 13 Comments taken day or night.
