Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic The loss of my life to L&C

Sunday, May 02, 2004
8:12 AM

My life is really a mess. Well, it’s not really a mess. I'm having a wonderful time. My schedule is a mess. My responsibilities are being shirked away as if they were worthless items that belonged in the dump. Clearly they aren’t. But what about everything that is important to me, my family, my church, my work as a travel writer, my perennial garden, doing the hides…oh there it is again, that never-ceasing pressure to tan those stupid hides. I cant’ go there, cant’ think about what a mess I’ve made of that great plan. Rotting hides in the water, moulding hides in the barrels that aren’t big enough to either turn them or to fit them all in under the water. No I definitely don’t want to go there.

It’s so easy to just print out a really good story and sit back and read it, take it to the hammock in the shade at the end of the lane and lie there, escaping into that other world of romance and intrigue. But of course I don’t have to print one out at all. No, I can just sit at my computer and read story after story after story. I know the plot line. I know the way things are going to turn out, but each story is built on some bit of a fork in the road, the ‘what ifs’ that the episodes have in them. What if he told her now? What if he didn’t tell her? What if he lost his memory somewhere else than in Metropolis? What if, what if, what if.

The darnest thing is that these stories are so spellbinding, so insightful, so well written. I cant’ stop myself. I can Know, and plan what I’ll do today, but in the end, the days are just like I want them to be, filled with my fantasy heroes, following their paths, their choices, their investigations and all the romance in between.

Why can I be so hooked on this stuff? I don’t read romance, ever. I don’t watch TV, except I used to watch Lois and Clark and Columbo years ago when it was on and when I had a TV. Okay, so I watched Dallas after someone shot JR. I don’t know why. Then I got to liking it. I also liked CSI. I guess the crime investigation is just as interesting as the budding, morally upstanding romance, the true love, the patience, the forgiveness, the pain. See, there I go again. I'm lost. Hopelessly lost. My days are built around the time I can sit at the computer and read from the www.lcfanfic.com site. How can there be over 2000 of them. This addiction is oh so cruel. I’ll lose all semblance of a normal life if I don’t stop being content with sitting in my office reading, uninterested in going outside, figuring I know what’s out there.

Okay, so I do go out there sometimes. I do. I really do. Just the other day I took a walk. Okay, so I took Lois and Clark along with me. It was much more interesting to read about where Clark landed after he’d collided with the asteroid, about the woman who’d taken him in and the way that fate crossed the paths of Lois and Clark eventually.

It made walking in the woods all alone so much better. I don’t like being alone every day, day after day, walking in the world’s most beautiful place, just looking at and listening to the nature that surrounds me. I was into that for awhile, okay, so for a few years. But now I'm over that. I now go there and feel alone, I’ve seen it all, heard it all, answered all my questions, figured out the names and the songs of all the birds. I don’t have to look to hear and to see them singing. I don't wonder what the names of the plants are and when they’ll bloom. I now know what season it is, practically what day it is by the plants and the flowers in the woods.

I did get some of the willow cut down by the upper pond. That’s a good thing because I really wanted to make some baskets. But since I can’t make baskets and read at the same time, I don’t make baskets.

This whole week I was going to go do visiting teaching, no that was the week before which I postponed till this week. But now the month is gone, and I’ve not done it. But I did read L&C. I printed out a stack about a foot high and read them outside, or in the car or anywhere at all.

Why do I have to have such an addictive personality. Why can’t I just be normal, get up in the morning, say my prayers, take my shower, go out and make breakfast and clean the house, go outside and do a project, work on the hides and resurrect my tipi, water my 17 trays of weary looking plants? Why did I kill my geraniums? Why did I put off replanting them and coddling them into full strength?

But I can’t. I am up. I’ve not said my prayers, read my scriptures, taken a shower, but I’ve read two more stories. But as I reach the end of a story, I sigh, then look for another one. One is never ever enough. I print them out for the times that I won’t have my computer to myself, when I’ll have to read on the couch, or outside, or lying in bed.

I need help. I need a 12-step LC anon group. I should get my life back. But I don’t want it back. I want to live in my world of fantasy. Is this what it’s like for avid readers who read whenever they can? I know some people like that. But when I read, I'm so totally taken from my own life, so completely drawn into this life of the characters, that my own life becomes a mere shadow while the action goes on in my mind. My memories of the day aren’t memories of what I’ve accomplished or what I’ve done with my life, but they are instead memories of what has happened in the lifes of the hero and heroine of my chosen romantic adventure stories.

It’s like reading Harry Potter, I tell myself. The entire family was consumed with that. They’d start at book one, and continue through book 5, reading every word, giving no cares to the world around them. This was the same, it is just not a bound version of a book.

Ben used to read Star Trek novels. He read about 24 of them, then read them again and again. He blocked out life and just read. Isn’t that the idea of a good book, to lose oneself in the book, to let your own life become dim in the background?

However there are positive things about reading so much L&C. It definitely helps me to see the good in Willem. He’s one of those quiet, patient, contemplative people in the world. Some would see a man like that as boring, but he’s so constant and steady for me. He never changes. His feelings of deep love and admiration for me never change. He is so supportive, so willing to comfort, so non-judgemental. He’s always happy. He’s not excited or bouncy, but he’s calmly peaceful. He totally wants what’s best for me, for us. He is so selfless. He brings me things I'm too lazy to get up and get. He helps me when he doesn’t know what in the world I want him to do.

Well, it’s time to go. We leave in fifteen minutes. I won’t take any L&C along with us today. I will just drop it cold turkey. I can always read it again when I get home. See, there I go again.

nancysont@hotmail.com

Hi Nancy

What a lovely tribute to FoLCdom and writing! Welcome to the boards - I won't say welcome to reading fanfic, since it's clear you've already been doing that a long time. Thanks for coming out of lurkdom to say hi - and even more so for doing it in one of the most original ways I've ever seen.

I loved your piece bemoaning the loss of your life and at the same time making it clear that you don't resent it one bit. You have great talent - can I hope that we might see some fanfic written by you in the future? The near future?? Please???


Wendy

My favorite part:

I did get some of the willow cut down by the upper pond. That’s a good thing because I really wanted to make some baskets. But since I can’t make baskets and read at the same time, I don’t make baskets.

LOL!
Nancy, this is terriffic! This is how I feel sometimes.
Welcome to the boards! You'll find a lot of people who share in your "addiction!"
Great work--Keep writing!!
--Wanda Detroit

I first discovered = really discovered - L&C when I was on vacation last summer, traveling around the country. Even on the west coast, L&C was on TBS for two hours every morning (except when I got to the west coast, I had to set my alarm for 5am....GRRRR--not a morning person). Of course, TBS had the NERVE to take it off the air after summer was over, as I was recording it every day and didn't end up getting the entire series on tape!

While searching the internet for any possibility of buying L&C on DVD, I discovered the virtual seasons 5, and 6. Spent a lot of money on paper printing those up and reading them. Around January or so, I discovered the archive as well, then the bulletin boards, I de-lurked,signed up on the boards and so far have written 2 fancics and I'm totally addicted.

I have also starting purchasing Superman graphic novels from Amazon.Com. I read DC comics from the time I was 9 yrs old. Stopped because "adults" shouldn't do that - right!!! Now I'm going into my 5th century of life.....and I don't care! I read read read read ...and tell myself...there are much worse habits a person can have then being completely, 100% immersed in a fictional superhero and the love of his life. RIGHT??

Hi Nancy,

Can I come and stand next to you over there? That's exactly how I feel. Well maybe not the tanning hides (vegetarian) but aside from that and maybe the tipi (wouldn't want to rule it out), it's pretty much me too.

Love fanfic, hate the way it has a habit of taking over your life, but love fanfic.

That was great fun, thank you!

Helga

Welcome to our world Nancy. Laura

Well, thanks for the prod, I posted my story I wrote last week.

I put it on here, but it's on the TOC site. I haven't a clue why. I was able to figure out how to do the arrow thing so it would look like a new story instead of a post. However i didn't do it right on a few of them.

I thought it would be on here, so i'm confused why it's over there. Any hints?

Oh, and how do i go change the ones that i got the wrong message icons on?

Nancy

Nancy, I moved your story to the fanfic folder and added the arrows where they were missing. Also I deleted the double-post on part 7, so now you're all set to get your comments from greedy readers.

To edit anything in your posts, whether it's the message icon or the body of the text, click on the little icon at the top of your post that looks like a pad and pencil.

As for TOCs, it's all explained there .

Hope this helps!

Kaethel
Boards administrator

Nancy

Thanks for sharing this lovely piece.
It's extremely well-written.

Welcome to the boards!

I look forward to reading more of your stories.

Tricia

Hi, Nancy! Congratulations on your de-lurking Your story sounded so familiar, somehow -- apart from the bits about weaving baskets and tanning hides <g> -- but I just can't quite place *why*...

As for a 12-step group... well, you're always welcome to join FARCE Though, if pressed, I'd have to admit that our success ratio (if defined as weaning one off addiction to fanfic) is, um, pretty darned low.

PJ

Welcome to the boards Nancy and to what is clinically known as "Loisandclark'itis"!


We're all in the same boat so you will feel VERY welcome here!

~Liz

Welcome, Nancy!

You're so right in everything you write, and you put it so nicely... <sigh>

AnnaBtG. (whose best way to describe fanfic is 'the best way to practice English' )

Don't worry, Nancy. For me, the hold of the addiction lessened once I had read all the stories (400 at that time) on the archive. Then, you only have the weekly new postings and ongoing stories to keep up with.

Welcome to the playyard. LaurieD

Great little story! I can relate to just about everything you wrote. I'm really glad to know that I am not the only Junkie around.

Jen (who is now off to read your new story)

Nancy,

I loved this piece. (definitely sounding all too familiar!)

Caryn

I felt like I was the only one who really did that.

You really captured how L&C grabs you and suddenly you're a fan. Kudos!

Nancy, if I showed your post to my family, they would believe that I wrote it.

In the beginning of my love of Lois and Clark fanfic, I would be up until three or four in the morning reading fanfic.

I hate gardening, though.

Welcome to this great addiction.

gerry

I totally understand the whole idea about it taking over your life. I was off work when I first found this world. I bumped into it a few years back, but ignored it. This time it sucked me in. I don't know why.

I often have to stay up at weird times due to my anytime shift work, so staying up all night and into the morning to read a whole fic was not unusal for me. My body is just used to it. I have a notebook/laptop w/ a wireless connection so I bring it with me where I can. I have a bad habit of bringing it with me to bed....well I guess it is like bringing a novel to bed! I miss being beside my husband so I thought it was a good comprimise. (He has the luxery of having a 'normal' job so I rarely go to bed and get up with him ) He's happy I finally found stuff to read. He is an avid fantasy reader. Also, LnC realtionship doesn't make me feel as odd. (I guess you have to understand the situation we are in....I won't go into it ) My husband and I are attached at the hip, as the saying goes.

I sometimes read for the 10 spare minutes I do have in the morning before a shift, or print off a bit and read while I'm soaking away the McD strain after a shift. I could go on and on!!!!

I have GAD and depression. This fanfic stuff was the first stuff I have been able to concentrate on in a long time. I used to be a big reader, but for the past few years I had enough trouble concentraing on my school work. Even then I didn't have a care to get As anymore. Anything else I did, I didn't have great interest or the patience. I am so happy for this world b/c it helps me escape my own. I am better now...well 70% almost. I still use the fanfic to relax me. I just want to say thank you to all you authors. I am so happy I rediscovered the world of Lois and Clark the episodes and this new stuff.

I'm with you ethnica and Nancy! My dad bought me a ream of paper for Christmas. Not exactly sure why , but I put it to good use.

gerry wrote
You ever try explaining to your co-workers why you're so tired?
"I went to bed at 5 this morning."
"Dang! Did you go to a party?"
"No..."
"So what were you doing?"
"Oh, I stayed up reading."
"Really? What were you reading?"
Uh...Can I stick my foot in my mouth now? "Uh...homework. Yeah, homework."

Oh well.

Sara

Nancy,

How true that all is!

I am one of the lucky ones who has a lot of down time at work, and a computer sitting right in front of me.

I love getting paid to read LC fics

of course...I've never gotten around to writing much...there is always something to read...

-Breanna