Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Fanfic Challenge FDK: House of Cards part 6a and 6b

Here's a place for people to comment on my portion of the story.

Thanks,

Roger

[EDIT]: Anyone volunteer for Part 7?

[EDIT2]: Thanks to Tank for such a challenging setup. Guess that's appropriate for a fanfic challenge. I used your idea about Lex and the single hotel suite. I came this close (fingers 1/4" apart) to actually having them sleep together.

Thanks also to Paul for setting up the story in the first place.

Ooh. Roger, you need to keep writing! That was fantastic!

Well, duh. I still think Lois is being an idiot but at least she realized this. It's like...an inch of a step in the right direction.

No no no stop that, Lois! He still loves you!

HAH! Just wait til Mad Dog Lane sinks her teeth into you, Luthor! Not a prayer in sight to save you.

Jen

Great part Roger, and in no time at all. Can't wait to see more work from you!


So..who's next

Anna

Roger

Thanks for a great addition to the story!

I'm looking forward to seeing what direction this takes. Who's next?

Tricia

Roger, I see you've begun the long slow trip of Lois' redemption, but you've also planted even more seeds of doubt in Clark's mind. He thinks that Lois sold him out!

One thing I forgot to add in that I'd planned to was Luthor, using his knowledge that Clark was Superman and his thought that he had Superman at his mercy, putting another wedge between Lois and Clark. Thinking that Clark would never return to LNN he would break the 'sad news' to Lois that Clark had quit and wouldn't be returning, thus further isolating her. Unfortunately I forgot to do that, but, still, Lois doesn't know why Clark is not around so she probably thinks that anyway.

In a challenge like this it's fun to leave 'questions' you raise in your own part unanswered. That way the ones who come after have to deal with them. I see you've got a couple in there yourself

Looking forward to what comes next.

Tank (who normally doesn't do challeges since they just confuse his poor little mind)

Thanks Jen, Anna and Tricia. It means a lot to a first time writer of any type of fanfic.

Tank, glad you like the idea that Clark thinks Lois sold him out, though he still can't believe she did it for vengeance's sake.

As for Clark's disappearance, I had thought of the idea of Lex telling Lois that Clark had quit, but I had already gotten Clark out of the cage, so that idea wouldn't have worked too well. Lex would have no idea that kryptonite renders him helpless long after exposure is over, so he had to move fast to put Lois under his full control. He feared Clark was going to show up immediately as a fully powered superhero warned about kryptonite. He even had to break from his own normal behavior in order to throw Lois sufficiently out of balance to get her to agree to marry him immediately.

I got Clark out of the cage in one installment because I wanted to try a method nobody else has used before. The key's always been the thing, but my method ignored the key entirely.

As for the buzzing, I got the idea from your installment when the workman seemed to act in a rather lackadaisical manner, not caring about his work. So in my mind, he had started to remove the camera but didn't bother to replace it in a careful manner. So I figure there might be some loose wiring.

Thanks to all again. Look forward to more comments.

Who's next?

Great part, Roger!

Isn't this BatP/HoL arch fun? That was brilliant - brings back flashes of the Wizard of Oz -- 'I'm melting!!!!"

You definitely need to write more! Now that you've shown us what you're capable of, you've open the gates to nagging... Of course, if you need a BR, I'd be happy to help.

More soon!!

Missy (who is happy to have another vict... um, author to nag)

Wow. Roger, this was terrific. You've taken us on a real roller coaster ride here, haven't you? Up and down Lois' thoughts about Clark, about Lex. I didn't know which way she was going to turn from one minute to the next.

I am a little confused - and definitely saddened - that Lex is still alive, however. I quote from Tank's Part 5: Why did Lex not say anything when he first saw her as she boarded the plane? They had the whole flight together. Did she have her head covered by a hat or scarf the whole time? I could well imagine it - she would be upset by the "bad hair" thing and Lex probably imagined that she was saving it up for the grand unveiling in Paris.

But now Lex has complimented her hairstyle, even revealed that he chose it for her (I bet Tank loved that one!), and yet he is still alive! Where is that 2x4??

I'm so glad that you didn't haven't them sleep together in Paris, even though you were this close. Of course, I was throwing up my hands in dismay near the end when she agreed to marry him anyway, but now that she's discovered the humming sound...

Just terrific.

KathyM

Hi,

Great parts. Well, where is the next part.

This is getting good.

MAF

Great part.... I loved it! It's a Luthor that I've never seen before.

It's now 12:47am and I'm tired and feeling a little reckless. Therefore...I'll take part 7.
*sheepish grin*

Perhaps a good night's sleep will bring me to my senses (and change my mind about writing the next part) since I've never written a fan fic before. If I do change my mind, I'll post a message early, so other better writers who do wish to take the next part can start writing sooner (and the readers can read the next part soon).

In the meantime, I'll need a beta reader to help with ALL aspects of my writing. Any vict.. volunteers?


metwin1

Just to make a few more comments before I make myself scarce. I won't be commenting too much over the next couple of weeks as I need to do a lot of work (yeah, that RL getting in the way again) before paternity leave (we have a baby daughter due July 11), though I'll try to slip in some comments every once in a while.

Yes, it is. As I mentioned earlier, I've got a couple of WIPs with one of them being in this arc, the other being in season two sometime. I may take you up on that beta reading offer you made, Missy, though I won't likely get to any more writing for a few weeks yet. (I'll keep commenting on your story, too. If I didn't keep doing that, you might miss those novels I write for comments. Somebody's got to keep an eye on your Lois. )

Thanks Missy and Kathy. The empty suit will be making a re-appearance in one of my WIPs, though not quite in the same way. My WIP is where I got that inspiration from. As I said when I volunteered, I had a few ideas I wanted to test drive.
I did actually have a few homages in this story, though they might be really tough to pick out.

- The empty suit was an homage to Star Wars where good Jedi Masters disappear into thin air when they die. But the Wizard of Oz works pretty well, too. Maybe better, because Yoda's clothes disappeared, though Obi-wan's didn't.

- A Trip to Paris is a dance created from the period of the English Regency (circa 1790-1820 England, post-Georgian, pre-Victorian). I've always enjoyed these types of dances (waltzing and country dancing). I doubt anybody who hasn't done this type of dancing would know it. I've been known to do a pretty mean waltz from time to time.

- "Fifteen Minutes" was an homage to The Music Man, where Harold Hill tells Marian Paroo that it's taken her too long to get to the footbridge with a man. He reminds her twice to meet him at the footbridge with the prompt, "Fifteen minutes."

Thanks. That's exactly what I was going for. Lois is very, very confused and doesn't know herself which way she's going to be going from one minute to the next. She keeps bouncing back and forth between Clark and Lex. Her heart repeatedly takes her to Clark, but her mind keeps bouncing her back to Lex.

My goal within this portion of the story was, as Tank put it, to start Lois on her road to redemption. Tank's portion tore them "irreparably" apart. I took my task as beginning the journey back towards each other. Lois has figured out finally that is isn't all Clark's fault, so she's warming back up to Clark. If only her darned fears of intimacy didn't keep kicking in. It was too early for a quick fix to put them back together. In the actual arc, Lois didn't realize she loved Clark until the very end. I tried to stay true to that. Besides, the next writer has to have something to do. Lex to see if she liked it (sorta like Missy did with her story). I decided at the last minute it was too far out of character for Lois to do that.

So in the end, my goals were to dig them in a little deeper in some ways, but to lay the groundwork for their reconciliation. That has to start with Lois since she's the unforgiving one. And I wanted Lois to start suspecting Luthor. I hated that in the arc, Lois never suspected a thing.

As for the trip to Paris, I didn't go into a whole lot of detail, doing only one scene of dialog because I figured too much of Paris between Lois and Lex would be too much for people to stomach. I sure couldn't, so I did most of it as an overview, rather than in actual scenes. Another reason was that this part was already up to 26K, the size of a fairly large vignette. Maybe I should have done at least one argument between the two, but I did lay the groundwork for another potential argument. I know Kathy would have liked to see the argument over the hair. Sorry, maybe I'll add to it if I have the time.

Thanks Missy, Kathy, Maria, and metwin1 for commenting.

metwin1, good luck on Part 7.

Oh... Good follow up of Tank's Roger

You're right, Missy

Metwin1 post soon!!!

Jose

Roger
good part
you must keep writing
ditto others
merry

Congratulations on the baby!

Roger,

Sweet mother of god! No powers! 36 hours with Kryptonite? That's not good at all. I sure hope he's not too late to catch Lois before she does something stupid.

That was a great twist too! There are some really awesome writers for this r/r.

I loved the introspective Lois and Clark, which seems to be a recurring theme to this story. Some of the things that were lacking in the LC TV show were these great POV's from each of them.

You always got a taste of their emotional turmoil from the great character acting by both Dean and Terri, but there's something about the written word that can really get it across.

Great post, Roger.

off to read 6b



But she was redeemed there at the end. SHe finally woke up and decided to check up on Luthor's story.

About frelling time, I tell ya!


Bella