Oh, I just couldn't resist. I haven't written anything in almost two years, but thought of planting Clark Kent in the middle of the country down here was just too much. I must confess, I probably live a half and hour away from farmland, but it just made my brainstorming so much more interesting. I only had time for a 2 page, 2am type fic but I had fun with it LOL. Any kind of feedback is always welcome and appreciated!
Disclaimer 1. It's 1:50am
Disclaimer 2. Although everyone in the story is a real person, none of my friends have gone cow tipping in quite a while.
Destination: Alabama
by Shadow aka JenD
In a galaxy far, far away, two scientists frantically made their final preparations on what inevitably would be their last project. The floor of their small laboratory, once moving at a slow tremble, was quickly building up to a violent shake, and they both knew it. Sweat poured from Jor-El’s forehead, and he absently wiped it off as he rushed to finish putting together the top of the small spaceship for his son. Lara was by his side as always, punching in data from an electronic device as fast as she could.
Her finger suddenly ground to a halt, and with both relief and dread she whispered, “Done.” It was the last word her small son would ever hear her say as Jor-El tightly closed the capsule.
With a final push of a few buttons, the capsule rocketed off into space.
Jor-El held his wife as the building began to crumble around them.
Deep in space, the self-calculating capsule made a sharp turn as it continued its journey. All things considered, it wasn’t terribly long before the blue and white globe came into sight, and the ship ran another calculation to figure out its final decent.
Destination: Alabama
* * * * * * * *
“Hey, Dink, haven’t you caught your quota for the day yet?” Tim drawled out a complaint. They’d been deep sea fishing in the Gulf all day now. It was dark, he was seasick, and it looked like they were spending the night on the boat. He was not a happy Southerner.
“Not yet,” He replied with a scowl. “I be’n tryin’ to reel them thing in for 3 hours now, but the dern thing won’t budge!”
“Ah, sounds like you got yerself a Tuna there! My dad reeled one in last week; took him almost 4 hours!” Tim exclaimed. Suddenly the thought of fresh Tuna pushed out all complaints of sea nausea and the long day. “Need some help?”
“Get the flashlight will ya? I’ve almost got it to the boat, and I wanna see what the heck I’ve got on the end of this line!” Dink was so lucky he put on his back harness. He would have otherwise never gotten the fish this far in. It was at least 200 pounds, and fighting like a banshee.
Tim rummaged through some of the drawers in the cabin until he found a light that wouldn’t scare the Tuna too badly. He practically skipped to the side of the boat where Dink was fishing and flashed the light just enough so maybe they could catch a fin or two.
Tim nearly fell overboard at the sight.
“Uhhhh, Dink? I…don’t think that’s a fish…”
* * * * * * * *
The boat pulled into Pirate’s Cove Marina after a very, very long night. Tim was practically asleep at the wheel as he lined the boat up with the dock. Dink jumped out and began throwing the appropriate ties around the pier to anchor the boat. The small, well, whatever the hell Dink reeled in was still resting in the cabin. It was morning now, and there were way too many potentially curious eyes and ears that roamed the marina and the beach. There was no way they’d be able to sneak the UFO to Tim’s truck in daylight. Tim adjusted his John Deere cap thoughtfully and called over to Dink. “I think we should come back tonight.”
“You’re kidding,” said Dink. He held out a hand to help Tim to the pier. “I mean, I know this thing’s important, but it’s a 2 hour drive into town, and we’ve been up allll night,” he drawled.
“Well, what do you suggest?” Tim snapped. “We can’t take it with us right now, and it can’t live in the boat. Oh god, what if it comes to life?”
“You’re nuts. Okay, okay, we come back tonight. Tim. Tim. Geez, nothing’s coming to life! God, this isn’t Independence Day for Christ’s sake.” He followed his insane friend to the parking lot.
********
Clark Kent groaned and stretched out on the back porch of his family’s farm. Of all the places to be dropped from the sky, he had to land in Elberta. At this point, he’d even give for a Wal-Mart to roam around on a Friday night. He pet his yellow Labrador and started counting the stars again. 1…2…3…4…and on and on and on.
Just when he thought he’d broken a hundred, he spied the neighborhood kids sneaking into Jack’s farm next door. Oh great. They were probably going cow tipping again. Mr. Jack was going to be livid tomorrow. Maybe if he got bored enough, he’d check on the cows after the kids finished their mischief. Clark couldn’t blame them really. It was Elberta.
However…
It looked like the boys had partaken in Elberta’s other main activity…drinking.
This couldn’t be good.
Cows and drinking do not mix.
With a resigned sigh, Clark got up and poked his head inside the screen door. “Hey Mom, I’m gonna go check on Mr. Jack’s cows. I think the Watsons have been drinking again.”
He clattered down the back porch steps and snuck into the high grass near the fence that separated the Kent’s yard from Mr. Jack’s. It was pitch black, but with his glasses down, Clark could just make out the three figures surrounding the relaxed cow.
“Go on Johnny, just give it another push!” Johnny’s big brother slurred.
“I’m trying man; this cow’s a lot heavier drunk!” Shot the whispered reply.
Snuffle. Sneeze.
“God, Tom, I told you to take your allergy medicines this morning!”
Sniffle.
Clark snuck closer trying to get a view of the situation.
Grunt.
“Uh, Frank?” Tom whispered. “I did.”
Grunt. Tail swish.
The cow raised its head and took stock of the hands pressed against her side.
All three boys froze.
Clark held back a peal of laughter as all three humans and one animal stared at each other.
The cow glared at Frank and snorted.
“Run!” They all screamed and took off. Clark collapsed in laugher, and his dog bounded over, demanding to be let in on the fun. He reached up from the ground to ruffle the Labrador’s fur. “Now *this* is fun!” Clark exclaimed.
********
Tim and Dink returned that night to retrieve the capsule from Tim’s cabin boat. To their dismay, it was nowhere to be found. It was dark, Tim was still seasick, and it looked to be another long night as he pulled out of the gravel parking lot. Dink complained the whole way home, and Tim worried himself about one thing after the next.
Did somebody rob the boat?
Were there really alien life forms?
Oh god, what if it really came to life?
“God will you shut up about spaceships coming to life?!” Dink roared.
Yep, another long night in Baldwin County.
