I've gone back and fleshed this out a lot more, and changed some stuff. I think it reads better now. I don't know how to delete the other two versions of this same part that i posted earlier in the week. any one help?
Please let me know what works and what doesn't in this story okay?
All disclaimers apply.
I thought about what would happen if Superman hadn’t rejected Lois. I wanted to read some stories with that theme, but wasn’t able to find them, so I began one of my own. Any comments would be helpful and much appreciated.
A future for us
By Nancy V. Sont
nancyvsont@superaje.com
PG
Spring 2004
Clark hovered above the clouds, flat on his back, pondering things. This was the worst problem he’d ever had to deal with. It was far more important than anything he’d ever done before. Lex had proposed to Lois and she was actually considering it. How could she possibly be thinking about it? Was she insane? How could she be looking past him, Clark, he who brought her coffee, who played games with her, teased her, helped her through all her down times, challenged her when things were going smoothly, her best friend? What did she see in Lex Luther? He was all flash and dazzle, manners and money on the outside, but she didn’t even know him! He’d tried to talk some sense into her. That hadn’t gone well. Then he’d talked to her in the park, pouring out his own feeling for her, hoping that she would forget about Luther once she realized how important she was to himself and how much he loved her.
‘You must know I love you, Lois,’ he had said. But even though she said she also loved him in return, she’s clarified that it was the love of a friend. She was too blind to see that their love was the kind that makes for a good marriage, no matter what she thought about it being only good enough for bestfriends.
He let out a moan, rolling over and over in the clouds, slowly at first, then spinning more and more wildly, hoping to burn off some of his feelings. It didn’t do any good. It spent a tiny shred of his energy, but his racing mind wouldn’t calm down.
After he’d poured out his feelings to her, she’s asked him to let Superman know she needed to talk to him. When he’d asked about Lex’s proposal, she’d said, ‘and I won’t say ‘yes’, (to marrying Lex), not until I speak to someone. I think you know who it is.’
Sure he knew who it was. It always burned him up that she was so devoted to his alter ego. It was just a load of hero worship! He knew she wanted to talk to Superman about their relationship. But he wasn’t ready to go over there in the red and blue suit yet. What was he going to do? Would he follow his head and his heart and let her know there was no future for them, without telling her that she’d just rejected him as an ordinary man? To the woman he loved as much as life itself? What would be the consequences of that?
He shot up in the air, higher and higher, passing clouds until they were far below and the air became dangerously thin. He let himself float slowly downward, looking at the bright green of the land and the blues of the ocean and the white of the clouds, watching them move below him.
But she’d said she wouldn’t say ‘yes’ yet. What did that mean? Obviously that if she found there would be no future with Superman, she’d say yes to Lex. But he couldn’t let her marry Lex. Never. But she didn’t want a relationship with Clark. Not yet anyway. He pondered the things they’d been through over the past year of working together at the Planet. So many things had happened. She’d gone from detesting him to loving him as her best friend. That had taken a year. Given time, she’d probably decide she loved him romantically as well. But he didn’t have time! Time was running out.
He shot through the air again, circling the globe, over and over and over, finally coming to a rest high over the white of the arctic. He gazed dully at the white icebergs against the blue ocean.
Whatever happened when Superman went to her apartment tonight was going to completely alter the rest of his life. He’d lose her forever, or he’d have her forever.
If he rejected her would she actually blindly married the devil without investigating him? She was so stupid sometimes, so pigheaded. He felt sick to his stomach imagining the most beautiful, brilliant woman married to that devious fraud, that murderous villian. How he wished she’d listen to reason! But just like she’d fallen for the flash and dazzle of the Superman suit and powers, she’d done the same thing with Lex. He’d taken her to Italy for dinner! That wasn’t a quick flight like it’d be with him, it had probably taken seven hours. One would hardly be interested in dinner after seven hours of flying! Blinded by the bright lights, that’s all there was too it. Where was her reporter instinct when she was around both of them! But what could he do to stop her, short of letting her dream relationship with Superman develop? When she talked about marrying Lex, it wasn’t with that same look she had for superman, but it was close, she’d been swept off her feet.
For Pete’s sake, Clark, he scolded himself, what was wrong with her being in love with Superman? What was wrong with Superman being in love with Lois? Wasn’t Superman in love with her? Of course he was. It took all of his effort to keep from showing her his true feelings, to always keep her at arms length, acting as the distant, aloof superhero. What would be wrong with letting her love him, with developing a romantic relationship with her as Superman? It would save her life. It would save his Clark’s own life. Was it dishonest to do that? How could it be any more dishonest to love her as Superman without revealing his alter ego, than to love her as Clark without telling her his secret?
But could he possibly keep his secret from her as Superman? What about when they’d spend time together? Could he just be his normal self, without the crossed arms, let the distant attitude fall away? She’d seen him humbled before. She’d seen the pain in his face when things hadn’t gone right in the rescuing business. She knew he wasn’t always strong, that he had weaknesses. She just hadn’t seen much of that at all. But she did love him as a man, more than just a two dimensional figure. She’d comforted him before. She’d learned from his words of wisdom.
So what was she going to say to him tonight when he arrived in her window? Was she going to tell him Lex had proposed and that she wanted him more but she’d settle for Lex if Superman said ‘no’? Probably not. She’d want to see where they stood.
Well, he could save her and himself and their future children if he gave her hope in their relationship. But without question, instinctively, he wanted to give her the brush off. What a slap in the face to reject him to his face and then turn to his alter ego and want him? He hadn’t proposed. He’d only asked her if she didn’t know that he loved her. She’d even known it already.
Should he ask her to marry him as Superman? How could they get married? Okay, the names on the license wouldn’t be that hard. His name was Kal El. His parents were Lara and Jor El. But what about Martha and Jonathan coming to the wedding? Would she marry Superman if she found out he was Clark? She did love Clark, she’d said so already. Would Clark come to the wedding? No. Did they even know each other that well?
If he didn’t propose but just let her know that there was definitely hope for them as a couple, would that be enough to keep her from marrying Lex? Probably. Lex would undoubtedly find out and try harder to kill him as Superman. Lex wasn’t a quitter. He was up to something, buying up the Planet, tampering with the lunch boxes to land the blame far from himself when it blew up, offering Lois a job at LNN. It was obvious that Lex was behind the whole thing, he’d been behind practically everything bad that had ever happened in Metropolis, but he always came out smelling like a rose! What a psychiatriac case study Luther was!
Okay, if he did let them have a relationship, Superman and Lois, against all his better judgement, what about Lois’ safety? Would she be a target if they were seen dating? Of course she would be. But what were the options. If she married Lex, wouldn’t she be just as much a target? Lex must have many enemies. Wasn’t kidnapping Lois from Lex as good a way to get to Lex as it was to get to Superman?
Wasn’t she already a target just because she was seen as being Superman’s friend? If Superman couldn’t protect Lois Lane…but what better body guard existed to protect anyone?
His mind went on and on as the sun set, spraying color over the clouds beneath and above him. He had to make a decision.
He flew back to his balcony, landed and went inside, keeping the suit on since he’d be leaving shortly. He drank a glass of water, setting the glass so heavily back onto the counter that it nearly broke.
He couldn’t let Lois marry Lex. It was a foul idea. He had to prevent it at all costs. If she thought she had a life with him as Superman, he had to do that, just to keep her from selling her soul to the devil. Otherwise, as soon as she married Lex and woke up from the moonlight and roses, she’d learn the depth of his evil for herself. What would Lex do to her then when she blew the whistle on him as she certainly would. She’d expose him and he’d have to deal with her. His true selfishness would surface. No, she was certainly not safe with Lex once he found out she was on to him.
He knew she might really marry Lex and be forever out of his life. What would he do then? Would he try to win her back from him? He have to leave Metropolis, abandoning himself to a hopeless life. Where would he turn to take away the memory of losing her? Where in the universe would he be able to go to get away from the pain of knowing what he’d lost? Nothing was worth this, even if she only loved him as Superman right now. He’d held out every hope that she’d grow to love him as Clark. But his slow and quiet daily routine just wasn’t working fast enough. Given enough time, she’d come to love him as Clark. He’d been willing to wait for however long it took her when she’d spurned him that first time saying, ‘Don’t fall for me Farmboy.’
No, he’d made up his mind. He’d give her whatever she wanted from Superman. He’d give her the truth.
He landed in her living room with a gust of wind. Lois was sitting on her couch reading a book. She turned when the wind blew her hair and brushed her bare shoulders. She stood, happy that he’d come, her silky nightgown shimmering as it slid across her body as she moved to approach him.
“I heard you wanted to see me,” Clark said distantly.
“Yes, um, come in, I’ll just put on a robe,” she said, looking down at her gown sheepishly. He thought of letting her know that it wouldn’t shield her unless it was lead lined, but that would be rude and crass. Instead, he smiled and nodded while she disappeared into her bedroom for a moment, returning with her blue robe tied around her slim waist. She approached him and put her hands on his folded arms, fingering the ‘S’ with one of them while looking into his eyes.
He still felt angry to have been put in this position. He wanted her to love him, all of him, as Clark, not just as the dazzling Superman.
“I'm just trying to figure out…I have a lot of changes going on in my life and I just want to make the right decision…and I can’t do that until I know how you feel. Superman, is there any hope for us? You and me? I'm so completely in love with you. I can’t do anything else without knowing,” Lois asked, looking up into Superman’s face. She practically was holding her breath as she waited for his response.
Her defenses were all down. There was none of that business woman that Clark was usually shown at work. She was humble, ready to accept whatever he said. Her life was in the balance. She was scared of losing him, scared of making the wrong decision.
She knew she loved him, but did he have feelings for her as well? She’d never felt this way about anyone before. He was so good, so completely honest, so trustworthy.
It had been good of Clark to send Superman to see her. He’d almost proposed to her, but although he was her best friend in the entire world, he didn’t make her heart race the way Superman did.
Seeing her so completely open to him, radiating so much love for him; melted his still partially hardened, broken heart. He dropped his arms to his sides.
“Oh, Lois,” he began, unable to hide his love for her behind that phony stone face. She wasn’t acting. The woman he’d loved for so long was completely in love with him. She’d do anything for him. She’d fight against anyone who said an unkind word about Superman. Her face was the cover of an open book to her heart.
He unfolded his arms and gently placed them around her waist and kissed her forehead, then drew her to him in a tender embrace. “I’ve tried to hide my feelings from you for so long. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’ve tried to keep you at a distance, to keep you from getting hurt.”
She looked up at him, searching his watery eyes. “Oh Superman!” she gasped, her arms going around his back beneath his cape. He didn’t look the same as he usually did. She’d never seen emotions like these in his eyes before.
“How do you really feel about me, Superman?” she ventured. She thought she knew, but she had to hear him tell her. She had to know for sure. Her life depended on it.
“Oh Lois,” he pulled her closer and rubbed his face in her silky hair. “I’ve loved you for a very long time.”
All he’d worked for in trying to keep his distance from Lois when he was in costume seemed of no consequence now. He had no other choice; he couldn’t possibly let her turn to the Devil if he continued to push her away as Superman, always hoping she’d begin to love him as Clark. Darn it he wasn’t just Clark. “Yes, Lois, there is a lot of hope for us, if you’ll have me.”
Her eyes were pooling with tears as she looked up into his loving eyes. Their lips met, softly caressing one another. Clark spoke first. “Lois, you mean the world to me. The more time we spend together, the more that love has grown. You’ve been there for me from the beginning and I’ve tried to always be there for you. When I first rescued you in Prometheus, I just couldn’t let anything happen to you. I’ve watched over you the whole time I’ve lived here in Metropolis. Every night when I fly over the city to make sure things are calm, I always check to see if you’re alright. I know your voice, and if I ever hear it, I follow that sound first. I know your heartbeat. When you arrive at a rescue, I hear it and I know where you are and that you’re looking for me. It’s taken all I have inside to keep from rushing over to you and flying you away with me.”
“Really, Superman?” She looked up through her tears of joy. She’d never imagined that she’d be hearing these words from the only man she’d ever loved. Her heart overflowed. “I never really knew how you felt about me.” She was sobbing, “I mean, I knew you liked me! But I never knew that you could really have those feelings for me!”
He held her tightly with one arm, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumb as he cradled her cheek in his hand.
Clark had thought about bringing the diamond ring he’d bought for her along, and at the last minute he had done so. If she could accept a proposal from Lex who she barely knew and didn’t love, then surely she’d accept a proposal from him who she did know and loved deeply, even if he thought it could be just a crush. He was ready to throw caution to the wind. He had to have Lois as his wife, as the mother of his children, if that were possible. “Lois, I know you don’t know me that well. I mean,”
“But I can see beyond that, Superman. I can see who you really are, the good you stand for, the way it tears you up when someone’s in pain, when you can’t save everyone.”
“There’s so much more to me than you know about. What if you find that I'm not as perfect as you think I am?”
Lois hugged his waist tighter. “Oh Superman, I’d love you even if you were just an ordinary man.”
He swallowed, trying not to feel the pain of the rejection he’d just given to his ordinary self. But what she was saying was true; the man that she loved was solid to the core, a decent man. He may have been crossing his arms and standing tall and acting aloof and emotionless, but she was looking beyond that, he realized for the first time. As Clark, she’d not been able to see his goodness so clearly as she could when that was all he showed as Superman. But even as Clark, she’d grown to love him as a close friend. She had much stronger feelings for Superman, naturally, he had been the one who had always come when she’d been in the jaws of death. Clark had always gone for help. Clark ran out on her all the time. Superman came when she needed him. No wonder she loved superman so much. He was the man who had always come to her rescue when she really needed it, not gone to find help.
“Even if you find out that I have faults? I mean, sometimes I don’t think you see any of my faults.”
She looked into his deep brown eyes and saw pain and sadness there. “Superman, I know you must have faults, but whatever they are, with so much goodness in you, you’re by far the best man on this planet.” She grinned offhandedly and continued, “And you know, I always go for the very best!”
He laughed as he smiled broadly at her and held her close. Maybe he should do it. Maybe he should take a chance on proposing to her. But shouldn’t they develop their relationship more first? Memories of all the times they’d spent together both in and out of disguise raced through his mind. He thought about dating Lois. His heart skipped a beat. As Clark, he’d had to do everything so slowly to make sure he didn’t make her reject him. As Superman, she’d never rejected him. Certainly they should date before he proposed to her. But at the moment, it didn’t seem like there was much standing between them. She knew as much about him as she needed, to know that she loved him. He certainly loved her.
His arms loosened and he reached around to retrieve the box. “Lois, I know that our relationship has been rather strange, and that you don’t know everything about me.” Then going down on one knee, Clark opened the small blue velvet covered box to face her.
“Lois Lane, will you marry me?”
Lois was stunned. Her mouth dropped open. Could this possibly be happening? The man of her dreams was actually proposing to her? She’d had no idea he’d wanted to marry her.
She’d known she couldn’t marry Lex, not without finding out if there was any hope between her and Superman first. How scared she’d felt when she’d seen the distant look on Superman’s face. He truly looked like a man of steel. What was she thinking, pouring out her heart to him? How desperate she had felt. She’d had to find out, to get things all out in the open. He’d never given her much encouragement, but had seemed to tolerate her attention to him.
All her reservations about men and the terrible way they’d treated her came to mind. But here was her superhero that would never treat her badly. She knew that as certainly as she knew she was Lois Lane. If she could be ready to accept a proposal of marriage from Lex if Superman had rejected her, then how much more wonderful would be accepting it from Superman!
“Oh, yes, Superman, I will!” The tears were flowing freely now as his lips found hers. Clark felt wonderful. His sweetheart was going to have him! Or at least part of him. He’d had no idea how wonderful it would feel to tell her his feelings, not just the feelings of Superman the superhero, but his true feelings, the feelings he had as both Clark and Superman. How wonderful not to have to hide them from her anymore. It was horrible enough having his big secret, but it felt so wonderful to unlock this tightly secured box to let her know just how he felt about her. He wanted to tell her how much it had hurt when she’d rejected him as Clark so many times, but that would have to wait until he could tell her his secret.
He took the shiny gold diamond ring out of the box, laying the box on the end table beside him, and slipped it onto her awaiting finger, then lifted her hand to his lips. “I love you, Lois Lane. Thank you for saying yes,”
“Thank you for asking,” Lois giggled, leaning her face up towards his.
They were floating as they kissed. He’d kissed her before, but it had never sent such feelings through his very soul as it did this time. Filled with joy, they floated out the window and into the clouds doing slow somersaults as they kissed, drifting and spinning in the gentle wind.
He pushed away thoughts of his whole life and the implications of what had just happened as they flooded through him. He’d always protected his identity. Now he was going to have to let her get to know him as Superman. He’d have to leave her to be Clark, who was now going to become his secret identity. He’d done it before, but in reverse. But he didn’t want to think about that, not now. He didn’t want to have any secrets from her. He’d deal with that eventually, when the time came, but right now he just wanted to feel her in his arms, her soft lips upon his, her steady heartbeat close against his, high above the earth. He breathed deeply of her intoxicating smell and nestled his face into her hair.
Embracing, they sailed through the clouds, closer to the moon and the stars, far above the lights of Metropolis, murmuring into one another's ears as they kissed and hugged and looked at the enormity of space.
There was a world of him that she’d never gotten to know, well, at least not knowing it was Superman. They’d never done anything regular together.
Clark at last had the woman of his dreams. Her face radiated, puddling his heart ever further. When they were blissfully sailing over Metropolis, the lights below them illuminating the clouds that now surrounded them, a building burst into flames, followed by the sound of the distant explosion. Their moment of bliss was over. Lois looked at him, knowing they had to go.
Should he take her home first, or should he just take her with him? Lois saw the look of indecision in his eyes. “Let’s go!” she said, embarking on a whole new world together with Superman, her fiancé.
“Hold tight, this is going to be a faster flight than usual,” he said tensely, covering her head and body with his cape. Lois tucked her head into his chest and was safely enveloped in his aura as he sped as fast as he could without endangering her. From beneath the protection of his cape, she’d barely felt the wind, though she could hear its roar as they flew downward. In moments her feet touched the ground, some distance from the conflagration. She could feel the heat of the fire, even from several blocks away. He flew up above the fire and blew ice wind on it.
The screams of the trapped tenants in the flaming building ripped at him as he moved at nearly the speed of light as he found the dying, burning and injured and brought them safely to the pavement some distance from the building. Lois ran to them, hearing sirens in the distance. Soon the sidewalk and road were filled with bodies. It reminded her of a scene from Gone with the Wind where Scarlett was overwhelmed with the enormity of the disaster that the Civil war was causing.
Lois walked among the victims as the number of them grew, doing what little she could for them. Many of them were practically dead, yet Superman had brought only the living out first. He flew in the smoke-filled darkness from heartbeat to heartbeat, sending broken beams and flaming furniture out of the way to rescue them. He was hardly more than a red and blue blur as he returned over and over to the wreckage. He was in the sky again, blowing more ice wind onto new flames, then a blur as he returned through the billowing smoke for more victims.
The 30 story apartment building had been full. The residents of the 600 apartments included newborn babies, school children, mothers and fathers and grandparents. They’d returned to the security of home after a day of work, school and errands. The explosion had been unannounced.
Lois watched in horror as the number of people on the road grew. Their cries of pain were deafening as she roamed among them. Ambulances arrived one after another. Soon a continual procession to fill the city’s many hospitals began. Rescue workers lifted the burn victims onto stretchers one after another.
Hours went by. The flames had started up many times. Fire trucks had surrounded the building. Water arches had reached high up wherever there were flames. He’d flown the wounded to emergency rooms in surrounding cities once his work at taking them out of the building had finished. Then, without any warning, the building fell to the ground, leaving only a heap of cement, metal beams and all that they had contained. The pile burst into flame again, while superman worked to move the heap, piece by piece, faster than the speed of light, to rescue those still within it. Clark hadn’t had time to deal with the dead until the living had all been taken to the hospitals. Only then had he gone in search of the dead.
Superman worked all night, recovering all those that were within. Dawn was breaking before Superman lighted on the ground beside Lois. The road where the wounded victims had lain was stained with blood. None of the rest of those still on the road were alive.
There was no smile on Clark’s face anymore. Memories of the joy he’d felt at his engagement to Lois had vanished. Soot stained his face, suit and boots. His hands were black. He smelled like the acrid smoke he’d been working in all night. Lois leaned against him, hugging him, so grateful for all that he’d done tonight.
“I'm dirty, Lois,” he choked out, not wanting to make her clothes filthy, but too tired and in too much emotional pain to remove her arms from around his waist. “Here, I’ll fly you home.”
With that, they were airborne and flying over the city. The layer of smoke hung in the air and Lois coughed. Clark wrapped his cape around her and soon flew through her living room window to set her down.
She looked up at him. “Thank you Superman. You are so incredible.”
Any happiness that phrase would normally have imparted to him was lost on his despair. He mumbled, “I’d better go get cleaned up.”
“Where will you go?” Lois asked.
Clark remembered that she didn’t know about his other life; that he lived in a perfectly nice apartment where he had a shower and a comfortable bed and a closet full of suits. He almost distanced himself out of habit to say, ‘I have places,’ but remembered he was now engaged to her. He wanted his secrets from her to be as few as possible.
“I usually swim in the ocean until the smell is gone, then rinse off in a lake,” he said instead. “I’ll probably go to the arctic, maybe the ice water will numb my mind
“But where do you shower to get rid of the saltwater?” she continued.
Seeing where this conversation was leading, he hesitated, wearily..
“You can use my shower,” she suggested. “I can wash your suit in my washing machine.” The thought of Superman wrapped in a towel while he waited for his suit to be cleaned brought mixed emotions to mind. She pulled her mind away from that train of thought. “Do you have other suits somewhere?”
Her mind was racing now. How many suits did he have? Had he brought them with him when he’d arrived from Krypton? Did the suit come off? Oh, of course it did, he was a man beneath it!
He hadn’t thought any of this out yet. He still had to protect his secret from her, until she finally could love him as Clark as well. But how would that ever be possible now? Now she would have to push Clark away, simply because she would be completely faithful to Superman.
“Lois, I think I’d better go,” he managed. . He could see her sadden and wanted to fix it, but he was so devastated by the carnage he’d dealt with all night. She reached up and pulled his face down to hers and kissed him.
“Oh Superman, don’t go, not yet.”
“Lois, I have to. It’s nearly sunrise. You need to get some sleep.” He felt bad pushing her away, but was too overwhelmed to communicate with her or with anyone. “I need to be alone.”
She looked into his distraught eyes and could only imagine what he’d seen as he’d been pulling victims out of that mess. It had been sickeningly horrible from her vantage point. Her heart had been devastated by the pain of the people she’d seen. How much worse it must have been for him.
She pulled him to her again as he buried his face in her hair, “Oh Lois, it was so awful.” She could feel him sob quietly into her hair. “I should have seen it coming, I should have heard more and gotten there faster.” The images of children and babies, pregnant mothers and all the rest flooded into his mind.
“Lois, I love you with all my heart, but I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He said, kissing her briefly and then flying away through the window before she had a chance to respond.
She wrapped her arms around herself, realizing she was still wearing her robe over her nightgown. It was dirty and smoky. That poor man, she thought. How can he possibly blame himself? He has no idea how much he was able to do tonight. Several hundred workers would have been needed to make the difference he’d made tonight.
She picked up the remote and turned on the TV. LNN was showing footage of the explosion, the work superman was doing, the rows upon rows of wounded and burned on the road, the flashing red lights of the police, ambulances and fire trucks, the billowing black smoke rising into the dark night sky.
She sunk onto her couch and pulled her computer onto her lap, opened it and began to type. Eventually, she clicked on the send key before closing the laptop and heading into the shower. She’d be sleeping in today.
