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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 509
Columnist
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OP
Columnist
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 509 |
Hi Welcome to the boards!!! Nice Story....but is kind of Sad, Clark does not know that Lois is in Trouble. Lois is in pain.....Please somebody help her!!!!!!!!!  Karla
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Joined: Apr 2003
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Terry, just a quick note - a lot of our readers find it difficult to read stories where there are no paragraphs to separate out the text. If you can adjust your posts to include paragraphs it makes it a little easier for them.  I'm back. Okay, since it was a short post and I was bored and looking for something to do <g>, I put this one into paragraphs for you. Intriguing start - looking forward to more. LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,217
Kerth
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Kerth
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,217 |
Interesting start A continuity error "Got it. Lights in subject room are now off and the room is sealed. Recording - now. Subject is Lois Lane, Caucasian female, age twenty-five - "
"Twenty-six."
"What?"
"According to her driver's license, her birthday was last week."
"Whatever. Age twenty-six, five feet five inches in height, weight one hundred two pounds. General health very good, no visible scars or birthmarks. This interrogation session will induce fear, first of pain and then of death, until the subject becomes susceptible to any suggestion and willing to answer any questions. First session begins at two forty-eight AM October ninth." From the pilot script... Will you stop? You sound like Dad.
Jeez, I'm only twenty-six.
LUCY
Twenty-six today. Thirty-six *
tomorrow. * I hope that helps Jose
"Practice up your shielding spells...and remember to duck if you see green light coming your way." Harry Potter to Wizengamot in OotP trial A Bad Week in the Wizengamot
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,578 Likes: 10
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,578 Likes: 10 |
![[Linked Image]](http://www.cosgan.de/images/more/bigs/c009.gif) ! Welcome Terry! OMG! It's horrible ![[Linked Image]](http://www.cosgan.net/images/smilie/konfus/n065.gif) (Lois's situation, not your story, of course  )! The beginning is astounding. Who is doing this to Lois? Ariana? Lex? Nigel? Intergang? What money? ![[Linked Image]](http://www.cosgan.net/images/midi/konfus/e045.gif) There're so many possibilities... Poor Lois! Poor, poor Lois! ![[Linked Image]](http://www.cosgan.net/images/midi/traurig/g045.gif) My heart hurt for her. Kidnapped, tortured and can't call Superman. She was so happy before this... She needs  SOOOON!!!!! Poor, poor Clark! ![[Linked Image]](http://www.cosgan.net/images/midi/traurig/g050.gif) Why exactly now he's so happy this happens? ![[Linked Image]](http://www.cosgan.net/images/smilie/konfus/g070.gif) He'll go crazy when to know what happened and will blame himself by don't be able to save her. ![[Linked Image]](http://www.cosgan.net/images/midi/konfus/k030.gif) More SOON, please!  I'm terrified for poor Lois! ![[Linked Image]](http://www.cosgan.net/images/midi/konfus/c015.gif) Andreia (who's trying calm down, but it's so hard...) ![[Linked Image]](http://www.cosgan.net/images/kao/traurig/d055.gif)
"My wife's love is what unites Krypton and Earth in my heart. Without it, without her, I truly would be in hell."
~ Superman: Man of Tomorrow #15
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Great start.  "You sure no one’s gonna bother us?"
"I told you, the basement is lead-lined and soundproofed. Nobody’s going to find us any time soon unless we want to be found."
"Good. I guess we’re ready to start. You on the log?"
"Got it. Lights in subject room are now off and the room is sealed. Recording - now. Subject is Lois Lane, Caucasian female, age twenty-five - "
"Twenty-six."
"What?"
"According to her driver's license, her birthday was last week."
"Whatever. Age twenty-six, five feet five inches in height, weight one hundred two pounds. General health very good, no visible scars or birthmarks. This interrogation session will induce fear, first of pain and then of death, until the subject becomes susceptible to any suggestion and willing to answer any questions. First session begins at two forty-eight AM October ninth."  Who are they? Is it Luthor Basement? What do they want? "Continuing. Subject was partly conscious for four minutes twenty seconds. Subject was introduced to thirty-five percent pain maximum and withstood a sudden increase to forty-five percent maximum tolerance levels before losing consciousness. Anticipate next session within fifty minutes." This guy's are sick? The dreams of Lois must have awakened him. He almost decided to fly over her apartment and look in on her, but he restrained himself. Watching her sleep would, for him, be a most exquisite torture. 
Maria D. Ferdez.
---
Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
Labby, thanks for fixing the formatting. But remember, your e-mail told me it would work if I just pasted the text in! I didn't know I'd need to add the extra lines and such! But I will from now on.
As to the 'alleged' continuity error about Lois's age, well, I didn't have a copy of that script in front of me, and if her apartment could move why couldn't her birthday, and --
Sorry, I'm back now. I'll post more next week.
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362
Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Labby, thanks for fixing the formatting. But remember, your e-mail told me it would work if I just pasted the text in! I didn't know I'd need to add the extra lines and such! But I will from now on. Uusually it does, Terry! I noticed when I went in to edit the post that you'd used indented paragraphs - but I'm not aware that that normally causes a problem and I'm sure lots of others use those too. It's probably just one of those glitches that turns up now and then for no reason other than just to irritate us. <G> LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999
Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 1,999 |
Terry, interesting set-up. Lots of questions.
I would have thought that one of Clark's first moves would have been to check on Lois given that he didn't know why he woke up.
To me the 'pleasant dream' idea is a little 'convenient' but it does provide him a reason to not think that it was something bad which woke him up. Otherwise he'd never pass up checking on Lois.
Lois is in some serious trouble, but I'd guess that if the situation progresses as the bad guys want, eventually, Superman is going to be the one who is in trouble.
Tank (who liked the intensity of the story post but thought it was a bit short... but then the gentle readers always think that posts are too short)
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,454
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,454 |
Yes, very intriguing beginning indeed, Terry - posing lots of questions and leaving us hanging after too short an introduction. You're already learning the art of the cliffhanger. I do want to know why Lois can't call Superman. And why she thinks he was there beside her. And why Clark woke having dreamed of her... so I hope you'll post again soon to start to answer some of these questions!  Just a note on the paragraph layout - the boards coding doesn't recognise indentation, as far as I know, so if you're used to tabbing your paras with only one hard return in between that won't work here. I think everyone who posts stories on the boards actually writes them with paragraphs blocked - two hard returns in between. Even on the archive, where indentation will show up, that makes stories much easier to read - personally, I often won't read a long story on the archive where paragraphs are indented rather than separated out, because my eyes begin to glaze over and it takes too much concentration (especially since stories are uploaded in plain text and I find Courier hard to read at the best of times. :p ). So if you format your story in your word processor with paragraphs separated out, it'll paste into here perfectly well. Wendy
Just a fly-by! *waves*
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Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 2,992 |
Terry Welcome to the boards! Tricia 
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 451
Beat Reporter
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Beat Reporter
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 451 |
aw, super sad!!  ~nicole
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