Well, this story was written in about twenty minutes at midnight, so... that's my excuse.

Hmm. Free shampoo.

Clark Kent looked at the tiny sample of shampoo that had arrived with his mail. He'd never heard of the brand, but he was a big fan of free stuff. Reporters, after all, didn't exactly get paid in the triple digits.

He sniffed it. It smelled pretty good. Sort of fruity, like watermelon. He carried it into the bathroom and left it on the shampoo rack to use next time he took a shower.

* * * * * *

Lois burst into Clark's apartment to tell him about the latest lead she'd found on their story. But... where was Clark?

She heard water sounds coming from the bathroom. This was no time to be taking a shower! She burst into the bathroom and threw open the curtain.

"Clark!" she exclaimed. "You're naked!"

"Well, I was taking a..." Clark started, then trailed off. A funny look crossed his face. "Lois, I'm..."

"Still naked," she reminded him, throwing a towel in his direction.

"In pain," he moaned, collapsing to the floor, holding his head and writhing.

"Clark, what's wrong?" she asked, frantically. He was tearing at his hair as if he wanted to pull it out. "Clark, stop that! You're going to rip your hair out!"

"Yes, get it off, get it off!" he shouted at her.

"What?"

"Get the scissors! Razor! Anything!"

Sensing that he really was in pain, Lois threw open the medicine cabinet. No razor. She checked the bathroom closet. Also no mirror. How did the man shave... lasers?

She ran to the kitchen, digging in drawers until she finally found a pair of scissors. She ran back to the bathroom.

"Here," she said, trying to thrust them at him.

"No good," Clark moaned, still writhing. "You've got to do it. Cut it off, all of it. Close to the scalp."

Lois gulped. "I don't know about this, Clark. You're going to kill me for it tomorrow."

"Just do it!"

Lois tentatively lifted a lock of hair, then cut it as close as she dared to without cutting him. She groaned as she lifted it away from his head. Why had she never noticed how beautiful Clark's hair was, so glossy and shiny, until she had to destroy it all?

With the repeated desperate urgings of Clark, Lois finally managed to complete the task, until Clark's dark locks were strewn across the bathroom but none remained on his head.

"Now, throw them away!" Clark said.

She scooped them up and went to toss them in the trash can, but he stopped her. "No, no! Throw them somewhere... throw them out the window!"

She did.

Clark made a soft noise of relief and got up. "Oh, I feel much better. I need to get another shower to get rid of the last remnants, though."

"Clark," Lois said, growing annoyed. "Aren't you going to tell me what that was all about?"

"Oh, right. Well, um, my hair is really thick, right?"

Well, she knew that. Thick, silky, dark... so tempting to run her hands through it. "Yeah. So what?"

"Well, sometimes it gets too heavy, and it feels like it's going to pull my brains out. It hurts like anything. And I just have to cut it all off to get relief."

Lois narrowed her eyes, but he shrugged innocently. "Thanks for your help, Lois," he said, stepping back into the shower. He tossed her the towel.

She glanced at the towel, then put it back on the rack. "I still have a lead to tell you about!" She paused. "I'll wait in the living room."

* * * * * *

That day, Clark Kent bought a razor to remove the last traces of his Kryptonite-flavored hair. The day after that, Superman made his first appearance with a shaved head. It seemed to go over well with the ladies. He accidentally got called "Vin Diesel" a few times, though, which was mildly annoying.

Clark Kent, unfortunately, couldn't be suddenly bald at the same time that Superman did. Fortunately, there was an excellent wig shop just down the street from his apartment building.

There was only one thing that he forget to take into account. Well, okay, not a thing, a person, really.

"Clark..." Lois said as they got onto the elevator at the Daily Planet. "Or, should I say, Superman."

Clark gaped at her. "What did you say?"

"I know your secret, Superman."

He hit the "door close" button. "You do?"

"Yes. I know that you're really Superman, and that you and Clark switched places."

"That we... switched places?"

"I don't know how you managed to give him your powers, but he's the one who shaved his head, not you!"

"Oh. Right. Yeah, we switched places. Just thought it would be fun for a while."

He hit the "door open" button, sighing in relief.

Jimmy stepped on the elevator with them to continue up to the newsroom.

"Hey, CK," Jimmy said, "Your wig is askew."

Clark gasped and went to straighten it. Lois's eyes flew to his hair.

"But don't worry," Jimmy said, stepping off as they reached their floor, "your secret's safe with me."