Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: All the King's Horses 4/4

I am most likely wrong, but I thought these boards were for sharing fan "stories", rather than a writers' forum per se. Writers' forums would indeed criticize must severely. And any writer worth their salt would want and need that. The criticism here fouces on characterization rather than style and technique, important elements, but the characters had better be right.
I know the remarks here can be a little sugary at times but I think the point is to encouage folk to express their creativity and to take a chance in a friendy , non threating atmosphere.Harsh crit can shut a person down and nobody wants that. ( A little late, but just some thoughts)

Great job, I enjoyed this a lot David and I'm looking forward to more!

Keep writing!

~Liz

I love this story!!

Eagerly awaiting the sequel!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by David0411:
<strong>I hope everybody realises that the sequel will have to wait - the next story I write will be for the Fundraiser DVD... unless I decided to be lazy and submit the sequel for the Fundraiser armed with shears...

James

Wow. I absolutely love your writing style. I think I was hold my breathe during every part of this story. Spectacular!

Melisa

Yay! Ok I panicked yesterday! But I couldn't help but read the end<g> Very good save David! A sequil sounds great! Laura

Now I haven't posted here in a long time but I this story has me wanting to say something. I was wonderfully joyed the moment I started to read it.

I loved it! Completely awed by it!

Your experiment worked as far as I am concerned because any other way wouldn't have achieved the same outcome. It is a hard way to write-tried it and can't say I would do it a lot but it is a challenge and I commend you for doing it!

phew!

I mean... I knew you would, how could you not? It's a brilliant end

Ditto!

Bugger

Thanks TJ

Because it's been bugging me :p

See? I do know *some* grammar...

And...

It's now justified.

No sequel, eh?

Now there's an idea!

Thanks Jackie

That's made my night...

Really now, what is it with this fandom and shears?

Thank you!

Good thing it was short!

I'm glad you decided to come back

Wow, thank you!

Ok, I'm late but I finally got the chance to read the last two parts and I have to say they were GREAT!! You totally had me going there. I thought Luthor was going to kill Clark and then maybe kidnap Lois. I'm so happy I got to read both parts together. Great job! I totally loved it!

Jackie

I'm coming in a little late, too, since I wanted to be able to read the last three parts all at once, as I'm inclined to do. (It's the immersion thing, combined with the bus thing ...)

And ... well, my feedback on part 1 still applies.

No sugar coating, no lying, no exaggerating. I'm not even around these parts enough anymore to have any reason to do any of that stuff. I just plain loved this story. Was impressed by this story. By the experimental style and how much power the structure had. My hat is off to you, David.

I've been reading (and writing) fanfic for nearly 10 years now. I've read hundreds of stories -- actually, probably thousands of stories, if you consider the volume of fics on the Archive plus all the nfics, not to mention all the fic I've read for other shows -- over those 10 years. And I think I have a pretty good eye for talent. I know when a story needs polishing, when a writer is a good story-teller, but has trouble with the mechanics. And I adjust my feedback accordingly.

I don't need to adjust anything with you, David.

This was just flat out excellent. A different style, yes, but one that I found fascinating and creative and very well done. And I'm very glad I got a chance to read it.

Kathy

Incredible story. And yes the loose ends - like Lex knowing everything about Clark/Superman and can Clark even fully recover after all this exposure to kryptonite. So many things still to tell in a sequel.

David

Sorry I'm late here. I've just read the last two parts. I love it.

Tricia

There's no such thing as 'late' - everybody else is just early!

Is it wrong that I love hearing that?

I'm glad you liked it, Jackie

Thanks Kathy!

I'm stoked you liked it. Flat out excellent? Wow!

Maybe I could answer the questions here!

Lex tries to expose Clark as Superman, but since he isn't as pretty as Diana Stride, nobody believes him and he gets to spend a lot of time medicated and modelling straight jackets in a very high class mental ward.

St John takes over as head of the criminal underworld and things proceed as per normal.

Lois realises her mother isn't all that bad and when she gets frustrated trying to remove the blood stains from her polished floors, she decides to just move in with Ellen. She decides to take her mother's advice and never trust men again. Oh, and she doesn't cut her hair.

Clark never fully recovers from his exposure to Kryptonite, though his speed and agility remain above average for humans, he's far from super. Unable to find work, with his novel stagnant, and horribly lonely, Clark joins a travelling circus. He has many adventures with his travelling circus and cheerful Ring-Master, but that, my friends is a story for another day...

... Or you know what? Maybe I'll just write that sequel.

Dave (who *really* needs to sleep :p )

P.S.

Thanks Tricia!

(Did you get time to sit down over the holidays, eh?)

This is so amazing! You say EVERYTHING and in so few words!

~Nicole

David, whether you write a sequel to this particular story I absolutely want more stories.

The characterization is what I loved - and especially the Lex/Lois and Lex/Superman stuff in the final chapter.

Its about Lois and Clark but too often the characters Lex and Clark and the nexus between them is forgotten. You have not done that. Thank you.

One of the best Superman/Superboy stories I've seen/read is from the old Superboy TV series where Lex and Superboy are trapped in a mine. Both slowly dying, the epsisode was a long study of each as he relates to the other and what drives that relationship.

As with your story it was the focus on characterization that made it great.

Thanks.

Thanks Randi

You've made me feel a whole lot better about all those times I bugged my poor BRs with a: "But would they really say that?!"

You're very welcome! (I'll pretend that it was done intentionally. Shh.)

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment

Dave

A really long time ago, David, you said:
Here's hoping you truly meant it, because it's been weeks and weeks since Clark escaped the cage and fell through Lois's door, broken and hurt and wearing the cape.

That image was so great, so vivid and shocking, I didn't see how I'd be able to wait until part 2.

(There's a kind of irony here, in that it took me until today to read parts 2-4 of this incredibly fast-paced, doesn't give you a minute to breathe, fic. I totally see that.)

In a word, finally, as tardy as I am: wonderful.

This is completely different, original, refreshing, smart, so skillfully rendered. It feels like... watching something under strobe lighting... if that makes a bit of sense. The way the lights flicker off and on so fast your eyes can't follow fluid movement, but see the quick cuts instead.

That's how this reads. And that's what makes this so memorable. There is no time to slow down, the events just happen and keep happening, and the way you crafted the tension by chopping up the words and sentences into images and fractured thoughts is just... ok, I've used 'wonderful'... um... really excellent.

Thank you for such a great read!

Now... how's that sequel coming along?

CC

Of course I meant that.

I'm amazed and grateful and... amazed that you'd leave fdk after so long. Did I mention that I'm amazed? Add 'touched' in there too. Because... wow. Thank you for taking the time after this long.

In a word: ... Ok, after reading this story you probably wouldn't believe I can't reply in a word, but... I can't. I'm just... amazed. And very glad you enjoyed it.

I'm not quite sure that' a compliment, since I get images of my high school science teacher running around espousing the wonders of strobe lighting and parabolic motion, flitting around in my head, but... I *am* going to take it as one, so, thank you.

Before I babble on... thanks. I'm very glad you enjoyed it.

Thank you for such great comments!

And... erm... that sequel. Well... the sequel, it seems, is being pushed back.

I wont make excuses, but... ok, I *will* make excuses.

There's the fundraiser story and the back up fundraiser story, in case I decide not to run with the first, the story I've wanted to start for a while, and the TOGOM adaptation someone might have strongly hinted at... And... and... I'll get right on it.