Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK-Growing Up Super (3/4)

Nathan is going to find out the secret.... :rolleyes:

Jose

Enjoying the adventures of Jack, Emily and Nathan

Just catching up with this fic, Meerkat.

I'm not always a fan of next gen stories, but this one has captured my attention.

First, Emily's struggle with her growing vision powers is interesting. We've always seen them as coming almost at once, possibly embarrassing the superperson, but they manage once they get hold of it. Emily is struggling because she can't control it, she isn't talking to her brother, and her father is far away. I think that Martha's idea of handling the vision as a learning disability is a great idea until Emily can control the power. But Emily is still struggling. At least her hearing is in good working order.

Nathan is also an interesting character. He's a bully, but you've made the reader feel as if he can be helped if someone cares enough. (Sometimes, it's easier for the school to suspend a student than to deal with the problem. Although in this case, I'm surprised that the school sends him off the school property on his own without a parent. That's irresponsible of the school. He can get in more trouble if he's unsupervised.)

Emily sounds like Clark in some ways--she wants to help Nathan, and she sees the good in him. In other ways, she's as feisty as Lois.

You wondered if you needed more of the bad guys in the story. I think since this is mostly from Emily's POV, she doesn't know who the bad guys are. They are just the reason she's in Smallville, and keeping her away from her parents. So, she's not tracking them down, and her parents aren't telling her what they are doing. She's too young. As long as you keep this from her POV, you don't need a lot of details about them. This story is about Emily, Nathan (and a bit about Jack).

One niggly I had while reading. Emily and Jack are talking away in Russian and Nathan doesn't say anything. Wouldn't he be curious? I would be. It's rude to speak in a foreign language when someone in the group doesn't understand. So I'm sure Nathan would be upset and feel left out. He'd say something about it--unless he was drugged or something. Emily and Jack need to have some excuse why they are doing it. (We know why, but Nathan has to be appeased.)

Looking forward to Part 4.

gerry

Loved part three! I'm really enjoying the focus on the kids and the huminization of Nathan. I'm glad you didn't decide to paint him as a black and white bully. You can do so much more this way. When the get captured is great especially with Emily and Jack attempting to discuss their options with Nathan around. Good stuff. Keep it up

Really good, Sarah! I think I like Nathan, too. I really do like the way you're not writing him as a one-dimensional bully.

Actually, why don't you just read Gerry's post again? She said it all, so articulately and so comprehensively. And I agree entirely on the bad guys bit.

Looking forward to the final part!


Wendy

Hi,

Great piece.

I'm loving this story. I love how Emily's reacting to everything. I agree with Gerry that Nathan would probably speak up when Emily and Jack started speaking in Russian. Especially since he's such a nosy person. I'm liking Nathan, he seems like such a misunderstood bully. Come back to the good side, Nathan!

I agree that Nathan would probably complain about them speaking a language he couldn't understand, but he wouldn't worry about the rudeness. Kid's don't. That's why people have to teach them manners. <g>

Nan

Thank you all for your responses! You're making me want to write *more* next-gen stories. Okay, just kidding. Really.

I'm glad that you like the stuff about Emily controlling her super-powers. That was really my entire original concept for the story, simply how frustrating it would be to know, your entire life, that you were meant to become a super-hero, but have to wait until adulthood (and handle your powers as they came in).

Nathan was, as I mentioned, not a character I originally intended in the story. But I have always loved books that showed a bully who maybe could have been different, if he was given the chance (like the children's book "Help! There's a Boy in the Girl's Bathroom," or something like that).

And thanks for thinking the bad guy stuff was okay so far! But we'll see what you think at the end.

Several people commented on the Russian... After you finish the story, can you tell me if you still think I should go back and fix that or not?

Okay, so, time for the last and final part! Let me know what you think!

I like all three. Haven't read the recent one but no doubt to that I will like it.