I posted this to the Fanfic Archive, and they suggested that it might be of interest here. I mostly write in other fandoms, which is why I haven't posted before - quite a lot of what I write is crossovers, and when I realised I had three for Lois and Clark I decided to turn them into a "five things" story.
Description: Five 100-word Drabbles crossing Lois and Clark with Men in Black, The Night Stalker, Dead Like Me, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Warning, one of these crossovers involves character death.
Five Crossovers That Never Happened to Lois and Clark
By Marcus L. Rowland
Rated PG 13
Submitted: December, 2005
Most of the fanfic I write is crossovers, mostly involving the characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I also like to write 100-word drabbles. Here are five that involve the Lois and Clark universe. It helps if you're familiar with the crossover settings and characters. I've put some brief notes at the end.
If you like these stories, you'll find my other fanfic archived on Twisting the Hellmouth, a Buffy crossover site, and on fanfiction.net. All characters belong to their respective creators and are used without any intention of damaging copyright. This story may not be distributed on a profit-making basis.
I'm British, and sometimes it shows in my spelling, though I try to avoid that when I'm writing American dialogue. Apologies if I've missed something.
1: The Short Heroic Career of Kal-El, Alias Clark Kent, Alias Superman
[Men in Black]
"There was a bomb," said Lois, pointing at Clark. “He ate it!"
The hatch opened, and two men in black suits boarded Prometheus.
"You blew it, Clark," said Agent J. "Why can't you just live inconspicuously like other aliens?"
"Clark??" said Lois.
"Sorry, folks," said K, flashing everyone with his neuralyzer. "There was a mechanical failure, the launch is postponed. We weren't here."
He led Clark outside, J dragged Lois behind them.
"Try this hero crap again and your residency permit's revoked," said K.
Clark sulkily spun into street clothes and said "Okay."
"And get rid of the silly costume..."
End
2: Mistaken Identity [The Night Stalker]
"You see how it makes sense?" said Carl Kolchack.
"He'd have to be a master of disguise," said Perry.
"With super speed he could look different in seconds."
"I guess. Okay, but this is off the record."
"Agreed"
"Okay then... I've never seen them together."
"How about you, Clark?"
"Off the record?"
"Definitely."
"I've never seen them together either," said Clark, ignoring pangs of conscience.
"Then that's tomorrow's INS headline. 'Is Luthor Superman?'" Kolchack hurried out.
"It's crazy," said Perry.
"Probably," said Clark, "and it'll cause lots of problems for Lex. But I guess Superman'll set the record straight. Eventually...."
End.
3: Tentative
[Dead Like Me]
"What is this?" asked George, leafing through the PostIts Rube had given her. "The same name a dozen times in one day?"
"Tentative," said Rube. "Any of them might happen, but they aren't definite. Don't take the soul unless you're looking at a corpse."
"Someone really hates this guy? He's accident-prone?"
"Maybe." Rube gave nothing away.
Roxy came in, spotted the PostIts, and said, "Journalism conference in town?"
"How'd you know?"
"I was on it last year. Waste of time."
"Then you know his full name."
"Hers. Possibly."
"Then... Please?"
"No comment... But say 'Hi' to Lois for me..."
End
4: Conversation in a Metropolis Parking Lot
[Buffy The Vampire Slayer]
"You know Superman, right?" said Faith.
"A little," Lois said cautiously.
"He single?"
"Why are you asking?"
"My ex wanted a mommy, not a girlfriend," said the brunette. "Most men aren't strong enough for me. Superman might be."
"Strong?"
She lifted the front of Lois's jeep, one-handed.
"You're Kryptonian?"
"Naaah, mystic destiny."
"Any other powers?"
"Speed, healing, good reflexes."
"Okay. Well," said Lois, mind racing. "Don't waste your time..."
* * * * *
"Tough day?" asked Clark.
"Routine. By the way, if you hear rumours Superman's gay, ignore them."
"That I'm... gay?"
"Ignore them."
"If you're sure... all right."
"Five by five," murmured Lois.
End.
5: Space Oddity
[Star Trek: Deep Space Nine]
"So what happened?" asked Sisko.
"I've cracked their records," said Dax. "Their planet was dying, some sort of runaway core reaction. They tried to salvage what they could. But it was too little, too late."
"Any idea how long?"
"A few hundred years," said Julian.
They stared down at the capsule with the stylised S-like shape on the bow and the impossibly crude warp drive behind, a drive that must have failed within seconds of launch, and the tiny skeleton, wrapped in a red blanket and strapped into a padded crib, its sole occupant.
"Poor kid never stood a chance."
End.
About the Crossovers
Men in Black: They defend the Earth from the scum of the universe, and erase all knowledge of aliens by erasing memories with their neuralyzers. They'd be really unhappy about a publicly acknowledged alien like Superman.
The Night Stalker: Carl Kolchack (isn't it interesting that he has the initials CK?) is an investigative reporter for INS, the Independent News Service, specialising in weird phenomena. Something like Superman would be right up his street. He's usually more accurate in his deductions.
Dead Like Me: When you die your soul is taken by a Grim Reaper, an intermediary between life and death. If possible they do it just before you die, to avoid pain, but sometimes it happens a little later. Rube gives the Reapers their assignments, post-it notes with name (e.g. L.Lane), address, and ETD, Estimated Time of Death. For some reason the full name is never given. I wondered how the system would cope with someone who faces certain death several times a day.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Faith is the second Slayer, and notable for her appetites. At the end of the series she was involved with Robin Wood, the son of an earlier Slayer, but I have a feeling that the relationship wouldn't last. Knowing Faith, she'd look for someone new. For some reason Faith uses the term "five by five" to indicate agreement, and I think it might rub off.
Star Trek: Deep Space 9: It's set aboard a space station thousands of light-years from Earth, and alien artifacts of one sort or another are often part of the story. Star Trek warp drives are incredibly complicated gadgets and the chances of an untested prototype working well enough to get a capsule from Krypton to Earth seems pretty remote. Hence the story.
