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Joined: May 2003
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OP
Columnist
Joined: May 2003
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This is *very* good and clever. It deserves to be a *full* story.
I enjoyed it!
Silence is violence. End white supremacy based violence
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Thanks, I appreciate the kudos!
I'm new to this board, so I'm guessing any thread with "FDK" at the beginning means "Feedback?"
And if it does, why not just post feedback in the original story thread?
Just wondering.
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Columnist
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Columnist
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If feedback followed every story, it would just get really long and confusing. It's easier to separate a story post and leave that to itself from the feedback posts. This was really good. It's always nice to have nice short stories to read between classes. I have to admit, I didn't see the parallel between the two conversations until it was spelled out for me. I'm ashamed.  But for being new, great job!  ~Kristen
Joey: If he doesn't like you, then this is all just a moo point.
Rachel: A moo point?
Joey: Yeah, it's like a cow's opinion, you know, it just doesn't matter. It's "moo."
Rachel: Have I been living with him for too long, or did that all just make sense?
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Boards Chief Administrator Emeritus Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 9,362 |
Hey, DSDragon, you made it.  Welcome to the boards. Yes, we long ago made it a rule to separate stories and comments for various reasons. Can't remember what all of them were now  , as that's been the system for several years now, but one was that many of the readers wanted to save the stories to their hd for future reading, but didn't necessarily want the comments that came with it when they were tacked onto the end of the story thread. IIRC, another reason was that those readers with dial up found that it took longer to bring up the story with comments attached than without. As for FDK - yup, you're right. The origin of that abbreviation is found in Hazel's cute and now classic little vignette, The Ultimate Drug LabRat
Athos: If you'd told us what you were doing, we might have been able to plan this properly.
Aramis: Yes, sorry.
Athos: No, no, by all means, let's keep things suicidal.
The Musketeers
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Dec 2005
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Welcome to the boards, DSDragon, and thanks so much for sharing this great vignette! This was such priceless, spot-on Lois: The nerve of him, keeping something like this from her! He was her best friend! She told him everything! Well, maybe not EVERYTHING . . . ok, not even most things, but that was beside the point.
The point was, Clark Kent was a dirty, rotten, no-good, Kryptonian FINK!
And he was going to pay.
After shutting the blinds to the outside world of the busy newsroom, Lois whirled, crossed arms and feet spread in unconscious mockery of Superman's most famous pose. "All right," she said. "Spill it." *loves* Just wonderful. Hope to see more fics from you soon!
~ Crystal
"Not all those who wander are lost." — JRR Tolkien
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: Jul 2005
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Aw, that vignette was just what I needed. It totally brought a smile to my face, and for that, I thank you, DSDragon. I hope you'll consider writing more in this fandom.
Chris
"Superman is a guy who's seen wonders we'll never see and Lois is to him, one of those wonders."
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Merriwether
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Merriwether
Joined: Dec 2004
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Welcome DSDragon! That was great!
Jackie
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Oct 2003
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Welcome...and great job! I thoroughly enjoyed that take on that episode. I also liked the revelation. You should write more! 
I'm a firm believer in the fact that God doesn't put any more on us than we can bear. He does however make us come to Jesus every so often.
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 3,147 Likes: 3 |
I think you should write about Lois's train of thought and how she figured it out. Or did she grasp it when she heard Clark giving Mayson the "things you may never know" speech? And I'm curious to know if she really needed to meet a source, or was she was giving Clark a taste of his own medicine? Surely she could have waited one minute to meet the good doctor and his odd henchman.
And was she upset about Clark turning Mayson down? Or was she irked because Clark didn't tell Mayson, or that he made Lois figure it out on her own? Either way, it was vintage Lois Lane.
Good story. I enjoyed it immensely. Just wish you'd stuck in everything. Of course, then it would turn into a Terry-length novel and I wouldn't want that on my conscience!
Life isn't a support system for writing. It's the other way around.
- Stephen King, from On Writing
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Columnist
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Columnist
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 693 Likes: 6 |
Excellent little vignette! The moment Clark gave Mayson the same brush off he'd given Lois as Superman I gasped and was just elated when Lois herself caught on. It would be ineteresting to see you take this further, but it also works here on it's own. Great job!
Spike: "There's a hole in the world...feels like we ought to have known."
-Angel
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Joined: Aug 2005
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Welcome, DSDragon, and I have to echo everybody's opinion that this was great, and a lot of fun. I also agree that you made some sharp turns occasionally where I was definitely momentarily confused. This part of your story sent me to my pinnacle of confusion: The point was, Clark Kent was a dirty, rotten, no-good, Kryptonian FINK! Eeehh... what? Lois is thinking to herself that Clark Kent is a no-good Kryptonian fink? She has figured out that Clark is Superman? When? How? Why isn't she more upset about his lies to her? Or is that what she is upset about? Okay, hmmm.... Oh!!! Well, I am anything but an expert on the ABC TV show, but I know that Clark's words of rejection to Mayson ring a bell. And... oh, let me get this straight...it's because Clark said exactly these words to Lois when he turned her down as Superman??? So Lois realizes that Clark is Superman when he's rejecting Mayson because he is repeating, word for word, the things he said to her when his spandex-clad alter ego was turning down her???  Another part of your story which I adore is the opening: "... so how 'bout it? Pick you up tomorrow after work?" Mayson Drake finished her explanation as Clark tuned back into the sound of her voice. He had been super-eavesdropping on Lois' suspicious phone call and hadn't heard most of what Mayson had been saying. What a totally delightful opening passage! The way it paints a totally adorable picture of Lois, Clark and Mayson. Mayson is hitting on Clark, and Clark is super-eavesdropping on Lois (Clark, didn't your Mama tell you not to...?  Ann
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
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Welcome to the boards! Excellent start to fanfic. I fully expect to see more from you here. Or we'll nag a lot with these guys JD
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
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Thank you all for your great comments! It looks like this is a friendlier fandom than Harry Potter and Buffy the Vampire Slayer were--I've never gotten so many comments on a single story in less than a day! This is great!
For those who were confused about how Lois figured it out, I basically quoted, word-for-word (plus a bit of prose action explanation), the very end of Mayson & Clark's conversation in TEHI, as well as part of Lois' conversation with Superman in BATP. Lois' gasp was supposed to be a clue that she'd recognized the speech.
As for Lois turning the tables on Clark with the "I have to go meet a source," I didn't really think of it that way, but I have to admit it works. My original thought was that, in the episode, the doctor dude said to "Come now and come alone," and since Lois had taken about five minutes already to corner Clark in my story, I figured she'd have to hurry to meet them at the park.
It's always puzzled me in fanfic when a writer makes a reference to some part of the job that Lois & Clark have to do, but then goes off on a revelation or a lovey-dovey tangent, and never gets them to get the job done. It's like the writer completely forgot that, in love though they might be--or dealing with the Secret--Lois & Clark are professionals, and being professional means getting the job done, even if you need to talk.
Sure, there are some who take the time to explain their non-finishing, and those are great. But there are a whole lot more which go off on tangents and never return.
Anyway, like I said in my notes at the beginning, I thought of going on with the story to see how the episode might've changed with the revelation in the beginning like that, but I was unusually tired for 9:30 at night, and I've tried episode re-writes before (in BtVS)--they sucked. Of course, my writing skills have improved since then, but I guess I'm a bit lazy.
Depending on whether or not I can think of anything else this time through my DVDs (I've watched seasons 1 & 2 three times in a row since Christmas), there may or may not be more where this came from. I can't wait to get seasons 3 & 4--I can't remember much about those seasons from when I was 13/14.
Thanks all, for your great comments--they really cheered me up after I got sick this morning and had to stay home from work (and probably school tonight, as well).
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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Hack from Nowheresville
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Hack from Nowheresville
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 111 |
This is *very* good and clever. It deserves to be a *full* story.
I enjoyed it!
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Posts: 3,846
Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 3,846 |
Hi, Love it!
Maria D. Ferdez.
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Don't like Luthor, unfinished, untitled and crossover story, and people that promises and don't deliver. I'm getting choosy with age.
MAF
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Pulitzer
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Pulitzer
Joined: Apr 2003
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Welcome to the boards, DSDragon!  I thoroughly enjoyed it and look forward to more of your stories. Tricia 
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Top Banana
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Top Banana
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 1,437 |
Thanks. I appreciate your comments.
"You take turns, advise and protect one another, even heal or be healed when the going gets too tough. I know! That's not a game--that's friendship!" ~Shelly Mezzanoble, Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress: A Girl's Guide to the Dungeons & Dragons Game Darcy\'s Place
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