Lois & Clark Forums Forums Fan Fiction Lois & Clark Fanfic FDK: Home Is Where the Heart Is (4/4)

Ann, I'm so sorry that I've been so bad about posting FDK! My sister was visiting this weekend so we've been running all around! But you know how much I love this story!!!!

Now, since I missed the chance to point this out in a previous part, I have to mention here my favorite line!!!

That's such a poetic line and every time I read it, I'm still just awed by its beauty. You have such a talent for writing beautiful imagery, which evokes a very specific mood and feeling! That whole scene - it's so painfully quiet, yet and has this haunted feel to it. Beautiful! Wow..

Anyway, thank you for sharing this! I know I enjoyed reading it!

NICOLE

Well, I've finally managed to catch up with this story. Nicely done.

Even though you went a bit overboard with the waffiness in the last instalment, overall in was an interesting, and different direction to take.

The inclusion of Morpheus (Dream) of the Endless was unexpected, but seemed to work out well.

Looking forward to more from your keyboard.

Tank (who won't mention that Dream's sibling Death most often appears in Gaiman's stories as a young punkish girl)

Nice wrapup. Interesting use of Superman's vision, to help with surgery. A doctor with super powers would sure have an advantage over your ordinary GP.

Nan

Well, it's a bit early for me to say something about your comments already, but....

Apparently, Nicole, the way I wrote the Clark/Perry conversation didn't work too well. Obviously I realize that Perry would normally never give Clark the third degree about what he and Lois might have been doing together the night before. And he would never accuse Clark of being responsible for Lois's disappearance, particularly not in a situation like this, where he would have no good reason to assume that she was missing in the first place.

But this is not a normal situation. This is history replaying itself to see what choice Clark Kent will make this time. Just like before, Clark is so full of angst and self-revulsion that he is ready to expose himself as Superman all over again, thereby again unleashing the same chaos and undoing everything Lois and the Sandman have done to put things right. Only this time, if he wastes time outing himself (and, by extension, outing a lot of other people too), Lois will die in the Arctic.

The Sandman has left Perry with enough of a memory, or even a knowledge of what is at stake, to simply know that something is very wrong when Lois does not come to work that morning. Let's say that Perry, too, has been full of foreboding that morning, and he just knows that Lois really is missing and that Clark is somehow responsible for her disappearance. I was trying to suggest that it is really the Sandman who is speaking to Clark through Perry, when I wrote about Perry that
The truth is, nothing about that scene really works unless you realize that the Sandman is really using Perry to get Clark to make the right decision.

A problem with this scene is that I wanted to tell it entirely from Clark's POV, which means there was little room to describe Perry's thoughts and feelings.

So... eh... I would appreciate any suggestions as to how I could improve this scene, while retaining the idea that Perry is the Sandman's mouthpiece.

Anyway, Nicole, I'm glad you like the happy ending and the romance of the story!

Tank, I'm really glad that you appreciate my story, seeing its starting point was your challenge for Wendy. Too bad you found it too waffy - and I'm not saying I didn't go overboard in a few places....

And I'm really glad you like my portrait of Morpheus, and the role I gave him. Well, as you could see, I chose to call him the Sandman or the Dream Lord. But I just felt that Neal Gaiman's punk girl version of Death wouldn't work for my story....

And Nan, thanks for reading! Yes, wouldn't it be a good thing if we could have Superman assisting the doctors whenever they had to perform a particularly difficult operation?

Ann

Hi Ann,

Sorry I missed out giving fdk on all the parts of this story, but I did find it very haunting.

You asked how you could make Clark's conversation with Perry seem to be an intervention by the Sandman.

Perhaps you could just emphasis what you already started by showing Perry's appearance change. Maybe a shadowy figure imposing itself on Perry's body. You could perhaps have Clark feel as if he's in some sort of trance as he listens to Perry speaking... then as the conversation ends both men return to total consciousness. You also could do all this from Clark's POV, letting us see the transformation through Clark's eyes.

The whole of your story has this sort of dream quality, so I don't think this would be too far out. However, this is only my suggestion and I'm sure you've already found your own way round your problem... or someone else has given you advice. Actually, I don't really think it's too much of a problem in the first place.

I did like your wrap-up and you can be as waffy as you like in my humble opinion.

Yours Jenni

Jenni has a good idea. Also, perhaps Perry and Clark could have a conversation where Perry asks if Clark ever has the feeling that something is wrong but he can't put his finger on it. Clark could then ask what he means, and Perry could say that Lois isn't here yet, and for some reason he's got the feeling that she's in trouble. Clark could then catch the faint glimpse of Morpheus in Perry, and it could stir the memory.

I'm sorry I can't be more specific, but if I write a scene like that, I sort of have to "write by the seat of my pants" so to speak, and then fool with it until it comes out right.

Nan

Between Nan and Jenni, that is exactly the kind of thing that would have made that scene clearer for me, since as is, I hadn't read it as you'd intended. Although once you told me how you had meant the scene to read, I read it again and could easily pick it up - so maybe it was just me not reading into subtle clues... but I do like these suggestions and would also be eager to see if you had other ideas yourself, Ann, for the conversation between the two men.

But as Jenni says:

I have to agree, because once it became clear, it's really not much of a problem and the scene most certainly (either way) didn't take away from the story for me.

And I, too, am a supporter of the waffy-ness!

~NICOLE

Hi,

Great story.

More ASAP, please.

MAF

Yes, this is an amazing story, I enjoyed it immensely. Good job, Ann! Hope your creative juices will keep flowing.

I like Nan's suggestion how to portray Perry's mood. I also missed the Sandman's influence when I initially read this part. You've explained it beautifully, Ann, but it should be included in the story. It's like the Amazon's cut off breast: if you don't elaborate, your readers won't have a clue!

I'm looking forward to see the edited version in the archives.

Ursie

Eep, this is late in coming, and you've got my apologies, Ann. Real life has been far too hectic lately to even steal a few quick minutes on the boards to post proper FDK, grr!

First off, I just want to say that I'm so so so glad you shared this with us, and I hope you continue to write, Ann! You have so much talent — you paint such vivid pictures with your words. (I also wanted to clarify the "Amazon's cut-off breast" comment I made in earlier FDK; I think it's such an apt, visceral description and I understood the historical reference, just for some reason, I'd paused there each time I read that sentence. In the end, I attributed it to the hyphen [which is admittedly a little silly, but we journalists are crazy that way], and thought maybe the word "severed" might work better in the place of "cut-off." That was my only beef, I pinky promise.)

And this chapter — it was lovely and WaFFy and just ... *hearts.*

It's so perfect! Of course Lois already knew — she's not the best investigative reporter in the history of journalism because she can yodel.

And this — ack, it just made my heart constrict in the best possible way:
Again, your Lois and your Clark go beyond the meaning of "soul mates," and in these three sentences, that's illustrated beautifully. Such gorgeous phrasing — so poignant.

Thanks again for sharing this with us, Ann — and keep writing!