Sue,
I didn't really get a chance to give you a proper feedback in the nfic folder, so I think I'll go ahead and do that now.
First, I absolutely *love* this story! (BTW, please, please send the nfic version to Annesplace - I want to be able to read it again and again.)
There are so many, many lines I fell in love with, that to quote them all would mean I'd have to quote the whole story. But here are a few of my favorites:
From Part 1:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Jimmy has other things to do this morning. So either you find Superman to go with you or you take Clark. And frankly, honey, I think Superman has better things to do than to trot along after you all day."
At that Clark let out a sort of snicker, apparently finding it as funny as Perry did.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<snicker>
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
... Bobby will handcuff you to the wall. After I catch my plane, he'll come back with the key. You'll only be slightly inconvenienced. You trust Bobby, don't you?"
The answer to that question is "not hardly". I look over at Clark – he actually seems to be considering the idea.
"Okay," he says and holds his right hand out to Bobby.
"Clark!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is so in-character! I can actually see and hear this in my mind's eye.
From Part 2:
What can I say? The whole revelation scene was just
From Part 3:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I have to go, but this building isn't safe so just… stay here." He holds his hand up and looks me in the eye. "And I mean that, stay right here. Please." Even though he says the "please" softer, it doesn't quell the indignation I feel. Indignation that gives way to numb disbelief as he spins in front of me, going from a dark blur into a red and blue blur.
And there he is - Superman. Clark really is Superman. I gape at him, feeling like I just found out all over again.
He gives me a quick smile that looks more like a plea to stay. And then he's gone with a woosh and a little sonic boom. I'd be tempted to follow him but I have no idea where he's going. In the distance I hear the shrill wail of a siren. Funny how I never noticed it before - there was usually a siren in the vicinity whenever Clark disappeared.
"Idiot!" I mutter under my breath. I'm not quite sure who the idiot is. Me, for never figuring it out. Or him, for… just being him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LOL
I also loved the last scene, where Lois is so overwhelmed she doesn't know who to be mad at - the man who tried to kill her ("Wasn't it enough to blow me up? Why did he have to ransack my apartment too?"), herself ("I know at least that much! I may not be able to spot Superman when I spend nearly every waking moment with him, but I know my own apartment! I know that much!"), or Clark (I turn around, ready to lash out at Clark again but he's not there. And that's the final straw. Yes, I told him to leave. But he didn't have to actually go and do it.)
Part 4:
I liked how you developed the A plot here. Usually, I'm not much of an A plot fan. Indeed, I've been known to skim over entire paragraphs of A plot - but here, I read every word, and found myself very much involved in the mystery of this who-done-it.
Part 5:
Excellent story-telling. I loved reading how Lois gradually adjusts to the "too weird" reality that Clark is Superman. And how you lead us up to this:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As we leave the condo I realize that a gauntlet has just been thrown. Game on, Kent.
Game on.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All I can say it, it's a good think I read this story after you'd already posted all the parts, as I would *never* have been able to wait for the next part after this!
Part 6:
Once again, excellent characterization, especially their conversation over coffee and donuts. This story is just so darn good! And, of course, another excellent cliff-hanger ending...
Part 7:
Hmmm... you took out my favorite line. It is the line where Lois feels like she is falling. I thought that was such a neat way of telling us that not only had she been moved, but she'd been moved at super-speed. (Unless I totally mis-read that line - lol!) Anyway, if there is any way you can get that line back into the story, I'd say, "do it".
And, that brings us up to where you've left off. Looking forward to more...
