From Part 6:
“I have to go,” he told her, when he was finished. “I’m supposed to see Jack at ten.”
“I remember,” she said quietly, not looking at him. “Tell him we’re doing everything we can to get him out of there.”
“I will.” He stood and shifted from one foot to the other, feeling that something important was being left unsaid. “Lois…”
“It’s fine, Clark.” To his horror, she reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek. “Go,” she whispered. “Please just go.”
“I…” He had no idea what to say to her. No idea which part of what he’d said had upset her. No idea why she was crying instead of shouting at him. If he lived to be a thousand, he thought again, he’d never understand women.
Like a complete coward, he spun into Superman and did just as she’d asked: He went, leaving her alone and weeping on his father’s dock.
_______________________________
Part 7:
Lois had never considered herself a quitter, but as she fought the tears that chased one another down her cheeks, she wanted nothing more than just to walk away from everything. And she really, truly might have done it had she not been stranded in the middle of Kansas in uncomfortable shoes.
It had been hard enough coming to terms with the fact that neither Clark Kent nor Superman was what he had seemed, but now she felt as though she’d spent the last year in a fictionalized version of her own life. She’d seen only what Clark had allowed her to see, what Lex had wanted her to see, what she herself had deigned to see. And never once had she suspected. She, who prided herself on her instincts and discernment, had never had the slightest inkling that Lex Luthor was anything other than a charming businessman and philanthropist.
She thought of the women Lex had used and discarded – and sometimes killed outright, as he had Antoinette Baines – and realized how incredibly close she had come to being one of that number. She had thought the consequences were high when her instincts had failed her with Claude Reynard, but she now realized that a lost award and some embarrassment at the office were inconsequential compared to the price she’d have paid with Lex Luthor. He’d had her exactly where he wanted her, prepared to walk straight into his arms, and she wasn’t sure anything less than Clark’s dramatic revelation could have stopped her. Clark had warned her about Lex before, certainly – vague, seemingly groundless warnings that had come off sounding like a simple reporter’s envy of a rich and powerful man – but she’d rolled her eyes and let his warnings whistle by her while she readied herself for the next evening at the opera. Was she really that shallow? That blind? It hadn’t been Lex’s money that had attracted her any more than it had been Superman’s powers. It had been the things he’d done with it. She’d thought he was a great philanthropist, just as she’d thought Superman was a perfect hero and Clark Kent was a simple farmboy.
She’d been furious at Clark at first, as he’d been telling her about Lex’s role in sabotaging the Messenger and murdering Samuel Platt and Antoinette Baines. Her anger only mounted when he told her about the tests Lex had set for Superman during his first days in Metropolis. How could he have kept that from her? The fight had started to go out of her, however, when he told her he suspected Lex of deliberately engineering the heat wave in yet another effort to get rid of Superman. She let her mind wander back to that time and remembered her shock and, yes, sadness when Clark had announced he was leaving Metropolis, too. He’d cupped her cheek in his hand and bent and brushed her lips with his in a tender farewell, and she’d wanted to argue with him, to demand that he stay and be her partner, be her friend. But she hadn’t. “I don’t know which of them I’ll miss the most,” she’d said at the time. Now she did know, and with the knowledge came bitter self-recrimination.
She’d have missed Clark the most. She’d have missed a thousand sweet, funny moments and brown eyes laughing behind horn-rimmed glasses. She’d have missed late-night take-out and early morning coffee, fixed just the way she liked it. She’d have missed strong arms, broad shoulders, and a gentle, protective hand at the small of her back. She’d have missed friendly teasing, unconditional support, and appreciative glances at her legs when he thought she wouldn’t notice. She’d have missed loud ties and quiet comfort. She’d have missed all that and a hundred other silly, meaningless things that came together to mean more than anything else ever had. Clark’s friendship had been the one thing in the past year that was real. Only she hadn’t seen it, hadn’t treasured it. She’d fought like crazy to save Superman and let Clark Kent slip quietly away from her in the middle of the night.
She heard the rest of what Clark told her, but it had all seemed unnecessary at that point. She believed him. Somehow, he’d managed to tell his story without a single ‘I told you so,’ but the words echoed through her head anyway. He’d tried to tell her. And when she wouldn’t believe him, he’d let Superman tell her in a way that was guaranteed to get her attention. She wasn’t sure she could give him full credit for that, since it seemed to have been the work of an impulse, but the bottom line was that Clark had saved her from herself once again, and she wasn’t sure she could bear it.
She swiped at her face, knowing that despite her efforts her fair skin would bear witness to her tears. She could only hope that Martha Kent would be tactful enough – or just disinterested enough – not to ask. She wasn’t prepared to talk about her own failings just yet, and certainly not to the woman whose son was wronged by them. She still, more than anything, felt the urge to run away from it all, but she knew that was impossible. She couldn’t run away and she refused to wallow, so she unfolded herself from her hunched position on the dock and made her way slowly back to the farmhouse.
She paused only once, outside the largest of the outbuildings, and stood a moment to watch a fat, black cat dozing in a dusty patch of sunshine. The cat looked so tranquil, she thought, as if it didn’t have a care in the world, and in that moment she envied it more than words could express. As if it could feel her watching, the cat’s eyes opened, first to slits and then to a wide, green stare.
“Hi there,” she said softly. She took a step toward it with one hand extended, but she checked herself when the cat’s ears went back and its mouth opened in a prolonged hiss. She sighed. “You’ve been talking to Martha, haven’t you?”
____________________________________________
“Hi, Lois,” Martha greeted her as she came in. There was no smile, but her tone was less frosty than before. “Has Clark gone back?”
“Uh, yes. He left a few minutes ago in time to make his appointment to see Jack. He didn’t say when he’d be back.”
“Oh, I expect he’ll turn up pretty regularly now you’re here,” Martha said dryly.
Lois shook her head. “I wouldn’t bet on it.” She took a deep breath. “Mrs. Kent …I just wanted to say…I understand how you feel about me. I really do. I don’t blame you for not wanting me here, and I wouldn’t have come if I’d known that Clark hadn’t discussed it with you. I’m sorry for putting you in such an awkward position.”
Martha sighed. “That’s not your fault, Lois. It’s Clark’s, and I’ve let him know how I feel about it. As for the rest…well, I’m not sure you do know how I feel. I’m not sure you could, unless you were a mother yourself. But I understand that you need to be here right now, and I’m prepared to try to make the best of it if you are.”
“I’ll try to stay out of your way,” Lois said. “Or to help you, if there are things I can do. You’ll need to tell me, though. I’m afraid I don’t know very much about farms.”
“I appreciate the offer, Lois. In the meantime, why don’t we make that trip to town to get you the things you need?”
Lois nodded. “That sounds great. Thank you.”
_______________________________________________
They took the Kents' battered old truck into town, bouncing down the dirt access road that led to the Kent farm until they came to a paved, two-lane road surrounded by neatly fenced land on both sides. It was beautiful, but too open for Lois’s comfort. The level fields stretched to meet the horizon, making the truck and its passengers seem completely insignificant. She wondered if maybe that was why Clark liked it there. Perhaps when you spent so much time being larger than life, it was good to return to a place where you were nothing more than a pinprick on the neatly stitched landscape. She dismissed the thought as fanciful as soon as she had it; Clark loved Kansas because it was home.
“We found him right over there,” Martha blurted into the silence between them, as if she’d tried to keep the words in and at the last minute they’d made a break for it anyway. She pointed off to her right, but the field looked like any other to Lois.
“Found who?” Lois asked, feeling stupid the minute the question left her mouth.
“Clark.” Martha gave her the expected answer. She kept her eyes on the road as she went on. “We saw a light in the sky – like nothing I’d ever seen before. Jonathan didn’t want to stop, thought it might be dangerous, but I was determined to find out what it was.”
“That’s pretty much how most of my investigations with Clark went,” Lois said, smiling sadly at the thought.
“Clark’s a lot like his dad.” She didn’t say that she and Lois were alike; it was more than either woman was ready to concede. She paused a few seconds and then went on, remembering. “He was just a little baby. About five months old, we figured. And from the first time I held him, he was mine. I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve held lots of babies – before and since – but I’ve never held one who fit so perfectly in my arms, who just seemed to belong there like Clark did. No matter where he’d come from, I knew he was meant to be mine.” She glanced over at Lois, suddenly looking embarrassed.
Lois wanted the conversation to go on and on. She wanted to ask a hundred different questions, but it was obvious that Martha had already told her far more than she’d intended to. Lois’s instincts, honed by years of interviewing sources for her stories, told her that this wasn’t the time to push. She wondered why, when Martha was so obviously unhappy with her, she had chosen to share such a personal memory, and suddenly she knew what to say. “Thank you,” she said. “Thank you for telling me that.”
Martha’s lips compressed briefly, and then she offered Lois a wry smile. “Other mothers swap birth stories, Lois. When you find a baby in a spaceship, you don’t get to talk about it. In nearly thirty years, you’re the first woman I’ve ever been able to talk to about my son.”
Lois felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her as the magnitude of what Martha was saying dawned on her. Martha and Jonathan had been guarding this secret, protecting their son, for nearly thirty years. Never once had they breathed a word – not to their own families, not to a single friend or neighbor. And then without warning, without asking permission, Clark had suddenly brought his unpredictable city-gal ex-partner into this “small club,” as he had called it. At the time, she hadn’t really appreciated what that meant. Now she realized that whether any of them really wanted her to be, she had become a part of the secret that lay at the very heart of the Kent family, and with that knowledge came a responsibility to guard it as faithfully as Martha and Jonathan had. She was sure that Martha would have chosen almost anyone else to exchange confidences with, but she had no one else, had never had anyone else. No wonder the secrets were bubbling up now and spilling out, almost against her volition. They’d been locked up tight in her heart for nearly three decades.
“Mrs. Kent,” she said, her voice wavering, “I need you to know that I will never, ever do anything to expose Clark. Whatever happens between us, with our…friendship, I’ll protect him.”
Martha glanced at her, her mouth turning up a little at the corners. “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Lois. I’ve told you to call me Martha.”
_______________________________________
Martha took her to a strip mall just outside of town, and there Lois was able to buy the necessities for a few days on the farm. It was true that Smallville didn’t offer the stores she was used to, but she made not a word of complaint as she tried on the unfamiliar brands of clothes. She didn’t need designer labels on a farm, and the jeans she found for $25 fit better than the expensive ones she’d left at home in Metropolis. She bought three pairs and a selection of comfortable tops and then Martha tactfully left her alone while she chose bras and panties.
They went to a separate shoe store, where Lois chose a pair of athletic shoes exactly like the ones she had at home. She’d planned to just make do with those, but Martha insisted she select a pair of heavy boots for walking around on the farm. Lois went along at first but then balked at the price tag on the boots Martha selected.
“This is Clark’s money,” she protested. “I don’t know when I’ll be able to get to mine to pay him back, and he doesn’t even have a job right now.”
“Good boots are a necessity of farm life. Don’t worry about the money. I think Clark left enough to cover them, but if he didn’t, Jonathan and I will. Unless you’re going to be content to sit in the house all day long, you’ll need these.”
Lois had to admit that the idea of being trapped in the house didn’t particularly appeal. The fact that she and Martha were on a first-name basis again didn’t mean that the tension between them was gone completely, and Lois thought it would be best if they didn’t spend every minute of every day together. Besides, she hadn’t abandoned her plan to learn more about Clark, and part of that would include exploring the farm where he’d grown up. She gave in and bought the boots.
They drove back through downtown Smallville, stopping in at a quaint, old-fashioned drugstore so that Lois could supply herself with the various cosmetics and supplies she hadn’t been able to bring with her. While she browsed the selection of shampoos, Martha went over to the pharmacist’s counter and picked up a prescription. Lois could hear snatches of their conversation and pricked up her ears when she heard the pharmacist say something about “Clark’s girl,” but whatever Martha answered was too low for her to hear.
Martha had just rejoined her when they both were slightly startled by a man’s voice exclaiming, “Mrs. Kent! How are you doing?”
“Oh, hi Adam,” Martha replied, smiling at the young man who stood before them. He was lean and deeply tanned, and to Lois he looked like a surfer, with sun-bleached hair and some of the bluest eyes she had ever seen. “It’s good to see you. How’s your mom?”
“She’s doing fine, thanks. I’ll tell her you asked.” He glanced at Lois, and Martha made the introductions.
“Adam, this is Lois Lane. She’s visiting us from Metropolis. Lois, this is Adam Rainey. He and Clark have been friends since they were kids.”
“Lois Lane! You’re Clark’s girl, then,” Adam said, offering his hand with a friendly smile. “It’s great to meet you.”
“Uh, it’s nice to meet you too, Adam.” She managed to return his smile, but thinking of the pharmacist’s comment and remembering her reception at the Corn Festival, she privately wondered how it was that every single person in Smallville seemed to know that Clark had been in love with her, when she herself had missed it completely. What had he done? Taken out an ad in the Smallville Press? “But I’m not…Clark and I aren’t…”
“Lois needed a break from Metropolis, and we offered to let her stay with us for a while. She and Clark aren’t involved.” This last was said so firmly that Lois was almost insulted, until she remembered all the reasons Martha had for wishing Clark and Lois had never even met.
“Oh,” Adam seemed a bit taken aback by Martha’s tone as well, but he recovered quickly. “Well, Lois, I hope you’ll enjoy your stay. It was nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you, too.”
He turned to Martha. “Give my best to Mr. Kent, and tell Clark hello for me when you talk to him.”
“I will, Adam.”
Adam gave a jaunty wave, turned to go, and then stopped and turned back. “Say, Lois, a group of us gets together every Friday night down at the pizza joint. It’s nothing fancy – just pizza and beer and some of the folks Clark and I have known since we were kids. They have a band on the weekends. It’s pretty bad, usually, but every now and then they play something you can actually dance to. Would you like to join us tonight?”
Lois looked from Adam to Martha. “I appreciate the invitation, Adam, but…”
“You should go if you want to, Lois,” Martha said. “I’m sure you’d have more fun with people your own age than hanging around the house with Jonathan and me.”
Which could mean that Martha didn’t mind if she went, or that Martha would really rather she go – Lois wasn’t sure. She was tempted by the idea of seeing more of the people Clark had grown up with, however, so she nodded. “All right, then. I’ll look forward to it. What time?”
“I’ll pick you up around 6:30.” He flashed her a charming smile. “See you then, Lois Lane.”
______________________________________
“I went in to buy deodorant and came out with a date,” Lois said to Martha as they were on their way back to the farm. “That never happens in Metropolis.”
Martha’s mouth twitched. “Maybe you’re not shopping in the right places.”
“Apparently not,” Lois agreed. And then, “Adam seems nice.”
“I think he is. He was a bit wild as a teenager, but he got married right out of high school and that settled him down some. It didn’t last, though, and neither did the next one.”
“He’s been married twice?”
Martha nodded. “The first divorce was no surprise to anyone. Neither one of them had the least business being married, but there was a baby on the way, and…well, it’s a pretty common story around here. I think he was crazy about the second girl, though. They lived in Wichita and were happy from all I’ve heard. But then his dad died and he felt like he needed to come back here and run the farm for his mom. His wife came with him, but she couldn’t stick it out. Hated small-town life, hated being a farmer’s wife. It’s not for everyone.”
“That’s really sad,” Lois said. “I wonder why he didn’t just sell the farm and find some other way to take care of his mom.”
Martha shrugged. “Well, that’s what I would want Clark to do, but some people are funny about land, especially when it’s been in the family for generations. They’re determined to hold on to it, no matter what it costs them.”
“I can’t imagine you and Jonathan living anywhere but the farm. You just seem to belong there.”
“Oh, I don’t know. We’ve been happy there, but I think we could be happy somewhere else, too. We’ll probably never know. Our life would never suit Clark, though.”
“Were you disappointed about that?”
Martha smiled and shook her head. “No. Clark’s never disappointed us. We knew from the time he was a little boy that he was too curious, too eager to learn about the world, to ever want to settle down on the farm. He’s never been happier than this past year in Metropolis. Somehow we managed to raise a big-city boy.”
Lois laughed out loud at that. “Clark? No way. He’s still a farmboy at heart. He’s so naïve…so trusting. I can barely get him to lock his front door.”
“He’s not naïve, Lois.” Martha looked suddenly serious. “Remember, as Superman, Clark’s seen more of the underside of Metropolis than you or I ever will. He knows the worst of what’s out there. He just…lives as though the world were the way he wants it to be rather than the way it is. I think it’s his way of counterbalancing the things he sees as Superman. It would be so easy for him to let himself stop trusting people, to believe that there was no good in anyone, but I think he knows that if he does that, Clark Kent will disappear.”
“You’ve thought about this a lot,” Lois said softly.
“I turn on the TV at night and I see my son pulling people out of burning buildings and wrecked cars. I see him catching bullets and bombs and confiscating guns and knives. I’ve watched him stop hijackings and carjackings, and once I watched him lift a sabotaged shuttle into space.” Martha looked angry, and her hands tightened convulsively on the steering wheel. “So you bet I think about it! It’s a miracle that I ever find time to think about anything else. They think because he’s invulnerable that he can’t be hurt, but I know better, Lois, and I think you do, too.”
“I do know that,” Lois said, her eyes suddenly brimming with tears. “I never meant to hurt Clark, Martha. I swear. I’d give anything if I could make things right between us again. Clark is…my best friend. He’s my partner. I need him in my life.”
Martha sighed. “When I said that you knew better, I was speaking generally, about the things Clark faces as Superman. I actually meant it as a compliment - that you understand him better than most people. I didn’t mean to fuss at you about your personal relationship with him. But since you brought it up, I’m going to say one thing, Lois, and then I’m going to butt out and stay out.”
She glanced at Lois, who nodded and waited, tense, for whatever was about to come raining down.
“You say you need Clark in your life,” Martha said softly. “And I’m sure that’s true, but that's not what makes you special to him. Everyone on earth needs Clark. He could spend every minute of every day helping people who needed him. I’d like you to spend some time thinking about what Clark needs and whether you think you’re able to give it to him. You just might not be. Loving Clark is rewarding, but it isn’t easy. It’s going to take a very special, very patient person. Someone who’s willing to lie for him every single day. Someone who’s willing to share him with the world and then to help heal that tender heart of his when he comes back with it battered and bruised. He’s not an ordinary man, and he’s not perfect. It can be a difficult combination. So if you don’t think you can be what Clark needs, then please, Lois…let him go.”
“I don’t think I can let him go,” Lois admitted in a small voice.
Martha’s face suddenly lit up in the first true smile Lois had seen from her that day. “Then ask yourself why that is, honey.”
Lois took a shuddering breath. “I’m not sure I’m ready for the answer.”
Martha chuckled. “No one ever is, Lois. That’s what makes it so exciting.”
