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I was lurking around, and I said, "Hey! Yvonne wrote a fic!" That quickly turned into, "  Y--sniff-sniff-vonne (hic) wrote...a  fic..." Excellent. Terribly depressing, but I've been miserable mood all weekend in recovery so it worked for me. Jen
"Meg...who let you back in the house?" -Family Guy
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~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Features Writer
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i love it must write more.
I will and always be a big fan of Lois and Clark forever and forever.
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I want to add that if I hadn't lost my own father and come to terms with that, then I may have seen this as a much sadder story. It's been eight years now. I guess what they say about time healing all wounds is true.
I'd love to see a little epilogue to the story - a revelation when Lois tells Clark that she has figured out the truth. Surely she flew straight to Smallville to be with him?
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Merriwether
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Oh, so sad, yet very good. Your language flows together like a wonderful, melancholy piece of music.
I would love to see a continuation of this, to see how Lois and Clark interact when he returns to town. Or maybe Lois goes to Smallville for the funeral.
May I ask, which moment in Superman Returns inspired this?
lisa in the sky with diamonds
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Top Banana
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Welcome back! (sniff, sniff!). I remember the day I lost my father (11 months after my mother had passed). It still stings just as much. Yes...another part! and quickly. You can't leave us hanging here.... He gave his secret identity away with his last sentence..."he liked you too." There's a lot more to the story... Get back here! 
Chris
"Together we are stronger than each of us is apart"
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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Yvonne, it's great to have you back with a story. And like everybody said, this is a sad, melancholy, beautiful story. You said it was inspired by Superman Returns, so please allow me to speculate a little. In SR, Jonathan is dead, of course. Actually, Jonathan died in the first Christopher Reeve movie, Superman the Movie, when Superman didn't know Lois, and didn't work at the Daily Planet, for that matter. On the other hand, the new movie, Superman Returns, is quite vague about many things, and we can easily imagine that Jonathan's death happened after Clark had met Lois and got his job at the Daily Planet. What is most remarkable about Superman's relationship with Lois Lane in SR - surely there can't be anyone who needs a spoiler warning about that movie, now? - is that Superman has obviously made love to Lois without telling her that he is Clark Kent. And she apparently knows about their intimacy - her memory of that has not been erased like it was in Superman II - but she still doesn't know that he is Clark. I find it very hard to imagine that love scene. How and why did it happen, if Lois never knew that Superman is Clark? Why would he undress his body for her and join his body with hers, but not reveal the most important secret of his soul? One thing that makes SR so different from LNC is that Superman is apparently the real person there, but Clark is a disguise. That doesn't change the fact that he has two identities and that he should have come clean with her, of course. But at the very least, if Superman is the real person, then it was the real person who made love to Lois. I think you show us Superman as the real person in this story in a lot of ways: He made for the window, but I reached out quickly and snatched a handful of cape. The material stretched taut between us. “Don’t go,” I said. “You haven’t told me why you came here.” Because if he wasn’t mad at me, then why was he so subdued and tense?
“It doesn’t matter.”
He was turned away from me, but I didn’t let go. “Yes, it does. Tell me.”
He looked down to where my hand was gripping his cape. “I just came,” he said, his gaze lifting slowly up to my face, “to see you.” The agony in his expression was unnerving. “Hey, any time.” I fluttered my hands vaguely. “I’m pretty good at being me.”
He smiled weakly. “Yes, you are.” We stood silently facing each other again, one of us hurting so badly he couldn’t admit it, and the other not knowing what to do about it. What a pair.
But those eyes...pleading with me. Willing me to lead him. “What can I do?” I asked, my voice sounding hushed in the stillness between us. “What do you need?”
He eyes closed briefly, shutting the pain away inside himself.
“Just...be you. You’re good at that.” Before I could have second thoughts, I closed the distance between us and slid my arms around him, underneath his cape. He felt warm and solid and strong - just as I’d expected - but as I rested my head against his chest and he wrapped his arms tightly around me, he seemed oddly vulnerable. He’d responded so quickly. Just how long had he been waiting – or longing? - for such simple human contact? “What is it?” I murmured. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t tell you.” His voice was unsteady. “But I needed to see you. Everyone’s so...they’re caught up in their own grief back there. I couldn’t...there was no-one to talk to.” In each of this quotes, Superman is so full of pain. He has come to Lois with his pain, to ask her for help to deal with it. But he has come to her as Superman, not as Clark, even though she knew it was Clark's father who had become ill that morning. He was fighting himself, too – trying desperately hard to be Superman despite his unruly feelings. His body was stiff against me, only a faint tremor in his arms giving him away. If he’d simply walked in without a word and hugged me like this, I’d have never have known how badly upset he was. Interesting - he was trying desperately hard to be Superman. On the other hand, in SR it was Superman who seemed to feel most of the true emotions. Clark was just - a disguise. He seemed so empty to me. Perhaps that's why Superman has come to Lois after Jonathan has died, not Clark? Of course, Superman can fly at super speed from Kansas to Metropolis when his own pain becomes too much to deal with. Clark can't. “Was he someone close?”
Anxiety crossed his face.
“It’s okay.” I tightened my arms around him for reassurance. “I won’t tell anyone.”
He nodded. “I know.” A shuddery breath escaped from his lips. “Yes, he was someone close. He was... He taught me. About life.” This is so moving - Superman is trying to tell Lois who has died, without telling her. It's a beautiful way for a son to describe his father - the man who taught him about life. But then suddenly he slips and blurts out the truth: “Then he must have meant a great deal to you. I’m sorry you’ve lost him.” My words sounded stiff and formal. Not adequate to his needs at all.
“Me, too. I can’t believe he’s gone.”
“It was unexpected? He hadn’t been ill?”
He shook his head. “No, Dad’s always been-“
He froze.
And then he was pulling away, moving quickly, hastily. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come-“ “Don’t leave-“
“They need me.”
He was already at the window and I ran, ran as fast as the wind and latched onto his cape - found his hand and gripped it tightly between both of mine. “Stay.”
“Lois, don’t...” He turned anguished eyes towards me. “I can’t explain.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to.” I squeezed his hand. “Just stay and talk a while longer. I think you need to.”
“I’m not sure what I need,” he said, staring desolately out the window. “Everything’s mixed up.” I keep quoting and quoting and commenting every quote very little, if at all. But all of this is so beautifully written. Superman's mute, desperate grief, and Lois's compassion, mixed with curiosity. “Superman-“
His head turned. “Do you have sugar? I can’t drink coffee without sugar.”
“Yes! Yes, I have sugar. Lots of it. Have a seat and I’ll bring you some. How much do you take? One spoon? Two? Clark has three, but he also has the dentist’s bills to prove it - he’s always going - so I’d stick to fewer if I were you, although I guess your teeth are as invulnerable as the rest of you...” I do think Lois's babbling is adorable. I think Superman probably likes it here, too, even if it may well make him uncomfortable to hear her talk about Clark. Clean mugs, pour coffee, get milk from-
“You have a new coffee-maker.”
I nearly jumped out of my skin. He’d followed me to the kitchen and I hadn’t heard him. “Y-yes, the old one blew up. Apparently you’re not supposed to run them without filling them up with water first.” I shrugged. “How was I to know?”
The corner of his mouth quirked upwards. “Commonsense? Reading the manual?” This is adorable! She's making him smile! And she's making him talk a little about his father. “Although, I guess you could have x-rayed the kitchen to find them.”
“That would have been rude.” He let out a shuddering breath. “Something else I learned...”
“From him?”
He nodded, then took a quick sip of coffee. And talk a little about himself, too: “He’d chew my ear if he suspected I’d been misusing my abilities.” He took a hasty gulp of coffee in an obvious attempt to hide his feelings. “I’m sorry. I thought I’d be stronger than this.”
“It’s okay. He obviously meant a great deal to you.” I reached across and touched his forearm. “You’ve had a shock. A huge shock.”
“But I always knew it would happen - that he’d die before me.” And he's asking for her to be there for him, to give him her strength: “No. I just...people need me to be strong for them, yet here I am, running away...”
“You’re not running away. You’re here because you need time, too. You need someone to be strong for you.”
His chest heaved as he raised his eyes to mine. “Lois... Be that person? I need your strength.”
“Oh, Superman.” I put down my mug and slid my arms around him. “I’m here. I’m right here.” And his barriers come down when he is in her arms: I could feel the emotion coursing through him. There was no stiffness or formality this time; his barriers had come tumbling down and I was holding the real man – the person underneath the splashy colours and confident smile. He was more vulnerable than I’d imagined. More tender-hearted.
He remained in my arms for a long time. At first, he was shaky and possibly even weeping a little, at least internally, and I had to struggle not to weep with him. His distress was infectious and soon became mine. Tears blurred my eyes and I forgot all my curiosity about his earlier slip-up. They are both so very close to each other at this moment, physically and emotionally. I lifted my head from his chest and gazed up at him. “Are you okay?”
His features had lost their raw, anguished appearance and now seemed merely sad and full of melancholy. “Yes. Thank you.” And he feels better. And suddenly there is... more... between them. We’d spoken quietly, in keeping with the intimate circle of our embrace. I’d never felt this close to him before, never felt that I understood him as well as I now did. He was just a man – a man with extraordinary abilities, to be sure, but also a man with vulnerabilities and insecurities just like the rest of us. He needed friends and family and...and love. I gazed up at him, seeing the man behind the abilities for the first time. He was...his eyes...
“Lois.” His voice was husky.
His lips formed a small circle as he said my name and I felt his breath fan my face. Within, I felt something give way, as if tresses had given way on a restraint of some sort. Then slowly, ever so slowly, drawn upwards by an invisible force, I reached for him - for those lips that had spoken my name so softly. And I'm just holding my breath for fear of disturbing them.... His lips touched mine with gossamer delicacy, our first kiss so tentative I barely knew whether our lips were in contact or not. From that, his lips became a warm cushion against which to press my own, working gently with him to express feelings both tender and sensual. He was never passionate, and neither was I, yet more emotion was conveyed in our quiet and simple kiss than in a hundred steamy embraces. There is a wonderful, sensual beauty in this, Yvonne. There is love, but no overwhelming passion. And again this story makes me wonder exactly how SR's Superman's lovemaking to Lois ever came about. Because the Superman in your story isn't about to let things go too far: He broke away first, his sad eyes tinged with aching regret. “I’m sorry, Lois. I wish this could happen, but it can’t...”
“Why not?”
“Because...there are complications.” He pulled away from me. Yes... complications. How would he describe those complications, though? It still hurt. “You know, it’s funny how these things often seem to happen all together,” I said, just to let him know I wasn’t falling apart inside because he’d rejected me. “First, Clark’s father gets sick, and then your fa...he...passes away. I hope Clark’s Dad is okay, don’t you? I really liked him the couple of times we’ve met.”
He gasped as if in pain. Anguish filled his eyes again. “God, Lois...” The secret. The secret that stands between them, and which must never be revealed. Why? Why is the secret so all-important? “I’m sorry,” I said, instantly regretting my words. “I didn’t mean to bring it all back.”
“No, you don’t understand. I...I’ve been so stupid. I forgot you knew...” He reached out and grasped my shoulders. “Lois, I’m so sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me-“
“Forgive you? I don’t understand.”
“I have to go, but please know how much you’ve done for me tonight. I just wish things could have been different between us.”
I panicked a little. I’d driven him away and he might not come back. “They still can be.” I sounded more desperate than I’d intended.
“Not with so many secrets in the way.” Whatever the reason, to this Superman his secret is more important than anything else. Apparently just like it was to Superman in Superman Returns. Who chose to make love with Lois, and father a son with her, without telling her his secret. The night was dark and cool, and somewhere out there, a freshly bereaved man was making his way home to give his family succour and strength.
I placed my hand on the cool glass of the window. “Clark?”
The breeze snatched his name from my lips and carried it out into the night, and those tears, which I’d kept deep inside me while I’d held him and given him my strength, began to flow freely down my cheeks. But this Lois, unlike the Lois in Superman Returns, has now figured out the secret. What can she do with it? Publish it? No, that's out of the question. Can she get closer to Superman because of it? Can she get closer to this Superman because of it? I doubt it. How our secrets and our stubbornness stand in the way of our happiness, Yvonne. And you convey it all so melancholy beautifully. Ann
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Wow that was terrific Yvonne! Boy would I like to see an epilogue to this one. How sad and yet so sweet. Laura
Clark: “If we can be born in an instant, and die in an instant, why can’t we fall in love in an instant?”
Caroline's "Stardust"
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Merriwether
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Wow, beautifully written and heartbreaking.
Jackie
Superman: I hear you've been looking for me.
Lois: All my life.
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Merriwether
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*steals some of Jen's kleenex* 
Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn't actually kill you, like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you've promised to cherish till death do you part says, "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly.
- Under the Tuscan Sun
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Wow, Yvonne! This was absolutely beautifully done. So poignant. It's rare that reading can move me to tears, but I was a little misty-eyed reading this. Beautiful.
I'm curious as to what scene inspired you because this was definitely our Lois and Clark in a new scenario rather than the Superman and Lois from the movies.
Just gorgeous!
Irene
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
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OMG Yvonne! You made me cry all along. That's a so poignant story! You wrote it beautifully. The grief feelings is so well pictured it brought back some painful memories.
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Well, it's pretty exciting to have posted a new story after so long an absence, and very nice indeed to find all these people willing to read it and post feedback. Jen, thanks, and I really hope you feel better soon. That procedure you had to undergo must have been pretty scary. Clasicalla - thank you, and I shall confess here that I've been sneakily following your current story on the boards without posting feedback. I definitely owe you some words. I doubt I'll write an epilogue or anything else to follow on from this. One of the nice things about a story like this is that it allows you to invent your own consequences to what has happened so far, and I think I'd rather leave it open like that. Have fun day-dreaming, people.  Lovesuper97, thank you. Mrs Mosely, Ann and Irene, the moment in SR which inspired this story is so insignificant, you probably won't even remember it. I can't even tell you exactly when or where it occurs in the film. All I can say is that Lois is hugging Superman, possibly at the Daily Planet, and comments to him that "you feel warm". It's a quiet, intimate moment between them and I think one or other of them may have felt a little upset about something. Chris, Laura, Jackie, Rivka, and Irene - thanks. I already answered the question about writing more.  Ann, thanks for the lengthy feedback. However, the point of the story isn't to show Superman as the real person. The reason Clark came to Lois as Superman is pure practicality: she knows that Clark left for Smallville just that morning, so he can't suddenly appear to her as Clark the same evening without her wanting to know how he got back so quickly. However, he's desperately upset over his father's death and wants - aches - for Lois's comfort and so, even though he knows he can't confide fully in her as Superman, he goes to her as Superman because that's the only way he can without jeapoardising The Secret. His appearance at her window on this night is an act of utter desperation and desolation. Of course, he'd rather go to her as Clark - Clark can have all the hugs and sympathy he needs; Clark can be vulnerable and emotional. Whatever the reason, to this Superman his secret is more important than anything else. No, he's just automatically doing what he's always done - ie protect the secret - while he's dealing with something else that's overwhelming his emotions and his thinking processes. Then, at the end, his guilt, his distress, his desire to be honest with Lois and to continue the sharing process he's begun with her tonight, makes him reveal just a little more of the real Clark Kent to her. He does it in a way that also gives her a morsel of comfort for when she realises that Jonathan, whom she knew and liked, is dead. Anyway, thanks for the speculative feedback. Some things you got wrong; some you got right. Yvonne
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Well, thank you, Yvonne that you are reading my story. I'm honored.
By the way, I love your stories and have read many of them. I won't say all because I'm not sure....
~~Even heroes have the right to dream.~~
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Well, you could have told me you'd finished this! I didn't even see it here until just now, but am I glad I did. Every time I read something by you, it seems your writing has got better. I'm in awe here. This is such a very moving story. You convey Clark's grief without ever having to tell us that he's grieving. Your descriptions of his body language - and especially his eyes - give it all away. We all know that Jonathan's dead before he actually tells Lois. And your Lois is both so very perceptive and so very blind. I really like the way you have her not knowing how to react, how to behave - just as we all would - getting it a bit wrong, but in the end just following her instincts and hugging him. So beautiful. And of course Clark slips, and he realises it, and in the end he decides there's no point trying to cover it up. That 'he liked you too' is a perfect way for him to acknowledge the truth, or hint her further towards it if she needs it. Beautiful. Unlike Ann, in this story I saw Clark throughout. Yes, he was in the Suit, but he had good reasons for that, I believed - as you said, how could he be back so quickly as Clark? Also, maybe the Suit was to force him to keep some distance between himself and his emotions. Maybe he thought if he was dressed as Superman he wouldn't need to cry. He could just spend a few minutes with Lois, enjoy her company as he always does, and leave having had a 'fix' of her to keep him going in his grief for another while. I got the impression that he never actually intended to tell her about Jonathan. Throughout this scene, I saw Clark - in every word, every gesture, every movement. Lois saw it too; it just took her a while. Truly beautiful, and going on my Kerth list. Wendy
Just a fly-by! *waves*
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I got the impression that he never actually intended to tell her about Jonathan. Spot on, Wendy. He could just spend a few minutes with Lois, enjoy her company as he always does, and leave having had a 'fix' of her to keep him going in his grief for another while. Also spot on. But when we're upset, and a close friend asks how we are, that small gesture of sympathy knocks a tiny hole in our fragile defences, and the floodgates suddenly open, don't they? Been there, got that t-shirt many a time. Oh, and thank you, W and Poussin, for the compliments. Poussin, you snuck in there while I was composing my reply to everyone else. Yvonne
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Wonderful. Just absolutely wonderful.
Superman: Why is it that good villains never die?
Batman: Clark, what the hell are good villains?
=> Superman/Batman: Public Enemies
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Oh Yvonne. This was beautiful. Sad and mournful to be sure, but beautifully written and powerful. I loved it. Especially this part... “You’re not running away. You’re here because you need time, too. You need someone to be strong for you.”
His chest heaved as he raised his eyes to mine. “Lois... Be that person? I need your strength.” Thank you for writing again and sharing this with us.
Smile and the world smiles with you ... frown and you're just giving yourself wrinkles.
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Nobel Peace Prize Winner
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So I was reading your story all wrong, was I, Yvonne? Well, it was because you said that 'Superman Returns' inspired it. In that movie - indeed, in that movie and in all the Christopher Reeve movies, too - Superman truly was the real person and Clark was the disguise. So when you mentioned SR, I automatically thought that you wrote about such a Superman. One reason why I chose to read it like that is because I find such a Superman mystifying, and I thought it would be interesting to see how you portrayed his emotions, his motivations and his personality.
Of course, if Clark is the real person here, none of what I was picturing here is true. Well, clearly your story has been inspired by 'Superman Returns' in more ways than one, though, since Jonathan dies before Lois knows that Clark is Superman. (Perhaps you got your inspiration from 'Smallville'? Okay, but 'Smallville' got its inspiration from the movies. Jonathan died in the very first Christopher Reeve movie, when Clark was about eighteen years old.)
I like your story better if Clark is the real person. I'm going to imagine that he chooses to trust Lois after being comforted by her like this.
Ann
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LOL. I said I got my inspiration from a moment in SR, not the entire movie. The rest, including Jonathan's death, came from me and nowhere else. Yvonne
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