Chapter Eighteen
Lois made some tea and the three of them – including a very happy LabRat – sat in the kitchen to brainstorm their next move.
“We need to find out what the ingredients are in that fertilizer,” Lois said. “That’s going to be ‘job one’, because if there is something in the world that can enhance the effects of the Kryptonite, it needs to be eliminated ASAP. Wouldn’t Luthor Corp have to get approval from the FDA in order to market the stuff?”
Clark smiled. “Yes. But if they’re only in the testing stage though - probably not. And I think it depends on whether or not the fertilizer is going to be used to produce animal feed, or whether it’s going to grow food for humans. We’ll have to do a bit of research on this back at the Planet on Monday. In the meantime, why don’t we head back to Metropolis a bit early and stop in to meet Bernie, the scientist guy at Star Labs I mentioned?”
“Okay. But how are we going to fly LabRat?” Lois asked. “I mean, you only have two arms and you need both of them to transport me.”
“I’ll make him a super-strong harness and I’ll let him ‘hang-glide’ on his own. Let’s hope dogs aren’t afraid of heights,” Clark joked. “If it works out, he can be my sidekick!”
“Well, if you’re going to do that,” Lois remarked, with a silly grin on her face, “we may as well make him a cape, and he can be our ‘Super-Dog’.”
“Lois, that’s cute, but how are you going to make him a cape?” Clark asked.
“Your mother probably made everyone’s clothes, right?”
“Well, I guess. I mean, I was ten when she died,” Clark replied. “I didn’t really notice where my clothes came from then.”
“And you haven’t really touched much in this house, right? I bet she has an old sewing machine around here somewhere, and fabric, too,” Lois asserted. “Use your vision gismo and look around for me.”
Clark scanned the house. “I’ll be darned,” he said, “you’re right.” At super-speed he dusted off the old sewing machine and found some crimson fabric in one of the linen closets. “Let’s see what you’ve got, Miss ‘Susie Homemaker’.”
Lois smiled broadly. “You know, when you’re a plus-size woman, it’s easier to make your own clothes than go through the grueling dressing-room scene.”
“What do you mean, Lois?”
“Women’s clothes are funny. You might fit in a size 28W in one store, and in the next place you wear a 30W. And then in another store, you think you lost weight because you can fit in a 26W. It’s ridiculous! I found it so much easier to buy the fabric and make an outfit myself than embarrass myself trying on stuff on that’s too tight, then having to get dressed again, go back out there and find a bigger size,” Lois explained. “The dressing room clerks look down at big women, they really do. It’s mortifying.”
“Wow, I never thought about that part of…” Clark forced himself to stop talking. He knew he was in dangerous territory if he continued.
“Being fat,” Lois finished for him. “It’s okay, Clark. You’ve got to stop tiptoeing around the subject with me. I’m fat. Maybe not as fat as I used to be, but *I’m fat*. I want you to say this aloud to me: ‘I’m in love with a fat woman’,” Lois insisted. “C’mon, do it!”
Clark grimaced. “Lois, I’m not-“
“Say it!” Lois said, her eyeballs ready to pop out of her head. “I’ll feel better if you say it.”
Clark rolled his eyes at her. “I’m in love with a beautiful woman who has curves in all the right places.”
Lois’ facial expression softened a bit. “Nice platitude for ‘fat’, Smallville. Some day, you’re going to say it to me, I promise you. Anyway, let me get started sewing this cape. C’mere, boy,” she said to the golden pooch. “I need to measure the length of your back.”
~~~~~
Several hours later, LabRat was sporting a red cape embossed with a yellow pentagon “S” and a blue harness/leash set made from Clark’s baby blanket which they had found in the storm cellar.
“Here goes nothing,” Clark announced. Holding Lois tightly, wrapped in his crimson cape, he took the leash end of the harness and wrapped it around his waist.
“Okay, first I must pick you up,” he said to Lois. “I’ll lift off slowly. Then once I’m aloft, LabRat will hang about five feet under us. This should be interesting.”
“We’re going to find out if he’s ‘Super-Dog’ material,” Lois joked. “If he barfs from airsickness, someone down below on the ground is going to get an unwelcome surprise.”
“Ewww,” Clark said. “I hadn’t thought of that.” They both laughed hysterically picturing it. LabRat barked back at them as if he got the joke too.
Levitating high enough to raise LabRat off the ground, he gently flew in a forward motion, gradually increasing their altitude until they were about 500 feet above the ground.
“He’s doing okay,” Lois observed. “His nose is out of joint. He’s sniffing things up here that no dog has ever smelled before.”
“Yeah, he’s quite the canine, our LabRat,” Clark said. “And look at his cape – it’s flowing in the breeze! You did a great job with it, honey.”
“There is no way we’re *ever* giving this dog back. James better be an animal lover, or I’m going to disown him as my brother-in-law,” Lois said matter-of-factly.
“I love you, Lois Lane. You’re amazing,” Clark said, pulling her close enough to kiss her. When she began to kiss him back, they suddenly dropped 100 feet and the ground was quickly closing in on them. Clark was so distracted by the passion he was feeling that he couldn’t stay aloft.
LabRat yelped in surprise at the sudden downward rush. “Omigod, Clark, we’re falling!” Lois yelled.
“Wow. We better not do *that* again with a dog in tow,” he replied, stopping their fall. “You’re getting better at ‘French kissing’ all the time, honey.”
“I am, aren’t I?” Lois said gleefully.
~~~~~
Flying much more slowly than usual, with the two passengers in tow, it took an hour to get back to Metropolis from Kansas. As the tall skyscrapers appeared on the horizon, Clark pointed out the Star Labs building – the roof had a five-pointed ‘star’ on it, which could only be seen from the air.
“Here we go,” Clark warned. “LabRat’s going to have to learn to get his land legs back. I’ll cushion his landing with a puff of super-breath. He’ll feel like he’s landing on a cloud.”
A soft “woof” escaped from the golden retriever when his paws landed on the hard cement. Clark and Lois swiftly joined him. “Good boy, what a good boy,” Lois exclaimed, petting his head and kissing his nose. LabRat wagged his tail enthusiastically in response.
Heading towards the stairs, Clark removed LabRat’s leash from his waist and took off his cape. “Bernie would think it’s silly,” he told Lois in explanation. “And it only looks good when he’s flying.” He compressed the dog’s cape into a one-inch square and put it in the pocket of his own cape.
Several flights of stairs down to the 13th floor, the trio exited the stairwell and headed down the hall to Bernie’s laboratory. Ironically, at that moment, Bernie opened the door and started heading towards the elevator, walking in the opposite direction.
“Dr. Klein?” Clark called out to him. Bernie turned his head and smiled when he saw Clark. “Can we have a moment of your time? We’re sorry to just pop in on you,” he said, as an apology up-front.
“I always have time for Superman,” Bernie said, smiling, as he turned around and motioned for them to follow him back into his lab. “Who’s the lovely lady and the handsome-looking dog?” Bernie asked.
Clark smiled. “This is Lois Lane, my partner at the Daily Planet who just returned from overseas - Brazzaville, actually - and this is – well, we call him ‘LabRat’.”
Bernie laughed heartily. “So this dog is a canine version of me? Does he ride a motorcycle too?”
Lois piped up. “No! He flies the friendly Superman skies, though! Anyway, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Dr. Klein. Clark speaks so highly of you.” She offered him her hand in greeting.
Bernie’s eye lit up. “Clark – this is *the* Lois? The one you were searching for? Oh, Miss Lane, it’s a great thrill to have you back in the States. I’ve haven’t seen our Superman smiling like this in ages!” Even though Dr. Klein was a bit of a geek, he gallantly took Lois’ proffered hand and kissed it.
“Oh, you’re very sweet, Dr. Klein-“
“It’s Bernie, please, Ms. Lane.”
“Then you must call me Lois.”
“Deal. Now, what can I do for the - three – of you?” Bernie asked.
“What do you know about removing ID tags implants in dogs?” Clark asked. “And this must remain discreet, of course.”
“Well, actually – nothing. Can I remove one? Certainly, but it’s definitely not my area of expertise.”
“Bernie, we came to you because we can’t trust anyone else. We believe that Luthor Corp owns this dog and has been conducting dangerous experiments on him. They’ve been feeding him dog food composed of ingredients grown with enhanced fertilizers,” Clark explained.
“Enhanced? With what?” Bernie asked.
“Kryptonite,” Lois answered. “They’re growing an entire football stadium-sized field of grass using it as the main ingredient.”
“Good Lord,” Bernie exclaimed. “Well, Clark, if you can help me with your X-Ray vision, I’ll see if I can remove the tag. Let me find something I can utilize to deaden the nerves in his neck while we try this.” Bernies searched his medicine cabinet. “Well, here’s some Novocain. If it works for teeth, it’s sure to work for necks!”
Lois held LabRat still while Clark directed Bernie and together the three of them managed to remove the dog’s microchip. The implant had fused with his skin, and in the aftermath of the “surgery” there was a mark where it had been removed, as well as a small shaved portion on his neck between the shoulder blades.
“Ok, he’s officially ours now,” Lois exclaimed, beaming. Impulsively, she kissed Bernie on the cheek. “You’re as great as Clark said. Knowing you is definitely going to come in handy,” she added.
“Ok, then I have a little project for you now, Lois. Can you get me a sample of that fertilizer? I know Clark here can’t get anywhere near it, but I understand that you’re quite the …intrepid… journalist. I can run some tests on it and perhaps figure out how Luthor Corp is amplifying the effects of the Kryptonite,” Bernie said.
“Yes, we can go back there tomorrow. Tonight we have dinner plans with my sister and our boss. That would be great, Bernie, if you could analyze it!”
“Thanks again, Dr. Klein,” Clark said, shaking his hand, always the polite Smallville farm boy to the end.
“*Bernie*, Clark. It’s Bernie!”
“Ok, Bernie,” Clark corrected himself. “LabRat here thanks you too.”
LabRat responded to hearing his name with a gentle “woof” in agreement.
“My pleasure, as always. I’ll be here working this weekend, so if you get the sample, come see me and I’ll get right on it!”
~~~~~
“Ok, Smallville, now what do we do? Leave LabRat at your apartment while we go ask James and Lucy if they’re willing to have a furry house guest?” Lois asked while they headed up the stairs back to the roof.
“First off, honey, it’s *our* apartment. You’re living there, too, remember? It would really make me feel good if you’d refer to it as ‘ours’. Call me silly, but...” Clark replied.
“That’s sweet, Clark. Ok, do we leave him at *our* apartment? If we do, how are we going to avoid the media? If word gets back to Luthor Corp that Superman and his BBW girlfriend have a new golden retriever, the big man – Lex Luthor himself – is sure to figure out that it’s his missing dog,” Lois reasoned.
“Well, you wanted an interview with him, didn’t you?” Clark asked. “You’re sure to get one that way!”
“I don’t want an interview with him at the expense of LabRat’s life, Smallville!” Lois exclaimed.
“I was just testing you,” Clark joked, smiling broadly. “Now I know that you value *our* dog more than getting a big scoop. That means you have ‘heart’.” Clark pulled her into his arms as they exited the stairwell and locked lips with her for several minutes, causing LabRat to jump up and paw them to break it up!
“Aw, he’s jealous,” noted Lois. “Maybe we should find him a girlfriend.”
“Let’s see if James will take him first, before we double our trouble,” Clark said, laughing.
“What time is dinner, anyway?” Lois asked. “Seven?”
“Sounds about right,” Clark said, pulling his cell phone out of his cape’s pocket. “I’ll check in at the Planet, and see if I can reach him.”
Several minutes later, after confirming the 7PM dinner date, the threesome was soaring the friendly Superman skies once again, LabRat’s cape flowing gently in the breeze. It must have looked quite spectacular from the ground; two crimson capes billowing in the wind, with a golden flying pooch dangling from Superman’s waist. Not to mention one feisty girl reporter, held tightly by the new love of her life!
Clark landed them on the roof of their building and scrutinized the area. There were a few tabloids lurking around the perimeter, complete with binoculars on tripods pointed at the roof.
“Lois, you wanted to get your hair done before dinner. Why don’t I take LabRat into the apartment at super-speed, and you just casually walk out the front entrance like you’ve been here all day? There’s a great salon right around the corner from here – Pierre’s. I’ll call them and give them my credit card number, and they can just charge my account.”
“I don’t know, are you boys going to be all right without me for awhile?” Lois asked, grinning wildly. “Give me that cell phone! But first, show me how it works. I’m going to have to get me one of these,” she said, studying Clark’s after he obediently handed it to her.
“You dial the number and then hit this button,” Clark whispered in a sexy voice, pointing to the ‘send’ button. “When the phone rings, just press the key under the screen here that will say ‘answer’, then just start talking – something you do very well, by the way,” he teased, kissing her on the head. “When you’re done talking, just hit the ‘end’ button. It’s very simple.”
“Okay, I’ll call you when I get done with my hair to check up on you boys,” she said, lightly kissing him on the lips, and scrunching up the fur on the top of LabRat’s head. “If the junk press that’s out there gives me a hassle, I’m going to have to be bitchy back to them, you know,” Lois informed him.
“Yeah… I know,” Clark replied, grinning from ear to ear.
TBC...Tuesday/Wednesday-ish
