She could hardly breathe, couldn’t stand. Lois sank to a chair in stunned silence. He'd left... her. She could stay on Earth, with her baby.
With his baby, she thought to herself.
But how long before someone realized just who the child's father was? How long until she was snatched out of her life and thrust back into that on Krypton?
And why was she even worrying about it? Kal had given her an out, a chance to live at home again. He was going to be an entire galaxy away from her and this child. Surely she could figure out a way to keep the child's paternity from becoming known. She was home, for God's sake! Everything else would work itself out.
As for her suspicions about Ti, well, Kal was a grown man. He'd have to take care of himself.
"Please allow him to do that," she said softly aloud, then laid her head over on her folded arms and began to weep. She cried over an ending... and because of a new beginning.
++++
Krypton: Year 2128 in the twelfth cycle (or December 1987)
++++
“What do you mean she’s under undue stress? What kind of stress could a First Lady possibly have?” Kal demanded of the physician. Upon his return from his trip, Council began to put pressure on him about giving the world its heir. He’d been completely unconcerned what the Council wanted, still too subconsciously raw from his relations with Lois, until a comment had been made behind his back about his abilities as man. The remark had reached Kal and he allowed it to strike a blow to his ego… just as a child would do.
His relations with Zara hadn’t resumed until faced with that bruised male pride. Kal began to have his wife daily, both to prove his worth as a man and to get the conception done as quickly as possible. He would not have anyone think him less a man because he had failed to impregnate his wife. The whole situation had turned into a matter of wounded ego and not necessarily a desire to have children. In fact, children were the last thing he wanted now.
During the journey back from Earth, Kal used the time to come to terms with his relationship with Lois. He felt as if he'd lose his mind otherwise. When he closed his eyes, he saw her there, eyes bright, wide in surprise. He felt her in his arms. And he ached when he remembered the look in her eyes that last day.
He tried to convince himself that she hadn't felt anything for him. He hadn't seen some kind of... spark in her eyes when they'd come together; he hadn't felt the emotions within her when she touched him, held him. He really tried.
He almost succeeded, too. If it hadn't been for that constant ache within his heart; if it hadn't been for dreams of her waking him night after night; if it hadn't been for *wanting* her instead of his own wife... If it hadn't been for Lois Lane, he could rule his world, fulfill his duty, and rejoice in the conception of his children.
But in all things, she was there. Yes, the pain dulled more each day, and yes, he continued to live as he always had. It was the constant desire for what he couldn't have that slowly ate away at him. Including the part of him that knew he had to conceive his world's heir.
No one says I have to like it, he told himself over and over, without one thought to how he'd feel if he actually succeeded. It was his duty as First Lord, to the House of El. He'd do this... even if he could never stop thinking of more.
When more than a month had passed and Zara had failed to conceive, Kal had ordered his personal physician to run tests to determine what was wrong with his wife. His uncle had told him just after his union that political matters were more important than heirs. Kal was young and would rule for years to come. The young ruler shouldn’t concern himself unnecessarily. But Kal insisted now, so the physician was summoned.
Maybe, he'd argued to himself, maybe if this happened now, he could move on with his life for good... as far from Lois Lane as he could get.
At least he hoped he could.
“Milord,” the physician answered, “Zara’s body simply will not produce the results you seek because of stressful outside influences.”
Kal twirled around to face Zara, no thought at all that their failure to conceive might actually be his fault. “What do you do when I’m not at the Palace?”
“Nothing, Milord. I order your attendants to take care of your Palace and your needs.” She glared at Kal, defiantly.
Kal barely controlled his anger as he turned to dismiss the doctor. He faced Zara with fire in his eyes. “You have three cycles to conceive. After that time, I will demand the Council grant me a divorcement so that I can marry one who can perform her duty.”
So much easier to blame others... so much less painful to be angry over something so trivial. One way or another, he *would* get over that woman!
++
Zara sat in stunned silence until Kal had left the room. Since he’d returned from his trip to Earth, he’d been more brusque than he ever was. He was angry and on edge most of the time, barking orders relentlessly. He’d even begun to direct them at her.
Inside the bed chambers, he’d stopped all pretense of trying to make the experience pleasant for her. He’d informed her the first night they resumed relations that there would be no more ‘training’ techniques. Their only duty was to create the heir, and Kal had taken that quite seriously. Their encounters rarely lasted long enough for Zara to realize they’d done anything. He’d immediately get up, get dressed, and leave because he'd begun to come to her chamber instead of having her come to the bridal chamber.
Not that she minded the shorter sessions. The quicker, the better as far as she was concerned. She'd never liked having sex with Kal and that certainly hadn't changed.
Her thoughts drifted to his threat of divorcement. What she wouldn’t give for that to become reality. She hated being here; she hated everything about her life, period!
It hadn't been so bad in the beginning. Like Kal, she'd been educated for her position. Unlike Kal, she'd never wanted it. A nice quiet existence was what she sought, with no duties, no obligations, and certainly no First Lord.
++
Kal bumped into Ching as he stomped down the corridor. When Kal was in a mood like that, it usually meant he’d been with Zara. For some reason, the First Lord didn’t care for his bride. Ching couldn’t understand why. Zara was a beautiful creature, and he’d seen for himself her intelligence when Kal was on Earth. The younger Lord had gone to the First Lady with his orders from Kal. She hadn’t been too thrilled to have yet another babysitter, but after a few conversations, they'd often spent time together.
Ching looked at his brother’s retreating back once more before turning and starting in the opposite direction. Zara exited her chamber just as he reached the doors.
“Milady, I was just coming to ask after your health. I was informed that you weren’t well,” Ching told the woman.
Zara looked up at Ching and for the first time in his life, the man knew emotion. He was trapped by the deep pools of the Lady’s dark eyes. His heart raced and he felt his palms begin to sweat. He'd been this close to her while Kal was away, even closer. But seeing the pain in her eyes made his heart ache. He took a step toward her. “What is it, Milady?”
Zara watched him for a moment more before her eyes filled with tears.
“Oh, Zara,” Ching whispered, lifting a comforting hand toward her. He hesitated briefly before he gathered her in his arms. “Shh… don’t cry.” He’d only ever seen his sparring opponents cry. His uncle had declared such a thing as weak.
But maybe, just maybe it wasn't weak at all.
++
Kal entered his quarters that night in a very glum mood. This was another unusual feeling. He’d never before been as dissatisfied with his position as he was now, but tonight he felt pressed from every direction.
Upon his return from Earth, he'd been informed that someone had sabotaged the Royal transport. The result of such would have been an explosion shortly after take off. Ching had discovered this almost immediately after the smaller vessel had departed. He hadn't contacted Kal with that information because Ti felt it best not to take any chances. The older man had somehow found out what the younger lord had discovered, and together, Ching and his uncle had led an investigation to discover the one at fault. Upon Kal's return, all had been explained to him. They had all continued to follow a few leads, but so far they'd had no success.
The First Lord had also stepped back and taken stock of his life. He had been angry at first that Ti had known about the sabotage of his ship, but was surprised with Ti's welcoming attitude. The man seemed pleased to see his nephew, even happy. They'd had a brief discussion about Kal's choice to leave Lois on Earth, to which his uncle hadn't made any snide remarks, telling his nephew that maybe it was for the best. His attitude had put Kal on alert to begin with, but then the First Lord decided that maybe he'd read Ti wrong those few times he thought he'd seen something else in Ti's eyes. He decided that he'd only seen something suspicious because of his attraction to Lois. Soon enough, Ti was once again imparting Kal with his wisdom. The young man dismissed any further suspicions he'd had about the older Lord and gratefully accepted the man's knowledge and advice.
Kal's appreciation of his uncle's guidance hadn't been enough to stave the frustration he felt with his Council, though. They had started pressing him to produce an heir and he'd finally, reluctantly, begun that endeavor. Back on Earth, he'd presented Sam Lane with a possible solution for forced intimacies among his race. The doctor was trying to perfect a birthing matrix, so that nobility could successfully produce heirs *without* physically having to share themselves. His encounters with Zara were torturous and less than satisfying in every way. To have that matrix would certainly save him that displeasure.
Of course, it would also save him from wondering why his... *wife* hadn't conceived. Scientific manipulation would ensure success every time. But until then, he'd be forced to continue his time with Zara.
He sighed and dropped heavily to his bed. Tomorrow, he thought ruefully. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day.
++
Inside another chamber in the Palace, Ti-El rotated his glass so that the liquid inside moved slowly. So many things hadn’t gone his way. First, Kal had started to develop a conscience, then that disgusting infatuation with that Earthling, and his evasion of the ship manipulated to take his life. How had that little bastard gotten out of that one?!
Ti had been livid when he’d learned the First Lord had taken a smaller ship and slipped from the docking hangar. Several men had gone missing for that one.
Damn him, Ti thought as he emptied his glass. He’d wanted to just slay Kal on sight when the young man returned from Earth. Instead, he chose to set in motion another plan. He'd insinuated himself back into his nephew's good graces, and like his father before him, Kal would meet his fate once the heir was born. The only bright light in all this had been Kal leaving that earth woman where she belonged. There was no place in the Palace for savages and now that *she* was gone, just maybe there was hope for his nephew after all. The young man had certainly begun to be appreciative of his wise uncle once more.
Still...
“One day I *will* prove who is the strongest El,” he said into the darkness.
++
Unable to discover an enemy, and with things falling back into a routine of old, Kal busied himself with the rule of his worlds. To everyone’s surprise, he started to take trips to other provinces to familiarize himself with his home world. Somewhere along the way, he began to become acquainted with his subjects as well. His introduction to humanity in the form of a petite woman named Lois Lane had left a lasting impression and it was starting to show, even if the Lord himself failed to see it.
Ching began to change as well. For a few weeks following Kal’s return to Krypton, he’d helped in the investigation to discover who had tried to kill the First Lord. Then suddenly he was traveling with a vengeance. Along the way, he doubled his attraction to the female population and spent many evenings with a lovely lady or two. He'd only come home for a few days each cycle, leaving once again with the excuse of preparing for his position as Kal's advisor.
From the shadows, Ti was left in undecided silence. The First Lord ruled with a very firm hand, which Ti still appreciated, but the man would often exhibit signs of compassion. That was something that was intolerable for a ruler. If Kal began to make decisions based on emotion rather than logic, his world was doomed to the same fate that wretched little ‘sister’ planet had suffered. Though extremely pleased that Kal still looked to him for advice on many subjects, Ti would rather have the First Lord following his lead as blindly as he'd once done.
++++
Krypton: Year 2129 of the third cycle (or March, 1988)
++++
Kal had settled on his bed to watch a hologram of an uprising on Earth. He’d been delivered the message from the President of Pansoria earlier in the day. He’d assured the leader that forces were being sent to help with the situation. Now he needed to make certain there was nothing he’d overlooked during their conference.
A call came over the communicator that Zara wished to speak with him.
“Enter,” he said into the intercom. Zara came into the room, stopping at the foot of the bed. “Yes?”
“I have news for you, Milord,” she told him softly.
The couple still didn’t communicate much and only shared each other’s company at Royal functions or in the bed chamber. Neither of which was very often anymore. When Kal had started to travel, so had Zara. He'd appointed her to head a committee on the needs of children orphaned during the war on Earth. It was an area that he'd suddenly felt should be handled differently than it was.
He'd been right in assuming that Zara would appreciate time she could call her own, and it didn't hurt that the time away meant fewer couplings for them. Without that particular distraction, Kal had been able to concentrate on his worlds.
“Spit it out, Zara. I’m very tired.”
“Milord, I am with child.”
Kal stared at the woman for a long moment before shifting to stand. Not now, not this. Anything but this! he thought as he eased to his feet and went to Zara.
“I am most pleased,” he lied. He wasn’t at all happy to hear this. Tensions among nobles in several provinces were escalating, Ti was unusually happy, and Ching had turned into a walking sex machine just a year before his ceremony of union with his birth wife. No, the last thing he needed now was a fuss being made over his heir. And Zor forbid this child be born a girl.
“I am not,” Zara told him as she lifted her chin high. “The last thing I wanted was to produce your heir.” Kal’s brows lifted at his wife’s sudden boldness, but he remained silent.
“Once the doctors determine this child is a boy, I will not come to your bed again. We both know that we can’t stand one another and there’s no use pretending anymore. Heading my committee had allowed me a little breathing room, but now I'll be forced to remain in the Palace for the sake of the baby. I'll do so for my child, but find yourself a concubine or two and make us both happy.”
Kal could only stare at the woman before him. She’d never had the audacity to stand up to him in such a manner. His first instinct was to put her back in her place, but the side of him that agreed with her won out. “Very well. If this child is determined to be a boy, there would be no need for us to procreate again.”
Zara held her head high as she exited his chamber.
Kal ran a hand through his hair in frustration, then fell onto the bed. Why had his uncle misled him to believe that life would be perfect because he was the First Lord? He was positive that his life was the most complicated of all.
++++
Krypton: Year 2129 in the eleventh cycle (or November, 1988)
++++
The physician stepped into the waiting area to deliver the news of his Lady’s birth. “Milord,” he addressed Kal as the young man rose to his feet. “Your daughter is born. At 21:10, Lady Zara delivered a healthy seven pound baby girl.”
“Thank you.”
The physician bowed and left his Lord. Kal took a deep breath as Ching clapped his shoulder half heartedly.
“Congratulations, Kal. I’m sure she is a fine lady.”
“Yeah,” was all Kal could manage. The last few months had been the most miserable of his life. He hadn’t so much as seen Zara since the night she had told him of her conception. They'd been informed the baby was a girl, and Zara had slipped into a deep depression. The physician had ordered bed rest and no stress, so the First Lady had shut herself inside her chambers, refusing to see anyone but her attendants and the physician. Kal hadn’t once seen his child grow inside her body. And for the first time, he realized he hadn’t actually wanted to.
How could a man feel that way? Kal wondered, ashamed of how he felt. But Zor forgive him, he couldn't stop his feelings. He was less than pleased for things to have happened the way they had.
“What shall you name her, Kal?” asked Ching.
“I haven’t a clue. Why don’t we go and look at her? Maybe something will come to mind.”
Ching nodded and followed Kal down to the nursery. They were admitted while a nurse went to retrieve the new baby. She returned with a swaddled bundle and held it out to Kal.
“Your Lady, Milord.”
Kal glanced down at the tiny body inside the blanket, his arms automatically lifting to hold her. Nothing could have ever prepared Kal-El for the emotions he would feel when he held his daughter for the first time. His legs grew weak and he had to stumble back to a chair.
“Kal, are you alright?” Ching asked him once his brother was seated. The older man said nothing, simply stared down at his daughter’s face.
Suddenly the last year came into focus; the last few years; his whole life. The person he was crystallized in his mind; the person he barely recognized--hateful, cruel, arrogant, egotistical. Kal hated himself in that moment and in the next found his redemption. There, in the bright, wide eyes staring at him, the most powerful man in the universe was born again.
“Welcome to the world, Milady,” he whispered as his large fingers stroked chubby cheeks.
The birth of a man’s first child is usually a monumental event in that man’s life. Traditionally, the birth of a daughter meant failure on Krypton. But for the young ruler, it was his restoration. It didn't matter that the tiny life he held was female; she was helpless, unable to fend for herself. It would be up to Kal to make sure she was well taken care of.
Kal-El hadn’t been born a cruel, unfeeling soul. Time and circumstance had transformed him. But the first three years of his life Kal had spent with two of the most special of individuals, even if he didn’t know that. The unconscious mind has a way of finding its way back to its natural state of being. And though it would still be some time in coming, the birth of a baby girl into the House of El was definitely a good thing for the First Lord.
However, the birth of that baby was also cause for continued tension. A girl could not be heir to the Throne. Kal and Zara would be expected to continue efforts to change that. The Royal couple had not spoken since their daughter's conception and each time Kal attempted to, Zara would turn him away. How would they ever conceive again?
Moreover, how would Kal force himself to participate in the physical act itself? The emotional torture involved with the intimacy far outweighed the pleasure, so he'd been happy that it hadn't been necessary during Zara's pregnancy. But now? What about now? When Zara was healed and ready to resume relations, how would he be able to do it?
Patience, he thought idly. He'd need tons of patience, something he'd never had before... or needed.
"Patia... Her name is Patia," Kal said to Ching as he continued to look at the infant.
Ching's brows furrowed briefly before his expression hardened once again. He didn't seem at all pleased about the birth of his niece and was doing little to hide it.
"Zara, Milord," Ching began after a few moments. "You should ask after Zara."
"Yes." Kal's gaze swept the room for the attendant, but before he could summon her, Ching spoke again.
"Allow me, brother. I will check on her personally."
"Thank... you," Kal said to his brother's back because Ching had already turned to go. The Lord wasn't sure what was troubling the younger man. Since his arrival three days prior, Ching had been acting unusual. Maybe the poor guy had sensed some of the tension between himself and Zara and wasn't looking forward to his own union that was on fast approach.
It might be a good time to receive an update on the birthing matrix, Kal thought as he handed his daughter back over to an attendant. He smiled down at the child before disappearing from the room.
Yes, things were changing quickly for Kal. And things would change for everyone else as well.
++
Kal waited patiently outside Zara's chamber until the attendant allowed him to enter. The First Lady had been installed in her room, along with her daughter, and was asking to speak with Kal. Though very surprised by the invitation, Kal looked forward to seeing his baby girl again.
Zara sat in a chair next to the window cradling Patia, and she was actually smiling. The attendants exited the room, leaving the Lord and his Ladies alone. He remained silent as he ventured further into the room. Finally Zara looked up at him.
"I wanted to inform you of our schedule, Milord, so that you may visit with your daughter," she told him with all seriousness.
"Of course." Kal nodded his head and settled into a chair opposite Zara, still unable to believe the apparent change in his wife. She actually *looked* happy.
"Mid-afternoons would be best. She would have had her noon meal and nap by then." Zara lovingly gazed at her little girl as she smoothed a hand over the infant's head.
"That's fine," Kal readily agreed.
On Krypton, it was customary that the men only 'visited' with the children, choosing to dote instead of care for them. That task was left to the women. Only when the children grew old enough to begin formal education did the men take an active role in their rearing.
Kal continued to watch them for a moment before he tentatively asked, "May I hold her?"
Zara's smile faded as her gaze met his. He was thrilled to have her so obviously taken with their child, but the expression on her face was almost predatory in nature. Did she feel she had to protect Patia from him?
Finally Zara's features softened and she extended Patia out to Kal. He took the baby, carefully holding her head. Just as the first time he'd held the small child, this time felt amazing. He smiled down at her, regret filling his heart. How he would have liked for this child to have been conceived differently. Wanted more enthusiastically. Nurtured within the womb. But those were things he could never get back. He would be forced to move forward. So, maybe it was time to revaluate his life.
He looked up at Zara and smiled warmly. "She's quite beautiful, Milady."
Zara's brows rose to her hairline.
Kal flushed slightly. It had been a long time since he'd referred to her that way, in any way other than to demand something of her. He glanced at Patia, then met Zara's gaze. "Things have changed, haven't they?"
Zara's eyes fell to the baby, her expression changing to one of sadness. "I behaved badly during my months I was with child."
"All is forgiven, if... you're willing to move forward." His statement was more of a request, his gentle words asking for peace between them.
A hand reached out to smooth over Patia's head, as Zara remained silent. It was several moments before she lifted her head to look at Kal again. "I don't anticipate the conception of an heir."
The Lord sighed heavily. If she was being honest, then he'd be no less. "Nor do I, Milady. We are both very young, so I feel the Council's pressure to conceive so quickly is unjustified. We have time. And with any luck, we won't have to conceive naturally at all." With her confused stare, Kal related the research Dr. Lane was performing back on Earth. By the end of their conversation, both were once again smiling.
"Do you think we can at least be civil?" Kal asked. "For Patia's sake?"
"I think I'd like that," Zara agreed with a smile.
"Good." He shifted the baby back into Zara's arms and rose from his chair. "Good day, Milady, and Milady," he finished, rubbing his thumb across Patia's cheek.
He left Zara crooning to their daughter in the late afternoon sunlight with a slightly lighter feeling than he'd had in a while. It wasn't the best compromise in the world, but at least it was forward progress. If he and Zara could live in peace, maybe he wouldn't feel nearly as weighted as he'd felt these last months.
++
Another phase in Kal’s life had begun. While he spent as many afternoons as possible with his daughter, he was often called away on state business. Unrest among the population was at an all-time high. Never before had he seen such discord within the Kryptonian population. Nobles squabbled over boundary lines that divided their provinces, workers protested against unsafe conditions, and even women in the lower classes had begun to demand fair treatment.
On Earth, more and more Earthlings grew impatient with their forced rule. Small uprisings were becoming the norm. Supplies were being highjacked, outright defiance kept work from being completed, and trade agreements were being broken. All of which demanded the Lord's time.
Eventually Zara resumed her travels heading her committee, taking Patia along. That left Kal even less time with his daughter, but seemed to please another.
Ti had been disappointed that Kal's child had been born a girl, though he'd quickly moved on to other plans. While he awaited the birth of an heir, he'd keep the First Lord quite busy. Kal had already been sidetracked by a female once before. Not again, and definitely not in the form of an infant.
